So I've elminated all the zombies in my immediate area...
...and in the resulting free time, I've prepared an update!
We begin rather mundanely, with a typical Thursday night.
Ghost of Don: Boo!
Hermia: *is relieved of her bajeezuz*
Farthing: Oh, now I know where Eventide gets it!
Farthing: I like you, Hermia, but you smell terrible. You should try to be more like Eventide.
Hermia: I like you, too, Gramma, but I am so ashamed of myself. I must away to shower.
Farthing: No worries, I'll just mop this up for you. ^_^
Farthing: *uses her invisible mop*
Ghost of Pearl: Sup, guys?
Ian: Hey! Here's a bed I've never even acknowledged before that is coincidentally located directly below a pretty girl rapidly approaching adulthood! Seems like the best place ever for a nap!
Eventide: Welp, this just got creepy. I'm out.
Good job, Eve.
Ian and Greta: *have a conversation that, for once, is NOT laced with sexual tension*
Farthing: Well, that just pisses me right off!
...what does? O_o
I'll give you three guesses and a hint as to who this homework belongs to. Hint: Her name starts with "E" and ends in "ventide." Gahead, guess!
Bitte: *judges Eventide's supernatural abilities transferring to her homework*
Hermia: *regurgitates Bitte's opinion*
Eventide: Yeah, I can't really go skiing, because my crotch tends to poke through my skisuit, like so.
Ender: Yes, yes! Go on!
No. Do NOT go on. Stop right now!
The Dog usually sleeps outside somewhere. Despite having both a very expensive bed and a very expensive dog house. I think she's planted some kind of reckoning in the house, and can't risk sleeping indoors. Also, The Butler is trying to bring the skunk in on the plan...
Hermia: So, that happened. Again. I need a nap.
Benny: Look, all I'm saying is, I'm gonna die soon...
Finn: You are not. Stop it.
Isana: Get out of my bedroom.
Benny: Would it kill you to give me a grandkid from someone who isn't such a toolbox?
Finn: I said stop it!
Isana: Fine! *I'll* go!
Finn and Isana: *do...whatever it is they're doing, but I don't think it's quite classifiable as sex*
Sauna: *courteously provides censoring*
Isana: lalala, nothing unusual is happening!
Finn: Oh my God! How have I not noticed this magnificent towel rack before?! It is just to die for!
Benny: *crosses boundaries, unabashedly*
Benny: Okay, so you remember Clara?
Finn: Vaguely, why?
Isana: Somehow I feel awkward, but I'm not sure why. I'll just stand here naked until the feeling subsides.
Benny: She died once!
Finn: LOL!
Isana: Still not quite feeling myself...odd, odd.
beescratch: *forced clothes onto Isana with the SimBlender*
Benny and Isana: *finally agree on something*
Benny: How fucking dare you agree with me! I did NOT give you permission to think what I was thinking! I'll kill you!
Isana: Oh HELLS no! YOU were thinking what I was thinking, so I'M going to kill YOU!
Finn: I'll just wait here.
Isana: COME AT ME, BRO.
Benny: OH, I GOT SOMETHIN' FOR YOU, ALL RIGHT!
Finn: *is inappropriately turned on by this nonsense*
Also, you don't need her to call you. She shares your bed.
Isana: Ow, my tailbone! Below the belt, you lose!
Benny: *takes the opportunity to check out Isana's "tailbone."*
Ian: *gets his swag on*
Ian Fanclub Representative of the Day: *is excite*
Ian: Allow me to introduce myself, I am Ian, and this is my home, please, do sit and make yourself comfortable.
Rep: Oh...my...*swoon*
Greta: Make myself at home you say?
Greta: Don't mind if I do! I'll just squeeze through here, oh, oopsies ~sorry about the crotch brush with my butt, Ian~...
Rep: *might have a headache later*
Ian: *is NOT sorry about the crotch brush*
Greta: Would you like to join me, Ian?
Ian: Would I ever! I like you, Blonde Rep #204, but Greta is...wow.
Rep.: I like you, too! Actually, I LOVE you!
This entire scene brought to you by Free Will! I couldn't have made it up if I tried.
Hermia: Success at last! I need a nap.
Calliope: Won't someone get her a bed?! Think of the children!
She has a bed. In fact, there are nine beds in the house, and none of them are occupied. This is not my fail.
