work is for people who don't know how to steal
So, you want pills? So you're a street-junkie with no time to spare and you've spent all the change in your circa 1982 fuscia fanny pack on 99 cent burgers and a half assed line of whatever. You smell like crap and you're banned from Jack in the Box for tripping out on your box of curly fries and you can't get another fix? I've been searching for a solution to this problem for a couple summers now and finally I've found the key. Knee surgery. You heard it right. Fuck up your shit and trade in some cartilidge and a handfull of hamstrings for a big orange bottle of hefty pain killers. You're good to go.
I am fucking set to go. I'm fucking set to sit on my couch and eat chips and watch cartoon network for hours. I eat beef jerky and sleep more than I am awake. Sometimes David visits and I make jokes about contact lenses that are actually mismatched spin-offs of the last round of Family Feud I've just indulged in. I am the only one who laughs. David is the only one who gets a boner, but I get it because I look exactly like Jessica Simpson's little sister, Ashlee. I got two phone calls today verifying that. "Doood! You know who you look like!". I even watch her show... you know... "The Ashlee Simpson Show", because I love myself, but staring at a mirror for a good hour and a half will make me look like a vain bitch... but the t.v. just makes me look like a fat ass... especially with the constant stream of beef jerky I am usually cramming down my throat. Basically I love Percacet, and T.V.. I love T.V..
May brought me a baloon with sponge bob square pants on it, his little star fish sidekick is sick and drooling and that symbolizes me and it says "Please get well soon!" Like sponge bob is begging me to get healed because he misses me so much. So I figure sponge bob is May and she is a really good friend. What a nice gesture.
My house is lonely and no matter what that guy on the corner of 2nd with the big afro and the no teeth tells you... pills are not as good as friends and no matter what the law says you should call in a bomb threat to David's work so he can come home and make me lunch... or you could cut some corners and just make me lunch yourself. God, you're so inconsiderate. Just do the bomb threat thing, Lazy McLoserson.
I pretty much want lunch.
I am fucking set to go. I'm fucking set to sit on my couch and eat chips and watch cartoon network for hours. I eat beef jerky and sleep more than I am awake. Sometimes David visits and I make jokes about contact lenses that are actually mismatched spin-offs of the last round of Family Feud I've just indulged in. I am the only one who laughs. David is the only one who gets a boner, but I get it because I look exactly like Jessica Simpson's little sister, Ashlee. I got two phone calls today verifying that. "Doood! You know who you look like!". I even watch her show... you know... "The Ashlee Simpson Show", because I love myself, but staring at a mirror for a good hour and a half will make me look like a vain bitch... but the t.v. just makes me look like a fat ass... especially with the constant stream of beef jerky I am usually cramming down my throat. Basically I love Percacet, and T.V.. I love T.V..
May brought me a baloon with sponge bob square pants on it, his little star fish sidekick is sick and drooling and that symbolizes me and it says "Please get well soon!" Like sponge bob is begging me to get healed because he misses me so much. So I figure sponge bob is May and she is a really good friend. What a nice gesture.
My house is lonely and no matter what that guy on the corner of 2nd with the big afro and the no teeth tells you... pills are not as good as friends and no matter what the law says you should call in a bomb threat to David's work so he can come home and make me lunch... or you could cut some corners and just make me lunch yourself. God, you're so inconsiderate. Just do the bomb threat thing, Lazy McLoserson.
I pretty much want lunch.