BSG Fic - Reparation, 13/?
Title: Reparation
Author: becisvolatile
Part: 13/?
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: Lee/Kara, Bill, Roslin, Helo, Sharon, Cottle, Anders, Dee, Leoben, Racetrack, Seelix.
Word Count: 5300+
Category: Novella
Genre: Romance, Angst, Action with Romance, PWP, Drama
Archiving: The Fallout Shelter, Apollo/Starbuck Fan Fic, Beyond Insane all others please ask
Warnings: Language, violence, sexual content,
Spoilers: Up to and including S3
Summary: What he was doing was called compromise. It was a new concept for both of them and one he wasn’t entirely comfortable introducing to their relationship, but desperate times called for…
Beta: Angylinni suffers through my tentative grasp of grammar once more.
Author’s Note: Into the Reparation phase of things, people. Also? Talking through my arse about the hormone stuff, I could be way out.
Previous Chapters:
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Reparation
The years crushed in on him and damned if he didn’t suddenly feel old. She was alive and whole and there, within his reach and under his command. He sucked in a breath and turned to Tigh, “Helo and Apollo are out there?”
“You want them back in?”
He shook his head, “Let them field this one. This is going to take kid gloves. Gods only know what she’s gotten herself stuck into out there. They’ve got the skill to do it, just remind them that they’re also going to need patience. Have Helo do a fly by, I want a sitrep.”
He waited as the command was given, the CIC shaking off its mantle of barely functional shock to pull together and organize Kara’s retrieval. A minute passed and he turned to nod toward the communication switch, “I want this on speaker.”
“This is Helo.” Agathon’s voice cracked over the wireless, fast and just a little bit nervous.
“Go ahead, son.”
“It’s the Mutem Wia all right. It’s taken some massive impacts. The starboard loading bay has been smacked around, but I don’t think that was Starbuck. The loading bay must have been open, at least partially, I can see where a heavy fractional impact has knocked the door off its runners. It’s possible that they were trying to shut them when they jumped, but Starbuck must have clipped the door when she was inbound. I’m pulling down alongside the bay, let me… If I can just get some light…”
There was a pause and Bill found himself closing his eyes, trying to conjure Kara in a wash of light, safe and whole.
“There! Ha!! There, I’ve got her in my sights. She’s… she seems secure enough.”
There was a pause as Helo muttered something; he was talking to Lee, relaying what he saw. Bill considered contacting his son, but didn’t trust himself not to scold him like a child. Lee didn’t need to be read the riot act about jumping into a Cylon fleet. He needed to focus on the mission. He needed to think like a pilot. Reminding Lee of what was at stake, emotionally… romantically, it wouldn’t help.
“Can you confirm that?”
There was a pause as Helo took a closer look, they might have heard him mutter something like “For frak’s sake, Lee, just stay back.”
“She’s taken chunks out of the deck; her Viper is up against a far wall. It’s jammed up against the far bulkhead and container. I can’t say how secure she is.”
There was his problem. Kara was in a closed area, but by no means atmospherically controlled. She might as well have been hanging off the side of the Mutem Wia for all the good her position did her. She was trapped against the ship, but ultimately exposed. No room to eject, or even maneuver - if her Viper was even capable. They were going to have to extract her.
“Get me Starbuck.”
A pause, then he spoke, “How’re you holding up out there?”
“I need to pee,” she sounded mildly bored.
He covered his laugh with a cough. She’d been out there a while. “Sitrep.”
“That is the sitrep. I got nothing, Sir. A couple of seconds ago there was a bit of light, I could make out what might be some cargo netting, some industrial containers. About fifteen minutes ago I might have felt a drift, but my Viper slid a little, crunched and seems to be stable now. I’m guessing I compromised the pressure in the bay when I came in.”
“I have Helo and Apollo out there, we’ll figure something out. Sit tight.”
*****
“Wait. What?” Kara was sure Helo had it wrong.
“That’s the plan.”
“The plan sucks.” And of course, insane as it was, the plan could only be the product of Lee’s mind. Oh sure, he’d always seemed so quiet and rational, but Kara was well aware that when he was pushed, Lee could be moved to extreme measures and lunacy in the guise of innovation.
Kara shifted in the cockpit. Funny that it always boiled down to this - backed into a corner, hard up for oxygen and at Lee’s mercy.
It was glaringly obvious that Lee had yet to actually speak to her. He didn’t lack the capacity; she knew he was out there. Not that they’d really been on speaking terms. Frak, she wasn’t even sure what terms they were on. They’d been playing a game of tender antagonism and she’d stuck to her silence because she couldn’t trust herself not to heap all of her burdens on him. But she hadn’t quite been able to just cut all ties. Maybe that was how they’d ended up as screwed up as they were? Inhabiting the same few square feet of space but never touching or talking.
Well, that was a lie. Lee spoke. A lot. He told her that he loved her. Hell, he maybe even meant it. He told her that he wanted her. Frak, the cockpit seemed to be closing in on her. She shut her eyes, but was greeted only with the familiar sound of his breathing growing faster and faster… then hitching… and regulating. Then he’d turn on the shower, and she’d roll over in bed having passed up the offer yet again. What did he want from her? Hadn’t he proven that she was beyond help? In her mind, if Lee couldn’t do it, no man could.
“Run it by me again.” She sounded tired. She felt tired. “And this time, gloss over the batshit insane parts.”
For a second she could hear the rumble of Helo’s voice as he spoke to Lee. It grew louder until she caught his final words, “For frak’s sake just talk to her!”
There was a radio silence before Lee’s voice cut into her thoughts, “Kara?”
She wanted to smack her forehead against her hand, but the helmet made it impossible. She settled for just thumping her head back, “Yeah.”
“You’re alive.” There was something so raw in his voice that she might have thought… no. She wasn’t thinking about that.
“I’m hard to kill.”
“Glad to hear it.”
There was another pause and Kara knew that Lee was just as aware as she was that anyone could be listening. Which is why when he said it, yet again, it was quick and short and followed by a lengthy explanation. But it was still there, and for all his speed and masking, she was sure everyone heard it.
“Iloveyou.” He cleared his throat, “Look, here’s what we’re doing. Helo and I can maneuver in; you’ve busted the door wide enough for that. We’ll hook you up on some cables, between the two Raptors we should have enough grunt to pull you free.”
“Only to smack me into the doors on the way out? I’m all for out of the box, you know that. But smear on the side of the ship? Not so much.”
“Your primary thrusters are down, right? But you have your auxiliary system.”
“Frak, Lee, you want me to steer my way out of this? I don’t know if she’ll hold together for that. I just… don’t.” Kara could hear the faintest echo of feedback in her helmet, was she even listening to herself? She rolled her eyes and sucked a breath between her teeth. “You get me killed, Adama, and I will haunt your ass.”