Bitte: *judges Ender's choice of attire and is appalled* Dude, seriously? At 8 pm, you're already giving up on the day and in your pajamas? Ridiculous.
Farthing: I'm just standing here. No reason.
Ender: *serves mac and cheese like a boss and gives zero shits what anyone thinks*
Greta and Hermia: Let's dance in the most annoying way possible until one of us pees on the floor! 8D
The Dog: Macaroni...I see. I must inform The Butler...
This is the only place Isana is allowed to actually get some sleep. Other wise the ghosts get her out of bed to scare her, or Benny uses the computer in her room to wake her up. Everyone else is locked out. (She's in the crypt, fyi.)
Benny: ...and don't you forget it!
Isana: *will probably have trouble remembering, after this head trauma*
Eventide: Oh, see, she forgot to twist her hip and bend her wrist...she needs a coach.
Eventide doesn't realize not everyone can bend and shatter the laws of physics.
I was sick of the constant fighting, so I made him apologize. He was reluctant.
Benny: OH MIGHTY and GREAT Isana, can you ever FORGIVE my actions, for I do SO repent!
Isana: I'm not buying what you're selling, bub.
I didn't tell him not to be sarcastic. >:\
Greta: Cool story, bro, but I'm not Judith, and I have, like three-quarters of a million, so, I'm good on discounts. Bye.
Isana: I'ma build my body skill all the way up, and then Benny won't know what hit him!
Disapproving Frog: *remains constant in her disapproval of all things, especially revenge-fueled skilling*
I Forget Her Name: *inspects sparkly burger* Hey! This isn't ALL homegrown, organic, all natural veggie burger!
Greta: No, it's just a regular burger, with a little garden tomato...
Forgot: Well, *my* family only eats Earth's foods, and you guys are eating toxins and sludge.
Greta: Yeah? Well...I don't like you. So ha!
Bitte: *judges self for putting on a little weight*
Bitte: Still practically perfect in every way! ^_^
(author's note: fat-shamers to the left!)
Greta playing guitar. For no damn reason.
Eventide: Oh my Gosh! You did it, Hermia!
Hermia: *certainly did*
Bitte: *is naturally more skeptical, and wisely chose to stay away from the walls for Smustle party times*
Purity: 8O! How she do?
Calliope: Haha! Aliens! What can you do?
SPEAKING OF PURITY! BIG NEWS!
Because we just don't have enough chaos! Let's add another sim!
Purity was amenable to the idea.
Ian: Okay, we're married, I can officially be in love now.
Purity: Think of all the charitable donations I--we--can make! 8D
Then it was Bitte's birthday:
Yes. All of the yes.
Then, late one night, Livi's ancient nemesis strolled by, and Helga's gate got left unlocked, entirely by mistake... >_>
Ian: Nothing like a glass of warm milk to soothe the nerves and help one sleep!
Ian: Nature is awesome.
Nothing like a friendly neighborhood werewolf to clear away the paper no one ever notices. He's a good guy, that one.
Finn: So it's been a while since we got a lamp, and I think we could really use one...
Farthing: Shh! My stories are on!
Isana: Hey. Hey, Finn. Hey. I have something to tell you. Finn, hey.
Finn: Fuck my entire life.
Farthing: I have to pee, but I must know if Stefano is alive or not!
(Protip: He is. He always is.)
Also, this was the first time I noticed Isana was pregnant. No, I do not ever learn a lesson about not letting my game run in the background/leaving the sound on. Why would I learn a lesson like that? HAHAHAHA...oh. Right. ANYWAY.
Eventide: Okay, Gramma, it's time for that Paula lady who likes the butter.
Farthing: KNOCK OFF THAT RACKET! MY SHOW. IS ON.
Finn: Oh hey! Paula Deen! ++cuisine
Ian: So, have you read the Hunger Games trilogy?
Isana: No, I'll wait for the movie.
Ian: What the damn is wrong with you?! You never wait for the movie! The book is always better! It is law!
He's right.
And now, a series of Art Photography called Birthdays and Makeovers:
Calliope, of the cat-colored eyes.
Hermia, of the big, doe eyes.
Purity, of the accidentally deleted eyes.
/end series
Hermia: So, I think The Butler is planning something with The Dog, you know?
