Apparently I'm in a journaling mode again
Its 5:00 am. Trouble typing. I haz it. I sit here, drunkish, having had too much alcohol but not having had too much friendship.
Dinner with family. Early evening feeling awkward. Flitting around the bar introducing myself to strangers, making fun ... on my own. I got winked at. someone wanted to take a picture of H and I dancing. No thank you, I think I know where that'll end up. Talking about poly with friends. Talking about poly living situations and situations where I'd be happy. Imagining myself being happy in real poly. Drinking more. Yes, please. Smiles. The hot dog guy. Slow dancing with an ex. Hanging out more with friends. Midget Gumbo. Met the owner of a nearby restaurant, Ahuuahs. One of my favorite tex mex places EVAR. Closing the bar down. Fight Club. If you weren't there, you don't get to know. Coming home successfully. Left over meat from dinner. Sitting at my computer reciting the night here.
If you had asked me years ago what I thought about feeling an energy or auras or whatever you call it I would have said you were crazy. Tonight ... tonight was one of those nights. Those nights where you look around, see the energy, and just feel it in your bones. You get home and can't tell if its the alcohol or something else but its 5 am and you don't want the night to fucking end.
I love my family. Not just Will and Brandon. But the bar. My Cheers. Unconditional love. Respect. Honesty. A feeling I don't get anywhere else. My parents, I love them but the feeling I get there is that of blood and its different. This is a chosen environment. and the Energy ... the energy ... the happiness. J with her curvy as fuck, short, smiles that could reach the moon. H who treats me like I've known her for years. I don't know. It was just ... special.
Its the slow nights, the nights like tonight which make me feel at home. And its my home that I choose.