It was Helo’s turn to chip in, “That’s our girl. Come on, Kara, pull this off and you’ll have a free ride back to Galactica.”
*****
“Hunh.” Kara had never really lacked confidence,at least not when it came to flying. Helo had to admit that he could remember times when her confidence had wavered, watching fellow cadets chasing pretty girls on shore leave with a frown on her face. Not that Helo had ever let her frown for long. The loss of his peers had been a helluva gain for him. Back in the day.
But that single “Hunh” echoing in his ears suggested that Kara really hadn’t been sure that she’d be able to do it. Gods, how had things ever gotten so bad?
He wanted the swagger back, the piss and vinegar. He wanted to see his best friend walk the halls of Galactica with her knowing smile and cocky salutes.
Helo cut the primary thrusters, and opened up on Lee, “Cut it.”
Lee didn’t question the directive, not with Kara’s Viper powerless, suspended between their birds, “What? What’s wrong?” The panic was there in Lee’s voice, like it had been throughout the whole operation. Kara needn’t have worried about decorating the hangar doors of the Mutem Wia, a couple of times there, Lee had fumbled so severely he’d nearly smacked up against them himself.
Helo didn’t speak until they were dead in the air. He took a few moments to pray that Kara’s armaments were disabled too, because what he was about to do, it wouldn’t end well if she was armed.
But that wasn’t going to stop him. So much time had been given to his own guilt about the hand he’d played in their disconnection. If he’d just made her get the frak out of the bed and face him after Zak’s funeral… but he hadn’t. And while he wasn’t an idiot, maybe forcing her to face Lee would have made things worse, he hadn’t made her take the shot. But now? Now he had a second chance.
“Guess what kids?” He opened the line on a short range, hopeful that only Kara and Lee could pick it up.
No reply, but their silence spoke volumes.
“It’s couples therapy time. Play nice, Kara, because I’m pretty sure Lee’s still armed. And Lee? Kara’s running out of air, so don’t get too verbose.”
“I don’t…” Kara didn’t seem to get it.
Helo frowned, but managed to pull together a little more false bravado. They were going to kill him when they touched down anyway. “You have a delicate problem. You know Cottle has some old periodicals? I’ve been reading up on this shit. There’s a name for it and-”
“Helo.” Lee’s voice held the promise of a world of pain.
“Hear me out. In an overwhelming percentage of cases it’s all in your head, talking it out is meant to help. Cover the basics. I’ll mediate.”
“You have got to be frakking kidding me!” Kara’s voice trailed off into a groan.
“Let me throw out the first topic, foreplay.” Oh man, he was dead. Very dead.
“Eat shit and die, Agathon.” Lee managed to surprise Helo with the colorful phrase.
“I’m detecting hostility here. That’s good, it’s an emotion. Use it, express it.”
“I am about to express the desire to ram my foot up your-”
Helo sobered, “Come on. I’m not kidding here. You won’t make it back to Galactica without me. Lee could try, but I doubt he’d get you there in one piece and I’m not budging until you’ve made some headway. Talk about whatever you want, but for frak’s sake talk.”
There was a very long pause before Lee spoke, “Fine.”
Kara said nothing. Fine, Lee could start.
“Frak off, Agathon.” Lee again.
“Where exactly do you propose I go?”
“I don’t care, just get off the wireless.”
Helo narrowed his eyes and turned his head to the side to search out Lee’s Raptor. There was every chance he’d tune out and they’d maintain radio silence for the duration of their “talk”. But then, there was a chance things would happen.
He cut communications.
*****
Helo was out and Lee didn’t waste any time setting things straight with Kara. “Five minutes and we’ll contact him. He has no idea what we’re saying. Just sit tight.”
Thirty seconds passed and Lee could damn near feel the tension as if it were as palpable as the slackening cable linking Kara’s Viper to his six.
He jumped in surprise when she finally spoke, “So… we won’t talk?”
That made him hesitate, “Y-you want to talk?”
“No.”
“I didn’t think so.” He really did try to leave it at that, but only lasted a handful of seconds, “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why so many things, but right now I’m asking why you won’t talk to me.”
“What do you want me to say, Lee?” She sounded tired, but he was sick of hearing that exhaustion in her voice. He knew it wasn’t sleep that she was lacking. Frak, he’d made sure of it.
“Kara, you’ve never said what I want to hear, I really don’t expect you’d start now. I want you to say whatever it is you’re being so careful not to say.”
She sniffed once, and he could hear her expel a long breath, “It’s not you, you know.”
“What?”
“The sex. That’s… me. I just- this is so frakking stupid. When we get there? You hold him down, I’ll lay in the boot, okay?”
“Don’t you dare, Kara. This is the first time we’ve done anything other than exchange shoptalk. And you know what? Helo’s right, this needs to happen.”
“Fine. Fine.” Lee shifted in his seat, anger making him want to move about. She sounded pissed. She sounded pissed? “There are things you don’t know, Lee. And this? Us? It’s not going to happen because of those things.”
“Bullshit.”
“Pardon?”
“You heard me. I have been an ass. I have done unforgivable things. And yeah, I frakked up. But this is all bullshit and you know it. I have laid myself out for you, Kara, and you damned well know it. So whatever you think I can’t handle? It’s bullshit because I love you and that means I will take whatever you throw at me.”
Besides, he’d taken New Caprica, he’d survived learning about Kacey (just), he’d survive whatever she was holding in now. Even if she confessed to being a…
But he knew she wasn’t. In his gut. In that near-dead place that he loved her without reservation, he knew that she was whole and real and his… even if that place grew more fragile by the day.
“Do you even know what I am?” she asked quietly.
And there it was. He had no doubts about Kara’s humanity, not really. And if she was a Cylon? She was different. She was his and, frak, since when had he been willing to accept that she was spare parts and programming?
Maybe he really had been out of line to judge Helo on Kobol. But Kara’s problem wasn’t how he perceived her. Finally, he saw that. Kara’s problem was how she saw herself. How the frak could she make up her mind, one way or the other, with him clouding things?
Kara needed to get her head straight and, as much as he hated to admit it, that wasn’t going to happen until he gave her some space.
*****
“We need a medic up here!” Lee was jumping down from his raptor when the words rang out and his stomach dropped to his balls. What?
Tyrol called again, “Medic!”
Lee broke into a sprint and cleared the distance between him and Kara’s Viper.
He approached to hear her speaking with irritation, “I said I’d go to Cottle. Didn’t need you to call in a team. I’m fine. It’s nothing.”
