(no subject)
It's been awhile since I have updated in this thing.
Well it's that time again when I start freaking out and trying to lose weight...not that I havn't been the whole time, it's just that I have less than a month now....I always start freaking out at this point. I think I am justified seeings how I have yet to lose the right amount. I have a fantstic workout program set up for myself and I know once I get home I will stick to it. It is the diet I am worried about. Not that I can't stick to it...just that I can't afford it. One of the hardest parts about being home is how miserably poor I am. I get so lonely but I can't afford to hang out with people most of the time. That's sad. I hate staying with Pete because he has to pay for everything if we want to go out or eat much less. He doesn't mind, but I do. I am better at this diet thing when I am at home. There are no snacks there...and I do more physically. Pete can't come visit me there anymore though because he has classes everyday and work every weekend. Plus we are running out of time together. It is going to be sooo good for us, but sad and difficult and heart-wrenching. I have someone to come home to though...that is amazing.
If I don't make it this time, things are going to be really horrible. I will have to skip another year of school and talk about the shame. I have no self-confidence anymore because of this whole thing. I hate mroe than anything to be idle. I hate it so much. If I don't have something to do all the time I am miserable. Imagine my life right now, it's hell. I feel like my chest is going to explode. My anxiety is through the roof. I have never been so discontent in my life. This is ruining som uch for me. How hard is it really to lose 5 lbs?? Why am I having such a hard time with this. I think I am going to do one of those Hollywood diets, just so I can see myself without all the weight and then just try to maintain it. I'm gonna try. It's not like I need to keep the weight off. After I get weighted in Feb. 2nd I can forget about it. I will lose all the weight I will need to at basic. What a stupid standard. Serously 5lbs in ruining my life. I feel so pathetic because I havn't lost it. I don't want to bitch I just want it to be gone. I just want to do something about it. I need a job...that would make everything so much easier. It really would. I would be active, get paid, afford diet food, not be so idle. I wish someone would hire me despite the fact that I am leaving in three weeks.
I need a miracle.
Well it's that time again when I start freaking out and trying to lose weight...not that I havn't been the whole time, it's just that I have less than a month now....I always start freaking out at this point. I think I am justified seeings how I have yet to lose the right amount. I have a fantstic workout program set up for myself and I know once I get home I will stick to it. It is the diet I am worried about. Not that I can't stick to it...just that I can't afford it. One of the hardest parts about being home is how miserably poor I am. I get so lonely but I can't afford to hang out with people most of the time. That's sad. I hate staying with Pete because he has to pay for everything if we want to go out or eat much less. He doesn't mind, but I do. I am better at this diet thing when I am at home. There are no snacks there...and I do more physically. Pete can't come visit me there anymore though because he has classes everyday and work every weekend. Plus we are running out of time together. It is going to be sooo good for us, but sad and difficult and heart-wrenching. I have someone to come home to though...that is amazing.
If I don't make it this time, things are going to be really horrible. I will have to skip another year of school and talk about the shame. I have no self-confidence anymore because of this whole thing. I hate mroe than anything to be idle. I hate it so much. If I don't have something to do all the time I am miserable. Imagine my life right now, it's hell. I feel like my chest is going to explode. My anxiety is through the roof. I have never been so discontent in my life. This is ruining som uch for me. How hard is it really to lose 5 lbs?? Why am I having such a hard time with this. I think I am going to do one of those Hollywood diets, just so I can see myself without all the weight and then just try to maintain it. I'm gonna try. It's not like I need to keep the weight off. After I get weighted in Feb. 2nd I can forget about it. I will lose all the weight I will need to at basic. What a stupid standard. Serously 5lbs in ruining my life. I feel so pathetic because I havn't lost it. I don't want to bitch I just want it to be gone. I just want to do something about it. I need a job...that would make everything so much easier. It really would. I would be active, get paid, afford diet food, not be so idle. I wish someone would hire me despite the fact that I am leaving in three weeks.
I need a miracle.