Fic: The Ties that Bind, Chapter 9, Kirk/Spock
Title: The Ties that Bind, Chapter 9/10
Pairings: Kirk/Spock
Rating: NC-17
Length: 8k
For: awarrington ♥ and all my other awesome feedbackers
Warnings: None
Summary: The Enterprise crew makes contact with a planet where an all-male society thinks they're sexual catnip, and decides to keep and marry them all against their will
A/N: I've also posted Part 8 today, read that first.
“I miss him. There, I said it.” Scotty hugs his whiskey bottle harder and sighs. “Stupid, I know. He was a riot sometimes.”
“That's not stupid.” Ren leans across a dozying Drury to drunkenly pat Scotty on the shoulder in comfort. “I miss Posd every minute. If that tritanium shit wasn't so toxic, I'd have seriously considered resigning from Fleet and staying. How stupid is that? Giving up everything for a guy I'd known a month?”
“No, I get you. I do.” Scotty nods solemnly, reaching up to touch Ren's hand with his own. “Wanted to suggest that Srash came with us but Doc here 'splained that they can't live without the stuff much as we can't live with it. Either way, love's lethal.”
'Doc here' has finally passed out, his head dropping back to the couch beside me with a snore. I smack Chekov on the arm and psst! at him till he passes the bottle of vodka over. Some Welcome Back party, Bones has been hovering over my shoulder the whole night so far, so I've only managed to sneak a few sips of the real thing in between glasses of the kids' stuff. I take a glug and point the bottle at Scotty.
“Thanks. 'Love', Mr. Scott?”
“Weel, there's lotsa diff'rent types of love, Jimmy.”
“So you're talking just a physical thing?” I take another heavy swallow worried Bones will wake up soon for round two, but the awareness of Spock has been biting at me all evening, a feeling that his eyes are on me although he's never looking my way when I check, and I need a proper booze buzz to knock it back.
“I wouldnae say that. Meetin' of minds, maybe. Srash did love his machines.”
“Posd liked working out as much as I do. He could bench press me.” Ren's eyes get all dopey-looking. “And I'd let him.”
“Scads was happy. All the time, just always cheerful and smiling, excited about everything.” Drury rouses himself long enough to join in. “I've never met anybody like that. Always happy. You'd think it'd be annoying but it wasn't. It was like being back at the Academy.”
“Sorry guys. Wish it could've worked out better for everyone.” I feel humbled, not having realized that an escape from Ping could be anything other than a lucky escape. It reminds me I've got so much to learn about empathizing with others, putting myself in the place of my men rather than charging forwards and onwards all the damn time.
“Ach, s'okay, sir. 'Least we're still breathing, eh? Down to you, and none of us can thank you enough. Here's ta ye, sir.”
“I'm glad to be back, gentlemen. To our health, now that it's ours once more. “
We all knock back a shot, Chekov grabbing the vodka back and tossing it down like was water, his eyes no longer totally focused when he looks my way to return it.
“How about you, Mr. Spock?” I look at him over Ren's shoulder where he's separated himself from the party a small distance, choosing to sit at my desk rather than sprawl on the floor like Chekov and Scotty. “Missing Sneck and Padnus?”
“Not at this time, Captain.” He's enjoying this, our relaxed, slightly-drunk chatter that's leading wherever it wants to go. I don't know how I know this is fun for him, as he could be in a procedural review right now, sitting as upright and composed as ever, but I know. “May I ask if you yourself have experienced any yearning for your titular spouse?”
“Ooh, that's a toughie.” I tap the neck of the vodka bottle on my chin, acting like I'm having to think about it. “Kind of miss that bathroom. Otherwise, I'll think I'll have to say no.”
“I miss Paznus. I didn't zhink zat I would, but he was kind and listened to me. And it has not been so good, being back here.” Chekov sighs. “All I wanted was to be back home and, now zat I am, it's a mess.”
His voice cracks on the last word, half-laugh, half-groan, blinking back tears as he looks up at the ceiling in my quarters.
“Yeah? Want to talk about it?”
“Aye, git it off yer chest. S'what we're here for.”
“I don't know.” He wipes his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt, sniffing like he's embarrassed. “It's personal.”
“You shouldn't have to keep anything from us. Look at what we all went through together. We got married together. Hell, you've seen the Captain in a thong. What's left to hide?”
“Thank you for that, Lieutenant.”
Ren mock-salutes me. “Anytime, sir. What gives?”
“Zere was someone I thought zat . . . a friend.” He rests his face in his hands, pressing the balls of his palms into each eye socket, his words muffled into his sleeves. “I was stupid enough to zhink we were moving towards somezhing, but now I'm back and he doesn't speak to me, or barely. Doesn't look at me.”
“It's early days yet.” I pass him back the booze, figuring he might need it more than me. “Maybe your friend,” Sulu. It's Sulu. The whole damn ship knows it's Sulu. “Doesn't know the right thing to say, so he says nothing.”
Chekov makes a frustrated grunt into the bottle as he finishes half-draining it in one swig. “I know zhis. I do.”
“So make the first move and say something to him instead.”
“Like what? I don't know! Ech, it's too complicated.”
“Tell him you need to talk to him. Tell him you miss him.”
“I can't.”
“Sure you can.”
“What's stopping ye?”
Chekov doesn't say anything, staring mutely into his arms as he sniffles and shakes his head. I touch his back lightly to let him know I'm there and that I give a shit, and my mouth opens and speaks without me thinking because I'm there with him, hopeless over someone without a clue of what to do about it.
“Pride. Fear. Desperation. And that simple, crazy hope that if you leave it long enough without saying a word, you won't have to and that they'll say it for you. The freedom of hope sustains us.”
“I'll drink tae that.”
“You'd drink to anything.”
But we all toss back another shot, Scotty throwing a fatherly arm around Chekov's shoulders. “Cheer up, wee lad. Look at it this way - you'd be dead by now if we'd stayed.”
Ren snorts, an impressive noise that temporarily rouses Drury again. “Remind me not to come to your place next time I'm feeling depressed about something.”
“No, no, see, look, we've got nuthin' to lose. Righ'? It's our second chance. It's our duty to make it work this time, a free shot, y'know? A do-over. Think if you'd died down there and never had the chance to see him again. He'd have been left wondering if you had feelings for him at all, or if it was just in his head. Would ye want that?”
Chekov shakes his head morosely. “No.”
“'Way I see it, someone's given us the chance to put things righ'. And now you're good 'n' steamin' it's the best time.”
“Now? Oh, no. I don't zhink so.”
“Mr. Scott's got a point.” Ren clinks his beer to Scotty's whiskey bottle. “Turn up at his door, declare yourself then pass out on his bed. If he doesn't return your feelings in the morning, you can blame it on the vodka and move on. But if he does, you'll get one helluva hangover cure.”
“I suppose. Keptin? What do you zhink? I should go now?”
Pavel's eyes are huge and trusting, and I shouldn't advise him on personal crap like this when I haven't got a clue what I'm doing myself. But the vodka's warming the pit of my newly-healed belly and I'm tired of it myself, carrying around this constant longing for someone who could be so much more than a friend.
“What I think is that we owe it to ourselves to be brave enough to take a chance. If I'd died without seeing - ” I stop myself just in time. “If I'd died without loving the way I want to, without being true to myself or those I care for, it would've been a damn shame. I know if I'd never taken a chance at a better life, I'd be rotting in a jail in Iowa somewhere shacked up with a 'husband' a damn sight scarier than Sextus. You shouldn't live life afraid of what might happen if you dare to dream of something better. You can't. But only you know if he's worth taking the risk of getting hurt. Is he?”
A brilliant smile as Chekov sniffs the last of his tears away and nods his head enthusiastically. “Oh yes. Wery much so. He is . . . I have never known anyone like him.”
I don't know what draws my attention to him as he doesn't seem to have moved from his position at my desk chair, his hands folded neatly on the one clear space on my desk, but something makes me look at Spock, and what I find almost makes me drop the vodka bottle into my lap. His eyes are fixed on me, the same intensity that I thought I saw when I woke in Sextus's bed and thought I was dreaming of Spock watching us. He knows. Dammit, he knows, must've picked it up off my skin the night of the public wrestling when I grabbed, just as I suspected. Maybe he knew that I was in love with him before I did. I give him a small, helpless smile of apology and his line of sight drops as he blinks slowly at his hands then looks at me again. If I didn't know better, I'd swear my lungs are struggling again with the air in here. I can't stop looking at Spock, even as Scotty staggers to his feet and pulls Pavel up with him, and Spock doesn't take his eyes from mine.
“If he's that great, what the hell are you doing sittin' in here with us old bastards? Git away w'ye.”
“I think it's time we all got some sleep.” It's almost physically painful to stop looking at him and pay the others some attention. “Thanks for the party, it was just what I needed, but I've got to rest up.”
“Of course, sir.”
“Nae problemo, sir. Ren 'n' me'll get the doc into his bed.”