Calliope: No! Really? Are you sure?
Ender: Get closer.
Stop it Ender. It didn't work for Seth--
Ender: Yes it did.
Low blow, jackass, it was ONE TIME, and they were DRUNK, and I wasn't watching!
Calliope: I think I have a crush on Hermia?
Ender and Hermia: *think beating on each other is a great idea*
beescratch: *disagrees with all of this*
Calliope: Ow! Okay, nevermind!
Hermia: Nervermind? You're supposed to say "Uncle!"
Ender: Don't say "Uncle."
Two out of three, I'll take, in this family anyway.
Isana: I remember why I haven't done this in a while!
Benny: Shh! Hold up a sec! I need to praise the heavens for your agony!
Benny: Oh but WHY, gods, WHY did you make her so attractive?!
Ian: Greta. For no reason.
Isana: *just had a baby that needs a name, and therefore actually requires my attention*
Everyone Else, more or less: HEY LOOKIT ME! OVER HERE! I AM AWESOME! HEY WHAT I DO?! MEEEEEEE!
Back the train up, you jerks! I have *important* business!
Isana and Kevin: *hope Greta will be the caretaker here*
Everyone but Greta: YAY BABY! WELCOME!
GRETA: THE BUTLER IS UGLY! ...I MEAN YAY BABY!
I don't think Greta's going to be your best option here, little guy. Just sayin'.
Kevin: Man, that guy's got the moves like...nope. Can't go there.
Bitte's lips: *are all you can see now I've mentioned them*
But wait! There's more, look at the front door.
Peeper Townie: SOON.
beescratch: NOPE.
beescratch: NOPE.
And now, a series of art photography I call, "Eventide's aspiration was low, so I sent her on a date with a hastily aged up neighbor kid"
His name is Foster.
It didn't occur to me until I aged him up that his last name is Kids.
Making his whole name Foster Kids. This will not suffice. I'll have to change it if he ends up Eventide's spouse.
Eventide: I love the feel of your heartbeat...
Ian and Purity: *sexytimes*
Ghost of Rosebob: *is betrayed!*
Ghost of Michelle: Aww yeah, Ian. Git you some!
Purity: I'm so glad one of your former wives wants us to be happy! ^_^
Ghost of Michelle: WRONG! I want *him* to be happy. YOU can fuck off!
Purity: I'll never have sex again! D8
(She lied.)
Apparently The Dog has decided to go a different route, and thus the lodging provided by the establishment has become acceptable.
No reason. Just cute.
O_O GUYS. Whatever it looks like WITH the censor, it looks EXACTLY LIKE THAT *WITHOUT* the censor. Build yourselves a 2x1 shower stall and watch the hilarity ensue, my friends.
Poor Ender strikes out with his first non-family flirtation attempt. Apparently IForgotAgain Hadley has heard about the Withers family, and will have none of it, thank you.
Matchmaker: I don't know, I just make the deliveries.
Fair enough.
Purity: This does not feel like a precious gift from above, gotta be honest!
Ian: Oh. Uh, Greta...I can explain!
Greta: No need! Done that twice myself.
Farthing: *can't bear to watch the birth of a baby that is not her grand*
Isana: It's never too early for the birds and the bees!
Of course there are! Why not! -_- (By the way, she managed to get pregnant about five minutes after she and Ian got married, no wonder she wanted to wait.)
Purity: Aww, you take this one, my love.
Ian: Yep, I'm on it. This is not my first twin rodeo.
(This one's Honor)
Purity: Aww, hello, bb!
Farthing: *still can't bear the thought of non-grandbaby infants in the house*
This one's--
REALLY YOU GUYS?! YOU PINK NOW FOR THIS?! JERKS! ASSES! JERKASSES!
This one's Virtue AND LOOKIT LIVI'S EYES REVIVED! 8D!
Clearly, Isana shares my elation over having those super recessive eyes present once more. Look at her joyful leap! What's that about a fight? NOPE CAN'T HEAR YOU LALALALALA.
Then Kevin grew up into a farmer/plumber with severed Achilles tendons.
Cheekbeast: Check
Signature Nose: Check
He's a Withers!
And finally, just to summarize the anarchy that is this household, I leave you with a visual of my simgod life:
Typos and such are a given. That is all.