But Lee could see how heavily she was leaning on the Chief as she tried to crawl from the cockpit. After a few moments she winced and dropped back down into her seat. “Okay. Maybe not so fine. I just need a second here. Frak, just get everyone back.”
Tyrol rocked back onto his heels, balancing on the top of the ladder, clearly torn between doing as she asked and getting the appropriate medical attention for her. Eventually, he waved a few people down and turned back to her. “Sir, you need-”
“Cottle. I know, I’m going. Just frak off and let me get out.”
Tyrol held up his hands and stepped back. Lee could see the wisdom in it, either she’d get out of the cockpit by herself, or she’d give up eventually and Tyrol could call up the team. Either way, he’d avoid having Kara try and tear him a new one. That was fine, for Tyrol.
But Lee had other ideas.
“Down,” he snapped at the Chief as he took the last few steps up to her Viper. The Chief nodded and shuffled down the ladder, waving his hand in Kara’s direction.
“She’s all yours.”
Yeah, Lee grimaced, she is.
He set his face into a perfect “Dealing with frakked-up Starbuck” expression, defying anyone - including Kara - to stop him from climbing the ladder. When he got to the top, he tugged her helmet from her hands, setting it aside before helping her unfasten the hard seal collar. “Arms around my neck,” he said flatly.
“I’m fine,” she ground out, “I just banged my knee a bit when I went in. I just need-”
“A second, yeah, I know. Arms around my neck.” His jaw flexed.
For a minute she looked like she was about to dig in and refuse to leave. Lee dropped his voice, “I swear to the Gods Kara, I will make a scene and drag you from this cockpit.”
She sniffed once, dropped her head to the side as she cracked her neck, then turned in her seat and wrapped her arms around Lee’s neck. “Don’t forget, for even a second, that I am acting CAG. You are my pilot and you are helping me. That’s what this is.”
Lee hauled her up against his body, giving her a second to clear her legs from the cockpit and registering her hiss of pain as she gently tried to bend her knee. He tucked one arm around her waist and another underneath the back of her thighs.
“Yeah,” he muttered as he carefully navigated his descent, gripping her a little closer to his body than was really required, but damned if he wasn’t going to take what he could get, “I can’t remember how many times I tried to tell myself that.”
*****
Lee and Helo had acted in an unacceptable manner. But… well, means to an end and the end was Kara safe and whole. Wrists would be slapped, but by and large Kara’s safe return had eclipsed much of the two pilots’ actions in those few minutes of grief. So many people were finally surrendering to a fundamentally religious frame of mind, whereby they truly believed Kara was some sort of savior.
He knew better. Kara Thrace was a Gods-sent pain in his ass.
Bill pinched the bridge of his nose and cleared his throat, watching the shadow of Cottle as he addressed Kara. The doctor stopped talking and drew back the curtain before turning back to Kara.
She shifted on the bed, wearing only her tanks and panties. Bill considered looking away or giving her a chance to cover herself, but his eyes were drawn to the ugly bruises clinging to her thigh and knee. He turned to Cottle and shifted his eyebrows in askance. Cottle, in turn, looked to Kara who nodded, “Just keep going.”
He drew the cigarette from between his lips and crossed his arms, “Nothing devastating. Soft tissue damage, some cartilage problems. Take it easy, rest up and you’ll be fine. Keep the weight bearing to a minimum for at least forty-eight hours.”
“That’s it?” Bill asked.
“No.”
Kara turned up to him, her face growing uncertain, “What else is there?”
Cottle cleared his throat and took another drag on his cigarette before continuing, “It’s sensitive.”
Bill watched as Kara bit her bottom lip and cast her eyes down. He knew he should offer to leave, but he had no intention of doing so. “Go on.” He very nearly made it an order.
“When I tested Starbuck, as per your initial request, nothing abnormal cropped up. Absence of old injuries aside, I mean. And the synthetic markers. Other than that, she is a healthy woman.”
“And that’s a problem?” Bill asked.
“Yes and no. Its Kara’s estrogen levels that cause me concern. Three weeks before her,” he waved his hand looking for the right word, “blowing the frak out of herself, Kara had her regular contraceptive implant. The implant works by boosting the synthetic hormone progestin and stopping ovulation. Upon her return, what I took for the synthetic progestin was, in fact, progesterone. The real deal.”
“That means nothing to me.” It was Kara that spoke.
Cottle held up his hand to silence her and reached for her medical file. “Your file suggests a long history of amenorrhea, skipping periods, poor fertility, even an absent ovary. The ammenorreha isn’t uncommon in female pilots, high levels of fitness and duress on the body can easily explain it. It’s almost expected. The presence of progesterone however, doesn’t fit. At least not in the levels you have. This hormone plays a large role in fertility and preparing the body for pregnancy.”
Kara shifted uncomfortably, clearly in territory that she didn’t like.
“Given your contraceptive, that shouldn’t be the case, but…” he reached out and passed a fingertip over her bicep, “The implant isn’t there.”
“That’s the big problem?” Kara asked, “We know a frakload of the stuff I used to have is gone.”
“No, the problem is, things you shouldn’t have are there. My mistake was that I looked at your fertility level and saw a woman in her prime. Not a woman with one ovary, a contraceptive implant and a body that has endured a good deal of stress.”
Bill spoke up, “But she could always conceive, yes?”
“I believed so, yes.”
“Look,” Kara cut in, “Just cut to it.”
“What I mistook for health and fertility is, in fact, the body of a woman who has been cultivated for birth. Two ovaries and a lot of fertility drugs. I missed them because I wasn’t looking for them. But you’ll have noticed some markers. Increased appetite. Regular periods.”
“They were trying to knock me up?” she asked quietly.
“I believe so. Or, they planned to make it likely, at any rate. Given the trauma of whatever your body has been through, it is possible that they knew it wouldn’t happen immediately.”
“That’s why they sent the Leobens.” Kara concluded.
“Don’t jump to conclusions,” Bill reached out and rested a hand on her shoulder, but she shrugged him off.
“Maybe - maybe the whole time I was gone they were… like those frakking farms.”
Bill watched as her face changed, indignation fighting a losing battle with fear and shame. He reached out, leaning onto the side of the bed and drew her against his chest, wrapping an arm about her shoulders. What could he say that she’d want to hear? Had she been raped? Medically, certainly. Mentally, he was sure. Did the rest matter when she’d already endured so much? And for what? Because she was a woman? Or because she was something more?
He tried not to coo, not to whisper assurances into her hair. She didn’t want them, couldn’t use them. But something wholly paternal left him searching for the right words as he tamped down rage and brushed his lips over her temple.
“I’ll leave you alone,” Cottle spoke as he backed away, “If there’s anything-”
Kara didn’t miss a beat, she didn’t move from his arms, but she spoke clearly. “Implant. I want another contraceptive implant.”
