insomnia
tonight is the second night in a row i have found it impossible to get to sleep. this is now a new thing for me as i have suffered from insomnia for eight years now ever since puberty.
what makes this time different is the reason i cant sleep. usually its just that i cant drop off because my brain is working over time but this time it is to do with an irrational fear i have developed of falling to sleep. in my opinion its my lack of willing to not be in control that is stopping me from being able to fall.
not being in control of my own body it terrifying for me. what more terrifying is the thought of another sleepless night but my brain wont listen to that.