Read this legacy, it is outstanding and awesome!
Want a Withers?
We begin rather mundanely, with a typical Thursday night.
Ghost of Don: Boo!
Hermia: *is relieved of her bajeezuz*
Farthing: Oh, now I know where Eventide gets it!
Farthing: I like you, Hermia, but you smell terrible. You should try to be more like Eventide.
Hermia: I like you, too, Gramma, but I am so ashamed of myself. I must away to shower.
Farthing: No worries, I'll just mop this up for you. ^_^
Farthing: *uses her invisible mop*
Ghost of Pearl: Sup, guys?
Ian: Hey! Here's a bed I've never even acknowledged before that is coincidentally located directly below a pretty girl rapidly approaching adulthood! Seems like the best place ever for a nap!
Eventide: Welp, this just got creepy. I'm out.
Good job, Eve.
Ian and Greta: *have a conversation that, for once, is NOT laced with sexual tension*
Farthing: Well, that just pisses me right off!
...what does? O_o
I'll give you three guesses and a hint as to who this homework belongs to. Hint: Her name starts with "E" and ends in "ventide." Gahead, guess!
Bitte: *judges Eventide's supernatural abilities transferring to her homework*
Hermia: *regurgitates Bitte's opinion*
Eventide: Yeah, I can't really go skiing, because my crotch tends to poke through my skisuit, like so.
Ender: Yes, yes! Go on!
No. Do NOT go on. Stop right now!
The Dog usually sleeps outside somewhere. Despite having both a very expensive bed and a very expensive dog house. I think she's planted some kind of reckoning in the house, and can't risk sleeping indoors. Also, The Butler is trying to bring the skunk in on the plan...
Hermia: So, that happened. Again. I need a nap.
Benny: Look, all I'm saying is, I'm gonna die soon...
Finn: You are not. Stop it.
Isana: Get out of my bedroom.
Benny: Would it kill you to give me a grandkid from someone who isn't such a toolbox?
Finn: I said stop it!
Isana: Fine! *I'll* go!
Finn and Isana: *do...whatever it is they're doing, but I don't think it's quite classifiable as sex*
Sauna: *courteously provides censoring*
Isana: lalala, nothing unusual is happening!
Finn: Oh my God! How have I not noticed this magnificent towel rack before?! It is just to die for!
Benny: *crosses boundaries, unabashedly*
Benny: Okay, so you remember Clara?
Finn: Vaguely, why?
Isana: Somehow I feel awkward, but I'm not sure why. I'll just stand here naked until the feeling subsides.
Benny: She died once!
Finn: LOL!
Isana: Still not quite feeling myself...odd, odd.
beescratch: *forced clothes onto Isana with the SimBlender*
Benny and Isana: *finally agree on something*
Benny: How fucking dare you agree with me! I did NOT give you permission to think what I was thinking! I'll kill you!
Isana: Oh HELLS no! YOU were thinking what I was thinking, so I'M going to kill YOU!
Finn: I'll just wait here.
Isana: COME AT ME, BRO.
Benny: OH, I GOT SOMETHIN' FOR YOU, ALL RIGHT!
Finn: *is inappropriately turned on by this nonsense*
Also, you don't need her to call you. She shares your bed.
Isana: Ow, my tailbone! Below the belt, you lose!
Benny: *takes the opportunity to check out Isana's "tailbone."*
Ian: *gets his swag on*
Ian Fanclub Representative of the Day: *is excite*
Ian: Allow me to introduce myself, I am Ian, and this is my home, please, do sit and make yourself comfortable.
Rep: Oh...my...*swoon*
Greta: Make myself at home you say?
Greta: Don't mind if I do! I'll just squeeze through here, oh, oopsies ~sorry about the crotch brush with my butt, Ian~...
Rep: *might have a headache later*
Ian: *is NOT sorry about the crotch brush*
Greta: Would you like to join me, Ian?
Ian: Would I ever! I like you, Blonde Rep #204, but Greta is...wow.
Rep.: I like you, too! Actually, I LOVE you!
This entire scene brought to you by Free Will! I couldn't have made it up if I tried.
Hermia: Success at last! I need a nap.
Calliope: Won't someone get her a bed?! Think of the children!
She has a bed. In fact, there are nine beds in the house, and none of them are occupied. This is not my fail.
