BSG Fic - Reparation, 5/?

[becisvolatile]

Title: Reparation
Author: becisvolatile
Part: 5/?
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: Lee/Kara, Bill, Roslin, Helo, Sharon, Cottle, Anders, Dee, Leoben.
Word Count: 3661
Category: Novella
Genre: Romance, Angst, Action with Romance, PWP, Drama
Archiving: The Fallout Shelter, Apollo/Starbuck Fan Fic, Beyond Insane all others please ask
Warnings: Language,

Comments

[cherylad]

Well! You gotta love retribution that is swift, sure and no-frakkin'-kidding. Lee wanted to "end it with this thing" by having her clean up the mess (both literal and figurative) - well, Baby. You asked for it, you got it.

Some bits I loved, cuz all evidence to the contrary, I really am a vengeful bitch when pushed....

"The lectern, where she’d stuffed Lee’s used tank - he was in for a reminder the next time he took a briefing - suddenly seemed too close." ~~ This one - Lee SO deserves. I love the small digs of retaliation - more painful truly than major shows of vengeance. She knows, she KNOWS that he'll be agonizing and beating himself; this will be yet one more instrument for him to use to score himself with - and in such an exquisite way and setting too!

and

"She contemplated hitting him again. Gods, how had she gone so long without hitting things?" ~~ I love that just cuz it is KARA. I actually chuckled out loud at that.

This piece is SO completely Kara... ~~ "Maybe he’d done her a favor. Maybe it was time to start backing up her decision to leave him alone… by actually leaving him alone." ~~ Maybe he'd done her *FAVOR*?! How completely Kara to take the pain someone heaps on her as some sort of blessing from them????? And yes... he pushed her to walk away from him .. pushed her to take the action because he never trusted himself enough to just believe - not in her, not in him, not in them - but yet not disbelieving enough to completely in a full-frontal manner to do so himself. Which has *always* made me crabby about Lee. Kara has always walked away because she felt she was unworthy. That'd she hurt someone else eventually, so rip off the bandage now. But, she's loyal to a fault - she never ever makes it about someone else - even when it should be about them. Even now.

But..... finally, Finally, FINALLY....

"She turned back and looked at him. Her eyes sparking just as they had when she’d told him - Gods, less than an hour ago - that he’d made a mistake. She shook her head once and remained silent as Lee realized that he was both unforgiven and unforgivable."

THAT piece of work is the first time I've ever seen Kara put the blame, or the *responsibility* squarely where it belonged. She, at least for THAT instant, isn't carrying the guilt for him. THIS time, when she turned and walked away, she wasn't doing so to save him from future pain, she's walking away because she deserves to not be treated like she's always treated herself.

Having said ALL of that... I think Lee's actions were as much about grief as anything else. He never fully experienced, delved into, basked in the grief of losing Kara until now that she has come back. He was stuck at Shock. Now, denial and anger.. he's gone through those stages now ... but did so while looking at her face and simply not accepting. And Kara has been so mired in her own shock and confusion of being back and not *knowing* what she is, that she hasn't figured out how completely her "death" hollowed out Lee.

You can only be emptied out by another person's absence if they are a major fill in your soul to begin with. As these two are for each other. Realization of that and starting from this point comes soon, right???????

oh yeah.. and groveling and make-up sex and somehow, a balancing of the scales perhaps?

Have I mentioned I love your story-telling?

[becisvolatile]

Some bits I loved, cuz all evidence to the contrary, I really am a vengeful bitch when pushed....

You know what the lamest thing is? After this I planned on having Kara be all hell-fire and whoa. And she was totally fucking subdued. I mean I kept poking her until she did something… but I almost felt as if she’d been defeated and even *I* was scared.

Kara has always walked away because she felt she was unworthy. That'd she hurt someone else eventually, so rip off the bandage now.

Your right, and until this point that’s been her standard MO… but now I think she’s walking - running - because for once that bad thing *did* happen before she could bolt.

THAT piece of work is the first time I've ever seen Kara put the blame, or the *responsibility* squarely where it belonged.

You think? Because that section is largely from Lee’s perspective and I sort of have to wonder if it isn’t Lee’s own assessment of his actions.

Thanks *so* much for reading and giving me awesome feedback. It totally makes this whole writing thing a two-way experience.

[cherylad]

Hmm.. if she felt defeated to you, that is scary.. but, I thought she was more in shock. Trying to figure out is she human or cylon? And who the hell is inhabiting Lee's body and what the frak just happened?!

Seriously though.. see, I think the balled up, semen soaked tank in the lectern where Lee will find it and GET it .. was just perfect.. Okay.. so it is a tad bit passive-aggressive .. but I just loved it for the slap it will be.

I know you were giving us a Lee-eyed-view .. but I thought the way you had her just shake her head once and turn a walk away was a VERY sharp slap of - Yes, Lee...THAT is the mistake I meant and THIS is that time.

I just love this!!!!

[becisvolatile]

THAT is the mistake I meant and THIS is that time.

When you put it like that I think yeah, that's it.

Kara here I think is more like a little kid, pulling a dogs tail again and again and now she's finally been bitten and there's that moment where her world just doesn't line up because it was never meant to bite back.

[cherylad]

That last is VERY interesting Bec.... I'm going to go think on that ......