she's lost inside
I am very upset. A lot of shit is going on right now. I really can't handle it anymore. I was supposed to go to a concert with some friends but hey that fell through, no surprise though it is my life. I don't know what I want anymore. I more than anything crave someone to sincerely want me around and that is just not happening. I get pushed out of everything and when I am wanted it is to point out my flaws. I have become a fucking dancing monkey for the people that "care" about me to push around. I desire so much to have friends and someone who is there for me that I allow myslef to get shit on. I can't help but come back to the pain, it's all I have ever known. Except for one person in my life everyone has doen whatever they saw fit to keep me from reaching my ultimate goal of happiness. I get so close I can feel a smile come to my face, then it gets slapped right off. I don't know what would ever make someone look at their "best friend" and say "today I will take away any chance of happiness that comes along". I don't know what's wrong with you, you are seriously sick and twisted. I have been there for and with you through it all and you get complete and utter joy out of ripping my heart out. I can't just walk away from you because you mean so much to me. I also can not take what you are doing to me anymore. I am on the edge and I just want you to pull me back or push me the FUCK off you mental case bitch. Even if I was cold enough to play games like this with someone's emotions I wouldn't. I have let you take the controls of my life and I want them back. I would be better off steering myself. I would rather hit a tree on my own than stay on the road with you. I want to know if the smile you tear off of my face, you put on your own. You were the best friend I had, that's gone now too. I have realized stripping me of my happiness is the only way you can keep me under your control, and you do it so fucking well. Go ahead take my life, it basically is yours anyway, you have taken so much of it. I want to know WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? Better yet, What the hell is wrong with me, for letting you take me under and bring me down to your darkness? It's cold and dark in your heart and I just want to get out of here. Give me my life back, let me go. If you don't want to let go then go ahead control me right to my death, it will come so soon with you. No matter how I have to get it to come to me and take me into my well deserved,hard earned, eternal happiness, where you have never, don't, and will never exist, it is happiness after all, chaos and problems don't belong there. SO WHAT I AM SAYING IS GET THE FUCK OUT BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!