Bitte: *judges Ender's choice of attire and is appalled* Dude, seriously? At 8 pm, you're already giving up on the day and in your pajamas? Ridiculous.
Farthing: I'm just standing here. No reason.
Ender: *serves mac and cheese like a boss and gives zero shits what anyone thinks*
Greta and Hermia: Let's dance in the most annoying way possible until one of us pees on the floor! 8D
The Dog: Macaroni...I see. I must inform The Butler...
This is the only place Isana is allowed to actually get some sleep. Other wise the ghosts get her out of bed to scare her, or Benny uses the computer in her room to wake her up. Everyone else is locked out. (She's in the crypt, fyi.)
Benny: ...and don't you forget it!
Isana: *will probably have trouble remembering, after this head trauma*
Eventide: Oh, see, she forgot to twist her hip and bend her wrist...she needs a coach.
Eventide doesn't realize not everyone can bend and shatter the laws of physics.
I was sick of the constant fighting, so I made him apologize. He was reluctant.
Benny: OH MIGHTY and GREAT Isana, can you ever FORGIVE my actions, for I do SO repent!
Isana: I'm not buying what you're selling, bub.
I didn't tell him not to be sarcastic. >:\
Greta: Cool story, bro, but I'm not Judith, and I have, like three-quarters of a million, so, I'm good on discounts. Bye.
Isana: I'ma build my body skill all the way up, and then Benny won't know what hit him!
Disapproving Frog: *remains constant in her disapproval of all things, especially revenge-fueled skilling*
I Forget Her Name: *inspects sparkly burger* Hey! This isn't ALL homegrown, organic, all natural veggie burger!
Greta: No, it's just a regular burger, with a little garden tomato...
Forgot: Well, *my* family only eats Earth's foods, and you guys are eating toxins and sludge.
Greta: Yeah? Well...I don't like you. So ha!
Bitte: *judges self for putting on a little weight*
Bitte: Still practically perfect in every way! ^_^
(author's note: fat-shamers to the left!)
Greta playing guitar. For no damn reason.
Eventide: Oh my Gosh! You did it, Hermia!
Hermia: *certainly did*
Bitte: *is naturally more skeptical, and wisely chose to stay away from the walls for Smustle party times*
Purity: 8O! How she do?
Calliope: Haha! Aliens! What can you do?
SPEAKING OF PURITY! BIG NEWS!
Because we just don't have enough chaos! Let's add another sim!
Purity was amenable to the idea.
Ian: Okay, we're married, I can officially be in love now.
Purity: Think of all the charitable donations I--we--can make! 8D
Then it was Bitte's birthday:
Yes. All of the yes.
Then, late one night, Livi's ancient nemesis strolled by, and Helga's gate got left unlocked, entirely by mistake... >_>
Ian: Nothing like a glass of warm milk to soothe the nerves and help one sleep!
Ian: Nature is awesome.
Nothing like a friendly neighborhood werewolf to clear away the paper no one ever notices. He's a good guy, that one.
Finn: So it's been a while since we got a lamp, and I think we could really use one...
Farthing: Shh! My stories are on!
Isana: Hey. Hey, Finn. Hey. I have something to tell you. Finn, hey.
Finn: Fuck my entire life.
Farthing: I have to pee, but I must know if Stefano is alive or not!
(Protip: He is. He always is.)
Also, this was the first time I noticed Isana was pregnant. No, I do not ever learn a lesson about not letting my game run in the background/leaving the sound on. Why would I learn a lesson like that? HAHAHAHA...oh. Right. ANYWAY.
Eventide: Okay, Gramma, it's time for that Paula lady who likes the butter.
Farthing: KNOCK OFF THAT RACKET! MY SHOW. IS ON.
Finn: Oh hey! Paula Deen! ++cuisine
Ian: So, have you read the Hunger Games trilogy?
Isana: No, I'll wait for the movie.
Ian: What the damn is wrong with you?! You never wait for the movie! The book is always better! It is law!
He's right.
And now, a series of Art Photography called Birthdays and Makeovers:
Calliope, of the cat-colored eyes.
Hermia, of the big, doe eyes.
Purity, of the accidentally deleted eyes.
/end series
Hermia: So, I think The Butler is planning something with The Dog, you know?
Calliope: No! Really? Are you sure?
