Do I have a problem?
Am I too much of a flirt and a lush? I mean, nothing is going to happen with anyone anyways because I have a significant other of more than 3 years. But to those that know me and have seen me out, has my constant laughing and telling everyone how much they rock and how great they look and how much fun I have out seeing them - has that all become kind of "overbearing"? I'd hate to be freaking folks out. Working in a lab all day, where folks are either extremely boring, or conservative, or don't speak English, and I'm wearing "lab clothes" that can handle the onslaught of weird chemicals etc falling on them, I feel pretty isolated day to day. Then I walk to and from the gym alone, or I go jogging alone (or sometimes with cheerylilgoth), and I come home, where I live alone, and turn on the TV to keep me company. Johnny, who works in a bar, doesn't live with me anymore (thankfully!), comes over generally after 3am during the early half of the week, and of course, I'm already in bed. We might hang out two evenings in a week.
So if on the weekends I finally get to go out, and dress up, and connect with friends, is that understandable that I'd be a little on the touchy-feely or affectionate side? I'm absolutely NOT looking to hook up with anyone, and as maybe one of the few monogamists left, I feel cheating is unforgivable in any relationship I'm in. I just love my friends, and love meeting new folks, and love introducing new good folks to old good folks. Should I be trying to be more reserved and quiet when I go out? I probably should be re-aligning my priorities to dancing more, and talking and drinking less. But then again, I only have less than one year left here before I move back to the Great White North, and therefore I should try to maximize getting to know folks better when I do make it out.
When you are as introverted as I am, on a daily basis (outside of when I go out to socialize by my own free will), you start to feel invisible, and not to mention, really lonely. I know I'm a sweet affectionate person, that tends to just be a happy silly drunk. I'm wondering if the attention deficit that I build up during the week leads to me binging in being too much the social butterfly craving hugs and attention and giving perhaps too many warm fuzzies when I'm out to make up the balance. I'm also afraid of possibly sending mixed messages to folks that don't know me very well, and who may interpret my affectionate side as sleazy, insecure, insincere, or worse, overbearing! Yikes! And if I try to not go out for a month or something, will this behaviour become even worse when I do surface? And what is the point of going out if you just want to sit in the corner and not connect with people?
What have I turned into?? Does anyone else see this as a problem? Am I making too much out of nothing? Or are you all glad I finally woke up and smelled the coffee?
So if on the weekends I finally get to go out, and dress up, and connect with friends, is that understandable that I'd be a little on the touchy-feely or affectionate side? I'm absolutely NOT looking to hook up with anyone, and as maybe one of the few monogamists left, I feel cheating is unforgivable in any relationship I'm in. I just love my friends, and love meeting new folks, and love introducing new good folks to old good folks. Should I be trying to be more reserved and quiet when I go out? I probably should be re-aligning my priorities to dancing more, and talking and drinking less. But then again, I only have less than one year left here before I move back to the Great White North, and therefore I should try to maximize getting to know folks better when I do make it out.
When you are as introverted as I am, on a daily basis (outside of when I go out to socialize by my own free will), you start to feel invisible, and not to mention, really lonely. I know I'm a sweet affectionate person, that tends to just be a happy silly drunk. I'm wondering if the attention deficit that I build up during the week leads to me binging in being too much the social butterfly craving hugs and attention and giving perhaps too many warm fuzzies when I'm out to make up the balance. I'm also afraid of possibly sending mixed messages to folks that don't know me very well, and who may interpret my affectionate side as sleazy, insecure, insincere, or worse, overbearing! Yikes! And if I try to not go out for a month or something, will this behaviour become even worse when I do surface? And what is the point of going out if you just want to sit in the corner and not connect with people?
What have I turned into?? Does anyone else see this as a problem? Am I making too much out of nothing? Or are you all glad I finally woke up and smelled the coffee?