'I take it in stride; at least you were mine. If not for all time, enough to hold."
Human relationships remain such a mystery to me; how we can be seemingly so close to one another, and then, suddenly, entirely separated (this is true of romance, sex, friendship). And how the separations, although they hurt like hell, reinforce our sense of self, of autonomy. When I love someone and lose them from my life, I eventually feel stronger, knowing that I had the courage to love, and loved as well as I could, and remain whole despite having lost them. Sometimes I get angry, too, which in itself is empowering. More than anything else I feel the strength of my core, and feel extremely grateful and proud that I have such a strong self to retreat to.
I don't want to be saying any of this, you understand. I don't want to look at this for what it is, and I especially don't want to look back on the last two years for what they've been, don't want to admit that I've spent them shading my eyes and marveling over fools' gold. But then, as a kid, I knew exactly what fools' gold was and loved it anyway. Maybe that's what this was, too: an illusion/delusion I made the decision to love.
Either way, I'm fine. Honestly I feel more at peace with myself than ever.
I don't want to be saying any of this, you understand. I don't want to look at this for what it is, and I especially don't want to look back on the last two years for what they've been, don't want to admit that I've spent them shading my eyes and marveling over fools' gold. But then, as a kid, I knew exactly what fools' gold was and loved it anyway. Maybe that's what this was, too: an illusion/delusion I made the decision to love.
Either way, I'm fine. Honestly I feel more at peace with myself than ever.