(no subject)
This past weekend was the 4th of July weekend. I spent the whole...for the most part...at my lovely friend rachael carbone's casa. We slept in a tent and had a great time saturday night with some awesome girls! jono dave and trav stopped by and joined us for a little bit. Sunday night was a little different story that i won't get into, but all i need to explain is that though the events that happened were completely rude and disrespectful, they were good in a way too. They helped some of my friends realize things that will really help them in their friendships and their life in general. I was happy.
Sunday before ging back to rachael's that afternoon, the Sicards came over. They live in westfield and we used to go camping with them a lot. We always have a good time with them. Hanging out with them for the day made me realize how much i really missed camping. Those good 'ol days are gone for sure and it makes me really sad thinking about.
Monday i went home and slept and showered and then made plans with arae kaito ky and jimmy. We hung out at kyle's for a bit, went out to eat at the 99, which we soon realized later was too early after we finished, drove to the mall which was closed, took a bathroom stop for me and ky at taco bell, then finally headed down to st.b's for the fireworks. I really enjoyed hanging out with my friends because i really do love them all so much! The fireworks were great and then we sprinted back to the truck so we could get out of the parking lot faster. We still got caught up in the traffic jam. Then i found sarah as we made our way through the parking lot and i hitched a ride with her because i felt bad about jimmy bringing me all the way home. It was a fun ride home and then as soon as i got home i went straight to bed. Not everything about Monday night was amazing though. Me and joe have been ging through some problems this past weekend and we kind of talked on the phone at the fireworks but that didn't really work out.
I woke up on tuesday morning, did my chores, then went online unfortunately. Joe, bascially broke up with me. Yeah, i can't believe it myself...me and joe being over. I never saw this coming. We have had disagreements before and made it through but...it's over. Even typing this now makes the tears, i guess i have still have left from crying myself to sleep last night, drip down my cheeks. I can't help but think of all the perfect times we had together, just me and him at his house or when we were together at get togethers how awesome and amazing everything was. I have never really been so comfortable with another guy as i was with him.....or so in love. I remember telling the girls in the tent on saturday night that i don't see myself not with joe anytime soon, because of how strongly i felt about him...i didn't realize how soon it would all be over. Uh, everything had just been so perfect until summer hit. Everything went downhill from there, and i can't help but blame myself no matter how many people tell me not to. I never saw him, barely talked to him and i just missed him so much, i wanted to be with him and i soon realized that maybe the feeling wasn't mutual. Even sleeping over this, it still hasn't hit me that i can't hug him or kiss him when i see him, i can't write messages on his back, i can't play with his hair, i can't talk to him on the phone, i can't tell him stupid random things, i can't be with him,...i can't love him. I know this sounds crazy but i always thought me and joe would be together for a really long time, i guess i had one of those little girly foolish dreams. I just wish that joe could figure out what he wants, fix all his problems and be the guy i fell in love with all the time. I could probably go on for days about this because joe munger has always been and always will be a really big and important part of my life. He was my first love and like said in the notebook "it's normal not to forget your first love." Well i won't forget him...ever. I guess i just need to face the facts of how i really know now how it feels to be officially heartbroken. i still love him more than he will ever know, but maybe it never works out for a reason, maybe we are meant to be together later on but now is just not the right time, or maybe we aren't meant to be together at all, but i refuse to believe that. My mom told me everything happens for a reason and i believe her, i just hate the reason that led joe and i to this. People are telling me to move on and i know they are probably right, but the thought of moving on without him breaks my heart even more. It would probably be for the best, but the best is going to take a while. Hopefully, I'll be seeing him because i just love him so much and i atleast don't see that changing for a while.
Sunday before ging back to rachael's that afternoon, the Sicards came over. They live in westfield and we used to go camping with them a lot. We always have a good time with them. Hanging out with them for the day made me realize how much i really missed camping. Those good 'ol days are gone for sure and it makes me really sad thinking about.
Monday i went home and slept and showered and then made plans with arae kaito ky and jimmy. We hung out at kyle's for a bit, went out to eat at the 99, which we soon realized later was too early after we finished, drove to the mall which was closed, took a bathroom stop for me and ky at taco bell, then finally headed down to st.b's for the fireworks. I really enjoyed hanging out with my friends because i really do love them all so much! The fireworks were great and then we sprinted back to the truck so we could get out of the parking lot faster. We still got caught up in the traffic jam. Then i found sarah as we made our way through the parking lot and i hitched a ride with her because i felt bad about jimmy bringing me all the way home. It was a fun ride home and then as soon as i got home i went straight to bed. Not everything about Monday night was amazing though. Me and joe have been ging through some problems this past weekend and we kind of talked on the phone at the fireworks but that didn't really work out.
I woke up on tuesday morning, did my chores, then went online unfortunately. Joe, bascially broke up with me. Yeah, i can't believe it myself...me and joe being over. I never saw this coming. We have had disagreements before and made it through but...it's over. Even typing this now makes the tears, i guess i have still have left from crying myself to sleep last night, drip down my cheeks. I can't help but think of all the perfect times we had together, just me and him at his house or when we were together at get togethers how awesome and amazing everything was. I have never really been so comfortable with another guy as i was with him.....or so in love. I remember telling the girls in the tent on saturday night that i don't see myself not with joe anytime soon, because of how strongly i felt about him...i didn't realize how soon it would all be over. Uh, everything had just been so perfect until summer hit. Everything went downhill from there, and i can't help but blame myself no matter how many people tell me not to. I never saw him, barely talked to him and i just missed him so much, i wanted to be with him and i soon realized that maybe the feeling wasn't mutual. Even sleeping over this, it still hasn't hit me that i can't hug him or kiss him when i see him, i can't write messages on his back, i can't play with his hair, i can't talk to him on the phone, i can't tell him stupid random things, i can't be with him,...i can't love him. I know this sounds crazy but i always thought me and joe would be together for a really long time, i guess i had one of those little girly foolish dreams. I just wish that joe could figure out what he wants, fix all his problems and be the guy i fell in love with all the time. I could probably go on for days about this because joe munger has always been and always will be a really big and important part of my life. He was my first love and like said in the notebook "it's normal not to forget your first love." Well i won't forget him...ever. I guess i just need to face the facts of how i really know now how it feels to be officially heartbroken. i still love him more than he will ever know, but maybe it never works out for a reason, maybe we are meant to be together later on but now is just not the right time, or maybe we aren't meant to be together at all, but i refuse to believe that. My mom told me everything happens for a reason and i believe her, i just hate the reason that led joe and i to this. People are telling me to move on and i know they are probably right, but the thought of moving on without him breaks my heart even more. It would probably be for the best, but the best is going to take a while. Hopefully, I'll be seeing him because i just love him so much and i atleast don't see that changing for a while.