Letters from the land of fatuous questions.
I should say that a lot of my current postings may be quite cynical in their outlook but that I should say that generally I feel people are good and trying to be genuine. This post has come about from a text that I was sent yesterday from a dear friend and so, as such, it is dedicated to my “sister from another mister” xx
This is with reference to your text from yesterday about people’s implied wondering when they ask questions like “and what’s God doing in your life?” I have been thinking a lot about this; I have felt for a long time that questions like that are often not about hearing what is going on in someone else’s life at all. Very few people ask that generally and I feel the same way as you - especially at the moment. People asking that sort of question usually want to talk about what God is doing in *their* life, which however lovely, isn’t always an encouragement. Sad as it has always seemed to me, Christians do still judge on appearance. We may sometimes, in some ways, look deeper, but often not.
I feel what you are saying though. I would hate to be asked that question at the moment. Because we now have a house …etc… people think we should be bouncing off the walls with happiness, shouting about that’s happened (and we often are). This is completely understandable, given where we were and everything, but I’m certainly finding that psychologically/spiritually it is far from a bed of roses…for me. Firstly there is the sheer amount of stuff to be DONE!! It is exhausting, to say the least. Second; it only truly solves certain things. It doesn’t really heal the over all situation or get DT anywhere. It is as if much has been put on one side while we were in the hostel, waiting for a proper opportunity to be let out and possibly to be dealt with. He is sometimes more depressed than before in some respects. We have a house, but he did not feel he provided it, doesn’t earn the money to pay for it, hasn’t done anything to deserve it/earn it/whatever he thinks he should be doing. I don’t know or understand (save that it is apparently a man thing) and he can’t tell me. I just see that he lets himself be dragged down by it and dwells on it so that he becomes so bound in it that he cannot see the way out. The problem feels so big that he can’t see where to start.
It actually presents me with doubts - is this house God’s plan for us? Or was it just our turn? What happens now? I can’t see anything about our future. Not a single thing. Not David getting a job, nothing.
I think a question like you mentioned is only truly asked by 1) people who don’t know us at all (think of it as like a Christian ice breaker!) 2) someone who might be advising you or counselling you spiritually 3) people who know us well and genuinely want to know. And actually, if you really know someone well, you probably don’t need to ask that. I feel it is quite a private question. I was once asked “what’s your burden?” by someone I barely knew. I was shocked, and it took a long time for me to know that that person spoke directly from their spirit into mine, but that is for me the exception that proves the rule. And they were someone I grew to love dearly, whose discernment I valued and whose presence I miss greatly.
I can only imagine that it is your current equivalent of people saying to me “was it worth it?” when I say we’ve got a house now. What a ridiculous question!! Of course I’m glad, more than I can tell many people, but worth being homeless? Worth my daughter being around foul language, drunken behaviour and policemen at breakfast time? Worth what exactly? Worth in this case seems to be an extension of “what did you do to get yourself into that situation?” Here is a culture that you must somehow earn your place; your home by going through hellish times and being grateful for whatever you are offered at the end of it. I find this culture despicable.
The short answer would be to assess the person who is asking you the question. People most frequently ask the most obvious thing they can think of, or questions they haven’t thought about the implications of. But I am an over thinker, and analyse before I ask, so that may not be the fairest view. They ask to be polite, because they think they want to know because they presume that the answer will be good news, relatively easy to digest and not requiring too much attention. And we are guilty of this as Christians too.
Be careful what you ask my friends, lest you get an answer you aren’t ready for. Doesn't mean you shouldn't ask me anything tho ;)