“Whu?” Bones half-wakes and squints at me blearily over Ren's ass as he's picked up and manhandled over Ren's shoulder. “Party's over?”
“Think so.”
“Then you gotta eat somethin' before bed. Soak up all that Russian ditchwater. Have some dry toast and some milk. Goddamn sneaky bastard, can't fool me.”
“No, I can't. Never could.” I slap him on the ass and start to wave the men out. “Sleep well, guys. I'll make sure I see you all before I leave. Best of luck, Ensign, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.”
He blushes and grins, swaying through the door behind Drury. If I hadn't seen him manage it easily before several times in the past, I'd swear that amount of vodka would have him passing out cold halfway to Sulu's quarters.
“Night, Captain.”
“Good night, Ren. Doctor.”
“Good evening, Captain.”
“Not you.” I fix Spock with a stare and wait till the door's closed next to us to say another word. “You and I need to talk.”
“It would not be wise to delay a necessary physical rest period.”
“I slept the whole damn day away, I'm fine. Sit.”
“Do you intend to follow Doctor McCoy's instructions?”
“Jesus, Spock, quit changing the subject and sit down.”
“My apologies. I was not aware we had settled upon a subject for discourse.” But Spock sits anyway, back on the corner of the couchette where he'd been perched this morning.
“Bullshit. And, while we're at it, that's three lies now. Yeah, I'm keeping a list.”
I get wriggle to get comfy in my chair, my ass and torso bonier than they used to be so I'm less cushioned and am noticing the difference in comfort. I order the temperature in the room up a couple of degrees as I'm getting tired now whatever I tell Spock, and the thin t-shirt and old sweats aren't quite enough to keep me comfortably warm.
“I did not lie when I informed you that I was unable to meet for a chess match this evening.” I smile at how he instantly knows what I'm talking about. “I informed you that I was otherwise engaged.”
“You misled me on purpose.”
“I do not believe that I did.”
“And if I'd asked you exactly what was otherwise engaging you?”
Spock has got to have the greatest poker face in the galaxy. “There is no inherent merit in postulating on the possible outcomes of that which has passed. You did not ask me so it is unlikely that we will ever know what my answer may have been.”
“Man, you're slippy.” I've managed to find a comfortable spot in my chair, my legs folded under me, my hips hiked forward so I'm sitting with my head leaning back against its arm. The perfect position to open my mouth and dive in, no second thoughts. “I missed you.”
The air thickens again, my heart feeling like it's blocking the base of my throat. Spock barely reacts, but his voice is different when he speaks, lower and more hesitant than usual. “Over the past fourteen months of serving as your first officer, and in becoming your friend, I have grown accustomed to your company and so too noted its absence.”
“Flatterer. You know what I want to talk about?”
“Not precisely, no. I understand that it is a personal matter.”
“Yeah, you could say that. You told me before, back on Ping, that you can't always shield yourself from the transfer of, how did you put it?”
“'Urgent matters of emotional conveyance'. I recall the conversation.”
“What have you picked up from me, about what I feel about you? Especially when I grabbed your arm at the wrestling. Tell me straight, no disingenuous scooting around the sides of the matter. I need to know.”
“You are certain this is a matter you wish to discuss openly?”
“I am.”
A nod, no sign that he's at all uncomfortable with talking about this. “Very well. I have been aware for eleven months and seventeen days that you regularly display signs of sexual desire towards my person. Pupil dilation when we are in close proximity, an apparent desire to increase the instances of physical proximity, increased rate of breathing, the unconscious wetting of your lips when you are looking at me directly. Genital tumescence following instances where we have been in prolonged physical contact.”
“Shit. I'm that obvious? Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“You did not.” Vulcans do not experience emotional discomfort, I can almost hear it. I don't believe him. “On the incident you referred to, during our first visit to the Great Ring and your confrontation with Sneck, I was left with an impression during our brief contact of your sexual jealously of my Pingian husbands, in addition to an overwhelming concern towards me. It merely confirmed that which I had already observed for myself.”
“Yeah. Thought so.” This is turning out to be more humiliating than I'd expected, and I always thought it was going to be pretty bad. “Again, sorry. What else?”
“Apologies are unnecessary, Jim. I am an adult and so am able to contend with being sexually desired by others.”
“Of course, I mean, look at you. You didn't get anything else? You haven't noticed anything else about my behavior towards you? Has it changed recently?”
The familiar crease appears between his eyebrows. “I have no reason to believe that you have ceased to physically desire me. However . . .”
“'However' . . . ?”
“It is merely supposition on my part.”
“Suppose away.”
Spock's eyes meet mine, full of confusion and uncertainty, his placid demeanor beginning to crack. “I stress that my opinions on this subject are non-objective. But when the former Sen was attempting to asphyxiate me, you offered to exchange your life for mine. Earlier this morning within these quarters, you exhibited signs of an anger with me that I sensed originated in an unspoken issue other than simply the question of my withholding information from you.”
“You should trust your instincts, they're as smart as the rest of you.” Come on, Spock, get there. Tell me you know. Make this easier. “Anything else?”
“Your words to Ensign Chekov this evening.”
“Go on.”
“I must explain that you were - are not alone in your desire, which is returned.”
“I'm not? It is?” This is news to me. Big news. Couldn't be bigger.
“It is, but I have no intention of entering a purely sexual relationship.”
I'm kind of flailing in my chair, my arms not quite strong enough to push me up as fast as I'd like, trying to untangle my legs, my pulse jumping in excitement. “Why the hell not? If you're experiencing half the, uh, erotic energy that I am, things could get wild between us. We're well-matched and we already know we get along. Most of the time.”
“As I move further into maturity, I find myself drawn to the Vulcan ideal of a fully-bonded partnership of equals, someone whose mind I would come to know as well as my own. A permanent joining of selves as opposed to a temporary sexual liaison. I did not think you capable of such a level of commitment.”
“Oh.”
Ain't that a kick in the nuts? My semi wilts as I watch him stare at the floor in front of his boots. I'm trembling, too much at risk here, too much to say and no way of saying it now I know he thinks I'm too flighty to bother with. But he must pick up on the disappointment in my tone, the one I tried to hide, because he looks up at me again, his eyes softening in that way they have with me that I've never seen him do with anyone else.
“I should have made it more apparent that I had not previously thought you would ever seek that manner of joining. But you offered your life for my own, and this evening spoke of wishing to love the way you want to and of dreaming of something better for yourself than that which has gone before. It has made me question my judgment in the matter.”
“Spock.”
“Yes, Jim?”
“It's what I what.”
A pause. “Please specify what precisely it is that you want.”
“All of that, everything you just said. Equals, bonding, the whole shebang.” Everything in me warms. My dick, my body, my face where I feel a tide of heat swamping my cheeks. My chest, which fills with overwhelming emotion in a sweeping river I can't hold back. “I'm in love with you. I'm not sure I could deal with a purely sexual relationship, either. I'm not saying I wouldn't be willing to try but, honestly? It would never be enough. I want you. All of you, all of it.”
He nods solemnly and I laugh, filled up with a heady energy now I've actually said it out loud. “A nod? That's it?”
“Do you recognize what it is that I am asking for?”
“I think I do. A forever thing. You and me versus the galaxy.” He eyebrows me sarcastically and I laugh again, “Am I wrong?”
“A curiously belligerent choice of description but, yes, Jim.” The smallest hint of a heartbreaking smile. “A forever thing.”
“Then that's what I want, if you do. With me, I mean. You haven't indicated that you're interested in me like that.”
“If you are certain that you understand the form of relationship you are agreeing to, then I am. I have spoken of bonding before to a person who said they understood when it later became apparent that they did not.”
“Uhura?” He nods again, his mouth pinched, and I tamp down a fierce stab of jealousy. “I'm sorry.”
“The end of my relationship with Nyota was a positive move for us both, as we were not as well-matched as we had first believed. Whereas I have known you long enough now to be certain . . .”
“Say it. Please, just quit torturing me and say it already.”
Then he looks at me and he doesn't need to say it, all of it blazing out of his expressive eyes. “That I love you, and want you, and will never stop. That I hold you in higher esteem than all others, that your intellectual and moral qualities are as appealing as your physical attributes, and that I would be at your side until death claims us both, and beyond.”
Holy shit. I think my heart actually stopped for a beat or two there. “You're way too far away. Get over here. Right now.”
Spock takes a considered look at where I'm sitting. “That chair is designed for sole occupancy. This couch is not.”
“I'm still weak.”
“Which would indicate a need for light physical activity.”
“I'm the captain.”
“You are currently on inactive duty due to authorized medical leave.”
“Fuck. You know, I'm just realizing this means I'm never going to get to win petty fights. Sudden second thoughts . . .”
But I push myself up from out the chair, my legs wobbly as a newborn lamb, my cock already starting to tent out my old sweatpants. I've felt more attractive in my life and never cared less. Before I take two steps towards the couchette, Spock's standing and moving towards me, my breath catching as I realize that nothing this significant will ever happen to me again. This is the one, my last first kiss. His long, dry fingers take mine, lifting my hand with his as he stands close enough that his boots meet my bare toes.
