Random thoughts after midnight...
These are some random thoughts after midnight. I feel this need to write, about something, whatever. I don't know why. Maybe it is because Adrian is finally sleeping and I have free time to do something. So here goes...
I have no friends. I'm not even joking. I try to be nice to people here. They all have their circle of friends and there is NOTHING you can do to enter this circle of friends. Most of the women around here are younger than me anyway. It is like they are a world apart from me. They are all 19, 20, 21... and having babies. Which wouldn't be so much of a problem if they weren't single. What is wrong with girls these days? Didn't mommy teach them about respecting their bodies? Take this story for example from Mass. 17 girls from a high school in Mass. are or were preggo. This is a very high number of girls. So the school got to the bottom of it when some girls were actually disappointed when their pregnancy test came back NEGATIVE. They got together and made a "pregnancy pact." They all want to raise their babies together. One girl actually got pregnant from a 24 year old homeless man. STD'S anyone? Nasty. If you wanted a sperm donor you could have chosen better. These girls think it is easy to raise a baby. But... the most ridiculous part of this all is that the school has a free day care. "Oh, it's ok that you got knocked up. You don't have to pay for child care and get a job... just bring them to school!!!" It isn't easy raising a baby. In the real world it isn't glamorous. Being awake until 4am with an infant that is sceaming for hours on end isn't what they show you in movies. Being a mommy means neglecting yourself for your child. Being a mommy is learning to love in a different way. Being a mommy means being pooped on, peed on, and vommited on. Unconditional love means cleaning up the poop on your baby, your arms, then the poop that splattered across the room on various objects. Can you tell I've done this? It isn't easy. Juno isn't the reality. They don't show the depression that mothers feel after giving up their baby for a better life. I couldn't even imagine just handing off my baby to someone. The bond you feel with your baby is just... you can't describe it. Stupid teenagers. I'm 24 and I still feel way too young to have a baby. But whatever.
But anyway... I have no friends. Their circle can't be broken. It's like a cult or something. Whatever. I also find maturity level to be on the low side. This one girl, 21, preggo and married... I try to help her out. But nope. She has her circle of friends. What she doesn't realize is the alienation from your friends after the baby comes. They don't know what it is like to not sleep for months. They don't know what it is like to have a huge responsibility like a bed time. They get mad at you for being late because baby was eating. They get mad at you for going home at 7 because baby needs to go to bed. They get mad at you because you can't spend time with them. So they stop calling. They stop hanging out with you. I have tried to warn her of this in a round about way. She doesn't think it will happen to her. It happens to most of the people I know that have babies. They become friends with other moms and leave their other friends behind. You are still "friends" in a sense, but it's never the same. But I've tried to be nice, but she just doesn't get what I'm trying to do. Learn, see, and do I guess. The funny thing is that this girl always comes to me when she needs something that her other friends apart of the circle can't do for her. She's pregnant without insurance, what does she do? Been there done that, adivce given. She's bleeding and doesn't know what to do. Been there done that. She has a miscarriage. Haven't been there, and really don't know what to say. Back to not talking to me. Then, out of the blue it is, hey... what's up? Oh, by the way I'm pregnant. (2 months after miscarriage.) Want to hang out sometime? Sure, whatever. Hang out once, but back to the circle. Why do I try to be nice? Guess it's just who I am.
I miss my friends in Ohio. But I know it would be the same as above mentioned. I had some of this happen to me at my friend's wedding. So that's never the same. She doesn't really talk to me anymore. I don't really like her husband anyway, I never have. He treats her like crap. I've heard him yelling at her over the phone, calling her not so nice things. And to tell you the truth, we thought this guy was GAY when we first met him. He still acts a bit homosexual. I believe he is the type of guy to cheat. I'm not saying he is gay. I'm saying I can see him cheating on her with another woman. I hope I'm wrong. I really don't want that to happen to a good friend.
My friends in Ohio are just different from the people here. These people always want something from you or they have their circle. They will be nice to you but then go back to their circle and say bad things about you. That's why I don't like girly girls for friends. So I will cling to my husband. Sad thing is I don't get to spend much time with Carl anymore. I spend most of my time caring for Adrian, getting him to go to sleep or feeding him. I come out here to spend some free time, and he is off to bed. I miss him. I think we are doing pretty good for living with my mom and having a baby after only being married for almost 2 years. This has been the longest year of my life. And yet Adrian is growing up so fast. Must be the lack of sleep because I remember hardly nothing. Seriously... the boy doesn't sleep much.
