Overcoming my worst anxiety...the dentist
For the last two and a half years, I have not been able to open my mouth without cringing. I know that people are looking at my disgusting teeth and are horrified. Even if they aren’t looking, I feel like they are and it’s just as bad as if they were. I have zero self confidence, and have even avoided certain people and situations. It’s a topic that until today I was ashamed to even speak about out loud.
The only people I would even think about talking about with are people who have teeth that are just as bad as mine or worse. Aisling and I both saw a commercial for sedation dentistry and decided that was what we would have in a perfect world. It costs $1600, for as many visits as you need and that is just for the actual sedation all of the dental work is extra. But you wake up at home, having little or no recollection of the experience. Last week I finally took the step and researched it online. I liked what I read, and googled upon the name of a dentist in a neighboring town, who had sent me a flier about a month before. I liked what I read then, and took it as a sign that this was the guy to call.
From the minute I picked up the phone and spoke with the office manager, things began to get better. I basically poured my heart out to her, letting her know how bad my teeth were and how terrified I was to go to the dentist. She told me that she saw people like me every day and that as their teeth began to improve their whole personality changed. I just want to be able to open my mouth wide and smile. Laugh without trying to cover my mouth.
There couldn’t have been anything better about this dentist. He was so kind, he took about two hours to examine me and develop a preliminary treatment plan. He went over everything with me. Now I just have to get my psychiatrist and Dr.Temte who prescribes me Suboxone to sign off on the deal. They have to make sure that none of the medications that I take are going to interfere with one another. Hopefully, it will work. I see Dr. Temte on Thursday and will be on the phone with the dentist immediately afterward.
Now that I got over this initial fear, I want the work done now! I want to be out of pain and I want to be able to smile. He wants to try and save most of my teeth. After I spend the eleven thousand that its going to cost just to get my teeth healthy again, you better believe that I am going to have the cosmetic work done.
I guess I overcame a major fear today, by working through it. I went from crying on my way in, to striding out with confidence on the way out, and that’s without any work done to my teeth yet.
Another perk to sedation dentistry is that they can get the extensive work I need done in as little as three visits. Regular dentistry could take about twenty visits. Yuck. Its well worth the two grand to be knocked out. I don’t understand why it costs so much though. I guess because in the medical field they are so scared of what might happen to you. I hate to break it them but I have taken fists full of benzos and shot dope at the same time, one the most lethal combinations out there. If I could medicate myself it would only cost me a fraction of a percent of that. I guess I am paying him to revive me in case these drugs backfire. You can’t scare an addict, but apparently doctors are terrified.
Anyway, after I took FOREVER in getting over my fear, having most of my teeth rot out while I procrastinated, now I have to wait some more. Don’t these people realize how bad this sucks!
At least I am now on the road to a smile though. I won’t have to hold my head in shame. That is the one thing that I feel that Sawyer has on me, the reason that he would not want to be with me. Other than that I feel like I am good enough for him. I kind of feel like I am good enough anyway, and sometimes I get so aggravated with him for treating me so badly I start to hate him.
The next time he tries to hook up with me I am going to make him work for it. Maybe I will just say no all together. Maybe we are just better off as friends. Maybe it will be like Joey and Rachael on Friends; first Joey likes Rachael and she is all set, then the situation reversed itself and she starts to crush on him. In the end they could never be together because they couldn’t get over the weirdness of getting over the friends to lovers thing.
Well let’s just say that we have already overcome that obstacle.
