(no subject)
I doubt I'd be updating anything personal on this journal ever again. So, I'm on the last week of figure drawing before my PATHETIC two weeks break. Yes, I'm still ranting about it. It isn't fair that the 5 of us in fig drawing lesson now have only a two weeks break while the rest of them have a LENGHTY SIX WEEKS BREAK!!!
Anyway, let's not harp on that. THAT, is the result of BAD TIMETABLE planning. I've finally written finish a piece. It's been long since I wrote anything... Meanwhile, the EPL kicked off well, with my favourite team, united! winning their 4th consecutive game against Tottenham, another of my fav teams. Though there's nothing much to boast about that game, but I'm proud of the devils! They didn't get much before the transfer window closed and with Rudd gone, but, look at them!
By the way, I tried using the LJ cut like a GAZILLION times.... they wont work! will someone please help me with it?
Here it is...
Title: The Last You’d Hear From Me
Author: Closet Child
Pairing: Paulo Ferreira/ Jose Mourinho , John Terry/ Jose Mourinho
Summary: This is the last you’d hear from me. Because I know…
Disclaimer: I don’t know them, don’t own them. Nothing mentioned here is real. Just a sick concoction by my head.
Author’s Notes: I’m no Blues fan. But I love the Portuguese there! Still in self-denial that Micha is at the Bridge. Please bear with me.
This will be the last you'd hear from me.
And since it is, I just want you to know that you are a bossyconcietedselfishbastard!
THERE. I said it.
But I love you for it. I love you for your pride, your possessiveness and your obsession with perfection. I love all your flaws.
The world's biggest fool.
I am not that stupid little boy from Porto that trailed behind you everywhere.
I KNOW ABOUT JOHN.
YES.
All those late night calls to Abramovich, Brito, Clarke and Kenyon ... Lies. They are all lies! Just like you.
My friends and family often asked me if you were human. Too perfect they say, almost unreal. Yes, I’d reply. That’s because I have experienced times you being the most gentlest and loving man.
Am I going to regret this? Maybe for the moment… just for this moment. Ten years down the road and the rest of my life, I’m going to look back at this decision and feel proud for the choice I have made.
Well, I guess this is goodbye then.
I LOVE YOU.
The nib of the pen scratched against the paper as he penned his last thoughts. Then he paused, frowned a bit, realizing that he had no words left.
Paulo sighed and folded the letter into thirds, the way it’s done professionally when you mail your resume. It’s business-like. No laughs or smiles to spare. Brisk and steely.
Just like how you had been to me…
Snapping out of his thoughts, he slid the paper into the expensive looking envelope and sealed it- with a light kiss. The cool surface of the paper brush against his warm lips for a brief moment, before being kept into the inner pocket of his blazer.
Isn’t it sad? I even have to go through paper to get to you now…What have we become? He thought miserably, as he locked his door of his home.
He stared at the little button for a long time, wondering if he should give it a ring. The door was magnificent, intimidating, just like the rest of the house inside, furnished by the riches earned. He felt unease at the glorious exterior… it suddenly seemed so unfamiliar to him like he was a stranger. And he was back to day one, the young defender from Porto, trudging behind the boss.
Leave it on his doormat… Put it under his door. There were so many possible ways but he couldn’t execute any one of them.
Maybe he shouldn’t give it at all! His hands were shaky and palms slightly damp. He berated himself for coming up with this idea.
It is harder than expected.
He needed more time.
Heaving a sigh, he turned on his heels and walked away, when his feet touched the last step, the door swung open, startling him.
“I’ve seen you standing for a long time…” he said smugly. “What brings you here?”
Paulo gazed into the face that he once adored and loved so much after God.
He slowly made his way up the front door again, wondering if he should even step into the house. He hadn’t been there for a long time. It would all be too weird.
Jose’s eyes drop and focused on the white envelope in Paulo’s hands.
“Something for me?” he motioned towards it, smiling. The young man’s hands passed the paper back and forth between his nervous hands.
He has asked for it. Isn’t it much easier? He wants it. Just give it to him.
“I-I, this-”
“Stop your stuttering and come on in,” he got hold of Paulo’s slim wrists and pulled him into the house, the door closing after them. “Meanwhile, let me take a look at that…” Jose took the envelope off Paulo’s hands without hesitance, like the no-nonsense, straight-to-the-face man he is.
Fingers curl and rip open the flap of the letter, and pulled out the expensive paper. Paulo’s heart was beating faster and louder by the seconds as the clock ticked, he studied Jose’s face in fear, waiting for the contorted expression of rage and perhaps a dash of what he hope for- sadness and regret. But none of it was displayed on the tanned, sharp face.
Leave, his head tells him. Right now, because when the eye of the storm passes, the temporary calmness switches to a long period of violence.
His legs wouldn’t budge. They seem to have been cemented to the floor.
“So you want to leave, hm?”
Jose folded back the letter neatly, shuffling back to the envelope. Paulo lowered his eyes to his feet, his hands fumbling in his own trousers pockets. Jose’s eyes followed the rustling of the cloth and chuckled at the movement at the side of the trousers where the pockets were.
Why… he could not believe it. Jose had felt nothing at all! The bastard has the heart, icier than the Snow Queen! All these while, the turmoil he had been though knowing that his boyfriend was seeing someone else… And here is the man himself, so calm and relaxed as if this was no big a deal.
“Don’t you feel anything?” he suddenly burst out. His hand flew to his pretty mouth; he didn’t expect to yell that out. His feet brought him a few steps back, till he leaned against the elegantly papered wall.
“Paulo,” just one word. His name.
“You’re right…”
“A few years ago, I fell for a sweet, shy, lovely young boy… How innocent he was then, like all children are… He is beautiful. He still is… We were so happy together… I broke so many rules for him. And I would still do it for him. We carried on seeing each other, behind so many people’s backs…” the older man paused for a moment, looking steadily into Paulo’s sad brown eyes. They were shining, with tears.
“But I’m never happy with what I have.”
“John has passed. He was just a fling. Just a foolish fling…”
“Paulo…”
He took a few steps closer to the slim young man, his arms extending, his hands reaching, fingers curling to grasp the sharp chin gently for a kiss.
His tongue pushed passed, against Paulo’s red swollen, trembling lips, that occurred whenever he was about to cry. And true enough, a small sob escaped his delicate throat. Jose couldn’t bear to hear it, he silenced it with the masterful skill of this tongue as it wrestled and coiled around Paulo’s.
Silky chestnut hair, his fingers ran through them over and over again, as Jose pushed his head back for a better access of the warm cavern of Paulo’s sweet mouth.
It was a long and sensual kiss, a goodbye kiss, with the elements of lust, love, guilt and regret., drawing so much from Jose that he broke it, and gasped for air. His thumb grazes the moist lashes, taking away the dew drops of tears. With the back of his hand, he caresses the smooth face, and a longing-look filled his most-of-the-time harsh eyes.
“It’s not your fault.”
“It’s mine,” he whispered.
Paulo made a soft noise sounding like a whimper, he got what he wanted. He’s free. Now they are apart. Never together. But he wanted so badly, to go back… he leapt into Jose’s arms, and hugged him good and tight.
“I’ll see you at the Bridge on Wednesday…”
That wasn’t the last he would hear from Jose.
Because he turned up for training three days later.
There were barking orders, strict instructions all from the mouth of the man. Nothing new.
But it was a new beginning.
Paulo smiled back at Jose shyly as he jogged his rounds