Misery loves company
Today was the day of other people trying to pull me into their worlds of misery. Eckhart Tolle, talks about this in A New Earth (see earlier posts), he named it a pain body. Other people’s pain body’s try to activate yours. The energy gets thrown back and forth. The only way to avoid this is to try and stay present. This has been a very difficult thing to do today.
I am happy that I didn’t truly react to James, when he had a few of his offensive remarks today. I was very hurt this morning when he dropped off his daughter and gave me specific orders that implied that I am incapable of caring for my own children, and better treat his daughter differently. He has no idea how hard it is to take care of two children. His comments really ruined my day.
My mentally ill brother, brought the police to our door for a well being check today. I debated whether to even tell James about since it was really none of his business and I knew he would have an inappropriate comment to make.
I am debating whether I need to stand up for myself and let him know the comments he made were inappropriate or just meditate and let the situation go. I do feel a bit better after writing him the following E-mail, although I am going to wait twenty fours at least before deciding to send it or not.
Dear James:
I really don’t know if you were in a bad mood today or what, but I just wanted you to know that I was really offended by a few of the comments you made to me today.
You made several jabs at my parenting abilities, that really hurt my feelings. Being a mom is my career. I would not come into your work and tell me you suck at sheet metal. So don’t come into my house and tell me that I take naps, and allow my child to wander the halls while I sit on my ass and do nothing.
I am here 24/7 with two kids, rarely do I get to sit down, never mind take a nap. I get minimal help from my father. Basically if I have to go out to do a short errand he will watch the kids. If I get to go on a train ride to Brighton to take a drug test, I look forward to it, because it’s the only time I get to sit and read or listen to my Ipod.
The only other time I get any downtime is when I stay up late at night, which only makes me more tired. I also have to get up several times during the night with a teething infant. I rely on caffeine to keep me going throughout the day. On a very rare occasion, I get to take a nap.
Also I debated even telling you about the Police/Fire Dept coming. I just wanted to let you know that there was no time your daughter was in any danger. My brother has mental and neurological disabilities that prevent him from understanding consequences. He has a cyst on his brain that disturbs his ability to process certain information. If he had an asthma attack and they had to come do an emergency aid on him, I am sure that you would not be making that same remark. This is the type of comment we have endured since he was first diagnosed at age nine. If you have a physical ailment they send cards and casseroles, if it’s a mental one they avoid you at all costs. I just expected a little more from you.
If Trisha has any concerns, she can feel free to call me. Again there was no time that the children were in any danger, nor were they exposed to anything inappropriate. Mickayla was not the least bit frightened by anything, in fact when I asked her and Patrick to go into the bedroom, she stuck her head out the door and threw a nerf ball toward one of the fire men’s heads. So obviously she wasn’t frightened. I did speak to her afterward about that and she apologized.
I took excellent care of your daughter today, I kept my eyes on her all day, made her the lunch of her choice, and even kept them occupied doing a little art project in the afternoon. The more structured their play is the less they seem to act up or get into petty arguments with each other. I gave up doing a lot of personal stuff today, like my laundry and going to the store to get stuff I was out of like milk and Pepsi. I wasn’t about to go down to the laundry room or bring the kids to the store with me for fear that you would be pissed about that too.
I guess if you doubt my parenting ability, the question should be why you even asked me to babysit. I don’t get it. I can’t imagine how you would treat a person you were paying to watch your child.
By no means are any of us perfect parents. It’s a learning experience for all of us. I enjoy watching Mickayla, she is a great kid and gets along well with my kids. I hope that you do trust me with her, but if you don’t then please don’t ask me to babysit for her again. I get enough criticism from my mother, I don’t need it from you as well.
I will apply the twenty four hour rule to that one.
Then of course, my mother, the queen of the pain body had to call and tell me how selfish I am not to send Patrick to a daycare that I can't afford. I am nervous enough as it is. And now this to deal with, I can’t deal with her. Its almost impossible to stay clean, when a person has to deal with her. It is too much.
I don’t have much faith that I will get enough sleep tonight in order to wake up at 6am to get my son off to school. Maybe though, this will be a way for me to get up earlier and take care of things. Maybe I can start writing in the mornings. I will have to make the best use of this time as possible.
Saying a prayer that this will all work out!