Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold

[beckertwash]

The last few weeks I've had this knot in my stomach and while I know what has been contributing to it I still can't figure out the root cause of my anxiousness.  Last night I could not sleep.  I would start to doze off and then I would jerk awake or I would get hot and have to take off the covers or I would get cold and have to put them back on or the power would flicker off (last two nights my power has randomly turned off and come right back on again).  I don't feel that tired this morning, but I know by the end of the day I'm going to be exhausted.  I never was a good sleeper.

I just feel like people think I'm crazy when I'm trying to act in friendship.  While I think I'm acting like I care others think I'm acting obsessed.  And because of that I think my bad stomach is from feeling rejected.  Trust me that's not me obsessing... it's just the way I was raised... to give a damn... to be honest... to have the courage to be vulnerable.  As I get older, though, my courage is waning and more and more I just want to lock myself up in my own little world away from people all together.  It hasn't really been paying off for me to put myself out there... it just makes me look questionable.

Don't let the world bring you down.
Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold.
Remember why you came and while you're alive
Experience the warmth before you grow old.