Okay so it's Been almost seven months...
Did you ever feel like there was nothing to talk about and too much? I've been in a stuck place for a few month where I can't seem to get anything done or at least not enough. Sooo here are some random things:
1. The google map of my childhood neighborhood stunned me. I spent some hours "walking" from my house to my elementary school and then to my first best friend's house and then to the church where I went as a child and then teenager. I think the best term for it is mesmerized. I'm not sure what the fascination is but it was there and I think about being there in that way a lot.
2. I used to get angry with the family dictum not to tell me the bad news because I might get upset--like not finding out my aunt had died until m o n t h s later. (actually in that case, I think no one thought to tell me, so bad example!) or when they wouldn't tell me how bad my mom's condition was. Now I find I do the same dang thing! I feel compelled to spin things to e v e r y o n e to minimize the bad, even to someone who could help me if they knew the truth. Gotta change that
3. Remember high school year books or other goodbye occasions when people would say, "never change?" Wouldn't that be terrible? I feel like I'm not changing fast enough.
4. I hate embarrassment humor. I can't imagine pretending to be someone else or acting out in front of people who don't know it's acting, for a joke. I don't think cringing feels good. I don't get this kind of humor at all.
5. The other night I had a dream where I used a word as a modifier and then half woke up and thought, "Is that really a word? I'll have to look it up when I wake up." Then, when I woke up, all I could remember is that it had five letters.
6. I have an idea for a story, book, play, movie (don't know which yet) that I though would be interesting to write with someone else--this goes back to the stuck part--I can't seem to do stuff if it's just me.
7. Okay, it's clear the ADD has gotten worse. The bad news with that is that one of my "favorite" focusing tools is food. but the good news is...I'll refrain from making up some good news to go with this. (See #2)
8. In re restraint, I was thinking about a website where people could make promises to themselves and pay in a certain amount of money that would go toward a reward if they succeeded (as self-reported) or given to charity if they didn't. Like the quarter in the jar every time you say a bad word.
9. Things are a little more bizarre at work each day, but I'm trying not to think about the stuff that makes me mad---okay just one example: the Vice President called the 2/3 cut in one of the sources for paying the people who work for me a BAILOUT (because we were getting s o m e money?)!
10. Three lovely things happened at work: I saw a student on Monday who had come to see me a year ago, trying to make college work. He had barely graduated form high school (accomplished by going to each of his teachers and saying that his or hers was the only class whose grade was preventing him from graduating!). He had flunked out of another college and didn't want to flunk out of this one (though he was on academic probation.) I gave him my little pep talk and he seemed inspired. Monday he told me that last semester if he had gotten 3 more points on one test, he would have gotten straight A's. Pretty cool.
The next was a woman who was failing a math class from anxiety and had to finish it because she works for the military and had been given a limited time to finish her degree. On Monday when I saw her, she said she will graduate in May! Yay!
Third was a woman who came in to take a placement test and was very upset. It was difficult and she was afraid to try college. I gave her pep talk 2 but really thought she wasn't going to do it. On Wednesday, there she was registering--she said she told the advisement counselor that "that woman who works in the Learning Center is the reason I'm here." I leaned over to her daughter--probably 3 years old and said, "you mom is going to college! That's something." Her little eyes widened and I could tell even though she didn't know what it meant, she was very impressed. Makes it possible to let go of #9.
11, I got on Facebook though the picture's bad--I look at photos of myself the way people look at bad accidents, repelled and fascinated at the same time. Anyway, Facebook is interesting. I found a lot of people from the schools where I've taught. This, too, can take hours of time. I was going to post the URL for this journal on it, but then I decided nahh. It would be too inhibiting.
12. I'm tired of waking up and not knowing where I am, home or the apartment. Before I open my eyes, I reach over to the left if there's a wall, I'm home. No wall= the apartment. I want to be at home every night unless I'm on a real trip not just a long commute. (if the universe is listening, that doesn't mean I want to lose my job- want one that pays as well or better much closer to home.)
