Your eyes may ache, but they will never fade, not again.
aloha all, long time not much talk from me...
not really had much to say. still dont, but im bored.
humm... Yeh ive been drinking a lot recently, its gone from £10 limit to however much i can take out of my bank account.. which isnt good, but ive had some fun recently, ok not fun, but i found normality in life, which is good.
Im quite angry with myself today, yesterday i went to college to say hi to everyone, then i left and went to work, filled in a timesheet, and due to all the subs ive taken out, im broke for the month. then i saw rani and we went shopping for a bit, then stopped off in the barrels for a few MORE drinks, i got a hangover... then at 6 it was back to mannys, where nicky was , unexpectedly.. either way she sat and chatted to me for a bit, disappeared, reappeared and moaned about wanting sex, i joined in moaning rather than offering her to take me home and molest me..why?!! and she rang someone and disappeared without saying goodbye, i then realised how easy it would have been to get her to molest me. so i left about 10 minutes later, got chips ate 2 felt sick so i threw them away and sat alone for an hour waiting for a lift. came home, felt really ill and slept. so today i didnt get up til 11 so as to aviod a hangover , had no inclination to do anything, thought a lot, had a bath, thought some more, did a tiny amount of coursework (i wrote my name and the title) ate, only had 2 cigarettes til 6..im proud of me. and now im doing the coursework i shoulda done earlier. Debating currently with myself whether i have an alcohol problem and whether i should go to the pub tomorrow...hmmm when im drinking, i feel comfy, and i dont notice if people are mean or ignoring me, i dont feel ill or tired and i dont get loud or giggly, i just reach peace, its nice. I like the pub because im known in a positive light, i know everyone working there, i know most people who go in there, i am protected and its cheap so i can "reach peace" for aprox £25.. which i think is a bargain considering there are people who search all their lives for peace.
coursework sucks...im only on the second question. and i dont have the handbook with notes in, in fact i dont even have my folder, i left it at college 3 weeks ago and havent bothered fetching it since. i should go pick up my array of clothing, shoes, cosmetics and emergency food and cigarette supplies. I have to go tomorrow, although i will attempt to leave at lunchtime, that way i can spend until 3ish in the pub, move on and look through coursework, update some stuff, go see some people about some stuff...back up to college for six, leave at 9 giving me an hour and a half for more drinking...yay! hmm need to see ricky, he had better come home tomorrow. anyway, i want a smoke now, then il finish my silly coursework. grr.
Oh And the next person to upset letty will feel my wrath. I am less than happy with a few people.
not really had much to say. still dont, but im bored.
humm... Yeh ive been drinking a lot recently, its gone from £10 limit to however much i can take out of my bank account.. which isnt good, but ive had some fun recently, ok not fun, but i found normality in life, which is good.
Im quite angry with myself today, yesterday i went to college to say hi to everyone, then i left and went to work, filled in a timesheet, and due to all the subs ive taken out, im broke for the month. then i saw rani and we went shopping for a bit, then stopped off in the barrels for a few MORE drinks, i got a hangover... then at 6 it was back to mannys, where nicky was , unexpectedly.. either way she sat and chatted to me for a bit, disappeared, reappeared and moaned about wanting sex, i joined in moaning rather than offering her to take me home and molest me..why?!! and she rang someone and disappeared without saying goodbye, i then realised how easy it would have been to get her to molest me. so i left about 10 minutes later, got chips ate 2 felt sick so i threw them away and sat alone for an hour waiting for a lift. came home, felt really ill and slept. so today i didnt get up til 11 so as to aviod a hangover , had no inclination to do anything, thought a lot, had a bath, thought some more, did a tiny amount of coursework (i wrote my name and the title) ate, only had 2 cigarettes til 6..im proud of me. and now im doing the coursework i shoulda done earlier. Debating currently with myself whether i have an alcohol problem and whether i should go to the pub tomorrow...hmmm when im drinking, i feel comfy, and i dont notice if people are mean or ignoring me, i dont feel ill or tired and i dont get loud or giggly, i just reach peace, its nice. I like the pub because im known in a positive light, i know everyone working there, i know most people who go in there, i am protected and its cheap so i can "reach peace" for aprox £25.. which i think is a bargain considering there are people who search all their lives for peace.
coursework sucks...im only on the second question. and i dont have the handbook with notes in, in fact i dont even have my folder, i left it at college 3 weeks ago and havent bothered fetching it since. i should go pick up my array of clothing, shoes, cosmetics and emergency food and cigarette supplies. I have to go tomorrow, although i will attempt to leave at lunchtime, that way i can spend until 3ish in the pub, move on and look through coursework, update some stuff, go see some people about some stuff...back up to college for six, leave at 9 giving me an hour and a half for more drinking...yay! hmm need to see ricky, he had better come home tomorrow. anyway, i want a smoke now, then il finish my silly coursework. grr.
Oh And the next person to upset letty will feel my wrath. I am less than happy with a few people.