I could be super serious about RL troubles right or I could post about boybands. Guess which won.
Status update: A little worryingly numb at times. I don't think I'm shutting down, I'm still able to enjoy happy things, but... well, I watched some tv yesterday and the first episode of a series dealt with the murder of this little boy and the parents feeling bereft and grieving after him and... I felt nothing. Not really even a twinge of
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Japan has some really good gems buried everywhere; I think it's just where to look. I mean, I think One Piece is fully deserving of its hype. SPEAKING OF WHICH, I am reading again! *____*
Re Ohno & Aiba: YES. Ohno is Arashi's willing harbour, and they love him for it. There was this excellent fic I'd read recently that illustrated this perfectly, but I can't find it again. And Aiba is just their momentum, I swear; they wouldn't do three-quarters of their batshit things if Aiba wasn't there, nudging them along and soothing frayed nerves when things got kind of scary and embarrassing and etc.
You know he probably does have his computer plastered with their pictures and probably even has, like, posters tucked away somewhere. And that's why none of them are EVER allowed over to his place, because he KNOWS that Ninomiya would find them and NEVER LET HIM FORGET IT.
LOL FOREVER OMG HE TOTALLY WOULD, AND NINO TOTALLY BACK JUN INTO A CORNER. DON'T YOU LOVE US AND APPRECIATE GOOD PHOTOGRAPHY, JUN-KUN :< And Jun'd have, like, pristine copies of their magazines when he likes an interview that they'd given, and would completely put framed pictures of the band on his bedside table if he didn't realize how completely hopeless that would factually make him. And then Nino would come over and see everything Jun hadn't done anyway:
"And he had a picture of a shirtless Aiba-kun and Sho-chan on the wall across the washroom, but he didn't let me take a picture of the hallway-"
"I so do not, you little-"
This time, Aiba lunged off the seat with Jun and proceeded to tickle him as Jun pinned him down, Nino swearing and shrieking with helpless laughter the entire way. Sho made violated faces at the three of them.
Ohno nodded at the camera. "Before that was an Iza NOW! sign-board I forgot to toss and gave to MatsuJun after the concert," he told the boom mic.
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I am delighted to hear you're reading One Piece again! *___* I've been skipping manga lately, so I'm a few chapters behind (the latest chapters were really heart-wrenching for me at a time I probably should have been avoiding it) but it's SO GOOD and I WANT TO SHAAAARE, so you'll have to talk about your reactions as you go along!
And Jun'd have, like, pristine copies of their magazines when he likes an interview that they'd given
Jun would be that kind of person who likes to have things neat and nicely done, he's a perfectionist, and he loves Arashi so ridiculously that he'd get a special binder with special laminated holders for the articles he especially liked. Or he'll just keep the whole magazine because he hates tearing pages out, so he'll have this box of magazines with especially good articles tucked away in the back of his closet that, OF COURSE, Nino will find.
"And he had a picture of a shirtless Aiba-kun and Sho-chan on the wall across the washroom, but he didn't let me take a picture of the hallway-"
It was a little creepy, honestly, Nino says later, just how many pictures Jun had of their group on his walls. But also sort of sweet, because you can tell he really loves Arashi a lot, which is a good thing. But still, it's the kind of thing that makes you want to laugh a little bit, right?
And then Aiba and Sho both have to pull him off Nino, while Ohno just sort of stares and you can't tell if he's spaced out or if he's thinking, hmm, that's kind of hot.
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Speaking of One Piece, there is a just-posted fanfic on je_justfriends that reads a bit like One Piece. Aiba is, of course, the catalyst to everything. Go read! ♥
Or he'll just keep the whole magazine because he hates tearing pages out, so he'll have this box of magazines with especially good articles tucked away in the back of his closet that, OF COURSE, Nino will find.
And knowing Jun, he'd be neurotic enough to organize them by date, magazine title, and frequency of re-reads. And when Jun isn't looking, Nino will slip into the spaces the volumes that Jun had somehow missed (and had starred with a sticky, to hold the spot) with a brand-new volume with one of Aiba's porn magazines in the middle.
It was a little creepy, honestly, Nino says later, just how many pictures Jun had of their group on his walls. But also sort of sweet, because you can tell he really loves Arashi a lot, which is a good thing. But still, it's the kind of thing that makes you want to laugh a little bit, right?
Jun will be a little too riled up to tell them that Nino had put them up, and then decided to make up the ones he didn't have time to put up before Jun had wrestled him off his wall but had wanted to. Which is a good thing, because Ohno will go, "So which ones did you put up yourself?"