“Then I will aim to always meet you at the center, thus negating the need for 'petty fights' in the first instance.”
I can't stop smiling, his fingers sliding through mine as we lock eyes and drink each other in, free to do so openly. “You planning to kiss me anytime soon? Or are you the coy sort who likes to have the moves laid on him?”
“I am kissing you.” He lifts my hand higher, both of us looking at our laced fingers as his continue to delicately caress mine. “This is how Vulcan bondmates express affection. It is somewhat audacious of me to initiate such a gesture prior to our bonding taking place.”
“You big slut.”
“Indeed.”
There's a light dancing in his eyes, his mouth inches from mine as I reach up with my other hand to brush over his cheekbone, his lower eyelashes soft as the finest fur against my thumb. I've never wanted anyone more, never adored every breath out of someone's body like I do with him. Nobody's ever come close. I curl my fingers around his neck, the texture of his hair as silken as I've ever imagined, and I press my mouth against his.
Damn, I'm in trouble. Just a simple closed-mouth kiss and I'm lost, his lips a perfect mix of softness and strength, my kiss returned with a calibrated precision that makes my mouth go dry and my dick harden to the point where it's starting to nudge at the waistband of my shorts. I close my eyes and open my mouth to trace between his lips with my tongue, and his pushes back against mine, rougher and drier, a tangible difference that shoots a jet of heat through my nuts, up my spine, sending my asshole into a frantic clench as his tongue licks around my top lip and I imagine how those harsher papillae would feel if it ever decided to make a trip butt-wards.
I grunt into his mouth thinking about it and his arms go around me to hold me tight into that whipcord body of his. He's almost holding me up, my legs giving way as I cling to him, fingers tight in his hair as I suck at his rough tongue and rub against his thigh, desperate already for more friction. I'm too hungry for the sharp metallic tang of his mouth, Spock's hands molding the small of my back and I grunt again, totally approving as they slide down further to cup my asscheeks and hold me against him so firmly that I can feel him now, a long, rock-hard protrusion at my stomach.
“Bed.”
I'm panting into his mouth, our noses rubbing before we kiss again, Spock taking the lead this time as he tugs me back into him and thrusts into my mouth, a shudder running through him as I slide my tongue over his. Then I bite at his bottom lip, that pouty fucker that's been torturing me for months, sucking it into my mouth as he shivers again and hikes his hips against mine.
“I mean it. Bed.”
His forehead's against mine, his breath coming in short, sharp bursts and his eyes heavy and unfocused. “You need to sleep.”
“I'll sleep the sleep of kings once we're done.”
“Jim, your physical recovery is important to me, as it should be to you.”
“We don't have to swing from the light fittings. Nothing too energetic, but stay. I need this.” I stroke his neck with my thumb, over his Adam's apple then down, catching on the neck of his shirts as I slide my hand flat over his taut chest and stomach to press against his erection. He closes his eyes and his breath stutters as I rub at him gently. “We'll take it easy tonight, I promise.”
“Then allow me to assist with conserving your remaining strength for where it may best be applied.”
I hoot in surprised laughter as he sweeps me up into his arms. “Fuck! Forget it, I feel stupid. Down.”
“You are sure?” He nuzzles into my ear following it with a stroke of that tongue, his breath sending quivers of arousal down my neck which he follows with his mouth as he begins to carry me towards the bed.
“No, not sure. Ooh. Okay, yeah, I'm good with this. Just this once.”
If it were me carrying someone like this, blindly as I kissed them deep and strode towards the bed, I'd trip over something and dump them into a book shelf or something. Not Spock, his footsteps sure and steady as his tongue curls around mine, his arms cradling me against him with ease until we get to my mussed-up bed. The bed in which I've spent plenty of dark nights imagining him throwing me down into with a feral growl and pinning me there, but tonight he's considerate, easing me down softly as his mouth finds mine again. When I eventually pull away I'm standing between his legs, my ass supported by the bed as I press against him, trailing my lips along the sharp angle of his jaw.
“I'm not going to break apart. Don't feel you have to take it too easy.”
He tilts his head into my caresses, humming with a pleased, thrumming sound as I suck on his earlobe, his hands lifting the bottom of my t-shirt to slide across the skin of my back. “We will have the chance for more vigorous love-making once you are fully recuperated. I will attend to you tonight.”
“No. Everything you do, I also get to do. A partnership of equals, remember?”
“Jim . . .” The glide of Spock's fingers over my naked skin is making it tough to concentrate on anything he's saying. “You so often refuse to accommodate your own frailties where you would accept them without question in others. If you will not mind your own needs, then the responsibility to do so falls on those of us who care for you. You will rest. You will recover, and you will return to me whole.”
“Talk about your unilateral decisions.” I can't stop touching him, tugging at his hips as he pulls the t-shirt up over my head, his hair brushing my neck as he bends to kiss there and along to my shoulder. “Don't go getting too used to me doing what I'm told.”
“Pursuing a course of action I recognize as futile would be illogical.” His thumbs brush over my nipples as sharp teeth nip at the skin of my shoulder and I gasp, starting to tug at his shirts.
“I compromised on who gets to do what. Does that mean I can get you to speed things up?”
Spock's mouth pauses on me, his thumbs stopping their circular motion over my chest. “I was led to believe that humans value a lengthy period of sexual foreplay.”
Hah. Score one for Uhura.
“Some of us do and, at the right time, it can be awesome, but I'm more of a 'jump on the pony and ride it' type of guy.” I rut against him, groaning as the tip of my dick pushes past my waistband, the extra friction and Spock's breath on my skin driving me crazy. “I want to see all of you, I've wanted it so long that a minute more's too much.”
“One minute?”
Lead by example, something Admiral Pike's always reminding me. Not sure he had this in mind, but I push my shorts and sweats down, kicking them off and grinning at the way Spock's cheeks delicately flush, his eyes narrowing as he looks at my dick, which makes it jump upwards wanting his touch. “And not a second longer. Come on. I'm waiting.”
I push the rumpled covers back and recline on my bed, propping my head on one hand to watch as Spock efficiently strips out of first his Science blues, folding the shirt neatly and laying it on the top of my nightstand.
“Tick tock, Mr. Spock.”
“I have forty three point six seconds remaining.” He perches on the end of the bed and I rub over his back with my foot, him glancing at me under his armpit as he leans down to tug off his boots and socks one by one, lining them up beneath us in no apparent rush. “Thirty two point three seconds.”
“I'm digging the countdown. It's like you're a bomb waiting to go off.” He tugs off his undershirt and my throat constricts as all that fine chest hair's revealed, my cock beginning to drool against my stomach. “A really sexy bomb.”
“Twenty eight seconds precisely.”
He stands to open his pants, pushing his way out of them gracefully with none of the hurried fluster there would've been had it been me. They're folded and placed on top of the growing pile on my nightstand as I tongue at the corner of my lips, noticing how his shorts are clinging to his long dick, an impressive wet patch already forming on the fabric at its tip. I don't give a fuck what he says, I need to have him in my mouth tonight. There are some things that can't wait till morning and that's one of them.
“I am in possession of a full sixteen seconds with which to remove my underwear.” He's beyond hot, tall, lean, lightly-muscled and furred to perfection, as breathtaking as he was soaking wet and climbing out of my bathing pool. “Do you wish me to expedite the matter or utilize my full allotment?”
“Come here. Let me.”
There's always that one moment when you feel someone against you skin to skin for the first time. I lean back and take him with me, Spock lowering himself over me, his legs sliding between mine as we start to kiss again, his dry skin moving over mine, his chest hair a hundred small caresses forcing a low, guttural groan out of my mouth and into his as my eyes roll back in my head. Then a similar, answering grumble rises out of his throat and it hits me, that with this much contact going on he must be picking up how turned on I am by him. I slide my hands down his back and into his shorts, cupping his asscheeks and pulling him tight against my cock to leave him in no doubt.
His ass was built for me, fitting into my hands perfectly as I knead his buttcheeks, the one soft part of anatomy on him. I dig my fingers in and suck at his throat as Spock somehow realizes how sensitive my ears are, tracing its whorls with the tip of his tongue before gently biting around its rim. Or maybe he's just got as much of a hard-on for my ears as I do for his, and I shove his shorts down, taking them the rest of the way with my foot and kicking them to the end of the bed so I've got my hands free for everything I want to touch on him.
I run my fingertips along the curved points of his ears, earning me a tilt of his head into it and a muffled purr against my neck. Down over his broad, strong shoulders to his chest, pushing at him until he raises up enough for me to start rubbing my nose in his fuzz as I comb through it with my fingers.
“God, Spock, you're so fucking beautiful.”
He catches my eye with a half-smile, his mouth quirking, his eyes alight. “A term that has never been applied to me before, to my knowledge.”
“Oh, trust me, it has. Maybe not to your face, which is a damn shame. You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.”