*****
Kara winced as her foot touched down in the hall, momentarily taking her weight before she could shift forward and distribute it more evenly.
“Word has been passed,” Helo cropped up behind her, “By the Admiral, no less, that any and all personnel who witness one Captain Thrace weight bearing on her bad knee and fail to intervene will be held accountable and face disciplinary action.”
Kara shifted her weight fully onto her good leg, “Look, Ma, no weight bearing.” She clapped.
Helo moved around her shoulder and leaned against the wall to her left, removing the lollypop from his mouth to wave it around and punctuate his words. “You want a piggyback? Hera loves them.”
“Don’t think I won’t hurt you,” She snatched the lolly from his hand and slipped it into her own mouth, “Where the frak do you get these? Did you miss the whole food shortage or what?”
“My wife scared them out of some guy on Prometheus. A Cylon for a spouse has its benefits.”
Kara snorted but savored the sharp cherry sweetness flooding her mouth. Kara slung an arm around Helo’s shoulder. The height difference made him more of a hindrance than help, but she knew he genuinely wanted to make things easy for her, so she’d deal with the awkward trip to make him happy. “So. There’s this rumor that these two insane pilots were going to jump back into the middle of a Cylon fleet to save my worthless ass. Know anything about it?”
“Nah. Can’t imagine who’d want to save you.” But he stopped and turned to her, his face growing a little more serious. “It was Lee’s idea.”
“He likes to play the hero.”
“Frak you’re stupid. Nothing heroic in what he was doing. What would he have gained? Death was a certainty.”
“Then why were you right there beside him?”
“I… the Old Man had charged me with keeping your supposed death from Lee for as long as possible. I failed and I had no choice but to go with him. Plus, I kinda like you, you know?”
“How did he find out?”
Helo shifted on his feet.
“Agathon, remember, I still owe you something nasty for the Raptor thing.”
“Hey, if you’d said you were injured you know I wouldn’t have frakked around like that…”
“Just tell me.”
“Dualla. She told him. Frakking… Gods I don’t have words for that piece of work. She was married to Lee. She had to have known that telling him we’d lost you would amount to a suicide mission on his part.”
Kara felt her gut seize up. Dualla. How many concessions was she going to give that woman? Oh, sure, Dee had earned a lifetime of free passes, but Kara’s generosity did not extend to allowing Dee to incite Lee into acts of extreme stupidity.
“I’ll help you hide the body when you’re done,” Helo said in such a way that Kara wasn’t entirely sure he was joking.
She filed the offer away just in case she had need of it in the near future and nodded, “Just… get me back to my room, okay?”
*****
He should never have left. He knew how her mind worked. She’d think he didn’t care. She’d think he was bailing. Frak, maybe he was.
But he was doing it for her own good. Gods, he was doing it for his own good. No touching, no confrontation, no cornering… Lee Adama was no saint and it was a matter of a handful of words before he snapped. Kara always knew just how to frak with his head. He wasn’t going to wait around for it and let her make her move.
She wasn’t in a good place and his presence, Gods how he hated to admit it, wasn’t doing her any good.
He wasn’t leaving. He hadn’t lied when he said it ended with one or both of them dead. What he was doing was called compromise. It was a new concept for both of them and one he wasn’t entirely comfortable introducing to their relationship, but desperate times called for…
Kara pressed against the slightly open hatch and stepped into the room. Her eyes were down and her breath was coming a little hard. Lee’s jaw clenched. Frakking idiot had walked from the life station. Maybe he shouldn’t be leaving her alone.
She shut the hatch and leaned heavily on it before taking a moment to survey their room. What she saw clearly surprised her, but not for long. He watched as her mind kicked over, putting two and two together and coming up with negative figures.
She cleared her throat and shrugged as she spoke with a flat voice, “It was gonna happen, Lee. You tried.”
Lee wanted to shake some sense into her. Instead he slipped and said the first thing that came to his mind, “You didn’t.”
She shrugged again, offering him a wide smile, as if it was some sort of stunt that had just gone wrong. She shuffled into the room and moved towards the bed that he’d spent an age making… and unmaking. She reached out for the packed duffel, preparing to swing it over her shoulder, “I’ll just get out of your way.”
Lee’s hand shot out, wrapping around her wrist and squeezing just enough to make her release the duffel, “Just out of curiosity, Kara, I want to know what you see here.” He motioned to the packed bag and the bed.
She shrugged before speaking with an ease that he knew just wasn’t there, “You were ready to die for me, Lee. I couldn’t even see my way to giving you a blow job. I knew it wouldn’t take long for you to get pissed off.”
Oh. Oh she was trying so frakking hard to piss him off. Hell, she had half succeeded. He picked up the bag and threw it over his shoulder. “I’m the one leaving. You need space, so you have it. Enjoy it while it lasts, Thrace, because this isn’t goodbye.”
He’d half made it to the hatch when he heard her mutter, “Don’t be so sure.”
Mother frakker. Could she ever just keep her frakking mouth shut and take him on a little faith? For a woman so big on faith, it damn near mortally wounded him that she didn’t even have the slightest faith in him. He dropped the duffel and crossed the room in two long strides, hauling her off her feet as he went and throwing her back down onto the bed. She was on her elbows, knees splayed as she reared up like a pissed off snake. Lee didn’t give her the chance to spit venom. Weeks spent schooling himself to not touch went out the nearest airlock as he climbed onto the bed, resting his knees between her own and planting his hand against her ribcage, just shy of the curve of her breast, and pushed her back into the mattress. Lee dropped his hips against hers and made damn sure she could feel what he was denying himself. Her hand came up and smacked against his ear. Hard. But the ringing in his head was nothing compared to the pain behind his ribs, where Kara Thrace had dug in and made a permanent home. She pulled back for a second slug and he wasted no time in grabbing her wrist and pinning it to the mattress as he dropped his mouth against her own.
So, she didn’t kiss back. In fact, he was damn sure she tried to bite him; he had a bloody tear beneath his lip that seemed a perfect fit for one of her lower eye teeth. But at the time it hadn’t mattered because she was beneath him and moving and that was so much more than she’d given him up until that point.
He wasn’t stupid though, at least, not really. Before she could work herself up to any sort of grievous bodily harm, he had pushed away and left the room.
It wasn’t until he was halfway down the hall, swinging the duffel over his shoulder and wiping a small trickle of blood from his chin that he broke into a smile. He could taste her. For the first time in what seemed like a lifetime, he had the taste of Kara Thrace in his mouth and while that in itself made the nasty little scene worthwhile, it wasn’t why he was smiling.
He was smiling because, if he could taste her, it meant that Kara Thrace was sitting on his bed trying to lick the taste of Lee Adama from her lips.