To which Jun would have to reply, "I meant I had my own photo collection on my computer like any sane, normal human being," because he can't very well tell the truth - whatever it may be, it will only doom him. Only Aiba won't let him complete the sentence after "computer" and will very enthusiastically volunteer Arashi to decorate his room with more photos.
So really, it's for the best that Jun doesn't say anything and stays all riled up, Nino thinks. .____.
Ohno would totally watch. And possibly direct. "Aiba-kun, your hand..."
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Nino would totally sneak porn in between the volumes of Jun's stash of magazines. With the leaflets badly torn out just to extra antagonize him. And probably of the big boobs variety, since that'd bother him even more. It's so much fun to bother Jun-kun that it's really not Nino's fault. He should make it less amusing for people to mess with him!
When Jun really wants to kill himself is when they start critiquing his photo choices. "I remember that hair, it was really difficult to maintain, so it never looked quite right. I liked the Wink Up photoshoot after that, you remember the one with the puppies?" "I know, right? That one was really good!" "Matsujun, you should put up that one on your walls, it was really good!"
Nino will helpfully gather up a bunch of baby pictures for a special collage and they'll present it to him on national television and you don't want to be ungrateful on national television, do you, Jun-kun?
Ohno would totally direct. "Sho-chan needs to move a little to the right...." and Nino can snark, what, are they playing Twister now?? Aiba would think that was an aces idea and a great way to make Jun forget about killing Nino, too!
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On Jun's birthday he'll sneak in gay porn along with the limited special edition of [insert magazine name] that Jun was never able to find (and make Sho buy the porn for him).
Jun totally wouldn't know whether to hug or strangle them all, because this collage came completely from Nino's invasion and lies, and it is not ethical (nor safe to his sanity) to condone that kind of action from Nino! This will set precedents! But-but baby pictures on national television...
CRACKING UP ON TWISTER OH MY GOD Didn't Ohno and Jun play twister at the end of some Mago Mago episode, and Jun's face was RIGHT IN OHNO'S ASS? And he was grinning his head off? Am I crazy or did this happen? I'm sure it happened!
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Nino. Making. Sho. Buy. The. Porn. For. Him. Amazing. I'm sure he would have said that Aiba could go buy it for them, but does Sho-chan really want to risk Nino sending Aiba to buy the gay porn? In a public place? Being Aiba?
And, really, Nino probably could have sent a staff member (possibly this is why the wardrobe chick hates him so much, because he's made her buy gay porn for them in a public place before) but he has a bet with Oh-chan to see if he can really make Sho do it.
Either Aiba or Sho will play peacemaker when Nino presents the collage to Jun--by telling embarrassing baby stories about Nino. And Ohno will chime in with some really good ones that have even Nino shrieking in embarrassment. Jun will be placated.
YOU ARE NOT IMAGINING THAT. It was a D no Arashi episode, I think? I remember because I wrote fic sort of like that and laughing at how hilariously gay it was and how I was pretty sure Ohno was egging it on on purpose. (It was one of the episodes with Meguro-san, IIRC.)
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Sho-chan, says Nino, you know that if I send Aiba-chan to buy me gay porn he'll get me the male version of naughty housewives. And then he'll look very traumatized and giggle a lot when he finds one starring a porn star who looks just like you (because you know they hire actors half on the fact that they look like popular idols), and then you know what he'll do? He'll--
Sho has never run out the door for porn faster.
And when Ohno starts talking about embarrassing Nino baby stories, Nino won't be able to stop him, because he started the collage in the first place. So Jun can look smug all he wants, until he gets in the next time and changes his wallpaper and homepage to something more, ah, appropriate.
MEGURO-SAN all I can think of now is Ohno's hysterical laughter as they start on the roller coaster. I need to watch DnA ASAP aughhhhh ♥
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If Japan's porn industry is anything like the one in the West, they'll have entire videos dedicated to orgies with Arashi member-lookalikes. You know Aiba would manage to find the worst of the lot and Sho knows it, too. To add insult to injury, Sho has to buy it with his own money because there's no way Nino would shell out for it.
From now on, Nino takes pictures when he does something to Jun's place. Changing the homepage on his computer? Takes a picture. Puts up that calendar image of Sho on the stripper pole? Takes a picture. Shun has to help with this, because Jun starts keeping his keys on his person, because the last time Nino just went into Jun's bag without asking while Jun was busy elsewhere and Nino was locked out.
