Connecticut State of Mind, Dan/Blair, Rating: R
Title: Connecticut State of Mind
Pairing: Dan/Blair
Rating: R
Words: 7,886
Summary: If just making Dan smile brought her such a rush, she tried to imagine how it would feel to make him even happier. Ecstatic, even.
Author's Notes: Warning-SPOILERS for 5.18 ahead......So....I know I have a bunch of chapters of other stuff going on, but the promo and the Ausiello spoiler left me intrigued. I saw the theory that “an altered state of mind” could just mean not in a “New York state of mind,” and I decided to run with the thought of the good! sex being in a different actual state, and no drugs, alcohol, etc. being involved.
This is far and away the smuttiest story I've ever written. And not that I have any real thought that I write anything terribly deep, but this is probably the sappiest, most fanficcy thing I've ever written, for better or for worse. Their smiles as they kissed to the triumphant trumpets just did something to me, which made it impossible to write the angst/no DB in my WIPs because I just wanted to write them being happy. Is that so wrong? And why is this note so long? Anyhow, tell me what you think!
Blair wasn't sure if she was receiving some sort of cosmic justice for not seeing what was in front of her for so long, but she was finding it incredibly frustrating that the moment she realized that she wanted to have sex with Dan Humphrey, the world seemed dead set on stripping away any opportunity that presented itself. She would question what exactly Dan had done to deserve this, but he seemed to be keeping his cool much more than she was. This of course served to frustrate her all the more, as she couldn't believe they had now been dating nearly five weeks and Dan hadn't even brought up the fact that their relationship remained unconsummated.
On the other hand, neither had she. They had settled for clandestine make-out sessions whenever they could steal a moment alone, but them sharing an unspoken agreement that no clothes should be removed lest his parents or her best friend return home unexpectedly. The last thing she needed right now was for Serena to hear them, or even worse see them. And the loft provided even less privacy, and she knew they definitely didn't want to get anything started when there was any chance Rufus and Lily could return home. The thought of doing a walk of shame through the Humphrey living room, past the watchful eyes of Serena and Chuck's mother and Jenny Humphrey's father, was enough to restrain Blair from taking things too far.
At times, her whole body tingled with anticipation at the thought of being with Dan. Every time he kissed her, one hand inevitably tangled in her hair while the other caressed her waist, she just wanted to be closer to him. There were moments when after they broke apart, they would just laugh and look in each other's eyes as though they couldn't quite believe this was happening. If she were completely honest with herself, Blair would admit that her relationship with Dan still felt surreal. Sometimes they would just sit and watch a movie, and she'd almost forget that things were different now. But then there would be some little moment, like when he would briefly look away from the movie and smile at her, and she couldn't help but grin at him in return. He would usually turn away and watch the movie again, but she would feel a warmth engulf her, as she knew her presence was why he was happy, and that he finally felt comfortable enough with their mutual feelings that he could be so unguarded with her.
She was pretty sure her mere presence had never made anyone so happy before, and it was a heady feeling. If just making Dan smile brought her such a rush, she tried to imagine how it would feel to make him even happier. Ecstatic, even.
She was startled out of her reverie by the buzzing of her phone. She smiled as she read the message from Dan.
Lily won the injunction, and she and Dad are packing now. Celebration in a couple of hours?
Blair's smile grew as she considered the possibilities for the evening ahead. She smirked as she wrote him back.
You sure you don't want the place to yourself again after having to share for so long? Enjoy some peaceful solitude?
She was expecting a snarky text in return, and she almost jumped when her phone rang instead. She rolled her eyes affectionately when she saw Dan's name flash on the screen. He rarely could keep a text message conversation going for very long, as he found the medium too restrictive to express what he wanted to say.
“Hey,” he said when she answered.
“Hey,” she said, feeling strangely shy talking to him after the more lascivious thoughts that had been running her through her head prior to his call.
“I just wanted to call you, because I realized that maybe my text message came across as a little, uh...forward,” Dan stuttered out. “I would really like to just be able to have time alone with you for even a few hours, as it seems we can't even manage that lately....I really don't expect you to...you know...”
“What?” she asked innocently, smirking. His rambling had made her momentary shyness disappear.
“I'm not expecting sex,” he said bluntly, accepting her challenge. “See, I can say it. So you can wipe that smirk off your face.”
“You have no evidence that I was smirking,” she said teasingly.
“You don't think I know what your voice sounds like when you're smirking? I've been hearing it for years, complete with visuals,” he said. It was always kind of jarring when either of them mentioned the past, back when they didn't exactly hate each other, but they certainly didn't like each other either. It was hard for her to imagine not liking Dan, and even harder to imagine him looking at her with the wariness that used to accompany their interactions.