Author: becisvolatile
Part: 13/?
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: Lee/Kara, Bill, Roslin, Helo, Sharon, Cottle, Anders, Dee, Leoben, Racetrack, Seelix.
Word Count: 5300+
Category: Novella
Genre: Romance, Angst, Action with Romance, PWP, Drama
Archiving: The Fallout Shelter, Apollo/Starbuck Fan Fic, Beyond Insane all others please ask
Warnings: Language, violence, sexual content,
Spoilers: Up to and including S3
Summary: What he was doing was called compromise. It was a new concept for both of them and one he wasn’t entirely comfortable introducing to their relationship, but desperate times called for…
Beta: Angylinni suffers through my tentative grasp of grammar once more.
Author’s Note: Into the Reparation phase of things, people. Also? Talking through my arse about the hormone stuff, I could be way out.
Previous Chapters:
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Reparation
The years crushed in on him and damned if he didn’t suddenly feel old. She was alive and whole and there, within his reach and under his command. He sucked in a breath and turned to Tigh, “Helo and Apollo are out there?”
“You want them back in?”
He shook his head, “Let them field this one. This is going to take kid gloves. Gods only know what she’s gotten herself stuck into out there. They’ve got the skill to do it, just remind them that they’re also going to need patience. Have Helo do a fly by, I want a sitrep.”
He waited as the command was given, the CIC shaking off its mantle of barely functional shock to pull together and organize Kara’s retrieval. A minute passed and he turned to nod toward the communication switch, “I want this on speaker.”
“This is Helo.” Agathon’s voice cracked over the wireless, fast and just a little bit nervous.
“Go ahead, son.”
“It’s the Mutem Wia all right. It’s taken some massive impacts. The starboard loading bay has been smacked around, but I don’t think that was Starbuck. The loading bay must have been open, at least partially, I can see where a heavy fractional impact has knocked the door off its runners. It’s possible that they were trying to shut them when they jumped, but Starbuck must have clipped the door when she was inbound. I’m pulling down alongside the bay, let me… If I can just get some light…”
There was a pause and Bill found himself closing his eyes, trying to conjure Kara in a wash of light, safe and whole.
“There! Ha!! There, I’ve got her in my sights. She’s… she seems secure enough.”
There was a pause as Helo muttered something; he was talking to Lee, relaying what he saw. Bill considered contacting his son, but didn’t trust himself not to scold him like a child. Lee didn’t need to be read the riot act about jumping into a Cylon fleet. He needed to focus on the mission. He needed to think like a pilot. Reminding Lee of what was at stake, emotionally… romantically, it wouldn’t help.
“Can you confirm that?”
There was a pause as Helo took a closer look, they might have heard him mutter something like “For frak’s sake, Lee, just stay back.”
“She’s taken chunks out of the deck; her Viper is up against a far wall. It’s jammed up against the far bulkhead and container. I can’t say how secure she is.”
There was his problem. Kara was in a closed area, but by no means atmospherically controlled. She might as well have been hanging off the side of the Mutem Wia for all the good her position did her. She was trapped against the ship, but ultimately exposed. No room to eject, or even maneuver - if her Viper was even capable. They were going to have to extract her.
“Get me Starbuck.”
A pause, then he spoke, “How’re you holding up out there?”
“I need to pee,” she sounded mildly bored.
He covered his laugh with a cough. She’d been out there a while. “Sitrep.”
“That is the sitrep. I got nothing, Sir. A couple of seconds ago there was a bit of light, I could make out what might be some cargo netting, some industrial containers. About fifteen minutes ago I might have felt a drift, but my Viper slid a little, crunched and seems to be stable now. I’m guessing I compromised the pressure in the bay when I came in.”
“I have Helo and Apollo out there, we’ll figure something out. Sit tight.”
*****
“Wait. What?” Kara was sure Helo had it wrong.
“That’s the plan.”
“The plan sucks.” And of course, insane as it was, the plan could only be the product of Lee’s mind. Oh sure, he’d always seemed so quiet and rational, but Kara was well aware that when he was pushed, Lee could be moved to extreme measures and lunacy in the guise of innovation.
Kara shifted in the cockpit. Funny that it always boiled down to this - backed into a corner, hard up for oxygen and at Lee’s mercy.
It was glaringly obvious that Lee had yet to actually speak to her. He didn’t lack the capacity; she knew he was out there. Not that they’d really been on speaking terms. Frak, she wasn’t even sure what terms they were on. They’d been playing a game of tender antagonism and she’d stuck to her silence because she couldn’t trust herself not to heap all of her burdens on him. But she hadn’t quite been able to just cut all ties. Maybe that was how they’d ended up as screwed up as they were? Inhabiting the same few square feet of space but never touching or talking.
Well, that was a lie. Lee spoke. A lot. He told her that he loved her. Hell, he maybe even meant it. He told her that he wanted her. Frak, the cockpit seemed to be closing in on her. She shut her eyes, but was greeted only with the familiar sound of his breathing growing faster and faster… then hitching… and regulating. Then he’d turn on the shower, and she’d roll over in bed having passed up the offer yet again. What did he want from her? Hadn’t he proven that she was beyond help? In her mind, if Lee couldn’t do it, no man could.
“Run it by me again.” She sounded tired. She felt tired. “And this time, gloss over the batshit insane parts.”
For a second she could hear the rumble of Helo’s voice as he spoke to Lee. It grew louder until she caught his final words, “For frak’s sake just talk to her!”
There was a radio silence before Lee’s voice cut into her thoughts, “Kara?”
She wanted to smack her forehead against her hand, but the helmet made it impossible. She settled for just thumping her head back, “Yeah.”
“You’re alive.” There was something so raw in his voice that she might have thought… no. She wasn’t thinking about that.
“I’m hard to kill.”
“Glad to hear it.”
There was another pause and Kara knew that Lee was just as aware as she was that anyone could be listening. Which is why when he said it, yet again, it was quick and short and followed by a lengthy explanation. But it was still there, and for all his speed and masking, she was sure everyone heard it.
“Iloveyou.” He cleared his throat, “Look, here’s what we’re doing. Helo and I can maneuver in; you’ve busted the door wide enough for that. We’ll hook you up on some cables, between the two Raptors we should have enough grunt to pull you free.”
“Only to smack me into the doors on the way out? I’m all for out of the box, you know that. But smear on the side of the ship? Not so much.”
“Your primary thrusters are down, right? But you have your auxiliary system.”
“Frak, Lee, you want me to steer my way out of this? I don’t know if she’ll hold together for that. I just… don’t.” Kara could hear the faintest echo of feedback in her helmet, was she even listening to herself? She rolled her eyes and sucked a breath between her teeth. “You get me killed, Adama, and I will haunt your ass.”
