{fic} unspoken
title: unspoken
rating: pg-13
pairing: kurogane/fai
summary: kurogane discovers undertones of his relationship with the magician.
notes: PSEUDO FLUFF/ANGST/IDON’TKNOWTFISTHIS ahead. my first tsubasa fic. i don’t know when in the timeline this is really set, but i’d say probably somewhere in between outo and lecourt. i don’t know how to write kurogane; writing new characters is mostly a try&miss process to me. also, first fic here!
unspoken.
Kurogane was never one to get caught up in thinking about what could have been and few things changed. He can’t believe in the little things such as fate or the god that watches his creation with the scrutiny only suited for battle (a god that will judge and mock and scorn children like Kurogane who managed to become something only fit to be hated). He refuses to believe in miracles or in star-crossed lovers destined to find each other.
Had this been true, he thinks, it’s unfair for Syaoran who travels world after world, searching for feather after feather for something no more satisfying than a couple more moments of holding Sakura’s hand just before she sleeps. (Instead of holding it while she unknowingly takes it in her slumber.)
It simply is not in his way of being.
But, sometimes, when they’re alone like this-the children sleeping, Mokona cradled against the pulse in Sakura’s neck as she sleeps-Kurogane can’t help but picture their lives, their places in different alternate universes like those he’s gotten used to visiting, were different choices been made at different scattered points.
Maybe, just maybe, in a world they’re yet to set foot on, there is a Kurogane who always kept his mommy and daddy, and he is truly happy. Somewhere, he becomes a nightmare to Nihon, because there never was a Tomoyo-hime to begin with and breathe light into him. Perhaps, there is somewhere else where Syaoran doesn’t have to search for the feathers because he was never brave to take upon the task of saving his beloved Sakura, or Fai can use his magic because he never had to run away and give up his powers to begin with.
Still, for all he knows, any of these is yet to happen, or to be encountered. Kurogane soon reaches the conclusion, though, that in any of these projections fate never gives him this adventure. And he surprisingly realizes that maybe he needs this. He never tells Fai about this, though, no matter how the cheap saké bought from somewhere intoxicates him. The ninja won’t give him that satisfaction.
Kurogane doesn’t let the saké spill his secrets for him, the drink doesn’t really have that much of an effect on him. (It doesn’t have that much of an effect on Fai, either, or so he suspects.)
So, the saké is not to blame when he finds little comfort in small, simple things like the warm press of lips against the inebriated thundering of his jugular, which Kurogane is sure the magician can taste beneath the thin, frail layer of tanned skin; or the stupid, silly things Fai whispers, things that should never be allowed to be said out loud.
The saké is to blame, however, when in the morning Syaoran and Sakura wonder why is it that Fai lets Kurogane hold his shoulder in the middle of mind-searing headache whenever the blond makes any brisk movement.
rating: pg-13
pairing: kurogane/fai
summary: kurogane discovers undertones of his relationship with the magician.
notes: PSEUDO FLUFF/ANGST/IDON’TKNOWTFISTHIS ahead. my first tsubasa fic. i don’t know when in the timeline this is really set, but i’d say probably somewhere in between outo and lecourt. i don’t know how to write kurogane; writing new characters is mostly a try&miss process to me. also, first fic here!
unspoken.
Kurogane was never one to get caught up in thinking about what could have been and few things changed. He can’t believe in the little things such as fate or the god that watches his creation with the scrutiny only suited for battle (a god that will judge and mock and scorn children like Kurogane who managed to become something only fit to be hated). He refuses to believe in miracles or in star-crossed lovers destined to find each other.
Had this been true, he thinks, it’s unfair for Syaoran who travels world after world, searching for feather after feather for something no more satisfying than a couple more moments of holding Sakura’s hand just before she sleeps. (Instead of holding it while she unknowingly takes it in her slumber.)
It simply is not in his way of being.
But, sometimes, when they’re alone like this-the children sleeping, Mokona cradled against the pulse in Sakura’s neck as she sleeps-Kurogane can’t help but picture their lives, their places in different alternate universes like those he’s gotten used to visiting, were different choices been made at different scattered points.
Maybe, just maybe, in a world they’re yet to set foot on, there is a Kurogane who always kept his mommy and daddy, and he is truly happy. Somewhere, he becomes a nightmare to Nihon, because there never was a Tomoyo-hime to begin with and breathe light into him. Perhaps, there is somewhere else where Syaoran doesn’t have to search for the feathers because he was never brave to take upon the task of saving his beloved Sakura, or Fai can use his magic because he never had to run away and give up his powers to begin with.
Still, for all he knows, any of these is yet to happen, or to be encountered. Kurogane soon reaches the conclusion, though, that in any of these projections fate never gives him this adventure. And he surprisingly realizes that maybe he needs this. He never tells Fai about this, though, no matter how the cheap saké bought from somewhere intoxicates him. The ninja won’t give him that satisfaction.
Kurogane doesn’t let the saké spill his secrets for him, the drink doesn’t really have that much of an effect on him. (It doesn’t have that much of an effect on Fai, either, or so he suspects.)
So, the saké is not to blame when he finds little comfort in small, simple things like the warm press of lips against the inebriated thundering of his jugular, which Kurogane is sure the magician can taste beneath the thin, frail layer of tanned skin; or the stupid, silly things Fai whispers, things that should never be allowed to be said out loud.
The saké is to blame, however, when in the morning Syaoran and Sakura wonder why is it that Fai lets Kurogane hold his shoulder in the middle of mind-searing headache whenever the blond makes any brisk movement.