Anniversary
In about three weeks from now last year my best friend died. I know it sounds weird but I can feel her energy all around me this past week. I smell her, I hear her through music or movies it's been strange....and sad.
What a tough time it is right now. So much going on in the world and the only thing I can think about it drowning it all out with gifts for everyone.
Every Year for the past 4 years I make a Christmas Mix and a Bonus Mix for my friends and friends of other religions. It's a bit of a grueling process, I can only hope they appreciate all the love I put into them. I think most of them do and they remind me by asking me when I am giving this years to them. Ha ha...makes me feel good. One of the few things left that really makes me feel alive and appreciative of everything I have.... and don't have. I put it all into my mixes...sounds crazy but there it is.
Lately I feel crazy so WTF right?
Kat's been down in the dumps. I can't seem to do anything for her. I think it's the Holidays and money. She feels awful because she has been working her ass off for little pay. She was living better back in NH except she didn't have her love. Now she has her love but a low paying job in a taxed state without her friends or family. I am her friend and my friends and family are a strange fill in for her I'm sure.
Breath deep Beck.
I am also working on a Mix for my friend Bari for her Wedding. She is paying me to make 300 cd's with covers and all for wedding savers? What a stressful task when it comes to Jewish girls! Seriously, I know a real life BRIDE-ZILLA.
Got hired to DJ Dr Mike's New Years party. Fuckin A. I don't even know what to charge him he's a friend of a friend and my dentist. I kind of grew up running in the same crowds as him and we are what you call a good aquaintances.
My Friend's are coming into town it's my time to be social and love the ones I'm with. This year is a challenge for me because I am with Kate.
She has social anxiety and it makes it hard on me. I know she doesn't mean to make me feel that way it's just I want her involved in my life.
After all, she is my love. Shouldn't we be at parties together having a glass of wine? Shouldn't she feel excited to meet one of my great friends she's never met? Maybe I am too gypsy for her?
I want to make this work somehow. My relationship is great in every other way except in the social aspect.
Deep breathing*
Tis the season to be stressed out but try and maintain a healthy perspective on life.
What a tough time it is right now. So much going on in the world and the only thing I can think about it drowning it all out with gifts for everyone.
Every Year for the past 4 years I make a Christmas Mix and a Bonus Mix for my friends and friends of other religions. It's a bit of a grueling process, I can only hope they appreciate all the love I put into them. I think most of them do and they remind me by asking me when I am giving this years to them. Ha ha...makes me feel good. One of the few things left that really makes me feel alive and appreciative of everything I have.... and don't have. I put it all into my mixes...sounds crazy but there it is.
Lately I feel crazy so WTF right?
Kat's been down in the dumps. I can't seem to do anything for her. I think it's the Holidays and money. She feels awful because she has been working her ass off for little pay. She was living better back in NH except she didn't have her love. Now she has her love but a low paying job in a taxed state without her friends or family. I am her friend and my friends and family are a strange fill in for her I'm sure.
Breath deep Beck.
I am also working on a Mix for my friend Bari for her Wedding. She is paying me to make 300 cd's with covers and all for wedding savers? What a stressful task when it comes to Jewish girls! Seriously, I know a real life BRIDE-ZILLA.
Got hired to DJ Dr Mike's New Years party. Fuckin A. I don't even know what to charge him he's a friend of a friend and my dentist. I kind of grew up running in the same crowds as him and we are what you call a good aquaintances.
My Friend's are coming into town it's my time to be social and love the ones I'm with. This year is a challenge for me because I am with Kate.
She has social anxiety and it makes it hard on me. I know she doesn't mean to make me feel that way it's just I want her involved in my life.
After all, she is my love. Shouldn't we be at parties together having a glass of wine? Shouldn't she feel excited to meet one of my great friends she's never met? Maybe I am too gypsy for her?
I want to make this work somehow. My relationship is great in every other way except in the social aspect.
Deep breathing*
Tis the season to be stressed out but try and maintain a healthy perspective on life.