12. So what's happening in your life?
1. The google map of my childhood neighborhood stunned me. I spent some hours "walking" from my house to my elementary school and then to my first best friend's house and then to the church where I went as a child and then teenager. I think the best term for it is mesmerized. I'm not sure what the fascination is but it was there and I think about being there in that way a lot.
2. I used to get angry with the family dictum not to tell me the bad news because I might get upset--like not finding out my aunt had died until m o n t h s later. (actually in that case, I think no one thought to tell me, so bad example!) or when they wouldn't tell me how bad my mom's condition was. Now I find I do the same dang thing! I feel compelled to spin things to e v e r y o n e to minimize the bad, even to someone who could help me if they knew the truth. Gotta change that
3. Remember high school year books or other goodbye occasions when people would say, "never change?" Wouldn't that be terrible? I feel like I'm not changing fast enough.
4. I hate embarrassment humor. I can't imagine pretending to be someone else or acting out in front of people who don't know it's acting, for a joke. I don't think cringing feels good. I don't get this kind of humor at all.
5. The other night I had a dream where I used a word as a modifier and then half woke up and thought, "Is that really a word? I'll have to look it up when I wake up." Then, when I woke up, all I could remember is that it had five letters.
6. I have an idea for a story, book, play, movie (don't know which yet) that I though would be interesting to write with someone else--this goes back to the stuck part--I can't seem to do stuff if it's just me.
7. Okay, it's clear the ADD has gotten worse. The bad news with that is that one of my "favorite" focusing tools is food. but the good news is...I'll refrain from making up some good news to go with this. (See #2)
8. In re restraint, I was thinking about a website where people could make promises to themselves and pay in a certain amount of money that would go toward a reward if they succeeded (as self-reported) or given to charity if they didn't. Like the quarter in the jar every time you say a bad word.
9. Things are a little more bizarre at work each day, but I'm trying not to think about the stuff that makes me mad---okay just one example: the Vice President called the 2/3 cut in one of the sources for paying the people who work for me a BAILOUT (because we were getting s o m e money?)!
10. Three lovely things happened at work: I saw a student on Monday who had come to see me a year ago, trying to make college work. He had barely graduated form high school (accomplished by going to each of his teachers and saying that his or hers was the only class whose grade was preventing him from graduating!). He had flunked out of another college and didn't want to flunk out of this one (though he was on academic probation.) I gave him my little pep talk and he seemed inspired. Monday he told me that last semester if he had gotten 3 more points on one test, he would have gotten straight A's. Pretty cool.
The next was a woman who was failing a math class from anxiety and had to finish it because she works for the military and had been given a limited time to finish her degree. On Monday when I saw her, she said she will graduate in May! Yay!
Third was a woman who came in to take a placement test and was very upset. It was difficult and she was afraid to try college. I gave her pep talk 2 but really thought she wasn't going to do it. On Wednesday, there she was registering--she said she told the advisement counselor that "that woman who works in the Learning Center is the reason I'm here." I leaned over to her daughter--probably 3 years old and said, "you mom is going to college! That's something." Her little eyes widened and I could tell even though she didn't know what it meant, she was very impressed. Makes it possible to let go of #9.
11, I got on Facebook though the picture's bad--I look at photos of myself the way people look at bad accidents, repelled and fascinated at the same time. Anyway, Facebook is interesting. I found a lot of people from the schools where I've taught. This, too, can take hours of time. I was going to post the URL for this journal on it, but then I decided nahh. It would be too inhibiting.
12. I'm tired of waking up and not knowing where I am, home or the apartment. Before I open my eyes, I reach over to the left if there's a wall, I'm home. No wall= the apartment. I want to be at home every night unless I'm on a real trip not just a long commute. (if the universe is listening, that doesn't mean I want to lose my job- want one that pays as well or better much closer to home.)
12. So what's happening in your life?