Hetero .... What?
I'm straight I tell myself. I am. But when she looks at me I melt and my soul drops as if there's nobody else in the room. Its different I tell myself. She's different. But the few close people I've talked to about her tell me NO. Its a bad idea. She has drama. Freshly single. YOU have drama. Freshly single. You aren't ready for anything even close to serious right now. But yet you talk to her - ever day.... and can't stop. I first approached her six months ago and the first thing she did when she was single again was to contact me.
I keep warning myself not to turn this into the emotional version of U-Haul lesbianism. But I can't help it. I get excited when I get a text from her or I talk to her or she emails me. I get excited when she asks me questions and wants to know more about me. I get excited when she gives me feedback and when I ask her to call me and she does. I get excited because I'm not afraid to say to her "I need to talk to you" and when I do - she makes time to call me.
I can see it. The way I see this panning out. I can see me falling in love with her without ever actually fucking her. I can see her being a big part of my path. I can see me having a boyfriend. A kinky, non D/s boyfriend and submitting to her, not him. And I can see that working *very* well. I think. Maybe. Maybe I can't submit to someone I'm fucking? Maybe that's been my problem all along? Has that been the trouble all these years? I've had so many men that claimed to be dominant but when put in a relationship with me were unable to. Either I wouldn't let them, they weren't capable, or whatever. We butted heads. I won't make any assumptions about her yet. Or what this will turn into. We haven't even played yet. I'll enjoy myself, stop overanalyzing, relax, and have fun. And in the process, maybe learn something about myself.
And I'm happy. I have my first real girl crush in a long time ... wait no, I have 2. There's another I'm supposed to negotiate with too on Saturday. Oh, crap. *lol* And there's another one I want to do cigar scene with. When did all my play partners end up being women? I guess since a guy broke my heart. I can totally see that.