(no subject)
it's saturday night and I am totally going to bed before midnight. and I'm excited about it. going to bed early when you can also sleep in the next day is pretty much one of the best things I can think of. this is the first time I've had a whole weekend to myself in at least two months, probably more. because of the international shipping debacle, I've been working half-days on saturdays to catch up. I did take one off a couple weeks ago when laura was here, which was awesome. but this is the first time in ages that I've had TWO WHOLE DAYS with nothing planned.
last night I met sophia for a poetry reading in williamsburg, which turned out to be exactly what one would expect from a poetry reading in williamsburg. still, it's always good to go to readings; no matter what the content, they encourage me to write, which I did when I got home.
today, I did basically NOTHING, and loved it. slept in, read for a bit, took a really long shower, watched a bunch of snl clips, walked to park slope, bought some groceries, walked back, cooked dinner, ate, watched some more shit on the internet, and now I am just about ready to sleep again.
tomorrow, I will do laundry and some other productive things. it's weird, when I woke up this morning I was unsure how to handle a saturday alone without work. I think I've become a little bit addicted to my job. when I left on friday night, knowing that I wouldn't be in on saturday, I felt like I needed to prime david and sophia (my customer service minions), give them tasks in case they ran out of e-mails, etc. over the past week I've written instructions on how to handle common customer service situations, as well as sample e-mail responses for each situation. a customer service manual did exist when I started the job, but it really only covered technical things, and did not include much in the way of how to handle specific situations.so I've been writing those things up, and I've led some little training sessions with david and sophia...basically what's happened is that, without being a manager, I have ended up as a supervisor of sorts. my managers have told me as much. there's a part of me that feels like I've let myself get suckered, not by anyone specifically, but by the situation. but then, I like it, too. I am enjoying my job, feeling useful and productive, and getting to exercise a lot of skills that I haven't used in a long time. and I did get a raise, a pretty significant one as strand raises go. still, I think about all the energy I'm putting in, and how I wish I was putting it into something that meant more and benefited others more than retail. but, as I said, in the day to day routine of work, I am not unhappy. I don't know. when I started working there again, it was just supposed to be a band-aid, until I found something else. now, I feel an ownership of my job and a responsibility to stick around until a) I can perfect my system and b) I can ensure that someone else can maintain it when I leave. it's funny, the rumour I heard when I first returned to the city, that certain people didn't want me back at the store because they didn't like my work ethic. at this point, I've got work ethic up the yin-yang. not to overestimate my importance. if I did leave without training someone, I'm sure the gap would be filled- such is the nature of the store. basically, the point is, I just feel good about the job I'm doing. which is nice.
maybe it's because I've got nothing else going on. I really don't. at all. I seem to have a hard time balancing things in my life. a couple of years ago, my personal life was full of STUFF. the stuff wasn't really that good. most of it was pretty unhealthy and ridiculous. but it made for good storytelling, interesting journal entries...and I look back on it with a certain nostalgia. obviously I don't want it anymore. but it would be nice to have SOMETHING. I have stopped entertaining the unhealthy things. and it's not for lack of opportunity. If I wanted to kill some time being entangled in something ridiculous right now, I could. but I don't want those things anymore. also, I know how to recognize them when I see them. I thought that once I stopped wasting time on the destructive things, the good things would present themselves. so far, they haven't.
I do spend time on me. I write, and read, and walk and take in the city, and I am often overcome with joy and beauty. I can handle my life, and even enjoy it, by myself. but still, I wish I didn't have to. I wish I had someone to share it all with. I'm like a broken record, I've been repeating that same thing since I was twelve. and I will probably keep on repeating it, until I'm dead or until i find someone. so it goes.
last night I met sophia for a poetry reading in williamsburg, which turned out to be exactly what one would expect from a poetry reading in williamsburg. still, it's always good to go to readings; no matter what the content, they encourage me to write, which I did when I got home.
today, I did basically NOTHING, and loved it. slept in, read for a bit, took a really long shower, watched a bunch of snl clips, walked to park slope, bought some groceries, walked back, cooked dinner, ate, watched some more shit on the internet, and now I am just about ready to sleep again.
tomorrow, I will do laundry and some other productive things. it's weird, when I woke up this morning I was unsure how to handle a saturday alone without work. I think I've become a little bit addicted to my job. when I left on friday night, knowing that I wouldn't be in on saturday, I felt like I needed to prime david and sophia (my customer service minions), give them tasks in case they ran out of e-mails, etc. over the past week I've written instructions on how to handle common customer service situations, as well as sample e-mail responses for each situation. a customer service manual did exist when I started the job, but it really only covered technical things, and did not include much in the way of how to handle specific situations.so I've been writing those things up, and I've led some little training sessions with david and sophia...basically what's happened is that, without being a manager, I have ended up as a supervisor of sorts. my managers have told me as much. there's a part of me that feels like I've let myself get suckered, not by anyone specifically, but by the situation. but then, I like it, too. I am enjoying my job, feeling useful and productive, and getting to exercise a lot of skills that I haven't used in a long time. and I did get a raise, a pretty significant one as strand raises go. still, I think about all the energy I'm putting in, and how I wish I was putting it into something that meant more and benefited others more than retail. but, as I said, in the day to day routine of work, I am not unhappy. I don't know. when I started working there again, it was just supposed to be a band-aid, until I found something else. now, I feel an ownership of my job and a responsibility to stick around until a) I can perfect my system and b) I can ensure that someone else can maintain it when I leave. it's funny, the rumour I heard when I first returned to the city, that certain people didn't want me back at the store because they didn't like my work ethic. at this point, I've got work ethic up the yin-yang. not to overestimate my importance. if I did leave without training someone, I'm sure the gap would be filled- such is the nature of the store. basically, the point is, I just feel good about the job I'm doing. which is nice.
maybe it's because I've got nothing else going on. I really don't. at all. I seem to have a hard time balancing things in my life. a couple of years ago, my personal life was full of STUFF. the stuff wasn't really that good. most of it was pretty unhealthy and ridiculous. but it made for good storytelling, interesting journal entries...and I look back on it with a certain nostalgia. obviously I don't want it anymore. but it would be nice to have SOMETHING. I have stopped entertaining the unhealthy things. and it's not for lack of opportunity. If I wanted to kill some time being entangled in something ridiculous right now, I could. but I don't want those things anymore. also, I know how to recognize them when I see them. I thought that once I stopped wasting time on the destructive things, the good things would present themselves. so far, they haven't.
I do spend time on me. I write, and read, and walk and take in the city, and I am often overcome with joy and beauty. I can handle my life, and even enjoy it, by myself. but still, I wish I didn't have to. I wish I had someone to share it all with. I'm like a broken record, I've been repeating that same thing since I was twelve. and I will probably keep on repeating it, until I'm dead or until i find someone. so it goes.