stressed~
less than a month to my As...
they said that this will be my worse time of my education road. I hope so, cause I am at the verge of shutting down.
All that frustration just clogs up in me and its making me sick and tired.
It like some sort of worm that just eats you up from the inside.
everyday, I wake up with a heavy heart. The feeling of being pressed down continues with me throughout the whole day.
I guess this is what we call stress.
BUT ITS GETTING UNBEARABLE.
MY MOOD HAS BECOME SO ERATIC AND MY THOUGHTS SO DARK AND DISCOURAGING. I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN GET THROUGH THIS.
everytime I hit the books, a sense of despair sweeps in and engulfs me in worries and doubts.
not like I don't think of my results when I am not studying
I am sure everyone feels the same.
Especially when your results are not up to standard.
54 points! 54! where can i go with just 54.
I need at least a 80.
thats a more than 20 points jump. FYI
I know I have improved, I know I am still working hard.
BUT IS THAT ENOUGH???
big question.
Since I have been so finely programmed to fit into this society, I have unconsciously adopted the society's never ending list of demands for myself.
definitions, success, failures, mindsets, actions, decisions.... They are all made according to what the society expects from us, in this materialistic, meritocratic, pragmatic country.
Even I expect straight As from myself. Why? So I can get into the best, most prestigious course. [medical/science]
What if I get Bs and Cs instead?....
BLODDY HELL I DON'T EVEN HAVE A DIRECTION!!!
isnt that the most important thing in the world to be sure of? Its what we need BEFORE WE EVEN FREAKIING MAKE A BLODDY DECISION IN LIFE.
and I don't even know mine.
Do I want to get into medical? Pursue Arts? enter science like I had dreamt about when I was a kid.
I am torn between both passions for the arts and science. Both fascinates me equally.
WHERE THE HECK DO GO FROM HERE?
Everytime I think of this question, [which happens very frequently]
I push it back and tell myself "After As, After As, then think."
but I feel hopeless after that, and useless.
my head will be so messed up and frustrated.
SHITTING ASSES
NO WAY I AM GOING TO BE SUCKED INTO THIS TWISTED IDEA OF LIFE THAT SOCIETY PRESSURES ON TO US.
get good grades, get good jobs, get good spouses, get good money, cars, houses, clothes, and HAHA GET A GOOD FACE.
yea, the face part bothers me too. [I have a love-hate relationship with my square jaw you see]