“No.” He bites at my ear, his lips causing shocks to tingle outwards and into every part of me. “You have looked into a mirror in your lifetime. What you have seen there is beyond comparison.”
Nerve endings are singing all over my body wherever he's touching me, his cock slick and heavy against mine as we fuck against each other slowly, a grind that's fast making me mindless. I kiss him again, hungry for his flavor as I pinch at his nipples, Spock gasping into my mouth and pulling away to start to kiss at my neck, working down over my collarbones, my chest, that rough tongue rasping over one of mine heavily.
“This is a friendly warning - I'm already close. Don't take your time.”
“Very well.”
A kiss at my other nipple, then his hands push me firmly back to the bed as he hikes an eyebrow at me, licks his lips, then moves down to trace a long line down my belly towards my groin, his shining hair flopping forward over my fingers as I reach to stroke through it. Then he gets level with my dick and I close my eyes waiting for the first touch of his mouth on me. It doesn't immediately arrive.
“Fascinating.”
“ . . . Huh?”
I open my eyes just as he touches one curious finger to my nutsack, stroking through the hairs and over the wrinkled skin.
“I was, of course, aware of the sexual characteristics of human males, but I have never observed them at such close quarters.”
He's not kidding. “This is not the time to satisfy your scientific curiosity.”
“One moment, please.”
He leans in and then I feel it, my legs dropping apart further as I feel the harsh touch of his tongue drawing circles over my balls, which draw up tight as I moan and let my head fall back to the pillow.
“Damn, that feels good.”
“Interesting. The pheromonal component of your sweat is notably stronger here.”
“I swear to God, Spock - Ohh, okay.”
His mouth closes over one of my nuts, sucking softly as my dick twitches and flexes across my stomach. I reach down to start jerking off, getting needy now, but he brushes my hand away and wraps his strong fingers tightly around me, jacking my dick slowly as he continues to suck and lick at my balls until I'm squirming underneath him, my toes curling as I edge closer to an orgasm that's going to wipe me out.
“Fuck, that's, Jesus, I'm so close, Spock, I'm going to come, you're making me . . . I'm coming, I'm, fuck, no, please . . . ”
I whine in annoyance as his mouth leaves my skin again, but then his tongue's rasping at my slit, his lips fastening around me and I look down once at his dark head moving over my cock before my climax hits me hard, my ass clenching and my body arching off the bed into his mouth as I curse, grunt and come in his mouth so hard I see stars. He starts to suck, his warm purr starting up once more as I unload into his throat and curse harder, louder, that vibrating hum coaxing another hot spurt out of my pulsating dick.
“Damn. Daaamn.”
A liquid glow pours into my body, my muscles melting into the bed. Spock laps at me heavily once more making me shiver then presses a soft kiss at the tip before moving up to lie next to me, his hand stroking over my chest. My arm muscles feel all fuzzy as I reach up to touch his cheek, thumbing over his cheekbone as his eyes look down into mine, afterglow and love making me feel drunk as I give him a woozy smile.
“For someone new to personal, hands-on experience of the human male's sexual characteristics, I've got to say you displayed an innate, not to say, impressive understanding of their workings.”
He nuzzles into my ear, so much more tactile than I'd ever hoped or expected. “The ability to attain knowledge and the application of that knowledge in practice is paramount to the Vulcan self.”
“Just when I think I couldn't be more in love with you . . .”
I tug him down into a deep kiss, sighing at the taste of my cum on his tongue, turning into his body to wrap an arm around him and stroke my fingers up and down his back. It's lazy and slow, all of my urgency swallowed neatly by Spock, but he shudders and moans a little into my mouth when I trace a circle over his asscheek then allow my fingers to dip into his buttcrack, trailing through a fine, peachy fuzz there as his tongue thrusts into my mouth harder. Oh yeah. He's not done yet.
“How about me making my own scientific study?”
He keeps rubbing his face over mine, into my neck, trailing his nose over my skin and behind my ear. “You are not too fatigued?”
“That depends.”
“On?”
I reach down between us to thread my fingers through his bush, as soft and silken as the gleaming black threads tickling my neck as he breathes into my ear and makes me shiver in pleasure. “On how long you're likely to take. The spirit is willing but the flesh is definitely weak . . .”
A huff of amusement sends the same crackle of awareness down my neck. “If you are capable of sustaining a few minutes' activity -”
“I'm on it. Lay back and allow me to work my magic.”
Spock shifts into the middle of the bed, looking up at me with no hint of self-consciousness as I push myself up with a groan, straddle his legs and stroke down over his chest with both hands.
“If I'd had any idea you looked like this under your uniform, I'd have gotten myself kidnapped and poisoned a fuck of a lot sooner.”
“An unusual method of courtship.”
I lean down to kiss his hipbones one by one, rubbing my nose into his lighty-furred, tight gut before licking into his belly button.
“So long as it worked.”
“It did.”
There's a smile in his voice as his fingers stroke through my hair, his legs shifting wider beneath me as I move down further, inhaling his clean scent, a hint of musk to it that makes my mouth start to water. Then I take his cock in my hand, admiring the faint green flush on the pale skin, how hard he is, how wet, a clear fluid weeping freely from a piss slit that's the same as mine. But he's bigger than me, the head of his dick heavier with a pronounced flare, the ridge of his glans echoed in ripples of hard flesh below and he gasps, thrusting upwards with his hips as I trace them with my tongue. It's been awhile since I've tackled anything this big but I open my lips wide to suck him into my mouth.
“Yes, oh, yes, Jim.”
His fingers tighten in my hair then release as I suckle deeper, wanting more of his taste, which is pure and strangely sweet, none of the intense salt I'd expect with this amount of pre-cum. It's pouring out of him now as he hikes his hips towards my mouth, fucking deeper into me as I fight to let him in. I grab the base of his cock so I can work my hand on him, too, stroking down with my other through his soft fuzz, grunting in surprise when I find nothing there but the start of a furry taint.
“My testes are located elsewhere.”
“Where?” It comes out more like Whuh, muffled as it is around his cock.
“A subject for another day's study.”
“Aww. Mmhm.”
I'm getting into a rhythm now, pumping my head on him as I twist my hand towards my mouth, stroking down further between his cheeks with my finger. No balls to play with, I've only got one other place to aim for, pushing Spock's thigh further away as I find and rub over a tight asshole that clenches hard, his cock twitching against my tongue.
“Ohh!”
Wow, I made Spock shout. It makes me grin around his dick and suck harder, screwing my fingertip into his tight hole that suddenly pushes out and relaxes, enabling me to sink in up to my knuckle. He's moaning now, his legs shaking under my arms, his fingers furiously clutching at my head as he fucks into my mouth harder and faster, and without warning he goes rigid under me, the tip of his dick swelling before his cum hits the back of my throat. It's thick, thicker than mine but less of it, one then two heavy globs as a sweet, delicately spiced flavor fills my mouth. He's delicious and I suck hard wanting more, milking him into my mouth as his asshole spasms around my knuckle.
But he's not going soft, still thrusting gently into my mouth as if he wants more. I start to experimentally finger-fuck him, the different taste of his pre-cum mixing now with his cum as he groans and pushes back onto my hand. Guess we're not done yet. I'm tiring now, working my hand more than my mouth as I jack him off and lap at the tip of his dick, finding which areas make him clutch at my head and gasp. Once I've discovered it's at the base of his glans where he's most sensitive, I start to suck there, rubbing him with my lips and the flat surfaces of my teeth as he hisses and grows bigger in my hand. I'm ready for it this time as his body tightens once more, his asshole a tight ring of steel around my thrusting finger as he moans a last time and shoots another thick mass of cum against my lips.
“Enough, thank you.” He's barely out of breath, his fingers tenderly stroking back my hair where it's too long and falling into my eyes. Bastard. I'd be a sweating mess if I'd come twice, but he's looking at me in perfect serenity as I lick his cum off my lips and smile up at him.
“Good?”
“I am currently unable to recall appropriate superlatives so, yes, I will settle for 'good', but it does not come close.”
Looks like I managed to fry his circuits after all. My limbs are too heavy as I haul myself up to lie next to him again, playing with his chest hair as I kiss him, rub my nose against his then collapse onto my back, his arm under my neck.
“I think I'm ready to sleep for a week. Are you going to stay?”
“Would you like me to?”
“That's not answering my question but, yeah, I would.”
Another first. I like a post-coital snuggle as much as the next person but have always preferred to sleep alone, sprawling like a starfish over every available inch of space.
“Then I will stay.”
“Mm. Good.” It takes up the last of my remaining energy reserves to turn into him, throwing an arm over his hip and rubbing my face into his chest. “I love you.”
“As I love you.”
It seems unbelievable after so long that this is real, but I can feel it from him, love in the relaxed caress of his fingers and the dry kiss pressed against my forehead. I yawn and order the lights off as Spock reaches over me to draw the covers over us both. I've never felt so cocooned, so completely sated, or so totally happy. I'm smiling as I breathe him in and allow a drugged sleep to sweep over me like warm velvet.
