kyrie eleison down the road that I must travel...
so I was just sick for two days...genuinely ill...maybe it was more psychosomatic than I would like to admit, I'm not sure. point being though, I spent two days pretty much in bed. coming off of that I am now full of crazy energy that I am using to attack my sections at work and currently, on this lunch break, get a bunch of shit done in preparation for korea. I'm having a bunch of insights right now, doing my usual give-self-therapy routine of admonishing myself to get my head out of my ass. but I've decided that, at least for right now, rather than writing it all down and feeling accomplished and patting myself on the back for the simple action of realizing these things, I need to just fucking ACT. because my problem is not action...yes, I do things that I shouldn't, but they are not the main problem, the main problem is my absolute, stubborn, childish refusal to DO the things that I should do. yesterday I had to wrestle with myself for twenty minutes in order to pick up my guitar for ten. I haven't written in a week. I'm only sabotaging myself here...everyone else is perfectly happy to buy my excuses, not because they don't care but because it isn't their place or their responsibility to hold me accountable.
but see, I'm doing it again, reflecting rather than acting. I'll tell you when I get some shit done, how about that?