Why do I doubt my regrets?
Have you ever thought "Gosh, now why did I go and do that?" I'm feeling that now...slightly. It's so weird to explain. I can't even explain it to myself. I know what I did...I know the reasons behind it...so why do I regret it now? And also, why do I regret regretting what I did? I am doubting my regrets. I have good reasons to regret it, and good reasons to not. It's so hard to try to explain.
What am I doing? Why am I doing this? What will come out of it? I just don't know. I know I can say that I'll just "wait" till I find out...but I hate waiting. What if I make a split decision right now that can change everything and I'll never find out what I was looking for because I decided that waiting was too "overdone" What if I continue to wait, and find out that I completely messed up because the answer isn't what I was hoping for. What am I hoping for? I thought I knew all these things. ACtually, that's a lie. When I made this certain decision, I really didn't know what I was looking for...I just knew I wanted to try and find it. When it came to me, I'd be happy with the result because I knew it'd be something new and something I did on my own. But now I'm having my second thoughts.
Why did I let go of something so beautiful? Is it really beautiful? or do I only think it is...I just don't know. I know waiting will let me find out if I really think it's beautiful. So I'll continue to do that....for now. It's getting a bit harder to do...I think I'm at the mid point right now. It was easy before...I had high hopes and was anxious to see the new light. I'm at the mid point where it's getting a bit tougher to keep straight and see the new experiences that I may encounter. I hope I can pass this hill...it can only get easier once I pass it. Once I pass it, I'll know if I want to continue moving forward...or just turn around and go back to my sense of security.
ah life throws weird curves at you...when this happens, I wish I had one of those big ass Hummers to just off-road it and go straight..."screw this unexplainable curvy pavement, I'm going straight...my expensive, gas guzzling hummer can do it anyway...punk!" *referring to an invisible someone who gave me all these doubts and regrets...and curved roads-shrugs*
-Becky
What am I doing? Why am I doing this? What will come out of it? I just don't know. I know I can say that I'll just "wait" till I find out...but I hate waiting. What if I make a split decision right now that can change everything and I'll never find out what I was looking for because I decided that waiting was too "overdone" What if I continue to wait, and find out that I completely messed up because the answer isn't what I was hoping for. What am I hoping for? I thought I knew all these things. ACtually, that's a lie. When I made this certain decision, I really didn't know what I was looking for...I just knew I wanted to try and find it. When it came to me, I'd be happy with the result because I knew it'd be something new and something I did on my own. But now I'm having my second thoughts.
Why did I let go of something so beautiful? Is it really beautiful? or do I only think it is...I just don't know. I know waiting will let me find out if I really think it's beautiful. So I'll continue to do that....for now. It's getting a bit harder to do...I think I'm at the mid point right now. It was easy before...I had high hopes and was anxious to see the new light. I'm at the mid point where it's getting a bit tougher to keep straight and see the new experiences that I may encounter. I hope I can pass this hill...it can only get easier once I pass it. Once I pass it, I'll know if I want to continue moving forward...or just turn around and go back to my sense of security.
ah life throws weird curves at you...when this happens, I wish I had one of those big ass Hummers to just off-road it and go straight..."screw this unexplainable curvy pavement, I'm going straight...my expensive, gas guzzling hummer can do it anyway...punk!" *referring to an invisible someone who gave me all these doubts and regrets...and curved roads-shrugs*
-Becky