And so this is Christmas...
Well, needless to say... I have not had the best Christmas/New Year/Holiday ever.
My parents fought most of Christmas day; what a surprise. I did get some good gifts - A crock pot, a toaster, a hot water maker, clothes, and a few random things for the apartment. I really wanted the toast and crock pot, so I'm excited about those.
The day after, my dad went to the dr's, and they found he had an internal infection that was pretty bad and put him on medication. THen, he got a catscan and they said he would need a surgery to remove an abnormal mass that they didn't know what it was. Then, they called him back today saying that it was much more serious, and to go see them.
It turns out that he has two spots on his lung, a spot on his tube (because he had stomach cancer and removed his stomach 10 years ago, so now his esophagus (sp?) is hooked up to his liver) and his colon. They say it's "very suspicious" which usually means it's cancer. At any rate, he has to go to have a biopsy done to confirm whether its cancer or not, and find out how bad and how fast it's spreading.
...If you know me at all, you would know how much of a daddy's girl I am, and how close we are, and how hard this news is for me. I'm trying so hard to keep it together, but it's difficult. I don't know what I would do with out my father; he's my hero, he's someone that understands me and LOVES me no matter what I do. He has this.. Untouchable humor and this.. Amazing ability to be strong that I wish I had. God.. I just.. I don't know anymore. He's my FATHER.. He's the one man in my life who will love me unconditionally, and I him. And now, there's a great chance of losing him.
And, on top of that - the kicker - I had an abnormal papsmere that turned out to be low grade pre cancerous cells. I have to have a 'colposcopy' aka a biopsy for your vagina to hopefully remove the cancerious cells. Cancerous? Meh, I don't know how to spell.
So.. It has just been one bad thing after another, and I'm really beginning to think that I'm not strong enough for all of this. I just.. I'm not. I'm a fairly weak person.
And, I might be taking the semester off depending how my father is doing. I cannot handle being in Boston while my dad goes through this. I need to be at home, I need to help take care of him and the family. School can wait. I mean - I will take online courses, but my family comes first and foremost. Maybe I'll get a part time job somewhere in town.
..I just don't really know at this point. I'm so confused right now.. I'm not sure what to do or what to say.
Lance was supposed to come over today.. TO Justine's, since I'm here - And he knows what's going on, except for my situation - and he knows how upset I am, but did he come? No.
And I needed him to be here. I needed him to just hug me and kiss me on the cheek. He didn't have to say anything. Just be here. But no, he had to hang out with his other friends and go to Hooters.
I see Phil's family tomorrow, and that makes me happy. I miss them. A lot. I miss picking on Lissa, and her picking on me; I miss talking to mum, and going shopping with the girls. I miss talking to dad, and him thinking he can ground me; him telling me he loves and cares about me even if I'm not his real daughter. I miss Phil, and us talking and cuddling. I miss his extended family too, like his aunt NIcky, and how we used to pull pranks and jokes on eachother.
I do feel bad for not being home, though. I just.. Need a break to think and get my head together.
Well.. That's my update.. Sorry it was long. I'm not really sure anyone reads it anyway, but it made me feel better to write it all out.
I hope everyone had a merry christmas, and has a wonderful new year.
My parents fought most of Christmas day; what a surprise. I did get some good gifts - A crock pot, a toaster, a hot water maker, clothes, and a few random things for the apartment. I really wanted the toast and crock pot, so I'm excited about those.
The day after, my dad went to the dr's, and they found he had an internal infection that was pretty bad and put him on medication. THen, he got a catscan and they said he would need a surgery to remove an abnormal mass that they didn't know what it was. Then, they called him back today saying that it was much more serious, and to go see them.
It turns out that he has two spots on his lung, a spot on his tube (because he had stomach cancer and removed his stomach 10 years ago, so now his esophagus (sp?) is hooked up to his liver) and his colon. They say it's "very suspicious" which usually means it's cancer. At any rate, he has to go to have a biopsy done to confirm whether its cancer or not, and find out how bad and how fast it's spreading.
...If you know me at all, you would know how much of a daddy's girl I am, and how close we are, and how hard this news is for me. I'm trying so hard to keep it together, but it's difficult. I don't know what I would do with out my father; he's my hero, he's someone that understands me and LOVES me no matter what I do. He has this.. Untouchable humor and this.. Amazing ability to be strong that I wish I had. God.. I just.. I don't know anymore. He's my FATHER.. He's the one man in my life who will love me unconditionally, and I him. And now, there's a great chance of losing him.
And, on top of that - the kicker - I had an abnormal papsmere that turned out to be low grade pre cancerous cells. I have to have a 'colposcopy' aka a biopsy for your vagina to hopefully remove the cancerious cells. Cancerous? Meh, I don't know how to spell.
So.. It has just been one bad thing after another, and I'm really beginning to think that I'm not strong enough for all of this. I just.. I'm not. I'm a fairly weak person.
And, I might be taking the semester off depending how my father is doing. I cannot handle being in Boston while my dad goes through this. I need to be at home, I need to help take care of him and the family. School can wait. I mean - I will take online courses, but my family comes first and foremost. Maybe I'll get a part time job somewhere in town.
..I just don't really know at this point. I'm so confused right now.. I'm not sure what to do or what to say.
Lance was supposed to come over today.. TO Justine's, since I'm here - And he knows what's going on, except for my situation - and he knows how upset I am, but did he come? No.
And I needed him to be here. I needed him to just hug me and kiss me on the cheek. He didn't have to say anything. Just be here. But no, he had to hang out with his other friends and go to Hooters.
I see Phil's family tomorrow, and that makes me happy. I miss them. A lot. I miss picking on Lissa, and her picking on me; I miss talking to mum, and going shopping with the girls. I miss talking to dad, and him thinking he can ground me; him telling me he loves and cares about me even if I'm not his real daughter. I miss Phil, and us talking and cuddling. I miss his extended family too, like his aunt NIcky, and how we used to pull pranks and jokes on eachother.
I do feel bad for not being home, though. I just.. Need a break to think and get my head together.
Well.. That's my update.. Sorry it was long. I'm not really sure anyone reads it anyway, but it made me feel better to write it all out.
I hope everyone had a merry christmas, and has a wonderful new year.