“You cannot tell my facial expressions just by hearing my voice,” she said exasperatedly, rolling her eyes.
“Of course I can,” he said, a smirk in his own voice. “For instance, I know you just rolled your eyes at me.”
“See, I think you're just using the law of averages to guess these things,” she volleyed back. “You know 75% of the time I'm either smirking or rolling my eyes during our conversations.”
“I guess I am just excellent at deciphering probabilities,” he said dryly.
“Two can play this game anyhow. You totally just rolled your own eyes, but also grinned a bit as you huffed out that response.” She couldn't help but smirk again, realizing she knew his own mannerisms so well already. There was no way she was letting him win this one. “And before you say anything, I was indeed smirking just then.”
“I figured. You used your smirking voice again.”
“So, was there a point to this call other than you telling me you don't want to sleep with me tonight?” she asked, intending for it to come out as teasing, but instead her voice suddenly sounded needy to her own ears. She hadn't meant to change the tone so quickly.
“That is most definitely not what I said,” Dan replied, sounding alarmed. She knew that too, but for some reason she had needed some affirmation that he wanted her like she was beginning to want him.
“Then what were you saying?” she asked seriously, for some reason feeling the need to push him further.
“I am saying that I am excited to be alone with you, because I like being with you in any capacity,” he said simply, his tone sincere. “It doesn't have to be sexual.”
“Do you want it to be sexual?” she asked, her voice going breathy.
“Of course I do,” he said, his voice sounding deeper. “So long as that's what you want.”
“I'm personally on the fence,” she teased, trying desperately to lighten the tone again.
“That's what I figured,” he said, the smile evident in his voice.
It appeared the ball was in her court, as he was clearly letting her set the pace. Given that the pace was about half the speed she wanted it to be, she decided it might be time to press the issue.
“I'll see you in a couple of hours,” she said levelly, trying to keep the smile out of her voice as she decided on her plan of action.
“I can't wait to see what you have in store for me,” he said before hanging up, her vocal equivalent of a poker face apparently failing her.
Blair pulled her trench coat tighter around her, feeling a thrill from the secret of what was underneath. While she knew Dan was expecting her to have something planned for tonight, she had a feeling that at best he was expecting a good bottle of wine. Practically buzzing with anticipation, she knocked on the door. She figured the knock alone would be a big surprise for him.
“So we actually knock now?” he said, grinning and leaning down to give her a quick kiss on the lips as she remained in the doorway.
“You know you're really predictable,” she said, smiling. “I knew you were going to say that.”
“We're getting frighteningly in synch,” he said, bestowing her with his full, genuine smile, which almost distracted her from the task at hand.
“I bet you don't know what I have planned,” she said teasingly.
He tilted his head and shrugged his shoulders. “So, maybe all of the mystery isn't gone,” he said, the smile growing wider.
She beamed back at him, and flung open her coat, and his eyes comically bugged out of their sockets.
“We've been waiting weeks,” she said provocatively, running her tongue over her lips in an exaggerated motion.
If she weren't so eager to get this show on the road, she would have laughed at his expression as he remained frozen in place. Instead, she let the coat fall to the floor completely and met his eyes, using the breathiest voice she could muster, “So, Dan, are you gonna invite me in or what?”
Finally, he seemed to snap out of whatever shock he was in, as his eyes suddenly grew hungry. She wasn't sure she had ever seen him so intense.
He reached out a hand, his eyes never leaving hers. “Blair, would you like to come in?”
She thought about countering him with another teasing remark, but the mood had altered to something much more serious. Instead of grabbing his hand, she took a step forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, drawing him into a fierce kiss. He responded immediately, kissing her with an intensity that hadn't ever been there before as he reached an arm out to close the door, then used his momentum to push her against the back of the door.
“Lift me,” she said breathily in between kisses. “I want to feel you.”
He groaned, but readily complied, lifting her as she took the opportunity to wrap her legs around his waist. When he thrust forward, she couldn't believe how hard he was already.
“Somebody seems excited,” she said teasingly as his lips moved to her neck.
“You have no idea,” he panted into her ear. “And on that note, I think it's time to head to my bedroom. I really don't want this to happen against the door.”
She kept her arms and legs wrapped tightly around him as he struggled to both kiss her and walk toward the bedroom. With only limited stumbling, he managed to lay her on the bed. He stood at the foot of the bed and just looked at her, as though he needed a moment for the reality to set in. She was sure it was quite a sight, with her lips likely swollen from kissing and her hair a wreck. Before he could make his next move, they were distracted by a voice coming from the entry to the loft.
“Dan, are you there?” Dan rolled his eyes and groaned as he heard his father's voice.
“Why is he here?” she hissed, not believing their luck.
“I have no idea,” he answered, looking both annoyed and defeated.