It was Helo’s turn to chip in, “That’s our girl. Come on, Kara, pull this off and you’ll have a free ride back to Galactica.”
*****
“Hunh.” Kara had never really lacked confidence,at least not when it came to flying. Helo had to admit that he could remember times when her confidence had wavered, watching fellow cadets chasing pretty girls on shore leave with a frown on her face. Not that Helo had ever let her frown for long. The loss of his peers had been a helluva gain for him. Back in the day.
But that single “Hunh” echoing in his ears suggested that Kara really hadn’t been sure that she’d be able to do it. Gods, how had things ever gotten so bad?
He wanted the swagger back, the piss and vinegar. He wanted to see his best friend walk the halls of Galactica with her knowing smile and cocky salutes.
Helo cut the primary thrusters, and opened up on Lee, “Cut it.”
Lee didn’t question the directive, not with Kara’s Viper powerless, suspended between their birds, “What? What’s wrong?” The panic was there in Lee’s voice, like it had been throughout the whole operation. Kara needn’t have worried about decorating the hangar doors of the Mutem Wia, a couple of times there, Lee had fumbled so severely he’d nearly smacked up against them himself.
Helo didn’t speak until they were dead in the air. He took a few moments to pray that Kara’s armaments were disabled too, because what he was about to do, it wouldn’t end well if she was armed.
But that wasn’t going to stop him. So much time had been given to his own guilt about the hand he’d played in their disconnection. If he’d just made her get the frak out of the bed and face him after Zak’s funeral… but he hadn’t. And while he wasn’t an idiot, maybe forcing her to face Lee would have made things worse, he hadn’t made her take the shot. But now? Now he had a second chance.
“Guess what kids?” He opened the line on a short range, hopeful that only Kara and Lee could pick it up.
No reply, but their silence spoke volumes.
“It’s couples therapy time. Play nice, Kara, because I’m pretty sure Lee’s still armed. And Lee? Kara’s running out of air, so don’t get too verbose.”
“I don’t…” Kara didn’t seem to get it.
Helo frowned, but managed to pull together a little more false bravado. They were going to kill him when they touched down anyway. “You have a delicate problem. You know Cottle has some old periodicals? I’ve been reading up on this shit. There’s a name for it and-”
“Helo.” Lee’s voice held the promise of a world of pain.
“Hear me out. In an overwhelming percentage of cases it’s all in your head, talking it out is meant to help. Cover the basics. I’ll mediate.”
“You have got to be frakking kidding me!” Kara’s voice trailed off into a groan.
“Let me throw out the first topic, foreplay.” Oh man, he was dead. Very dead.
“Eat shit and die, Agathon.” Lee managed to surprise Helo with the colorful phrase.
“I’m detecting hostility here. That’s good, it’s an emotion. Use it, express it.”
“I am about to express the desire to ram my foot up your-”
Helo sobered, “Come on. I’m not kidding here. You won’t make it back to Galactica without me. Lee could try, but I doubt he’d get you there in one piece and I’m not budging until you’ve made some headway. Talk about whatever you want, but for frak’s sake talk.”
There was a very long pause before Lee spoke, “Fine.”
Kara said nothing. Fine, Lee could start.
“Frak off, Agathon.” Lee again.
“Where exactly do you propose I go?”
“I don’t care, just get off the wireless.”
Helo narrowed his eyes and turned his head to the side to search out Lee’s Raptor. There was every chance he’d tune out and they’d maintain radio silence for the duration of their “talk”. But then, there was a chance things would happen.
He cut communications.
*****
Helo was out and Lee didn’t waste any time setting things straight with Kara. “Five minutes and we’ll contact him. He has no idea what we’re saying. Just sit tight.”
Thirty seconds passed and Lee could damn near feel the tension as if it were as palpable as the slackening cable linking Kara’s Viper to his six.
He jumped in surprise when she finally spoke, “So… we won’t talk?”
That made him hesitate, “Y-you want to talk?”
“No.”
“I didn’t think so.” He really did try to leave it at that, but only lasted a handful of seconds, “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why so many things, but right now I’m asking why you won’t talk to me.”
“What do you want me to say, Lee?” She sounded tired, but he was sick of hearing that exhaustion in her voice. He knew it wasn’t sleep that she was lacking. Frak, he’d made sure of it.
“Kara, you’ve never said what I want to hear, I really don’t expect you’d start now. I want you to say whatever it is you’re being so careful not to say.”
She sniffed once, and he could hear her expel a long breath, “It’s not you, you know.”
“What?”
“The sex. That’s… me. I just- this is so frakking stupid. When we get there? You hold him down, I’ll lay in the boot, okay?”
“Don’t you dare, Kara. This is the first time we’ve done anything other than exchange shoptalk. And you know what? Helo’s right, this needs to happen.”
“Fine. Fine.” Lee shifted in his seat, anger making him want to move about. She sounded pissed. She sounded pissed? “There are things you don’t know, Lee. And this? Us? It’s not going to happen because of those things.”
“Bullshit.”
“Pardon?”
“You heard me. I have been an ass. I have done unforgivable things. And yeah, I frakked up. But this is all bullshit and you know it. I have laid myself out for you, Kara, and you damned well know it. So whatever you think I can’t handle? It’s bullshit because I love you and that means I will take whatever you throw at me.”
Besides, he’d taken New Caprica, he’d survived learning about Kacey (just), he’d survive whatever she was holding in now. Even if she confessed to being a…
But he knew she wasn’t. In his gut. In that near-dead place that he loved her without reservation, he knew that she was whole and real and his… even if that place grew more fragile by the day.
“Do you even know what I am?” she asked quietly.
And there it was. He had no doubts about Kara’s humanity, not really. And if she was a Cylon? She was different. She was his and, frak, since when had he been willing to accept that she was spare parts and programming?
Maybe he really had been out of line to judge Helo on Kobol. But Kara’s problem wasn’t how he perceived her. Finally, he saw that. Kara’s problem was how she saw herself. How the frak could she make up her mind, one way or the other, with him clouding things?
Kara needed to get her head straight and, as much as he hated to admit it, that wasn’t going to happen until he gave her some space.
*****
“We need a medic up here!” Lee was jumping down from his raptor when the words rang out and his stomach dropped to his balls. What?
Tyrol called again, “Medic!”
Lee broke into a sprint and cleared the distance between him and Kara’s Viper.
He approached to hear her speaking with irritation, “I said I’d go to Cottle. Didn’t need you to call in a team. I’m fine. It’s nothing.”
But Lee could see how heavily she was leaning on the Chief as she tried to crawl from the cockpit. After a few moments she winced and dropped back down into her seat. “Okay. Maybe not so fine. I just need a second here. Frak, just get everyone back.”
