back in MA
Well... Hope everyone had a good Xmas and New Year and whatever other holiday everyone celebrates. Lets see, I went to NC to visit all the family for Christmas. I dont think its possible for Cole to be any cuter. He was so spoiled when we were there. On our last night we went to Kobe, a Japanese Hibachi restaurant and Cole kept eating lemons and not even puckering and then he let one hang out of his mouth. So precious. I miss him already. I got money for xmas which i used to buy new clothes. Yay for new clothes that ARENT hoodies and t shirts. I'm so proud of myself. Oh yeah and i got my hair done by my aunt so now its dark auburn and kinda wavy curly. I love it. Umm.. lets see. I also got a new Louis Vuitton purse, the CSI game, a photo album full of Cole pictures, some hair stuff, and a few other things which i forget.
For New Years, i hit up good old CT and hung out with a friend of mine. It was fun, i ended up playing halo for the first time and actually liked it ( and i got a kill yay for me). I never thought i'd like halo because i bust everyones balls for playing it. and now i want an xbox and halo so i can play it. not like religiously or anything, but it is kind of a fun game and i got kind of into it. all in all new years was fun. got me off my couch and doing something productive.
I'm still so confused. sooo much going on in my head its not even funny. feelings becoming stronger and i dont even know what to do about it. probably nothing because i'm a wuss and refuse to admit i have feelings because i just dont like being disappointed or hurt. but like seriously, i get happy thinking of conversations, and get that giddy jumpy feeling inside. yep. its a crush. and i love the feeling because its nice after being so upset after the last relationship. i'm just wishin on stars and all i can do is hope that maybe this might be something but you cant make people be attracted to you. lets just hope hope hope that maybe theres a chance for me cuz i sure would love this feeling to continue. i know i should think at least i have a good friend. i also hate liking people and i talk myself out of it and try to convince myself i dont because usually i have no chance whatsoever or i tell myself that cuz its usually true. but i want to say so bad like umm yeah i think you're really cool" but noooo i dont because my theory is i'll get the "umm. yeah you're a loser go away" type of response. why are guys so confusing? seriously, i can solve integration problems, balance chemical equations, and find the maximum speed an SUV can travel at without tipping over, but i cant seem to even have a clue with the opposite sex.
another thing is, i've decided that most of the guys i run into are far too immature. or i'm just not acting my age, and just want more maturity. at least i've finally figured out what i'm actually looking for. and its just not some random thing that i want. i want something with substance and someone to talk to and hang out and laugh with. and most of the guys at unh want a pretty girl to throw on their arm and usually just want one thing until they move on to the next one. totally not my thing at all. i'm sure there are nice ones out there but hard to come by. and the fact i dont put myself out there because i just dont think its possible for me to actually have that, it doesnt help. so, guys, i'm here. lol.
wow. this is a pretty long entry for me. that is all. goodbye.
For New Years, i hit up good old CT and hung out with a friend of mine. It was fun, i ended up playing halo for the first time and actually liked it ( and i got a kill yay for me). I never thought i'd like halo because i bust everyones balls for playing it. and now i want an xbox and halo so i can play it. not like religiously or anything, but it is kind of a fun game and i got kind of into it. all in all new years was fun. got me off my couch and doing something productive.
I'm still so confused. sooo much going on in my head its not even funny. feelings becoming stronger and i dont even know what to do about it. probably nothing because i'm a wuss and refuse to admit i have feelings because i just dont like being disappointed or hurt. but like seriously, i get happy thinking of conversations, and get that giddy jumpy feeling inside. yep. its a crush. and i love the feeling because its nice after being so upset after the last relationship. i'm just wishin on stars and all i can do is hope that maybe this might be something but you cant make people be attracted to you. lets just hope hope hope that maybe theres a chance for me cuz i sure would love this feeling to continue. i know i should think at least i have a good friend. i also hate liking people and i talk myself out of it and try to convince myself i dont because usually i have no chance whatsoever or i tell myself that cuz its usually true. but i want to say so bad like umm yeah i think you're really cool" but noooo i dont because my theory is i'll get the "umm. yeah you're a loser go away" type of response. why are guys so confusing? seriously, i can solve integration problems, balance chemical equations, and find the maximum speed an SUV can travel at without tipping over, but i cant seem to even have a clue with the opposite sex.
another thing is, i've decided that most of the guys i run into are far too immature. or i'm just not acting my age, and just want more maturity. at least i've finally figured out what i'm actually looking for. and its just not some random thing that i want. i want something with substance and someone to talk to and hang out and laugh with. and most of the guys at unh want a pretty girl to throw on their arm and usually just want one thing until they move on to the next one. totally not my thing at all. i'm sure there are nice ones out there but hard to come by. and the fact i dont put myself out there because i just dont think its possible for me to actually have that, it doesnt help. so, guys, i'm here. lol.
wow. this is a pretty long entry for me. that is all. goodbye.