“Get rid of him,” she bit out, not sure why she had to point out the obvious.
“Believe me, I wish it were so easy,” he sighed, taking a deep breath. “Yeah, I'm here. I'll be there in a sec,” he called out, his shoulders sagging.
“So, do you need me to go into graphic detail about how your dad and Lily will celebrate their own alone time this evening so that you can make yourself presentable?” Blair asked in a mockingly helpful voice.
“I think the mere suggestion was enough. Thank you for that,” he said dryly, grimacing as he turned and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him. She couldn't make out the conversation, as they were speaking in hushed voices. She wasn't sure what Dan was saying that he didn't want her to hear. She hoped he wasn't sharing too much.
He returned a few moments later, carrying her trench coat. “You'll probably be needing this,” he sighed, handing her the coat. He walked to the rack that held his clothes, and fished out a dress, much to her surprise. “This probably wouldn't be a terrible idea either. Don't worry, it's yours.”
She grabbed the dress and threw it over her head, not dignifying that with a response. She recognized the dress from the night she had come to the loft to tell Dan how she felt about him. She had run out of the penthouse in a rush, and on the way she realized she could very well end up spending the night. She had frantically called Dorota and asked her to bring her an overnight bag with provisions to last through the weekend. Of course, she hadn't even been there ten minutes before Rufus and Lily arrived and in her frustration she had forgotten to tell Dorota it was a false alarm.
“Did Lily kick him out?” she asked, confused.
“No,” Dan said. “Apparently, Lily is having a party tonight to celebrate the injunction. She just suggested my dad stay out of the way while they prepare, so naturally he came here. Without calling.”
“Just like when they moved in,” Blair sighed, remembering how Dan had taken her coat off and she was working on the buttons of his shirt when they heard Rufus's bellowing voice calling from the doorway the evening she had told him he had her heart.
“Maybe I need to put a sock on the door knob,” Dan suggested. She glared at him, not even dignifying that with a verbal response.
“So, when's the party?” Blair asked, knowing that they were obligated to go.
“We should probably be there in about three hours,” he said, looking sadly at the clock.
She jumped up and walked to the rack where he hung his clothes, grabbing a suit and shirt and throwing them at him.
“Take these and come with me,” she ordered as she threw on her coat and grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the door. He followed her obediently through the loft.
“Rufus, we need to run a quick errand before the party. I made sure Dan brought a proper change of clothes; he can change at my place,” she said briskly.
“I'll see you two kids later,” Rufus said cheerfully as she pulled Dan through the door.
“Where are we going?” Dan asked, puzzled. They walked onto the street as Blair moved to hail a cab. “Is Serena not at home?”
“I don't know,” Blair said honestly. “We're not going to chance it though. We have just enough time to get a hotel room and get this done before the party.”
“Blair, we've waited this long...” he started before she cut him off.
“No, this needs to happen today,” she said decisively. If they kept waiting for the right time, she was pretty sure that time was never going to come. She saw him bristle at her brusque tone, and she softened. “I just really want this to happen,” she told him sincerely, looking him in the eyes just as a cab pulled up.
“Okay,” he agreed, smiling softly as he reached around her to open the door for her.
They sat in awkward silence through the cab ride after Blair gave them the address to the Westin. It was nice enough to not turn her off, but it wasn't so nice that Dan would be aghast at renting it for a mere couple of hours. After they got out of the cab, she led the way into the hotel, marching up to the front desk while he paced around the lobby as she paid.
“Consider this the first installment toward the Dominican Republic ticket,” she said as she handed him the key card.
“Is this what it feels like to have an affair?” he asked.
“Well, I guess we technically are,” she said pointed out, even though her marriage was a mere technicality, with final negotiations still not quite finished.
“So, uh, let's go,” he said, reaching his hand out just as he did at the loft earlier that day. She took it this time, feeling the need to grasp him tightly.
“We don't have to do this, you know,” he pointed out as the elevator doors closed.
“I want to,” she said, feeling stubborn. She did want him, even if things didn't feel quite like they did back at the loft.
“Okay,” he agreed, squeezing her hand.
After they entered the room, they just stood there, neither of them sure what to do next.
“So, it looks a lot like the airport hotel,” Dan commented.
“It's nicer than that,” she said.
“I guess,” he said, shrugging.
“You'll tell when you get closer to the linens,” she said.
“I never touched any of the linens there,” he pointed out.
“I guess not. By the way, what exactly was your plan for that one room with one bed anyhow?” she asked conversationally, realizing she hadn't really thought about it before.
“It was all they had, not that you noticed as you were complaining about the lack of spa services,” he answered, smiling at her fondly.
“And you couldn't bust out the money for two rooms? I know Lily's given you some sort of trust fund.”
