from the bottom of the ocean i really want to know them
a year ago today i had the following dreams:
~patrick told me he has never loved me, my friend kate's mom designed and built a pretty wooden chair with a little desk attached, mark asked me a question about the illuminatus triology, i went to an antique show with barefeet, i cried listening to 'maori', and i looked very closely at a familiar looking dollhouse that i knew wasn't mine.~
in those dreams, i see deep fear, randomness, desire, playfulness, nostalgia. i see so much of me, it makes me giggle. dreams, music, making love. the moments when life really gets me.
i'm on a girlyman kick that never really ended, but was on hiatus. it was refreshed after a conversation with adam, bret, and patrick about my immeasurable crush on tylan greenstein. patrick knows he's my forever love and is seemingly ok with the fact that she'll probably be my forever crush. i've never been more supremely mesmerized than i was the first night i saw her. crush at first sight. i've been within five feet of her a few times now, and the last time i came so close to saying 'you're beautiful'. i had a moment of starstruck shyness. i gave her one last (tiny) glance and shuffled out the door. the first time i saw girlyman in concert, my eyes never left her. the words 'you're beautiful' pumped through my veins like a drug. when i was eleven, i went to see amy grant in concert twice. the second time, i had this wonderful daydream that amy would see me singing along in the audience, rows and rows back. she would notice that i knew every word to every song. the next thing i knew, i'd be on stage next to her with my own microphone, adjusted to five feet one inch. at one girlyman show, i had the same daydream. it was glorious. now my daydream goes something like this: ty will sing 'young james dean' and look at me with a slightly bashful, slightly crooked smile when she sings, 'i was in love with that blond girl'. in j.m. barrie's delightful fantasy, wendy says to her new flying friend, 'peter, i think it's perfectly lovely the way you talk about girls'. someday i'll boldly say, 'ty, i think it's perfectly lovely the way you talk about girls'. someday.
peace, love, barefoot antiques, and tydreams.
~patrick told me he has never loved me, my friend kate's mom designed and built a pretty wooden chair with a little desk attached, mark asked me a question about the illuminatus triology, i went to an antique show with barefeet, i cried listening to 'maori', and i looked very closely at a familiar looking dollhouse that i knew wasn't mine.~
in those dreams, i see deep fear, randomness, desire, playfulness, nostalgia. i see so much of me, it makes me giggle. dreams, music, making love. the moments when life really gets me.
i'm on a girlyman kick that never really ended, but was on hiatus. it was refreshed after a conversation with adam, bret, and patrick about my immeasurable crush on tylan greenstein. patrick knows he's my forever love and is seemingly ok with the fact that she'll probably be my forever crush. i've never been more supremely mesmerized than i was the first night i saw her. crush at first sight. i've been within five feet of her a few times now, and the last time i came so close to saying 'you're beautiful'. i had a moment of starstruck shyness. i gave her one last (tiny) glance and shuffled out the door. the first time i saw girlyman in concert, my eyes never left her. the words 'you're beautiful' pumped through my veins like a drug. when i was eleven, i went to see amy grant in concert twice. the second time, i had this wonderful daydream that amy would see me singing along in the audience, rows and rows back. she would notice that i knew every word to every song. the next thing i knew, i'd be on stage next to her with my own microphone, adjusted to five feet one inch. at one girlyman show, i had the same daydream. it was glorious. now my daydream goes something like this: ty will sing 'young james dean' and look at me with a slightly bashful, slightly crooked smile when she sings, 'i was in love with that blond girl'. in j.m. barrie's delightful fantasy, wendy says to her new flying friend, 'peter, i think it's perfectly lovely the way you talk about girls'. someday i'll boldly say, 'ty, i think it's perfectly lovely the way you talk about girls'. someday.
peace, love, barefoot antiques, and tydreams.