beware
I dont know why i'm so scared to be alone. I mean it's like i'm alone already. I guess I like it when a guy makes me feel special. I wish I felt special right now. But I really feel like shit. I wish I could stop him from wanting to leave me but it's like everytime I try they leave anyway. Maybe i'm just really fucked up in my head. I really need a fucking life. I just wanna find a guy who will truley care about me and love me. I wish I wasnt so dependent. Thats my problem, I wish I didnt act like such a spaz. Sometimes I wanna do really stupid shit to get myself in the hospital so he will see that he's the cause of all my depression. I just asked for one thing and he acts like it's giving me a billion dollars. I mean damn, i'm his girlfriend and he's like no i cant hang out with you this weekend because my friends are more important. Well fuck him, I thought he could make me happy but he's just like everyone else in my pathetic fucking life. I'm attatched to him and he plays with my fucking emotions like it's a game. Well it's not a game it's my heart and he's crushing it. I'm so pathetic and everyone around me can see it too. I feel bad because Elyse is my best friend and she put up with so much of my shit,I really dont mean to bring her down. I just cant be happy. I mean I can pretend, but I cant find anything that will make me truley happy. Elyse is really great though, I love her with all my heart because she is the only person that will put up with all this shit.
I wish I could find someone else that truley wants me for me and not sex. I really hate sex, I mean it always fucks everything up and I hate it because I could have held on to a few of my realtionships if O never had sex with them. How could I be so stupid? No one wants me, because i've been with too many people and I do regret all of it. I wish my mom had something to be proud of me for. I feel like such a fuck up sometimes compared to my step brother. I wish I was a strong person like some of my friends, I mean they seem like they have total control of their lives and me well i have no self control.
I mean I really dont understand myself sometimes. I have a good life so why am I not happy? I mean I have a lot of the things I want and I have the basicc needs for survival so I should be happy. I'm only lacking a guy who cares, and I guess it will be a long time before I find that. I mean Buff doesnt care and he doesnt love me so why am i waisting my time. I cant be without him. I wish I had respect from people, but i'm a fucking doormat. I'm such a mess, and I wish I could clean up my act but I cant help myself anymore. I wanna work it out with him, but i'm not sure if it will happen. I really care about him and I would do anything for him, so why is he acting like such a bitch? I wish I could make him happy. I wish I could make Elyse happy and I really wish I could make my family happy. But I fucked up and this is all I have.
I whine to much. Sorry
Always remember that i love all of you
I wish I could find someone else that truley wants me for me and not sex. I really hate sex, I mean it always fucks everything up and I hate it because I could have held on to a few of my realtionships if O never had sex with them. How could I be so stupid? No one wants me, because i've been with too many people and I do regret all of it. I wish my mom had something to be proud of me for. I feel like such a fuck up sometimes compared to my step brother. I wish I was a strong person like some of my friends, I mean they seem like they have total control of their lives and me well i have no self control.
I mean I really dont understand myself sometimes. I have a good life so why am I not happy? I mean I have a lot of the things I want and I have the basicc needs for survival so I should be happy. I'm only lacking a guy who cares, and I guess it will be a long time before I find that. I mean Buff doesnt care and he doesnt love me so why am i waisting my time. I cant be without him. I wish I had respect from people, but i'm a fucking doormat. I'm such a mess, and I wish I could clean up my act but I cant help myself anymore. I wanna work it out with him, but i'm not sure if it will happen. I really care about him and I would do anything for him, so why is he acting like such a bitch? I wish I could make him happy. I wish I could make Elyse happy and I really wish I could make my family happy. But I fucked up and this is all I have.
I whine to much. Sorry
Always remember that i love all of you