One time, they plaster Jun's room with pictures of Jun, just to say, ummm, aren't you a little obsessed with yourself, Jun-kun? Arashi is made up of five members, you know!
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The Arashi!orgies porn would be a bestseller, no lie. And pfft, since when has Nino ever given Sho money to buy stuff for him? It should be an honour to be involved in his nefarious plans. Think of it as his participation fees.
LOL JUN'S FACE WHEN HE WALKS INTO HIS ROOM WITH HIMSELF ON EVERY INCH. If Nino and Shun love me they'll also have made a life-sized cardboard cutout of Jun from his nude An-An shoot and put it on his bed.
The other time they put up Shun's pictures, and Shun will debut this on Oshareism (Ueda: *suspicious* why do you have pictures of MatsuJun's room?) and announce that Jun has officially graduated from keeping just his photobook by his bedside. I'm so pleased they decided to adopt me! he says in a touched voice. That Jun-kun admires me so! I never thought- to this extent- *sniff*
THIS THREAD IS SO BEAUTIFUL. BY BEAUTIFUL I MEAN CRACK. I MEAN BEAUTIFUL. WHAT.
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About once a month, they'll get together and do this, that's just enough time for Jun to start letting his guard down around Shun (read: getting drunk with Shun and forget that Shun groping him also means Shun's going for his keys), so they'll rotate who Jun is "obsessed" with every month.
They really like to make it Sho, because he makes these funny uncomfortable faces when he's plastered all over Jun's wall, even when he knows that it's Nino and Shun fucking with Jun. One time they put up a bunch of pictures of Akanishi (which causes Yamapi--and possibly Ryo--to have a conniption fit laughing) and Jun really does whack both of them.
Jun tries to deny the adoption, but they have a rule in Arashi. When you have a majority agreeing on something, the rest of the band shuts up and deals with it. FOUR TO ONE, JUNBUG. SHUN STAYS. (No, wait, five to one now.)
I LOVE THIS THREAD WITH MY WHOLE BEING.
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Jun should know better than to let his guard down around Shun at any time. Jun's ass isn't quite as round as my ideal girl's, but it's fair enough, Shun reflects wistfully, as he flicks the keys out while Jun drunkenly preens. Maybe Shun shouldn't have drank so much either, but at least Nino's sober.
AHAHA AKANISHI ON JUN'S WALLS Jun has to bleach his walls afterwards. He steals Nino's bleach, and when that runs out, Shun's. They retaliate by posting up, idek, Toma. Though I'm not sure what can top Akanishi, and I think that would horrify Toma more than Jun...hair product ads?
The majority rule is actually COMPLETELY REAL IN ARASHI, LOLLLLL A+++. Sho operates on it, at least! Shun can even sub in for our vocals when one of us can't make it! He can totally MC our concerts and regale us with stories! (Nino strikes a deal with Shun before this.)
OMG THIS IS LIKE I'M WRITING FIC AGAIN. EXCEPT NOT, BECAUSE THIS TOTALLY HAPPENS.
NOT AS MUCH AS I LOVE YOU ♥ This made my weekend, omg.
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Akanishi alone was worse than the time they plastered all of KAT-TUN over his walls, so they saved that for a really special occasion. Like Nino's birthday. I'm not sure what could be worse than that for Jun, either! I don't think putting Ryo or Yamapi or even Kame's posters up would do it. Nagase maybe? Because they'll INVITE NAGASE ON THE SHOW and he'll give Jun a great big hug.
That interview with Sho where he says he abides by the Majority Rule system was so hilariously great. EVERY FIVESOME FIC I EVER WROTE (or just daydreamed in my head) PLAYED ON THAT. "Everyone else agrees that you're participating in this orgy, Sho-chan, so shut up and lay back, okay?"
Shun would make an awesome MC for their shows! And he'd be awesome at the physical stuff they have to do sometimes! He's a giant so he's got to be great at sports, right? ...rollerskating tug of war totally counts as a sport, by the way. He'd be awesome at encouraging the rest of the band when they're on variety shows. "Sho-kun, do your best on this game or I'll tell them about the time I saw you yelling at the obaa-san in the--" "THAT NEVER HAPPENED, STOP MAKING THINGS UP!!"
I WANT THIS SO BADLY I CAN SEE IT ALREADY AND I LOVE YOU FOR ALL OF THIS. I am going to keep this close to my heart forever.
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(I hate you, Jun grouses bitterly into his pillow in the morning as the headache is doubled by greasy Akanishi staring at him in an attempt to be sexy from the washroom door. I hate you so much.
