Weirdness
Working from home today for various reasons. Wish I wasn't. Kind of anxious today, not sure what's up. P met me over here this morning and then followed me over to the dog groomers. The boys seemed fine with being together again after not seeing each other for 2 months. I am going to pick them up when they are done and bring them back here for a visit. She wanted me to call her when I have them and meet me here, but I am going to wait and call her when I get here because I want to visit with Wally. It was so good to see him!! I took them both in my car and she said it was wicked cute seeing them hanging out the windows in my backseat. We talked logistics for a few and then I headed back here. She seemed a little disappointed that I wasn't off today...I wonder if there would have been an invitation to do something? I didn't want to take the chance on that happening and decided to work to avoid disappointment myself. I don't know why I am feeling nervous. I think part of it is just not wanting to do too much too soon and scare her away, and once again, I try and figure out how to be instead of just taking a deep breath and being.
The weirdness is that my daughter is spending the night over there with M for the first time since we have moved, and I'm hoping that goes ok. I didn't know that when I saw P this morning, so I will have to ask her when I speak to her if she is ok with that. It just seems weird...because on one hand, I wanna be there too...and on the other, I don't. I don't think I am ready to go over there yet. I need to know I can let there be periods of time when we don't see each other and be ok with that. Why does it feel so weird? She is the woman I married, I love her, I want to be with her...and yet I'm scared to be with her, to start spenfing more time with her. Or maybe I'm scared that she won't want to spend time with me? I suppose given the circumstances, and that her wishes seem to be the ones we honor, it makes sense that I am holding my breath waiting for her to disappear again.
Oh well. Pay no attention, I am just thinking out loud, and that't the main reason I process alot of this stuff as private entries!!
The weirdness is that my daughter is spending the night over there with M for the first time since we have moved, and I'm hoping that goes ok. I didn't know that when I saw P this morning, so I will have to ask her when I speak to her if she is ok with that. It just seems weird...because on one hand, I wanna be there too...and on the other, I don't. I don't think I am ready to go over there yet. I need to know I can let there be periods of time when we don't see each other and be ok with that. Why does it feel so weird? She is the woman I married, I love her, I want to be with her...and yet I'm scared to be with her, to start spenfing more time with her. Or maybe I'm scared that she won't want to spend time with me? I suppose given the circumstances, and that her wishes seem to be the ones we honor, it makes sense that I am holding my breath waiting for her to disappear again.
Oh well. Pay no attention, I am just thinking out loud, and that't the main reason I process alot of this stuff as private entries!!