Pairings: Kirk/Spock
Rating: NC-17
Length: 8k
For: awarrington ♥ and all my other awesome feedbackers
Warnings: None
Summary: The Enterprise crew makes contact with a planet where an all-male society thinks they're sexual catnip, and decides to keep and marry them all against their will
A/N: I've also posted Part 8 today, read that first.
“I miss him. There, I said it.” Scotty hugs his whiskey bottle harder and sighs. “Stupid, I know. He was a riot sometimes.”
“That's not stupid.” Ren leans across a dozying Drury to drunkenly pat Scotty on the shoulder in comfort. “I miss Posd every minute. If that tritanium shit wasn't so toxic, I'd have seriously considered resigning from Fleet and staying. How stupid is that? Giving up everything for a guy I'd known a month?”
“No, I get you. I do.” Scotty nods solemnly, reaching up to touch Ren's hand with his own. “Wanted to suggest that Srash came with us but Doc here 'splained that they can't live without the stuff much as we can't live with it. Either way, love's lethal.”
'Doc here' has finally passed out, his head dropping back to the couch beside me with a snore. I smack Chekov on the arm and psst! at him till he passes the bottle of vodka over. Some Welcome Back party, Bones has been hovering over my shoulder the whole night so far, so I've only managed to sneak a few sips of the real thing in between glasses of the kids' stuff. I take a glug and point the bottle at Scotty.
“Thanks. 'Love', Mr. Scott?”
“Weel, there's lotsa diff'rent types of love, Jimmy.”
“So you're talking just a physical thing?” I take another heavy swallow worried Bones will wake up soon for round two, but the awareness of Spock has been biting at me all evening, a feeling that his eyes are on me although he's never looking my way when I check, and I need a proper booze buzz to knock it back.
“I wouldnae say that. Meetin' of minds, maybe. Srash did love his machines.”
“Posd liked working out as much as I do. He could bench press me.” Ren's eyes get all dopey-looking. “And I'd let him.”
“Scads was happy. All the time, just always cheerful and smiling, excited about everything.” Drury rouses himself long enough to join in. “I've never met anybody like that. Always happy. You'd think it'd be annoying but it wasn't. It was like being back at the Academy.”
“Sorry guys. Wish it could've worked out better for everyone.” I feel humbled, not having realized that an escape from Ping could be anything other than a lucky escape. It reminds me I've got so much to learn about empathizing with others, putting myself in the place of my men rather than charging forwards and onwards all the damn time.
“Ach, s'okay, sir. 'Least we're still breathing, eh? Down to you, and none of us can thank you enough. Here's ta ye, sir.”
“I'm glad to be back, gentlemen. To our health, now that it's ours once more. “
We all knock back a shot, Chekov grabbing the vodka back and tossing it down like was water, his eyes no longer totally focused when he looks my way to return it.
“How about you, Mr. Spock?” I look at him over Ren's shoulder where he's separated himself from the party a small distance, choosing to sit at my desk rather than sprawl on the floor like Chekov and Scotty. “Missing Sneck and Padnus?”
“Not at this time, Captain.” He's enjoying this, our relaxed, slightly-drunk chatter that's leading wherever it wants to go. I don't know how I know this is fun for him, as he could be in a procedural review right now, sitting as upright and composed as ever, but I know. “May I ask if you yourself have experienced any yearning for your titular spouse?”
“Ooh, that's a toughie.” I tap the neck of the vodka bottle on my chin, acting like I'm having to think about it. “Kind of miss that bathroom. Otherwise, I'll think I'll have to say no.”
“I miss Paznus. I didn't zhink zat I would, but he was kind and listened to me. And it has not been so good, being back here.” Chekov sighs. “All I wanted was to be back home and, now zat I am, it's a mess.”
His voice cracks on the last word, half-laugh, half-groan, blinking back tears as he looks up at the ceiling in my quarters.
“Yeah? Want to talk about it?”
“Aye, git it off yer chest. S'what we're here for.”
“I don't know.” He wipes his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt, sniffing like he's embarrassed. “It's personal.”
“You shouldn't have to keep anything from us. Look at what we all went through together. We got married together. Hell, you've seen the Captain in a thong. What's left to hide?”
“Thank you for that, Lieutenant.”
Ren mock-salutes me. “Anytime, sir. What gives?”
“Zere was someone I thought zat . . . a friend.” He rests his face in his hands, pressing the balls of his palms into each eye socket, his words muffled into his sleeves. “I was stupid enough to zhink we were moving towards somezhing, but now I'm back and he doesn't speak to me, or barely. Doesn't look at me.”
“It's early days yet.” I pass him back the booze, figuring he might need it more than me. “Maybe your friend,” Sulu. It's Sulu. The whole damn ship knows it's Sulu. “Doesn't know the right thing to say, so he says nothing.”
Chekov makes a frustrated grunt into the bottle as he finishes half-draining it in one swig. “I know zhis. I do.”
“So make the first move and say something to him instead.”
“Like what? I don't know! Ech, it's too complicated.”
“Tell him you need to talk to him. Tell him you miss him.”
“I can't.”
“Sure you can.”
“What's stopping ye?”
Chekov doesn't say anything, staring mutely into his arms as he sniffles and shakes his head. I touch his back lightly to let him know I'm there and that I give a shit, and my mouth opens and speaks without me thinking because I'm there with him, hopeless over someone without a clue of what to do about it.
“Pride. Fear. Desperation. And that simple, crazy hope that if you leave it long enough without saying a word, you won't have to and that they'll say it for you. The freedom of hope sustains us.”
“I'll drink tae that.”
“You'd drink to anything.”
But we all toss back another shot, Scotty throwing a fatherly arm around Chekov's shoulders. “Cheer up, wee lad. Look at it this way - you'd be dead by now if we'd stayed.”
Ren snorts, an impressive noise that temporarily rouses Drury again. “Remind me not to come to your place next time I'm feeling depressed about something.”
“No, no, see, look, we've got nuthin' to lose. Righ'? It's our second chance. It's our duty to make it work this time, a free shot, y'know? A do-over. Think if you'd died down there and never had the chance to see him again. He'd have been left wondering if you had feelings for him at all, or if it was just in his head. Would ye want that?”
Chekov shakes his head morosely. “No.”
“'Way I see it, someone's given us the chance to put things righ'. And now you're good 'n' steamin' it's the best time.”
“Now? Oh, no. I don't zhink so.”
“Mr. Scott's got a point.” Ren clinks his beer to Scotty's whiskey bottle. “Turn up at his door, declare yourself then pass out on his bed. If he doesn't return your feelings in the morning, you can blame it on the vodka and move on. But if he does, you'll get one helluva hangover cure.”
“I suppose. Keptin? What do you zhink? I should go now?”
Pavel's eyes are huge and trusting, and I shouldn't advise him on personal crap like this when I haven't got a clue what I'm doing myself. But the vodka's warming the pit of my newly-healed belly and I'm tired of it myself, carrying around this constant longing for someone who could be so much more than a friend.
“What I think is that we owe it to ourselves to be brave enough to take a chance. If I'd died without seeing - ” I stop myself just in time. “If I'd died without loving the way I want to, without being true to myself or those I care for, it would've been a damn shame. I know if I'd never taken a chance at a better life, I'd be rotting in a jail in Iowa somewhere shacked up with a 'husband' a damn sight scarier than Sextus. You shouldn't live life afraid of what might happen if you dare to dream of something better. You can't. But only you know if he's worth taking the risk of getting hurt. Is he?”
A brilliant smile as Chekov sniffs the last of his tears away and nods his head enthusiastically. “Oh yes. Wery much so. He is . . . I have never known anyone like him.”
I don't know what draws my attention to him as he doesn't seem to have moved from his position at my desk chair, his hands folded neatly on the one clear space on my desk, but something makes me look at Spock, and what I find almost makes me drop the vodka bottle into my lap. His eyes are fixed on me, the same intensity that I thought I saw when I woke in Sextus's bed and thought I was dreaming of Spock watching us. He knows. Dammit, he knows, must've picked it up off my skin the night of the public wrestling when I grabbed, just as I suspected. Maybe he knew that I was in love with him before I did. I give him a small, helpless smile of apology and his line of sight drops as he blinks slowly at his hands then looks at me again. If I didn't know better, I'd swear my lungs are struggling again with the air in here. I can't stop looking at Spock, even as Scotty staggers to his feet and pulls Pavel up with him, and Spock doesn't take his eyes from mine.
“If he's that great, what the hell are you doing sittin' in here with us old bastards? Git away w'ye.”
“I think it's time we all got some sleep.” It's almost physically painful to stop looking at him and pay the others some attention. “Thanks for the party, it was just what I needed, but I've got to rest up.”
“Of course, sir.”
“Nae problemo, sir. Ren 'n' me'll get the doc into his bed.”
“Whu?” Bones half-wakes and squints at me blearily over Ren's ass as he's picked up and manhandled over Ren's shoulder. “Party's over?”
