The Latest Issue of Glamour and a Toblerone
Ah, me. I am le tired. Not in the, "I need a nap" kind of way, but more in the "I need a vacation" kind of way. It is not to say that I am burnt out or anything like that, just that I've been drudging along, gathering the change from the floor boards of my car to buy smokes, just barely getting up in time for basically every class, hating school, hating life, etc, since Christmas break and its really wearing me the fuck out. I'm sitting here, trying to come up with something to write about for an essay that's due at 11 am, stressing about having two tests on Monday, and feeling GUILTY about treating myself to the latest issue of Glamour and a fucking Toblerone. These are not things that make me feel good about me, these are things that make me want to crawl into bed for a few months. Again.
I don't understand where all this negative body-image stuff is coming from lately either. I mean, I put on about 5 lbs since I started eating cheese again, but why would that all of a sudden make me feel fatter than I did before the 15 lbs I lost going off cheese in the first place? Argh. I'm thinking I'll have to go off cheese again. But I LOVE CHEESE!!! Insert obnoxious whining sounds here. Sometimes I think I should just stop eating all together, but no. Is it sad that I wish I were anorexic? I think it is. I ate fast food twice today. TWICE!! Oh, god. When did I become one of those girls that talks about their own eating habits all the time? This is no good.
Okay, change of subject.
I have a cruuuuush! He's yummy. "Is it on some guy who doesn't even know your name?" you ask? Why, yes, of course, doing otherwise would be entirely unlike me. But at least, this time, he's not twenty years older than me and living in another state, so I figure this is a step in the right direction. I'm beginning to wonder if I do this on purpose. . . you know fall madly in love with random guys that are never going to go out with me, in order to not have to deal with the stress of relationships. Nooo, that's just ridiculous. Me? Subconsciously avoiding stress by isolating myself? That's simply ludacris and frankly, the mere implication offends the very core of my being.
Ah, sarcasm, my old chum, I have missed you so.
I don't understand where all this negative body-image stuff is coming from lately either. I mean, I put on about 5 lbs since I started eating cheese again, but why would that all of a sudden make me feel fatter than I did before the 15 lbs I lost going off cheese in the first place? Argh. I'm thinking I'll have to go off cheese again. But I LOVE CHEESE!!! Insert obnoxious whining sounds here. Sometimes I think I should just stop eating all together, but no. Is it sad that I wish I were anorexic? I think it is. I ate fast food twice today. TWICE!! Oh, god. When did I become one of those girls that talks about their own eating habits all the time? This is no good.
Okay, change of subject.
I have a cruuuuush! He's yummy. "Is it on some guy who doesn't even know your name?" you ask? Why, yes, of course, doing otherwise would be entirely unlike me. But at least, this time, he's not twenty years older than me and living in another state, so I figure this is a step in the right direction. I'm beginning to wonder if I do this on purpose. . . you know fall madly in love with random guys that are never going to go out with me, in order to not have to deal with the stress of relationships. Nooo, that's just ridiculous. Me? Subconsciously avoiding stress by isolating myself? That's simply ludacris and frankly, the mere implication offends the very core of my being.
Ah, sarcasm, my old chum, I have missed you so.