6th course: cooking's not just a hobby, kids

[beejinthewalkin]

That was shitty marinara. I say that not just as a pretentious little bitch. I also say that as a trained chef. Heavy on the garlic, low on any real flavor. A good marinara is blood simple, children. You'd think that all powerful gods could figure it out but no, of course not. What the fuck with they come up with next

Comments

[justashow]

Bruised?

How are you at making Chinese-style crab rice?

[head_chef]

He's lying, pretty Kyle. If anyone's bruised, it's me.

What can I say? He has big hands.

[justashow]

It sounds like you boys play rough.

[head_chef]

It's been said.

[justashow]

Stick a bag of frozen peas on it.

[head_chef]

...

Blasphemy. Frozen vegetables are Satan's tools, Kyle, and not fun ones.

Besides, I'm fine. Trust me, when we both spent all our time drugged out of our minds, I got more interesting bruises than the ones I have right now.

...Although I still don't understand how the fuck he managed to bruise my fucking forearm.

Wanna kiss it better for me?

[justashow]

Even when they're being used as ice packs?

You're asking if I want to kiss your forearm.

[head_chef]

Yes. Because that way lies using them in food, Kyle. And that is inexcusable.

...Among other things.

[justashow]

I don't think you're supposed to use them as food after you've put them on a bruise. That way lies food poisoning.

...Make me a stunning Chinese crab rice and I will kiss one part of your body, once.

[head_chef]

Kyle, my sous puts meat down his pants. And I let him. Somehow I think a plastic bag full of peas that's been applied to my forearm is- pardon the pun- small potatoes.

Do I get to pick what part?

[justashow]

I hope you didn't serve it afterwards.

Yes. But keep in mind that I'm only going to kiss it once.

[head_chef]

...

We washed it!

If I ask nicely do I get two?

[justashow]

I can't decide if that's better or worse than when that girl on Hell's Kitchen washed the spaghetti that was in the trash and served it.

And that depends on the location.

[head_chef]

Never work in a restaurant kitchen, Kyle. That's pretty tame compared to some of the shit I've seen go down.

I'll have to think about it very carefully, then.

[beejinthewalkin]

Jack's full of shit. We're both bruised. I'm bruised worse. You should come over and soothe my aching body.

Are you bribing me to make it with your hot body?

[justashow]

Sorry, darling. I think Jack beat you to it.