“Think so.”
“Then you gotta eat somethin' before bed. Soak up all that Russian ditchwater. Have some dry toast and some milk. Goddamn sneaky bastard, can't fool me.”
“No, I can't. Never could.” I slap him on the ass and start to wave the men out. “Sleep well, guys. I'll make sure I see you all before I leave. Best of luck, Ensign, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.”
He blushes and grins, swaying through the door behind Drury. If I hadn't seen him manage it easily before several times in the past, I'd swear that amount of vodka would have him passing out cold halfway to Sulu's quarters.
“Night, Captain.”
“Good night, Ren. Doctor.”
“Good evening, Captain.”
“Not you.” I fix Spock with a stare and wait till the door's closed next to us to say another word. “You and I need to talk.”
“It would not be wise to delay a necessary physical rest period.”
“I slept the whole damn day away, I'm fine. Sit.”
“Do you intend to follow Doctor McCoy's instructions?”
“Jesus, Spock, quit changing the subject and sit down.”
“My apologies. I was not aware we had settled upon a subject for discourse.” But Spock sits anyway, back on the corner of the couchette where he'd been perched this morning.
“Bullshit. And, while we're at it, that's three lies now. Yeah, I'm keeping a list.”
I get wriggle to get comfy in my chair, my ass and torso bonier than they used to be so I'm less cushioned and am noticing the difference in comfort. I order the temperature in the room up a couple of degrees as I'm getting tired now whatever I tell Spock, and the thin t-shirt and old sweats aren't quite enough to keep me comfortably warm.
“I did not lie when I informed you that I was unable to meet for a chess match this evening.” I smile at how he instantly knows what I'm talking about. “I informed you that I was otherwise engaged.”
“You misled me on purpose.”
“I do not believe that I did.”
“And if I'd asked you exactly what was otherwise engaging you?”
Spock has got to have the greatest poker face in the galaxy. “There is no inherent merit in postulating on the possible outcomes of that which has passed. You did not ask me so it is unlikely that we will ever know what my answer may have been.”
“Man, you're slippy.” I've managed to find a comfortable spot in my chair, my legs folded under me, my hips hiked forward so I'm sitting with my head leaning back against its arm. The perfect position to open my mouth and dive in, no second thoughts. “I missed you.”
The air thickens again, my heart feeling like it's blocking the base of my throat. Spock barely reacts, but his voice is different when he speaks, lower and more hesitant than usual. “Over the past fourteen months of serving as your first officer, and in becoming your friend, I have grown accustomed to your company and so too noted its absence.”
“Flatterer. You know what I want to talk about?”
“Not precisely, no. I understand that it is a personal matter.”
“Yeah, you could say that. You told me before, back on Ping, that you can't always shield yourself from the transfer of, how did you put it?”
“'Urgent matters of emotional conveyance'. I recall the conversation.”
“What have you picked up from me, about what I feel about you? Especially when I grabbed your arm at the wrestling. Tell me straight, no disingenuous scooting around the sides of the matter. I need to know.”
“You are certain this is a matter you wish to discuss openly?”
“I am.”
A nod, no sign that he's at all uncomfortable with talking about this. “Very well. I have been aware for eleven months and seventeen days that you regularly display signs of sexual desire towards my person. Pupil dilation when we are in close proximity, an apparent desire to increase the instances of physical proximity, increased rate of breathing, the unconscious wetting of your lips when you are looking at me directly. Genital tumescence following instances where we have been in prolonged physical contact.”
“Shit. I'm that obvious? Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“You did not.” Vulcans do not experience emotional discomfort, I can almost hear it. I don't believe him. “On the incident you referred to, during our first visit to the Great Ring and your confrontation with Sneck, I was left with an impression during our brief contact of your sexual jealously of my Pingian husbands, in addition to an overwhelming concern towards me. It merely confirmed that which I had already observed for myself.”
“Yeah. Thought so.” This is turning out to be more humiliating than I'd expected, and I always thought it was going to be pretty bad. “Again, sorry. What else?”
“Apologies are unnecessary, Jim. I am an adult and so am able to contend with being sexually desired by others.”
“Of course, I mean, look at you. You didn't get anything else? You haven't noticed anything else about my behavior towards you? Has it changed recently?”
The familiar crease appears between his eyebrows. “I have no reason to believe that you have ceased to physically desire me. However . . .”
“'However' . . . ?”
“It is merely supposition on my part.”
“Suppose away.”
Spock's eyes meet mine, full of confusion and uncertainty, his placid demeanor beginning to crack. “I stress that my opinions on this subject are non-objective. But when the former Sen was attempting to asphyxiate me, you offered to exchange your life for mine. Earlier this morning within these quarters, you exhibited signs of an anger with me that I sensed originated in an unspoken issue other than simply the question of my withholding information from you.”
“You should trust your instincts, they're as smart as the rest of you.” Come on, Spock, get there. Tell me you know. Make this easier. “Anything else?”
“Your words to Ensign Chekov this evening.”
“Go on.”
“I must explain that you were - are not alone in your desire, which is returned.”
“I'm not? It is?” This is news to me. Big news. Couldn't be bigger.
“It is, but I have no intention of entering a purely sexual relationship.”
I'm kind of flailing in my chair, my arms not quite strong enough to push me up as fast as I'd like, trying to untangle my legs, my pulse jumping in excitement. “Why the hell not? If you're experiencing half the, uh, erotic energy that I am, things could get wild between us. We're well-matched and we already know we get along. Most of the time.”
“As I move further into maturity, I find myself drawn to the Vulcan ideal of a fully-bonded partnership of equals, someone whose mind I would come to know as well as my own. A permanent joining of selves as opposed to a temporary sexual liaison. I did not think you capable of such a level of commitment.”
“Oh.”
Ain't that a kick in the nuts? My semi wilts as I watch him stare at the floor in front of his boots. I'm trembling, too much at risk here, too much to say and no way of saying it now I know he thinks I'm too flighty to bother with. But he must pick up on the disappointment in my tone, the one I tried to hide, because he looks up at me again, his eyes softening in that way they have with me that I've never seen him do with anyone else.
“I should have made it more apparent that I had not previously thought you would ever seek that manner of joining. But you offered your life for my own, and this evening spoke of wishing to love the way you want to and of dreaming of something better for yourself than that which has gone before. It has made me question my judgment in the matter.”
“Spock.”
“Yes, Jim?”
“It's what I what.”
A pause. “Please specify what precisely it is that you want.”
“All of that, everything you just said. Equals, bonding, the whole shebang.” Everything in me warms. My dick, my body, my face where I feel a tide of heat swamping my cheeks. My chest, which fills with overwhelming emotion in a sweeping river I can't hold back. “I'm in love with you. I'm not sure I could deal with a purely sexual relationship, either. I'm not saying I wouldn't be willing to try but, honestly? It would never be enough. I want you. All of you, all of it.”
He nods solemnly and I laugh, filled up with a heady energy now I've actually said it out loud. “A nod? That's it?”
“Do you recognize what it is that I am asking for?”
“I think I do. A forever thing. You and me versus the galaxy.” He eyebrows me sarcastically and I laugh again, “Am I wrong?”
“A curiously belligerent choice of description but, yes, Jim.” The smallest hint of a heartbreaking smile. “A forever thing.”
“Then that's what I want, if you do. With me, I mean. You haven't indicated that you're interested in me like that.”
“If you are certain that you understand the form of relationship you are agreeing to, then I am. I have spoken of bonding before to a person who said they understood when it later became apparent that they did not.”
“Uhura?” He nods again, his mouth pinched, and I tamp down a fierce stab of jealousy. “I'm sorry.”
“The end of my relationship with Nyota was a positive move for us both, as we were not as well-matched as we had first believed. Whereas I have known you long enough now to be certain . . .”
“Say it. Please, just quit torturing me and say it already.”
Then he looks at me and he doesn't need to say it, all of it blazing out of his expressive eyes. “That I love you, and want you, and will never stop. That I hold you in higher esteem than all others, that your intellectual and moral qualities are as appealing as your physical attributes, and that I would be at your side until death claims us both, and beyond.”
Holy shit. I think my heart actually stopped for a beat or two there. “You're way too far away. Get over here. Right now.”
Spock takes a considered look at where I'm sitting. “That chair is designed for sole occupancy. This couch is not.”
“I'm still weak.”
“Which would indicate a need for light physical activity.”
“I'm the captain.”
“You are currently on inactive duty due to authorized medical leave.”
“Fuck. You know, I'm just realizing this means I'm never going to get to win petty fights. Sudden second thoughts . . .”
But I push myself up from out the chair, my legs wobbly as a newborn lamb, my cock already starting to tent out my old sweatpants. I've felt more attractive in my life and never cared less. Before I take two steps towards the couchette, Spock's standing and moving towards me, my breath catching as I realize that nothing this significant will ever happen to me again. This is the one, my last first kiss. His long, dry fingers take mine, lifting my hand with his as he stands close enough that his boots meet my bare toes.
