I Love to Sing Out, About the Moon, and the June, and the Spring!
You know what? I'm lonely. I've been lonely for a while now, but I hate to admit it. I rather think myself immune to such irrational, pointless emotions. I rather believe that I can control my mood with a minor personality adjustment. I still trust in that, to an extent. I am content. I am content because I choose to be content. My life is more stressful than it has ever been, and it has always been excessively stressful. But I am also much happier than I have ever been. At the same time, whenever I sit alone and do homework or write in Livejournal or do anything, so long as no one else is around, I feel lonely. It's not exactly a sadness, more of a recurring, tedious boredom. My life is very eventful now. It's a strange time to suddenly be stricken by boredom. ::sigh:: I need something...
Maybe I need some romance in my life, but I'd hate to think that. It's so against all that I stand for. I don't want to be just another weak, pathetic, little girl that becomes a slave to any man that will have her. Eww. That's not for me. I will continue to ignore my primal instinct to propagate. At this point in my life, it can only betray me. I have too many important things to concern myself with to let that get in the way.
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Hmm, I should probably do my Kozol now. I guess that's not happening for an hour or so.
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I can't believe the district auditions are so close. I've been thinking about them a good deal. I am more sure than ever now that I am a singer. I am not one who sings. I am not like certain people (to remain un-named) who sing for compliments or for brief acknowledgements from time to time. I don't give a damn about any of that. I sing for myself and no one else. So, yes, I've been thinking about the auditions a lot. It wouldn't be such a terrible thing if I didn't get in, right? Because, as I said, I don't need to sing for anyone else. But it would still be really nice if I did. Maybe that would be just the excitement I need to get out of my funk of late! It is exciting. I could go on to regionals, even nationals! Who knows? Then again, I could be working myself up only to be let down. Well, we'll see.
Originally, I wasn't going to try out for districts. I thought it would just be an unnecessary addition to my already hefty schedule. I had nothing to prove. I didn't need to be a part of this choir; I was already in a choir. I could already sing at my leisure. But I couldn't go through with it, or, rather, I couldn't not go through with it. As Horoho counted the raised hands in the room and mine was not one of them, I'm not sure if anyone noticed, but I started to cry. How could I have this opportunity to make my voice a part of something bigger and waste it? How could I abandon my voice that I supposedly loved? So I yelled out for Horoho to add my name to the list. I didn't realize how important my voice was to me before then.
I've made a decision about singing. I am so positive now. I will sing. I may be poor for a while, and I may have to sing in dirty bars with drunks, but I am going to sing. I could become a teacher. I could be one of the annoying commercial jingle people! I could make a CD all in Italian with little tiny translations inside the front cover! ::meniacal laugh:: That would be sweet! I could be the lady in the cleavage dress in the opera! Even better! No other job could ever truly satisfy me. It's probably not a wise decision, but at least I will be content.
Maybe I need some romance in my life, but I'd hate to think that. It's so against all that I stand for. I don't want to be just another weak, pathetic, little girl that becomes a slave to any man that will have her. Eww. That's not for me. I will continue to ignore my primal instinct to propagate. At this point in my life, it can only betray me. I have too many important things to concern myself with to let that get in the way.
______________________________________________________________________________
Hmm, I should probably do my Kozol now. I guess that's not happening for an hour or so.
______________________________________________________________________________
I can't believe the district auditions are so close. I've been thinking about them a good deal. I am more sure than ever now that I am a singer. I am not one who sings. I am not like certain people (to remain un-named) who sing for compliments or for brief acknowledgements from time to time. I don't give a damn about any of that. I sing for myself and no one else. So, yes, I've been thinking about the auditions a lot. It wouldn't be such a terrible thing if I didn't get in, right? Because, as I said, I don't need to sing for anyone else. But it would still be really nice if I did. Maybe that would be just the excitement I need to get out of my funk of late! It is exciting. I could go on to regionals, even nationals! Who knows? Then again, I could be working myself up only to be let down. Well, we'll see.
Originally, I wasn't going to try out for districts. I thought it would just be an unnecessary addition to my already hefty schedule. I had nothing to prove. I didn't need to be a part of this choir; I was already in a choir. I could already sing at my leisure. But I couldn't go through with it, or, rather, I couldn't not go through with it. As Horoho counted the raised hands in the room and mine was not one of them, I'm not sure if anyone noticed, but I started to cry. How could I have this opportunity to make my voice a part of something bigger and waste it? How could I abandon my voice that I supposedly loved? So I yelled out for Horoho to add my name to the list. I didn't realize how important my voice was to me before then.
I've made a decision about singing. I am so positive now. I will sing. I may be poor for a while, and I may have to sing in dirty bars with drunks, but I am going to sing. I could become a teacher. I could be one of the annoying commercial jingle people! I could make a CD all in Italian with little tiny translations inside the front cover! ::meniacal laugh:: That would be sweet! I could be the lady in the cleavage dress in the opera! Even better! No other job could ever truly satisfy me. It's probably not a wise decision, but at least I will be content.