Ender: Get closer.
Stop it Ender. It didn't work for Seth--
Ender: Yes it did.
Low blow, jackass, it was ONE TIME, and they were DRUNK, and I wasn't watching!
Calliope: I think I have a crush on Hermia?
Ender and Hermia: *think beating on each other is a great idea*
beescratch: *disagrees with all of this*
Calliope: Ow! Okay, nevermind!
Hermia: Nervermind? You're supposed to say "Uncle!"
Ender: Don't say "Uncle."
Two out of three, I'll take, in this family anyway.
Isana: I remember why I haven't done this in a while!
Benny: Shh! Hold up a sec! I need to praise the heavens for your agony!
Benny: Oh but WHY, gods, WHY did you make her so attractive?!
Ian: Greta. For no reason.
Isana: *just had a baby that needs a name, and therefore actually requires my attention*
Everyone Else, more or less: HEY LOOKIT ME! OVER HERE! I AM AWESOME! HEY WHAT I DO?! MEEEEEEE!
Back the train up, you jerks! I have *important* business!
Isana and Kevin: *hope Greta will be the caretaker here*
Everyone but Greta: YAY BABY! WELCOME!
GRETA: THE BUTLER IS UGLY! ...I MEAN YAY BABY!
I don't think Greta's going to be your best option here, little guy. Just sayin'.
Kevin: Man, that guy's got the moves like...nope. Can't go there.
Bitte's lips: *are all you can see now I've mentioned them*
But wait! There's more, look at the front door.
Peeper Townie: SOON.
beescratch: NOPE.
beescratch: NOPE.
And now, a series of art photography I call, "Eventide's aspiration was low, so I sent her on a date with a hastily aged up neighbor kid"
His name is Foster.
It didn't occur to me until I aged him up that his last name is Kids.
Making his whole name Foster Kids. This will not suffice. I'll have to change it if he ends up Eventide's spouse.
Eventide: I love the feel of your heartbeat...
Ian and Purity: *sexytimes*
Ghost of Rosebob: *is betrayed!*
Ghost of Michelle: Aww yeah, Ian. Git you some!
Purity: I'm so glad one of your former wives wants us to be happy! ^_^
Ghost of Michelle: WRONG! I want *him* to be happy. YOU can fuck off!
Purity: I'll never have sex again! D8
(She lied.)
Apparently The Dog has decided to go a different route, and thus the lodging provided by the establishment has become acceptable.
No reason. Just cute.
O_O GUYS. Whatever it looks like WITH the censor, it looks EXACTLY LIKE THAT *WITHOUT* the censor. Build yourselves a 2x1 shower stall and watch the hilarity ensue, my friends.
Poor Ender strikes out with his first non-family flirtation attempt. Apparently IForgotAgain Hadley has heard about the Withers family, and will have none of it, thank you.
Matchmaker: I don't know, I just make the deliveries.
Fair enough.
Purity: This does not feel like a precious gift from above, gotta be honest!
Ian: Oh. Uh, Greta...I can explain!
Greta: No need! Done that twice myself.
Farthing: *can't bear to watch the birth of a baby that is not her grand*
Isana: It's never too early for the birds and the bees!
Of course there are! Why not! -_- (By the way, she managed to get pregnant about five minutes after she and Ian got married, no wonder she wanted to wait.)
Purity: Aww, you take this one, my love.
Ian: Yep, I'm on it. This is not my first twin rodeo.
(This one's Honor)
Purity: Aww, hello, bb!
Farthing: *still can't bear the thought of non-grandbaby infants in the house*
This one's--
REALLY YOU GUYS?! YOU PINK NOW FOR THIS?! JERKS! ASSES! JERKASSES!
This one's Virtue AND LOOKIT LIVI'S EYES REVIVED! 8D!
Clearly, Isana shares my elation over having those super recessive eyes present once more. Look at her joyful leap! What's that about a fight? NOPE CAN'T HEAR YOU LALALALALA.
Then Kevin grew up into a farmer/plumber with severed Achilles tendons.
Cheekbeast: Check
Signature Nose: Check
He's a Withers!
And finally, just to summarize the anarchy that is this household, I leave you with a visual of my simgod life:
Typos and such are a given. That is all.
Read this legacy, it is outstanding and awesome!
Want a Withers?