A new attitude
“Some of the greatest writers of the twentieth century, recognized alienation as the universal dilemma of human existence, probably felt it deeply within themselves and were able to express it brilliantly in their works. They don’t offer a solution. Their contribution is to show us a reflection of the human predicament so that we can see it more clearly. To see one’s predicament clearly is the first step in going beyond it.” - Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth
This is why I want to write. What I am learning from this book is to be present in the now: to enjoy the process of writing, of mothering, and of being.
I am no longer going to allow myself to be overwhelmed by my writing I am just going to do it and sooner or later a greater purpose will emerge. I know that the pain that I have experienced in my life is not wasted. Right now I am writing. I am clearing my mind of thoughts as they come to me. What does that leave inside my head? Me. That is what is left. I am.
Before I begin writing from now on I am going to try and be still for a short period so that I can focus all my energy on the creative process, as Tolle suggested in tonight’s online lecture. Between reading this book, staying sober, and seeking treatment for diseases of the mind and spirit, I am on my way toward change.
I want to be more productive. That does not mean I am going to obsess over money and possessions. I just want to use my experiences to help others. I have to have faith that when I do that everything else will fall into place.
Even if I begin writing just for my children, that would be enough. My words will then be eternal or have the possibility of being eternal.
In Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott talks about a one inch picture frame. You write these little pieces at a time and worry about the structure and the chronology later. I need to start writing lists of events, people, and thoughts that I have had over the years. Each week I need to devote myself to writing one of them.
I will being by writing a list when I wake up, and add to it throughout the day, it seems like I sometimes get my best ideas when I am loading the dishwasher. By the end of the week I hope to have at least one item on the list in the process of being written. At that point I can assign a page number to my day. I will keep track of what feels comfortable to complete in a day. And add a few pages to that, like any good exercise regime. Then it will be about keeping it up. If I can’t stick to this, the one thing I have always wanted to do, besides be a mom, than I am doomed.
I have written some excellent notes for my therapist tomorrow can’t wait to go over them with her. She really gets to be my first sounding board for my memoir. Her questions tell me where to go next. I will probably at some point have to hire her and then give her a really special acknowledgment in the book.
