Why
Ok, So I got in a huge, ridiculous fight with one of my friends, whom I am starting to believe is just a selfish bitch who truly only cares about herself, does not know what being a true friend is, the true meaning of love, and has an inability to love others. I get that I kind of freaked out, but I walked away, I did not perpetuate the argument. I even went back and apologized to the guy that I was supposedly being the bitch to. I didn't bring about the conversation, and I even said "I don't want to talk about this." Therefore, I don't feel this is my fault. I am a different person from her, with extremely different morals. Perhaps this means that we can't be friends, or maybe we just shouldn't drink together in that common context. I am just angry that you remain pissed off at me for something stupid. I should be the one mad, why the fuck should I feel sad for you when you would not have the same courtesy for me. Look everyone deals with their shit in a different way, and my style is not to parade it around in front of other people. You feel comfortable openly talking about abuse, and I don't. I don't understand what the big deal is with that. That guy had been drinking to, and did u stop to think that that might have been the big contributing factor? You know it wasn't my idea to go out with DOM, remember, I wanted to go bowling or something else, I did not suggest drinking. Who is the one that always suggests drinking? What always gets them into trouble? I realize you have been trying to step back and evaluate your drinking, but you don't want to stop. I don't know if you realize the type of person you become when you drink, but it is not a very considerate one. Perhaps I am guilty of this too, but I don't drink that often, and generally I am able to control myself. You know when I get out of control? It is when I am with you. I should be the one to say when, and I am realizing this more and more. Hey, you live and you learn right? Or in some cases you live and you ignore. Well, I guess these next two months off will do a world of good. I am very sad that Joy will be leaving, but that just makes me realize more that I need to get the fuck out of here. I am an endurer, and I push through even when I hate it. Maybe I need to learn that there are other means to an end, but when I decide on something, I stick to it, no matter what happens or how close I come to the end. I guess only time will tell.