comments and reflections
Once again, some random comments and reflections.
School is so boring now. We never do anything anymore. I wish that we could learn again!
It seems like everyone has a Myspace. I'd kind of like one.
I think I'm not the kind of girl that guys take interest in, and I don't know why that is. It used to bother me, but now I've become...apathetic. I have a curiosity about it, but no regret. I've just accepted it. Hey, I like me. I don't need them to feel satisfied with myself. One might ask, "If you don't care then why even mention it?" Well, I don't know. I just wonder about it. I wonder what makes one girl "the dating type" and another girl "the friend type." But, at the same time, I kind of like being the friend type. I don't have to worry about it. Not to mention, I've always thought of guys as the absolute lowest on my list of priorities, more like distractions than interests. Is that mean? Probably, but at least it's honest. I think that I would give almost any guy a chance, as long as he was a good person, but I'd never be capable of really, really caring about him. I have a hard time telling my MOM that I love her.
Speaking of loving my mom, I feel really guilty that I have such a hard time saying that I love her. I love her, but I can't look her in the eyes and say it. Same with my dad. Same with anyone. When Rachel went to college, I didn't even miss her until maybe a month or two later (sorry Ayow). One time Shan said that she doesn't think I would make a good mother because I wouldn't love my kids. Of course I denied it at the time, although I knew that she could quite possibly have been right. I don't want to be attached to people. I don't want to feel like just an appendage dangling from some other person, but this is rediculous!
It's strange, but I don't think I have the same problem with my close friends. It's easy for my to believe that I love my friends. I'm grateful for them every day. Why is it different with them?
All of this end of the year/growing up/getting into college stuff has been making me especially nervous. Here are some examples of my thoughts as of late:
-SAT IIs (that I haven't signed up for yet)
-really needing my driver's license
-finals are coming!
-SAT I on Saturday!
-narrowing down college searches
-musical theatre or opera? What do I want to do for THE REST OF MY LIFE? (::chuckles:: I accidentally spelled "opera" like "oprah" and then fixed it)
-do I have enough extra-curriculars?
-stupid Mrs. Wright scheduled a chem test the day before the chem final!
What was my quote of the day? I had one, but I forgot. I think it was something Mark Rizzo said. Rizzo, did you say anything funny today?
I've been so tired lately. I fell asleep during Oprah three times this week! Today was a really good episode, too! I'm never going to get that time back. I may never get to see those three episodes of Oprah again. ::sigh:: I had actually already seen two of them, but I still wanted to watch them again!
Did you know that 48% of couples have had sex in public? I didn't know that everyone was so adventurous! I learned that today while watching Oprah before I fell asleep.
::sings:: "Cracklin' Rosie, give me a smile! something something something all right. We got all night to set the world right. Give me your name but don't ask any questions! Yeeeeahh." I was innocently listening to my Niel Diamond in the car one day when I realized that he was singing about a prostitute. I don't see Niel Diamond as the prostitute type. I mean, his songs are so classy...even though they're about whores. ::continues:: "Baby, I know you're a store-bought woman, but you make me sing like a guitar hummin'!"
School is so boring now. We never do anything anymore. I wish that we could learn again!
It seems like everyone has a Myspace. I'd kind of like one.
I think I'm not the kind of girl that guys take interest in, and I don't know why that is. It used to bother me, but now I've become...apathetic. I have a curiosity about it, but no regret. I've just accepted it. Hey, I like me. I don't need them to feel satisfied with myself. One might ask, "If you don't care then why even mention it?" Well, I don't know. I just wonder about it. I wonder what makes one girl "the dating type" and another girl "the friend type." But, at the same time, I kind of like being the friend type. I don't have to worry about it. Not to mention, I've always thought of guys as the absolute lowest on my list of priorities, more like distractions than interests. Is that mean? Probably, but at least it's honest. I think that I would give almost any guy a chance, as long as he was a good person, but I'd never be capable of really, really caring about him. I have a hard time telling my MOM that I love her.
Speaking of loving my mom, I feel really guilty that I have such a hard time saying that I love her. I love her, but I can't look her in the eyes and say it. Same with my dad. Same with anyone. When Rachel went to college, I didn't even miss her until maybe a month or two later (sorry Ayow). One time Shan said that she doesn't think I would make a good mother because I wouldn't love my kids. Of course I denied it at the time, although I knew that she could quite possibly have been right. I don't want to be attached to people. I don't want to feel like just an appendage dangling from some other person, but this is rediculous!
It's strange, but I don't think I have the same problem with my close friends. It's easy for my to believe that I love my friends. I'm grateful for them every day. Why is it different with them?
All of this end of the year/growing up/getting into college stuff has been making me especially nervous. Here are some examples of my thoughts as of late:
-SAT IIs (that I haven't signed up for yet)
-really needing my driver's license
-finals are coming!
-SAT I on Saturday!
-narrowing down college searches
-musical theatre or opera? What do I want to do for THE REST OF MY LIFE? (::chuckles:: I accidentally spelled "opera" like "oprah" and then fixed it)
-do I have enough extra-curriculars?
-stupid Mrs. Wright scheduled a chem test the day before the chem final!
What was my quote of the day? I had one, but I forgot. I think it was something Mark Rizzo said. Rizzo, did you say anything funny today?
I've been so tired lately. I fell asleep during Oprah three times this week! Today was a really good episode, too! I'm never going to get that time back. I may never get to see those three episodes of Oprah again. ::sigh:: I had actually already seen two of them, but I still wanted to watch them again!
Did you know that 48% of couples have had sex in public? I didn't know that everyone was so adventurous! I learned that today while watching Oprah before I fell asleep.
::sings:: "Cracklin' Rosie, give me a smile! something something something all right. We got all night to set the world right. Give me your name but don't ask any questions! Yeeeeahh." I was innocently listening to my Niel Diamond in the car one day when I realized that he was singing about a prostitute. I don't see Niel Diamond as the prostitute type. I mean, his songs are so classy...even though they're about whores. ::continues:: "Baby, I know you're a store-bought woman, but you make me sing like a guitar hummin'!"