(no subject)
More than anything right now I feel that I am disappointing myself and that rather than confronting this I am simply taking it out on everyone else.
I think If I looked back 3 years I wouldn't have pictured this, but then I guess if I asked any of you guys where you would have thought you'd be now it would be different as well. Sometimes I think that maybe my life needs to just step into some preordained sequence that actually I just fell out of line from for a bit.
Life treats me well. Too well sometimes I think. I feel like maybe I complain too mjuch about what really shouldn't matter. I know that for me thats one of my greatest annoyances about myself.Really I need to learn to be happy in my own skin and I don't think that after 21 years of this life I have managed to do that yet. Maybe I'm not meant to feel like that yet. I mean really I am still just young. Why should I feel like I sussed things out.
I think I am disappointing myself most because I am not always being true to myself. I know that I seem to be having odd. I am worried about too many insignificant things. I have no reason to be worried. I have to consider that actually more importantly I have lost my passion. My passion for writing. For writing what I really feel. I miss being honest without hurting. I think its something I really need to focus on alot more.
I miss truely caring about my work. I miss that amazing feeling of dedication that I used to get. The days when I felt invincible when I worked and when I believed my work would get me places.
Have I changed or have I just got synical? Am I simply lost? Probably.
I think If I looked back 3 years I wouldn't have pictured this, but then I guess if I asked any of you guys where you would have thought you'd be now it would be different as well. Sometimes I think that maybe my life needs to just step into some preordained sequence that actually I just fell out of line from for a bit.
Life treats me well. Too well sometimes I think. I feel like maybe I complain too mjuch about what really shouldn't matter. I know that for me thats one of my greatest annoyances about myself.Really I need to learn to be happy in my own skin and I don't think that after 21 years of this life I have managed to do that yet. Maybe I'm not meant to feel like that yet. I mean really I am still just young. Why should I feel like I sussed things out.
I think I am disappointing myself most because I am not always being true to myself. I know that I seem to be having odd. I am worried about too many insignificant things. I have no reason to be worried. I have to consider that actually more importantly I have lost my passion. My passion for writing. For writing what I really feel. I miss being honest without hurting. I think its something I really need to focus on alot more.
I miss truely caring about my work. I miss that amazing feeling of dedication that I used to get. The days when I felt invincible when I worked and when I believed my work would get me places.
Have I changed or have I just got synical? Am I simply lost? Probably.