Goodbye Jake Rutz
I have a really hard time saying anything like this out loud, to the guys. It's not that I don't love you guys, it's just hard for me to share feelings out load. So I guess I'm gonna let the annynimity of the internet bare witness.
He was my last grandparent, he was also the one I knew the best. I can't even begin to say how bad I feel right now. He's been pretty badly off for the last 4 months or so, he died last night. I didn't really spend much time with him the last year or two. I only visited him a handful of times while he was in the hospital and rest home. I feel so horribly guilty for that. He must have felt so miserable and alone there. I think I never visited because I was scared. I was afraid of him dying and I didn't want to let it feel real to me. I've made alot of mistakes in my life, but this one I think will haunt me forever. I loved him so much. I remember so many things about him. I was about 5 years old, and visiting his house. I asked him where the dishwasher was, and he laughed and said "I'm the dishwasher." I remember going there after school and getting 'one cookie for each hand' and a glass of sprite to dip them in. I loved that so much because both cookies and soda were not allowed at our house when I was young. Grandpa used to love to come see my play basketball in highschool, he came to almost every game. I didn't even play very much, but he was always there. Grandpa always loved to garden. He had the best green thumb of anyone I know. His whole back yard used to be exquisetly manaqured. There were hardly ever even leaves on the lawn. We always got great fruit from him because of that. It was great, he used to can his own pears and peachs. During the summer we would get cherries and those mini manderian oranges. I miss you so much grandpa. I'm so sorry. Goodbye
He was my last grandparent, he was also the one I knew the best. I can't even begin to say how bad I feel right now. He's been pretty badly off for the last 4 months or so, he died last night. I didn't really spend much time with him the last year or two. I only visited him a handful of times while he was in the hospital and rest home. I feel so horribly guilty for that. He must have felt so miserable and alone there. I think I never visited because I was scared. I was afraid of him dying and I didn't want to let it feel real to me. I've made alot of mistakes in my life, but this one I think will haunt me forever. I loved him so much. I remember so many things about him. I was about 5 years old, and visiting his house. I asked him where the dishwasher was, and he laughed and said "I'm the dishwasher." I remember going there after school and getting 'one cookie for each hand' and a glass of sprite to dip them in. I loved that so much because both cookies and soda were not allowed at our house when I was young. Grandpa used to love to come see my play basketball in highschool, he came to almost every game. I didn't even play very much, but he was always there. Grandpa always loved to garden. He had the best green thumb of anyone I know. His whole back yard used to be exquisetly manaqured. There were hardly ever even leaves on the lawn. We always got great fruit from him because of that. It was great, he used to can his own pears and peachs. During the summer we would get cherries and those mini manderian oranges. I miss you so much grandpa. I'm so sorry. Goodbye