(no subject)
So I guess sitting at home all week has me thinking more. It has also got me really down about life. I really just want my friends to come home and all will be cool ya know. But I miss my friends at school, at least their phone calls entertain me every day. I got all my grades and I'm really upset with myself. So sitting here thinkin bout it all day gets me going. Now I just feel like a failure at school.I'm always just average at life. No matter what. I could work harder then anyone else and still come out average while it seems everyone else slacks off has a good time and gets by just fine if not better then me. It really hurts cuz I wanna know what the hell I'm doing wrong. Then there's summer jobs. They say colllege gives you more opportunities. I say fuck those people. I can't find shit that'll pay me $10 an hour, and my Uncle is a bastard. I fucking leave for school he hires my aunt to work the same job I do and she gets paid 12 an hour while i get paid 8 fuck that shit. Who the hell does he think I am so kid who doesnt need the money! Asshole, i love my aunt to death but that really pisses me off that he goes and does that shit just cuz I don't conform to his standards or something. Well if he doesn't give me what I want he can kiss my fucking ass this summer. But it's so hard for a college student struggling with loans, bills, and what not to get by when people don't wanna hire you for a couple months...if they do hire you it's for min wage. and that won't do shit to help me get by. I really hate it all I'm so fed up with it. It just makes me wonder if I'll actually be worth something someday. Will I actually make it or be average and fail when I compare myself to everyone else like what usually happens. And why the fuck can't I find one guy who will date me, what the fuck have I done wrong all my life to deserve it. I'm tired of it all! I can't take it anymore goodbye!