you know that feeling..

[beccaluvsdorks]

when you wanna crawl in a hole and die. well that's how i feel..i just wanna bust out crying becuase i feel so lonely right now..i know my boyfriend is out with his friends but i just wish i could talk to him because i have to talk to him soon..or else i'm just gunna shrivel away..i mean i need his support..and he makes me happy most of the time..so maybe he'll tell me that everything will be ok and that i'm just being paranoid..i wish he was here right now cuz then i would tell him everything that's going on in my head and in my body and how i cant stop any of this..i love him though..i hope he calls tonight. because i need him..i wish elyse would talk to me..i've tried calling her a few times but she never awnsers, i hope i'm still important to her..i had the weirdest dream last night..it goes like this...

i was in the hall and drew stopped me and he was like can i talk to you..and i was like why? i'm over you and there's nothing you can do about it..and then he was like ok...and he kisses me and i kiss him back..and he says your such a liar. your not over me..my dreams have been weird as hell lately..i dont understand how he can look at me and not say anything..it makes me really angry..i just wanna get up in his face and yell hi, remember me..i took your virginity. and you broke up with me a week later...heart break is a fucking bitch man..

i need to stop being pessimistic and be happy..ok so now i'm HAPPY..or atleast pretending..i love you all..please never give up on me...because i know i'm an unhelpable case