You like getting your butt groped by Shun-kun, don't you, Nino observes as he deposits a plate of pancakes, a glass of something and what sounds like his bottle of paracetamol on his bedside table.
Jun-kun has a nice butt, Shun offers with a groan on the other side of the bed. Sometimes it has the magical property of making my headaches go away.
I hate you, Jun repeats, but the heat in his voice is drained away by Nino's hand petting his hair lightly, and Shun's hand lying on his ass, not groping, just a bleed of warmth that settles the roiling in his stomach somewhat.)
OMG NAGASE!! YOU ARE A GENIUS. If Ohno and Nino and Aiba asks Naga-nii nicely enough, he might actually come into Jun's apartment and strip AND give him a hug! And if HE says it convincingly enough, maybe all of TOKIO will come celebrate Jun's birthday with him! And Koichi! NAKED PARTY AT KOUHAI'S YES!!
Shun is an athlete, he and Aiba will DESTROY THINGS. And Shun can worship Ohno like the best of them! And he'll make it a contest with Nino and Jun on who can fangirl Ohno best! He can air-guitar with Sho!
WHEN JAPAN HATES US ALL WE NEED TO DO IS TO REMEMBER THAT SHUN IS ARASHI'S SIXTH MEMBER, AND ALL WILL BE OKAY EVENTUALLY.
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Sometimes it has the magical property of making my headaches go away.
I am going to be in love with you forever. You are amazing and I'm pretty sure I'm attached to your ankle in an attempt to keep you writing forever. (Especially when Jun hates them so very much and doesn't want them to move away from him, okay.)
I'm also sure Nino took lots of pictures of Shun and Jun passed out in the bed together (which he'll forward to Shun, of course, because Shun is a good friend and Nino likes him) and adds it to his collection of Jun-being-gay-with-bandmates so he can make a special collage of that, too. There's a really excellent one of the time Aiba managed to "accidentally" get his hand down Jun's pants when he was "adjusting" Jun's clothes for him that is the pride of Nino's collection.
TOKIO at Jun's birthday would be amazing. HEY WE HEARD IT WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND WE HAVE THIS SPECIAL TRADITION IN TOKIO FOR WHEN IT'S THE BIRTHDAY BOY'S SPECIAL DAY~~ The best part is Jun is too polite and respectful towards his sempai to actually run away screaming. (AND KOICHI CAN BE THERE TO BE GAY WITH NAGASE YAAAAY!)
Oh, man, can you imagine Shun with Ohno? The tallest and the shortest, Shun could just about literally pick Ohno up and stick him in his pocket because he loves Leader so much.
THIS IS WHY ARASHI IS GOOD FOR THE WORLD. EVEN WHEN THE REST OF IT SUCKS, THEY STILL BRING US HAPPINESS AND JOY. (And gay porn.)
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Dude, I can't take credit for like half these things, you wrote them too!
Later on Jun will insult Nino's pancakes as he finishes them faster than he eats his own cooking, and down about a quarter of his paracetamol, and Nino will coo at him with an Akanishi uchiwa over his face, knowing that Jun is too hungover to jump at him and beat him. Jun quietly plans to speak to Shun about obtaining Chinen products in upcoming weeks.
When Nino looks, he realizes that Aiba is the star of his being-gay-with-bandmates series. It's not so much surprising as it is somewhat expected. What is surprising is that the most epic of Aiba's mostly involved Jun, or Sho.
He's proudest of the one that Aiba has a hand down Jun's pants, not because it's a rarity (okay it kind of is, but that's in comparison to him and Oh-chan cuddling) but because he managed to catch Jun's expression in the photo. Words fail to describe Jun's face in it, but Nino is sure that it is featured in Jun's most fevered blackmail nightmares. Or fevered dreams. He's not going to think too hard about that.
LOL Actually I just realized that they'd put Akanishi up for NINO's birthday, not Jun's. But then everything just works out! Akanishi for Nino's birthday, drunk stripping sempai parties for Jun's! EVERYONE WINS! Unless your name is MatsuJun!
And Nagase will serenade the party on his next interview, because MatsuJun is such an accomodating birthday boy! He's the best host for naked parties ever!
Shun would be the champion of Leader-lovers. He can beat both Nino AND Jun in his adoration, and he can SHOW IT TOO. ON NATIONAL TELEVISION.
Sho can only watch in half horror and half uncontrollable laughter as the episode unfolds.
ARASHI IS GOOD FOR EVERYONE'S SOUL-SOUL. EVEN FOR THE ONES WHO DON'T HAVE SOULS.
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