“Then I will aim to always meet you at the center, thus negating the need for 'petty fights' in the first instance.”
I can't stop smiling, his fingers sliding through mine as we lock eyes and drink each other in, free to do so openly. “You planning to kiss me anytime soon? Or are you the coy sort who likes to have the moves laid on him?”
“I am kissing you.” He lifts my hand higher, both of us looking at our laced fingers as his continue to delicately caress mine. “This is how Vulcan bondmates express affection. It is somewhat audacious of me to initiate such a gesture prior to our bonding taking place.”
“You big slut.”
“Indeed.”
There's a light dancing in his eyes, his mouth inches from mine as I reach up with my other hand to brush over his cheekbone, his lower eyelashes soft as the finest fur against my thumb. I've never wanted anyone more, never adored every breath out of someone's body like I do with him. Nobody's ever come close. I curl my fingers around his neck, the texture of his hair as silken as I've ever imagined, and I press my mouth against his.
Damn, I'm in trouble. Just a simple closed-mouth kiss and I'm lost, his lips a perfect mix of softness and strength, my kiss returned with a calibrated precision that makes my mouth go dry and my dick harden to the point where it's starting to nudge at the waistband of my shorts. I close my eyes and open my mouth to trace between his lips with my tongue, and his pushes back against mine, rougher and drier, a tangible difference that shoots a jet of heat through my nuts, up my spine, sending my asshole into a frantic clench as his tongue licks around my top lip and I imagine how those harsher papillae would feel if it ever decided to make a trip butt-wards.
I grunt into his mouth thinking about it and his arms go around me to hold me tight into that whipcord body of his. He's almost holding me up, my legs giving way as I cling to him, fingers tight in his hair as I suck at his rough tongue and rub against his thigh, desperate already for more friction. I'm too hungry for the sharp metallic tang of his mouth, Spock's hands molding the small of my back and I grunt again, totally approving as they slide down further to cup my asscheeks and hold me against him so firmly that I can feel him now, a long, rock-hard protrusion at my stomach.
“Bed.”
I'm panting into his mouth, our noses rubbing before we kiss again, Spock taking the lead this time as he tugs me back into him and thrusts into my mouth, a shudder running through him as I slide my tongue over his. Then I bite at his bottom lip, that pouty fucker that's been torturing me for months, sucking it into my mouth as he shivers again and hikes his hips against mine.
“I mean it. Bed.”
His forehead's against mine, his breath coming in short, sharp bursts and his eyes heavy and unfocused. “You need to sleep.”
“I'll sleep the sleep of kings once we're done.”
“Jim, your physical recovery is important to me, as it should be to you.”
“We don't have to swing from the light fittings. Nothing too energetic, but stay. I need this.” I stroke his neck with my thumb, over his Adam's apple then down, catching on the neck of his shirts as I slide my hand flat over his taut chest and stomach to press against his erection. He closes his eyes and his breath stutters as I rub at him gently. “We'll take it easy tonight, I promise.”
“Then allow me to assist with conserving your remaining strength for where it may best be applied.”
I hoot in surprised laughter as he sweeps me up into his arms. “Fuck! Forget it, I feel stupid. Down.”
“You are sure?” He nuzzles into my ear following it with a stroke of that tongue, his breath sending quivers of arousal down my neck which he follows with his mouth as he begins to carry me towards the bed.
“No, not sure. Ooh. Okay, yeah, I'm good with this. Just this once.”
If it were me carrying someone like this, blindly as I kissed them deep and strode towards the bed, I'd trip over something and dump them into a book shelf or something. Not Spock, his footsteps sure and steady as his tongue curls around mine, his arms cradling me against him with ease until we get to my mussed-up bed. The bed in which I've spent plenty of dark nights imagining him throwing me down into with a feral growl and pinning me there, but tonight he's considerate, easing me down softly as his mouth finds mine again. When I eventually pull away I'm standing between his legs, my ass supported by the bed as I press against him, trailing my lips along the sharp angle of his jaw.
“I'm not going to break apart. Don't feel you have to take it too easy.”
He tilts his head into my caresses, humming with a pleased, thrumming sound as I suck on his earlobe, his hands lifting the bottom of my t-shirt to slide across the skin of my back. “We will have the chance for more vigorous love-making once you are fully recuperated. I will attend to you tonight.”
“No. Everything you do, I also get to do. A partnership of equals, remember?”
“Jim . . .” The glide of Spock's fingers over my naked skin is making it tough to concentrate on anything he's saying. “You so often refuse to accommodate your own frailties where you would accept them without question in others. If you will not mind your own needs, then the responsibility to do so falls on those of us who care for you. You will rest. You will recover, and you will return to me whole.”
“Talk about your unilateral decisions.” I can't stop touching him, tugging at his hips as he pulls the t-shirt up over my head, his hair brushing my neck as he bends to kiss there and along to my shoulder. “Don't go getting too used to me doing what I'm told.”
“Pursuing a course of action I recognize as futile would be illogical.” His thumbs brush over my nipples as sharp teeth nip at the skin of my shoulder and I gasp, starting to tug at his shirts.
“I compromised on who gets to do what. Does that mean I can get you to speed things up?”
Spock's mouth pauses on me, his thumbs stopping their circular motion over my chest. “I was led to believe that humans value a lengthy period of sexual foreplay.”
Hah. Score one for Uhura.
“Some of us do and, at the right time, it can be awesome, but I'm more of a 'jump on the pony and ride it' type of guy.” I rut against him, groaning as the tip of my dick pushes past my waistband, the extra friction and Spock's breath on my skin driving me crazy. “I want to see all of you, I've wanted it so long that a minute more's too much.”
“One minute?”
Lead by example, something Admiral Pike's always reminding me. Not sure he had this in mind, but I push my shorts and sweats down, kicking them off and grinning at the way Spock's cheeks delicately flush, his eyes narrowing as he looks at my dick, which makes it jump upwards wanting his touch. “And not a second longer. Come on. I'm waiting.”
I push the rumpled covers back and recline on my bed, propping my head on one hand to watch as Spock efficiently strips out of first his Science blues, folding the shirt neatly and laying it on the top of my nightstand.
“Tick tock, Mr. Spock.”
“I have forty three point six seconds remaining.” He perches on the end of the bed and I rub over his back with my foot, him glancing at me under his armpit as he leans down to tug off his boots and socks one by one, lining them up beneath us in no apparent rush. “Thirty two point three seconds.”
“I'm digging the countdown. It's like you're a bomb waiting to go off.” He tugs off his undershirt and my throat constricts as all that fine chest hair's revealed, my cock beginning to drool against my stomach. “A really sexy bomb.”
“Twenty eight seconds precisely.”
He stands to open his pants, pushing his way out of them gracefully with none of the hurried fluster there would've been had it been me. They're folded and placed on top of the growing pile on my nightstand as I tongue at the corner of my lips, noticing how his shorts are clinging to his long dick, an impressive wet patch already forming on the fabric at its tip. I don't give a fuck what he says, I need to have him in my mouth tonight. There are some things that can't wait till morning and that's one of them.
“I am in possession of a full sixteen seconds with which to remove my underwear.” He's beyond hot, tall, lean, lightly-muscled and furred to perfection, as breathtaking as he was soaking wet and climbing out of my bathing pool. “Do you wish me to expedite the matter or utilize my full allotment?”
“Come here. Let me.”
There's always that one moment when you feel someone against you skin to skin for the first time. I lean back and take him with me, Spock lowering himself over me, his legs sliding between mine as we start to kiss again, his dry skin moving over mine, his chest hair a hundred small caresses forcing a low, guttural groan out of my mouth and into his as my eyes roll back in my head. Then a similar, answering grumble rises out of his throat and it hits me, that with this much contact going on he must be picking up how turned on I am by him. I slide my hands down his back and into his shorts, cupping his asscheeks and pulling him tight against my cock to leave him in no doubt.
His ass was built for me, fitting into my hands perfectly as I knead his buttcheeks, the one soft part of anatomy on him. I dig my fingers in and suck at his throat as Spock somehow realizes how sensitive my ears are, tracing its whorls with the tip of his tongue before gently biting around its rim. Or maybe he's just got as much of a hard-on for my ears as I do for his, and I shove his shorts down, taking them the rest of the way with my foot and kicking them to the end of the bed so I've got my hands free for everything I want to touch on him.
I run my fingertips along the curved points of his ears, earning me a tilt of his head into it and a muffled purr against my neck. Down over his broad, strong shoulders to his chest, pushing at him until he raises up enough for me to start rubbing my nose in his fuzz as I comb through it with my fingers.
“God, Spock, you're so fucking beautiful.”
He catches my eye with a half-smile, his mouth quirking, his eyes alight. “A term that has never been applied to me before, to my knowledge.”
“Oh, trust me, it has. Maybe not to your face, which is a damn shame. You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.”
