The Good, the Bad, and the Truly Pathetic

Jun 28, 2007 22:43

Let's start out with the Good. Good is that I am not potentially dying of any kind of Lung Disease -- even though it sometimes feels like it. I have severe allergies -- as determined by another doctor (I had to reschedule my original appointment because the first doctor cancelled). I liked this second doctor FAR more than the first, who seemed to examine me from three feet away and didn't even check the usual spots when someone is coughing -- you know, my nose, my throat, etc.

I am no longer on the inhalers, which is great, because I hated the way I felt when I was on them. Like I really WAS an airhead -- I would feel like I was lightheaded, dizzy, and I tended to forget little details I would never normally forget.

Now I'm on a prescription nasal spay -- which isn't bad: Flonase. It's a step up from the inhalers, but I don't like sticking things up my nose and spraying, because it always makes me feel like I'm drowning. It smells like rosewater initially, but then when I...snort it up (there's not a more eloquent term for that, I'm sorry), it feels like I am a junkie...only addicted to snorting liquids up my nostrils, not powders. This is how I know I could never do coke lines or anything else you snort up your nose. I hate putting things in there.

Now let's move on into the Bad. Bad is that Sophie had diarrhea today -- but not OUTSIDE where she normally does her business -- INSIDE HER CRATE. It was like that nightmare when Sean and I were sleeping in his bed, and his dog Loki jumped off...and proceeded to spray diarrhea on poor Zora...and all over the bedroom. Except this happened sometime between 2:00pm and 5:30pm...and Sophie did it inside her crate.

Poor Sophie. Mommy Huang told me, "Sophie was cowering in a corner!" when I got back from the day spa this evening. She must have felt terrible. She knows it's not good to make poopies in the house, and she's actually very timid when it comes to her own feces -- when you throw her tennis ball too close to her poop area, she'll avoid that area entirely -- so she was probably having a panic attack while she was in there. Heh.

In any case, Clean Freak Mommy Huang called me frantically, but I was in the middle of doing facials, so...I called her back in between, and she'd already cleaned it up. She said the smell was horrendous. Unfortunately, thanks to the experience with Loki, I know that all too well.

And finally...the Truly Pathetic. About two weeks ago, Alan the Asshat (of course you remember him, of Small Penis Fame), started sending me text messages regularly. AGAIN. Six months later. At first, I entertained them, and we just wrote about random things. Then he started asking when he could see me again (NEVER is of course, the answer...but I didn't tell him right off, even though I should have), and today I asked, "Why the sudden interest in hanging out with me?"

He said, "Take a guess, you'll probably be right."

Then the following ensued, and it was pretty entertaining. Well, to a point. Gerald says the guy has no respect for me. I told Gerald, "He has a small penis. I told him so before. What respect would he have for me?"

In any case, here's the text message exchange:

J: "To prove to me how good you are in bed? HAHAHA."
AA: "Nope."
J: "Oh, Alan. It's NEVER gonna happen. Do you remember what I said about your small penis?"
AA: "No, I tend to forget lies."

Personally, I think he tends to be desperate enough to overlook the fact that I flat out told him his penile instrument was not up to par.

J: "Well, perhaps you should find someone more farsighted then. Don't contact me again."
AA: "Okay."

Then, about five minutes later (and this is the best part)...

AA: "I'll take my small penis elsewhere."

I almost hyperventilated from laughing. I mean, really...does he need to add insult to injury?

First of all... he's contacting me, with ulterior motives, and tries to get in on all my social activities by making himself available whenever I am.

Secondly, he is contacting me, with ulterior motives, and tells me when I politely told him I've been swamped with work and asked how he was doing, "I've been busy with work too...and dating." What kind of response is that? I didn't question him or ask how that was going -- because I don't care -- but if sex or women are really all that easy to come by for the guy, why would he turn to a woman whom he's not seen since last summer?

Third (and most important), he's contacting me, with ulterior motives...and I HAVE ALREADY TOLD HIM HIS PENIS IS SMALL.

What more does a guy need to hear? I would be insulting myself, my sexual orientation, my abilities in the bedroom, and my sexuality...if I even consider spending any of my time with him. I am possibly even offending my ancestors and their ancestors before them by doing so. It would bring shame across the land!

I don't think anybody beats Alan the Asshat in the Truly Pathetic Department. That guy just takes the cake!

total assholes, singaporean bird flu, healthy addiction, guys, adventures in my lady garden, my mom, sophie dog, social encounters, t9ing

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