Quiero vivir...
i have realized that no matter how bad things get, how frustrated i get, how much i hate the world and the people in it, being happy feels so much better than letting depression take over.though i still feel it is ok to let your emotions take over when even acting happy doesn't work, letting things brush past you and seeing the good in life is all worth while...concentrating on the bad things in your life wastes away the precious moments you have to live. i'm am so afraid of dying. everytime i think of it my heart starts to hurt and i have anxiety attacks. i just don't know what is going to happen and all i want to do is cry...but then i realize...what is the use of wondering and being so afraid...you're just wasting away your life by wondering and once you get to your death bed you'll realize that all the wondering left you no life to remember, but still everytime i think about dying i still get so scared and can't help but cry and feel so bad inside even though in my mind i know i shouldn't worry about what i can't control like my dad always told me but my heart always wins the battle and i can't help but fear for my life..literally.
i just want to live...i just want to be able on concentrating on the great things i have in my life and when death comes along i dont want to freak out and cry and get soo scared...it's the worst feeling i have ever experienced and i dont know why all of a sudden the subject is affecting me like it did when i was younger.
my dad used to deal with my tantrums by reading to me about the native american afterlife which sounds so good. the native americans said they could see the spirit of the person who died walk happily into the sky and with their horse that they would kill too. imagine living in the clouds so happy and forever. it always calmed me down and he would always end each night by saying "you can't worry about things you can't control" and "everything will be ok" i love my dad and i don't know what i would do without him!
when i do concentrate on the great things in my life i think about joe, my friends, good weather, my dad and my grades.
good weather always makes me feel so much better, my friends are the best, joe is so good to me and he gives me a reason to love, my dad keeps me from running away, and my grades give me the self-confidence i need.
i want to do my best and i want to keep myself busy to keep from thinking about dying but at the same time i dont want my life to go by fast because the brings me to the end that much quicker!
it's hard and probably the worst fear to live with so i'm looking for help....any suggestions?
i just want to live...i just want to be able on concentrating on the great things i have in my life and when death comes along i dont want to freak out and cry and get soo scared...it's the worst feeling i have ever experienced and i dont know why all of a sudden the subject is affecting me like it did when i was younger.
my dad used to deal with my tantrums by reading to me about the native american afterlife which sounds so good. the native americans said they could see the spirit of the person who died walk happily into the sky and with their horse that they would kill too. imagine living in the clouds so happy and forever. it always calmed me down and he would always end each night by saying "you can't worry about things you can't control" and "everything will be ok" i love my dad and i don't know what i would do without him!
when i do concentrate on the great things in my life i think about joe, my friends, good weather, my dad and my grades.
good weather always makes me feel so much better, my friends are the best, joe is so good to me and he gives me a reason to love, my dad keeps me from running away, and my grades give me the self-confidence i need.
i want to do my best and i want to keep myself busy to keep from thinking about dying but at the same time i dont want my life to go by fast because the brings me to the end that much quicker!
it's hard and probably the worst fear to live with so i'm looking for help....any suggestions?