Tyrol rocked back onto his heels, balancing on the top of the ladder, clearly torn between doing as she asked and getting the appropriate medical attention for her. Eventually, he waved a few people down and turned back to her. “Sir, you need-”
“Cottle. I know, I’m going. Just frak off and let me get out.”
Tyrol held up his hands and stepped back. Lee could see the wisdom in it, either she’d get out of the cockpit by herself, or she’d give up eventually and Tyrol could call up the team. Either way, he’d avoid having Kara try and tear him a new one. That was fine, for Tyrol.
But Lee had other ideas.
“Down,” he snapped at the Chief as he took the last few steps up to her Viper. The Chief nodded and shuffled down the ladder, waving his hand in Kara’s direction.
“She’s all yours.”
Yeah, Lee grimaced, she is.
He set his face into a perfect “Dealing with frakked-up Starbuck” expression, defying anyone - including Kara - to stop him from climbing the ladder. When he got to the top, he tugged her helmet from her hands, setting it aside before helping her unfasten the hard seal collar. “Arms around my neck,” he said flatly.
“I’m fine,” she ground out, “I just banged my knee a bit when I went in. I just need-”
“A second, yeah, I know. Arms around my neck.” His jaw flexed.
For a minute she looked like she was about to dig in and refuse to leave. Lee dropped his voice, “I swear to the Gods Kara, I will make a scene and drag you from this cockpit.”
She sniffed once, dropped her head to the side as she cracked her neck, then turned in her seat and wrapped her arms around Lee’s neck. “Don’t forget, for even a second, that I am acting CAG. You are my pilot and you are helping me. That’s what this is.”
Lee hauled her up against his body, giving her a second to clear her legs from the cockpit and registering her hiss of pain as she gently tried to bend her knee. He tucked one arm around her waist and another underneath the back of her thighs.
“Yeah,” he muttered as he carefully navigated his descent, gripping her a little closer to his body than was really required, but damned if he wasn’t going to take what he could get, “I can’t remember how many times I tried to tell myself that.”
*****
Lee and Helo had acted in an unacceptable manner. But… well, means to an end and the end was Kara safe and whole. Wrists would be slapped, but by and large Kara’s safe return had eclipsed much of the two pilots’ actions in those few minutes of grief. So many people were finally surrendering to a fundamentally religious frame of mind, whereby they truly believed Kara was some sort of savior.
He knew better. Kara Thrace was a Gods-sent pain in his ass.
Bill pinched the bridge of his nose and cleared his throat, watching the shadow of Cottle as he addressed Kara. The doctor stopped talking and drew back the curtain before turning back to Kara.
She shifted on the bed, wearing only her tanks and panties. Bill considered looking away or giving her a chance to cover herself, but his eyes were drawn to the ugly bruises clinging to her thigh and knee. He turned to Cottle and shifted his eyebrows in askance. Cottle, in turn, looked to Kara who nodded, “Just keep going.”
He drew the cigarette from between his lips and crossed his arms, “Nothing devastating. Soft tissue damage, some cartilage problems. Take it easy, rest up and you’ll be fine. Keep the weight bearing to a minimum for at least forty-eight hours.”
“That’s it?” Bill asked.
“No.”
Kara turned up to him, her face growing uncertain, “What else is there?”
Cottle cleared his throat and took another drag on his cigarette before continuing, “It’s sensitive.”
Bill watched as Kara bit her bottom lip and cast her eyes down. He knew he should offer to leave, but he had no intention of doing so. “Go on.” He very nearly made it an order.
“When I tested Starbuck, as per your initial request, nothing abnormal cropped up. Absence of old injuries aside, I mean. And the synthetic markers. Other than that, she is a healthy woman.”
“And that’s a problem?” Bill asked.
“Yes and no. Its Kara’s estrogen levels that cause me concern. Three weeks before her,” he waved his hand looking for the right word, “blowing the frak out of herself, Kara had her regular contraceptive implant. The implant works by boosting the synthetic hormone progestin and stopping ovulation. Upon her return, what I took for the synthetic progestin was, in fact, progesterone. The real deal.”
“That means nothing to me.” It was Kara that spoke.
Cottle held up his hand to silence her and reached for her medical file. “Your file suggests a long history of amenorrhea, skipping periods, poor fertility, even an absent ovary. The ammenorreha isn’t uncommon in female pilots, high levels of fitness and duress on the body can easily explain it. It’s almost expected. The presence of progesterone however, doesn’t fit. At least not in the levels you have. This hormone plays a large role in fertility and preparing the body for pregnancy.”
Kara shifted uncomfortably, clearly in territory that she didn’t like.
“Given your contraceptive, that shouldn’t be the case, but…” he reached out and passed a fingertip over her bicep, “The implant isn’t there.”
“That’s the big problem?” Kara asked, “We know a frakload of the stuff I used to have is gone.”
“No, the problem is, things you shouldn’t have are there. My mistake was that I looked at your fertility level and saw a woman in her prime. Not a woman with one ovary, a contraceptive implant and a body that has endured a good deal of stress.”
Bill spoke up, “But she could always conceive, yes?”
“I believed so, yes.”
“Look,” Kara cut in, “Just cut to it.”
“What I mistook for health and fertility is, in fact, the body of a woman who has been cultivated for birth. Two ovaries and a lot of fertility drugs. I missed them because I wasn’t looking for them. But you’ll have noticed some markers. Increased appetite. Regular periods.”
“They were trying to knock me up?” she asked quietly.
“I believe so. Or, they planned to make it likely, at any rate. Given the trauma of whatever your body has been through, it is possible that they knew it wouldn’t happen immediately.”
“That’s why they sent the Leobens.” Kara concluded.
“Don’t jump to conclusions,” Bill reached out and rested a hand on her shoulder, but she shrugged him off.
“Maybe - maybe the whole time I was gone they were… like those frakking farms.”
Bill watched as her face changed, indignation fighting a losing battle with fear and shame. He reached out, leaning onto the side of the bed and drew her against his chest, wrapping an arm about her shoulders. What could he say that she’d want to hear? Had she been raped? Medically, certainly. Mentally, he was sure. Did the rest matter when she’d already endured so much? And for what? Because she was a woman? Or because she was something more?
He tried not to coo, not to whisper assurances into her hair. She didn’t want them, couldn’t use them. But something wholly paternal left him searching for the right words as he tamped down rage and brushed his lips over her temple.
“I’ll leave you alone,” Cottle spoke as he backed away, “If there’s anything-”
Kara didn’t miss a beat, she didn’t move from his arms, but she spoke clearly. “Implant. I want another contraceptive implant.”