I have no friends. I'm not even joking. I try to be nice to people here. They all have their circle of friends and there is NOTHING you can do to enter this circle of friends. Most of the women around here are younger than me anyway. It is like they are a world apart from me. They are all 19, 20, 21... and having babies. Which wouldn't be so much of a problem if they weren't single. What is wrong with girls these days? Didn't mommy teach them about respecting their bodies? Take this story for example from Mass. 17 girls from a high school in Mass. are or were preggo. This is a very high number of girls. So the school got to the bottom of it when some girls were actually disappointed when their pregnancy test came back NEGATIVE. They got together and made a "pregnancy pact." They all want to raise their babies together. One girl actually got pregnant from a 24 year old homeless man. STD'S anyone? Nasty. If you wanted a sperm donor you could have chosen better. These girls think it is easy to raise a baby. But... the most ridiculous part of this all is that the school has a free day care. "Oh, it's ok that you got knocked up. You don't have to pay for child care and get a job... just bring them to school!!!" It isn't easy raising a baby. In the real world it isn't glamorous. Being awake until 4am with an infant that is sceaming for hours on end isn't what they show you in movies. Being a mommy means neglecting yourself for your child. Being a mommy is learning to love in a different way. Being a mommy means being pooped on, peed on, and vommited on. Unconditional love means cleaning up the poop on your baby, your arms, then the poop that splattered across the room on various objects. Can you tell I've done this? It isn't easy. Juno isn't the reality. They don't show the depression that mothers feel after giving up their baby for a better life. I couldn't even imagine just handing off my baby to someone. The bond you feel with your baby is just... you can't describe it. Stupid teenagers. I'm 24 and I still feel way too young to have a baby. But whatever.
But anyway... I have no friends. Their circle can't be broken. It's like a cult or something. Whatever. I also find maturity level to be on the low side. This one girl, 21, preggo and married... I try to help her out. But nope. She has her circle of friends. What she doesn't realize is the alienation from your friends after the baby comes. They don't know what it is like to not sleep for months. They don't know what it is like to have a huge responsibility like a bed time. They get mad at you for being late because baby was eating. They get mad at you for going home at 7 because baby needs to go to bed. They get mad at you because you can't spend time with them. So they stop calling. They stop hanging out with you. I have tried to warn her of this in a round about way. She doesn't think it will happen to her. It happens to most of the people I know that have babies. They become friends with other moms and leave their other friends behind. You are still "friends" in a sense, but it's never the same. But I've tried to be nice, but she just doesn't get what I'm trying to do. Learn, see, and do I guess. The funny thing is that this girl always comes to me when she needs something that her other friends apart of the circle can't do for her. She's pregnant without insurance, what does she do? Been there done that, adivce given. She's bleeding and doesn't know what to do. Been there done that. She has a miscarriage. Haven't been there, and really don't know what to say. Back to not talking to me. Then, out of the blue it is, hey... what's up? Oh, by the way I'm pregnant. (2 months after miscarriage.) Want to hang out sometime? Sure, whatever. Hang out once, but back to the circle. Why do I try to be nice? Guess it's just who I am.
I miss my friends in Ohio. But I know it would be the same as above mentioned. I had some of this happen to me at my friend's wedding. So that's never the same. She doesn't really talk to me anymore. I don't really like her husband anyway, I never have. He treats her like crap. I've heard him yelling at her over the phone, calling her not so nice things. And to tell you the truth, we thought this guy was GAY when we first met him. He still acts a bit homosexual. I believe he is the type of guy to cheat. I'm not saying he is gay. I'm saying I can see him cheating on her with another woman. I hope I'm wrong. I really don't want that to happen to a good friend.
My friends in Ohio are just different from the people here. These people always want something from you or they have their circle. They will be nice to you but then go back to their circle and say bad things about you. That's why I don't like girly girls for friends. So I will cling to my husband. Sad thing is I don't get to spend much time with Carl anymore. I spend most of my time caring for Adrian, getting him to go to sleep or feeding him. I come out here to spend some free time, and he is off to bed. I miss him. I think we are doing pretty good for living with my mom and having a baby after only being married for almost 2 years. This has been the longest year of my life. And yet Adrian is growing up so fast. Must be the lack of sleep because I remember hardly nothing. Seriously... the boy doesn't sleep much.