I'm Sorry.
"I'm Sorry"
I'm sorry I said those things.
Even if they were true.
I'm sorry I told people what really happened.
But I was hurt.
I'm sorry I reached out to others...
But you weren't there.
None of you were.
I don't know why you hate me now.
But I can't let you hurt me anymore.
And I won't.
I don't know why they hate me now.
But if I don't matter, then I can't let them matter either.
I can't fix things if you don't tell me what's broken.
Now, I see what I did.
I burned my bridges.
Now its time to build new ones.
New bridges, New materials.
Stronger ones.
More R+D this time.
More intent. More deliberate.
More maturity.
If that's what I had to do to be whole again, I'm okay with that.
Because .... it was(what I needed).
I'm sorry I lost who I was in you.
I'm sorry I let my standards be tainted by the actions and words of those around me.
I'm sorry I let the immaturity get under my skin.
I'm sorry I stopped being me.
I've been looking for me for a long time, and I thought I'd found me with you.
I was wrong.
I haven't found me in him either. I can't. Not again. I need to find me in me.
I'm sorry I lost my little girl.
Before you I knew who she was.
She was always chibi.
Little, Small, Tiny. Its who she was.
She grew up, she had to.
She was no longer safe ...
Now, she is again.
Safe.
Before you, I was a pervert.
I was curious.
I wanted to learn, and experience.
You weren't interested in any of it with me.
So I settled, became content, and didn't nag.
I'm sorry I'm stubborn.
I'm sorry I didn't have to strength to end it when it was over.
Because it was.
I've never felt this way before.
But I'm not sorry we were together
I'm not sorry I loved you
I'm not sorry I tried.
I'm not sorry I gave you everything I had
I'm not sorry I burned to ashes at your feet
Completely Crushed.
Partly because of you, partly because of me and completely because of us.
You helped me createthe foundation for what I will grow into.
See that guy over there? So did he.
And that one over there. And that one, and that one, and that one, and that one too.
All of you did. And for that, I love all of you.
But I can say with a full heart, I will never be in love with any of you ever again.
And for that - for that, I am grateful.
I love my life, I love me, but most importantly - I love him - and for today and every other day as long as I will live - That will be all that matters.