*****
Kara winced as her foot touched down in the hall, momentarily taking her weight before she could shift forward and distribute it more evenly.
“Word has been passed,” Helo cropped up behind her, “By the Admiral, no less, that any and all personnel who witness one Captain Thrace weight bearing on her bad knee and fail to intervene will be held accountable and face disciplinary action.”
Kara shifted her weight fully onto her good leg, “Look, Ma, no weight bearing.” She clapped.
Helo moved around her shoulder and leaned against the wall to her left, removing the lollypop from his mouth to wave it around and punctuate his words. “You want a piggyback? Hera loves them.”
“Don’t think I won’t hurt you,” She snatched the lolly from his hand and slipped it into her own mouth, “Where the frak do you get these? Did you miss the whole food shortage or what?”
“My wife scared them out of some guy on Prometheus. A Cylon for a spouse has its benefits.”
Kara snorted but savored the sharp cherry sweetness flooding her mouth. Kara slung an arm around Helo’s shoulder. The height difference made him more of a hindrance than help, but she knew he genuinely wanted to make things easy for her, so she’d deal with the awkward trip to make him happy. “So. There’s this rumor that these two insane pilots were going to jump back into the middle of a Cylon fleet to save my worthless ass. Know anything about it?”
“Nah. Can’t imagine who’d want to save you.” But he stopped and turned to her, his face growing a little more serious. “It was Lee’s idea.”
“He likes to play the hero.”
“Frak you’re stupid. Nothing heroic in what he was doing. What would he have gained? Death was a certainty.”
“Then why were you right there beside him?”
“I… the Old Man had charged me with keeping your supposed death from Lee for as long as possible. I failed and I had no choice but to go with him. Plus, I kinda like you, you know?”
“How did he find out?”
Helo shifted on his feet.
“Agathon, remember, I still owe you something nasty for the Raptor thing.”
“Hey, if you’d said you were injured you know I wouldn’t have frakked around like that…”
“Just tell me.”
“Dualla. She told him. Frakking… Gods I don’t have words for that piece of work. She was married to Lee. She had to have known that telling him we’d lost you would amount to a suicide mission on his part.”
Kara felt her gut seize up. Dualla. How many concessions was she going to give that woman? Oh, sure, Dee had earned a lifetime of free passes, but Kara’s generosity did not extend to allowing Dee to incite Lee into acts of extreme stupidity.
“I’ll help you hide the body when you’re done,” Helo said in such a way that Kara wasn’t entirely sure he was joking.
She filed the offer away just in case she had need of it in the near future and nodded, “Just… get me back to my room, okay?”
*****
He should never have left. He knew how her mind worked. She’d think he didn’t care. She’d think he was bailing. Frak, maybe he was.
But he was doing it for her own good. Gods, he was doing it for his own good. No touching, no confrontation, no cornering… Lee Adama was no saint and it was a matter of a handful of words before he snapped. Kara always knew just how to frak with his head. He wasn’t going to wait around for it and let her make her move.
She wasn’t in a good place and his presence, Gods how he hated to admit it, wasn’t doing her any good.
He wasn’t leaving. He hadn’t lied when he said it ended with one or both of them dead. What he was doing was called compromise. It was a new concept for both of them and one he wasn’t entirely comfortable introducing to their relationship, but desperate times called for…
Kara pressed against the slightly open hatch and stepped into the room. Her eyes were down and her breath was coming a little hard. Lee’s jaw clenched. Frakking idiot had walked from the life station. Maybe he shouldn’t be leaving her alone.
She shut the hatch and leaned heavily on it before taking a moment to survey their room. What she saw clearly surprised her, but not for long. He watched as her mind kicked over, putting two and two together and coming up with negative figures.
She cleared her throat and shrugged as she spoke with a flat voice, “It was gonna happen, Lee. You tried.”
Lee wanted to shake some sense into her. Instead he slipped and said the first thing that came to his mind, “You didn’t.”
She shrugged again, offering him a wide smile, as if it was some sort of stunt that had just gone wrong. She shuffled into the room and moved towards the bed that he’d spent an age making… and unmaking. She reached out for the packed duffel, preparing to swing it over her shoulder, “I’ll just get out of your way.”
Lee’s hand shot out, wrapping around her wrist and squeezing just enough to make her release the duffel, “Just out of curiosity, Kara, I want to know what you see here.” He motioned to the packed bag and the bed.
She shrugged before speaking with an ease that he knew just wasn’t there, “You were ready to die for me, Lee. I couldn’t even see my way to giving you a blow job. I knew it wouldn’t take long for you to get pissed off.”
Oh. Oh she was trying so frakking hard to piss him off. Hell, she had half succeeded. He picked up the bag and threw it over his shoulder. “I’m the one leaving. You need space, so you have it. Enjoy it while it lasts, Thrace, because this isn’t goodbye.”
He’d half made it to the hatch when he heard her mutter, “Don’t be so sure.”
Mother frakker. Could she ever just keep her frakking mouth shut and take him on a little faith? For a woman so big on faith, it damn near mortally wounded him that she didn’t even have the slightest faith in him. He dropped the duffel and crossed the room in two long strides, hauling her off her feet as he went and throwing her back down onto the bed. She was on her elbows, knees splayed as she reared up like a pissed off snake. Lee didn’t give her the chance to spit venom. Weeks spent schooling himself to not touch went out the nearest airlock as he climbed onto the bed, resting his knees between her own and planting his hand against her ribcage, just shy of the curve of her breast, and pushed her back into the mattress. Lee dropped his hips against hers and made damn sure she could feel what he was denying himself. Her hand came up and smacked against his ear. Hard. But the ringing in his head was nothing compared to the pain behind his ribs, where Kara Thrace had dug in and made a permanent home. She pulled back for a second slug and he wasted no time in grabbing her wrist and pinning it to the mattress as he dropped his mouth against her own.
So, she didn’t kiss back. In fact, he was damn sure she tried to bite him; he had a bloody tear beneath his lip that seemed a perfect fit for one of her lower eye teeth. But at the time it hadn’t mattered because she was beneath him and moving and that was so much more than she’d given him up until that point.
He wasn’t stupid though, at least, not really. Before she could work herself up to any sort of grievous bodily harm, he had pushed away and left the room.
It wasn’t until he was halfway down the hall, swinging the duffel over his shoulder and wiping a small trickle of blood from his chin that he broke into a smile. He could taste her. For the first time in what seemed like a lifetime, he had the taste of Kara Thrace in his mouth and while that in itself made the nasty little scene worthwhile, it wasn’t why he was smiling.
He was smiling because, if he could taste her, it meant that Kara Thrace was sitting on his bed trying to lick the taste of Lee Adama from her lips.