So, I might not have to shank anyone....today...yet....

Sep 19, 2012 11:20

So far so good.


Unbelievably so, actually. I thought since I took a Xanex and a Vicadin last night that I would sleep for eons, which needed to happen. I had a long friggin day yesterday, but noooo. I slept maybe 4, 3 hours tops. And woke up PISSED off. It got super cold last night here in good 'ol Michigan and my brother is the only one who knows how to light the furnace and refuses to teach my mom or I. So I woke up cold, groggy and in pain. Another long story. So we had to wait till his highness got home from work to light it. When he did he bitched the whole time. Really fucker, really? For myself I can deal, our mom is 60 and is dealing with an infection on top of being Diabetic so if she gets sick,  it has the potential to be bad. But anyway he bitched at us saying that we better not have that cranking all day. I wanted to punch him. Badly. I have been on a hair trigger with my temper lately, so like I said I almost had to shank him.

Also I don't get my food stamps anymore after this month. No reason why, just they are done. So I am fucked, cause thats what I was surviving, barely, on. Today was my last month of having them,  and we have no food, so after my brother got out of the shower my mom was like hey can you take Becca to get groceries? he says No I am fucking tired.

0_o Motherfucker, you never have to buy food, you don't have to pay lot rent, you don't have to do yardwork, you don't have to do house work, and you don't have to make sure the spring inspections get done so the park leaves us alone. You can fucking blow me asshole.

I wanted to say that, I didn't. My mom would have had a heart attack, cause I would have killed him. So I get on FB (which I call my phone, cause it's the only way people have to get a hold of me) and immediately hit up my friend Tina. I asked her if she would take me shopping and she said of course.  I burst into tears, she also tomorrow is gonna come get me and take me to get my state id (10$) so I can start looking for a job. No one else was gonna. Again I burst into tears.

I do have a baby sitting job for my friend Brandi. For now it's 2 days a week 40$ for both days and as soon as she gets more hours at the salon it will be 3 days a week. SCORE. They treat their sitters well so I am all kinds of excited. She is also the woman who does my hair, she's been doing hair for 15 years. Right now she actually just cut and styled my hair and dyed my new growth. We are trying to make it look good as it grows out, harder than I thought it would be. She wants to get a a tint from work from her supply to make the new growth match the old color, cause it's a little darker than the rest. Then she wants to thin out the back cause I have A LOT of hair and I mean A LOT, it's just thin.

It's just been a really stressful , crazy, painful, insane last few weeks. I just want to take a break and breath. It's too much all at once. I mean things are going slowly okay right now, but shit man.

I would write out a list of all the things that I need to do or have but it would take way to long and I am just like GAHHH! 
I haven't even been writing. I can't seem to, every time I try my mind blanks and my fingers freeze, like wtf. I just find myself blacking out. Not to mention I find myself angrier and angrier lately. I have never ever been a angry violent person. But the last few weeks all I have wanted to do is beat the living tar out of someone. That's not me.

So I guess what I am saying is I am okay, tentatively, but I am okay. I guess.

life omfg

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