“No.” He bites at my ear, his lips causing shocks to tingle outwards and into every part of me. “You have looked into a mirror in your lifetime. What you have seen there is beyond comparison.”
Nerve endings are singing all over my body wherever he's touching me, his cock slick and heavy against mine as we fuck against each other slowly, a grind that's fast making me mindless. I kiss him again, hungry for his flavor as I pinch at his nipples, Spock gasping into my mouth and pulling away to start to kiss at my neck, working down over my collarbones, my chest, that rough tongue rasping over one of mine heavily.
“This is a friendly warning - I'm already close. Don't take your time.”
“Very well.”
A kiss at my other nipple, then his hands push me firmly back to the bed as he hikes an eyebrow at me, licks his lips, then moves down to trace a long line down my belly towards my groin, his shining hair flopping forward over my fingers as I reach to stroke through it. Then he gets level with my dick and I close my eyes waiting for the first touch of his mouth on me. It doesn't immediately arrive.
“Fascinating.”
“ . . . Huh?”
I open my eyes just as he touches one curious finger to my nutsack, stroking through the hairs and over the wrinkled skin.
“I was, of course, aware of the sexual characteristics of human males, but I have never observed them at such close quarters.”
He's not kidding. “This is not the time to satisfy your scientific curiosity.”
“One moment, please.”
He leans in and then I feel it, my legs dropping apart further as I feel the harsh touch of his tongue drawing circles over my balls, which draw up tight as I moan and let my head fall back to the pillow.
“Damn, that feels good.”
“Interesting. The pheromonal component of your sweat is notably stronger here.”
“I swear to God, Spock - Ohh, okay.”
His mouth closes over one of my nuts, sucking softly as my dick twitches and flexes across my stomach. I reach down to start jerking off, getting needy now, but he brushes my hand away and wraps his strong fingers tightly around me, jacking my dick slowly as he continues to suck and lick at my balls until I'm squirming underneath him, my toes curling as I edge closer to an orgasm that's going to wipe me out.
“Fuck, that's, Jesus, I'm so close, Spock, I'm going to come, you're making me . . . I'm coming, I'm, fuck, no, please . . . ”
I whine in annoyance as his mouth leaves my skin again, but then his tongue's rasping at my slit, his lips fastening around me and I look down once at his dark head moving over my cock before my climax hits me hard, my ass clenching and my body arching off the bed into his mouth as I curse, grunt and come in his mouth so hard I see stars. He starts to suck, his warm purr starting up once more as I unload into his throat and curse harder, louder, that vibrating hum coaxing another hot spurt out of my pulsating dick.
“Damn. Daaamn.”
A liquid glow pours into my body, my muscles melting into the bed. Spock laps at me heavily once more making me shiver then presses a soft kiss at the tip before moving up to lie next to me, his hand stroking over my chest. My arm muscles feel all fuzzy as I reach up to touch his cheek, thumbing over his cheekbone as his eyes look down into mine, afterglow and love making me feel drunk as I give him a woozy smile.
“For someone new to personal, hands-on experience of the human male's sexual characteristics, I've got to say you displayed an innate, not to say, impressive understanding of their workings.”
He nuzzles into my ear, so much more tactile than I'd ever hoped or expected. “The ability to attain knowledge and the application of that knowledge in practice is paramount to the Vulcan self.”
“Just when I think I couldn't be more in love with you . . .”
I tug him down into a deep kiss, sighing at the taste of my cum on his tongue, turning into his body to wrap an arm around him and stroke my fingers up and down his back. It's lazy and slow, all of my urgency swallowed neatly by Spock, but he shudders and moans a little into my mouth when I trace a circle over his asscheek then allow my fingers to dip into his buttcrack, trailing through a fine, peachy fuzz there as his tongue thrusts into my mouth harder. Oh yeah. He's not done yet.
“How about me making my own scientific study?”
He keeps rubbing his face over mine, into my neck, trailing his nose over my skin and behind my ear. “You are not too fatigued?”
“That depends.”
“On?”
I reach down between us to thread my fingers through his bush, as soft and silken as the gleaming black threads tickling my neck as he breathes into my ear and makes me shiver in pleasure. “On how long you're likely to take. The spirit is willing but the flesh is definitely weak . . .”
A huff of amusement sends the same crackle of awareness down my neck. “If you are capable of sustaining a few minutes' activity -”
“I'm on it. Lay back and allow me to work my magic.”
Spock shifts into the middle of the bed, looking up at me with no hint of self-consciousness as I push myself up with a groan, straddle his legs and stroke down over his chest with both hands.
“If I'd had any idea you looked like this under your uniform, I'd have gotten myself kidnapped and poisoned a fuck of a lot sooner.”
“An unusual method of courtship.”
I lean down to kiss his hipbones one by one, rubbing my nose into his lighty-furred, tight gut before licking into his belly button.
“So long as it worked.”
“It did.”
There's a smile in his voice as his fingers stroke through my hair, his legs shifting wider beneath me as I move down further, inhaling his clean scent, a hint of musk to it that makes my mouth start to water. Then I take his cock in my hand, admiring the faint green flush on the pale skin, how hard he is, how wet, a clear fluid weeping freely from a piss slit that's the same as mine. But he's bigger than me, the head of his dick heavier with a pronounced flare, the ridge of his glans echoed in ripples of hard flesh below and he gasps, thrusting upwards with his hips as I trace them with my tongue. It's been awhile since I've tackled anything this big but I open my lips wide to suck him into my mouth.
“Yes, oh, yes, Jim.”
His fingers tighten in my hair then release as I suckle deeper, wanting more of his taste, which is pure and strangely sweet, none of the intense salt I'd expect with this amount of pre-cum. It's pouring out of him now as he hikes his hips towards my mouth, fucking deeper into me as I fight to let him in. I grab the base of his cock so I can work my hand on him, too, stroking down with my other through his soft fuzz, grunting in surprise when I find nothing there but the start of a furry taint.
“My testes are located elsewhere.”
“Where?” It comes out more like Whuh, muffled as it is around his cock.
“A subject for another day's study.”
“Aww. Mmhm.”
I'm getting into a rhythm now, pumping my head on him as I twist my hand towards my mouth, stroking down further between his cheeks with my finger. No balls to play with, I've only got one other place to aim for, pushing Spock's thigh further away as I find and rub over a tight asshole that clenches hard, his cock twitching against my tongue.
“Ohh!”
Wow, I made Spock shout. It makes me grin around his dick and suck harder, screwing my fingertip into his tight hole that suddenly pushes out and relaxes, enabling me to sink in up to my knuckle. He's moaning now, his legs shaking under my arms, his fingers furiously clutching at my head as he fucks into my mouth harder and faster, and without warning he goes rigid under me, the tip of his dick swelling before his cum hits the back of my throat. It's thick, thicker than mine but less of it, one then two heavy globs as a sweet, delicately spiced flavor fills my mouth. He's delicious and I suck hard wanting more, milking him into my mouth as his asshole spasms around my knuckle.
But he's not going soft, still thrusting gently into my mouth as if he wants more. I start to experimentally finger-fuck him, the different taste of his pre-cum mixing now with his cum as he groans and pushes back onto my hand. Guess we're not done yet. I'm tiring now, working my hand more than my mouth as I jack him off and lap at the tip of his dick, finding which areas make him clutch at my head and gasp. Once I've discovered it's at the base of his glans where he's most sensitive, I start to suck there, rubbing him with my lips and the flat surfaces of my teeth as he hisses and grows bigger in my hand. I'm ready for it this time as his body tightens once more, his asshole a tight ring of steel around my thrusting finger as he moans a last time and shoots another thick mass of cum against my lips.
“Enough, thank you.” He's barely out of breath, his fingers tenderly stroking back my hair where it's too long and falling into my eyes. Bastard. I'd be a sweating mess if I'd come twice, but he's looking at me in perfect serenity as I lick his cum off my lips and smile up at him.
“Good?”
“I am currently unable to recall appropriate superlatives so, yes, I will settle for 'good', but it does not come close.”
Looks like I managed to fry his circuits after all. My limbs are too heavy as I haul myself up to lie next to him again, playing with his chest hair as I kiss him, rub my nose against his then collapse onto my back, his arm under my neck.
“I think I'm ready to sleep for a week. Are you going to stay?”
“Would you like me to?”
“That's not answering my question but, yeah, I would.”
Another first. I like a post-coital snuggle as much as the next person but have always preferred to sleep alone, sprawling like a starfish over every available inch of space.
“Then I will stay.”
“Mm. Good.” It takes up the last of my remaining energy reserves to turn into him, throwing an arm over his hip and rubbing my face into his chest. “I love you.”
“As I love you.”
It seems unbelievable after so long that this is real, but I can feel it from him, love in the relaxed caress of his fingers and the dry kiss pressed against my forehead. I yawn and order the lights off as Spock reaches over me to draw the covers over us both. I've never felt so cocooned, so completely sated, or so totally happy. I'm smiling as I breathe him in and allow a drugged sleep to sweep over me like warm velvet.