“I've also earned some of my own,” he said stiffly. “And I didn't get two rooms because I thought you didn't want to be alone, considering you already had your ticket and the passport was on its way. You didn't need me for logistics anymore, or to drive you anywhere. But you didn't suggest I go home once we secured the room. I guess I just thought you needed....a friend.”
He looked down at the ground then, seemingly caught up in the memories of her disastrous wedding night when he was likely tearing himself up with guilt over how badly sending the video had backfired, and he didn't even know the full extent of the damage he'd caused at that point.
“And you were a good friend,” she reassured him, snapping him out his reverie. “Even if you made mistakes.”
He reached a hand out to softly cup her face, making sure she was looking him in the eyes. “Thank you,” he said softly. “Even after the last few weeks, I really needed to hear that. And, I really am sorry for everything.”
“I know,” she said truthfully.
“Thank you,” he said, catching her off guard.
“For what?” she asked, confused.
“For forgiving me. For being here, right now, with me,” he said, leaning forward to kiss her softly. She returned the kiss, snaking her hands around the back of his neck and drawing him closer. They continued to kiss like that for a few moments, unhurriedly, as though they had all the time in the world.
Just then there was a knock on the door. “Room service!” a voice bellowed out.
“You ordered room service?” Dan asked after they broke apart. “Aren't we only here for like two hours?”
“I ordered champagne,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I thought it might help set the mood. This is a sexual rendezvous, isn't it?”
“I guess it is,” he said tersely, reaching into his pocket to hand her a five dollar bill to tip the waiter.
After the waiter left, they stared at each other awkwardly again. Dan eyes scanned the room nervously, looking like he was ready to leap right out of his skin.
“It sure is bright in here. Don't you think it's bright in here?” he asked, fidgeting as he shifted his weight around nervously.
“It's daylight savings,” she said absently. “It's so much lighter out now.”
“Why do they still do that anyhow? It's really pretty antiquated, you know,” he said.
“You want to close the curtains?” she asked.
“Yeah,” he agreed.
He walked over to the window to decisively close the curtains. “See, that's a lot better,” he said, turning back towards her.
“Yeah,” she agreed.
He walked towards her until he was standing directly in front of her, both of them standing in front of the bed that seemed to be mocking them. She was having a weird sense of deja vu, thinking back to their first kiss and how nervous they both were then.
“So?” she asked, raising an eyebrow, wondering if he was having the same memories flash through his head.
“So?” he said as he smiled at her, taking another step towards her, brushing her hair away from her face. He moved his hand down to her shoulder, touching her there lightly. She smiled back at him, happy for the confirmation that they were indeed on the same wavelength.
“Humphrey, we're down to like an hour and a half, tops,” she said impatiently. “Let's get this show on the road.”
He rolled his eyes, but did as he was told and leaned down to kiss her. The kiss lacked the urgency she thought the moment called for, so she grabbed his face with both hands and kissed him firmly, her tongue probing into his mouth insistently. He groaned and slowly laid her on the bed, and she immediately pulled on his shirt to make sure he stayed on top of her. He kissed her again, and she started to make swift work on the buttons of his shirt.
They broke apart as she pushed his shirt off his shoulders. “Do you want to get under the covers?” he suggested before they could start kissing again. She looked at the hotel bedspread and thought about all the undercover specials on the unhygienic nature of hotel bedspreads, and decided it was best if they didn't become the 1,000th couple to have sex on that very bedspread that probably had never been dry cleaned.
“That would probably be a good idea,” she said, looking at the tightly made bed and realizing there it was going to be difficult to get under the covers without standing up. Sighing, she pushed him away from her so she could stand. “Get up so we can push the covers down.”
They stood up and pushed the covers down to the foot of the bed. She tentatively sat on the edge of the bed, not sure what came next, whatever momentum they'd built up annihilated. He eased himself onto the other side of the bed, then grabbed her hand to pull her towards him. “Come here,” he said with a nervous smile.
For once, she didn't argue with him and let herself be pulled into his arms. He rested his back against the headboard and drew her closer to him until his arm was wrapped around her and she burrowed closer to his bare chest. They sat there for a few moments, just holding each other in silence.
“Do you really want to do this right here, right now?” he asked as he ran his hand through her hair. The fact that he would walk away from this room without complaint if she showed any hesitance just made her want him more, even if the situation wasn't ideal.
“I want you,” she told him truthfully.
“I'm yours then,” he told her as he leaned in to kiss her.
Again, she felt the urge to pick up the pace, wanting to show him how badly she needed to be close to him, but unable to find the words. Instead, she tried to show him the magnitude of what she was feeling through her kisses and touches, her movements almost frenetic. She pushed him on his back, taking the opportunity to straddle him. She reached a hand down and aggressively cupped him, squeezing firmly. She smiled as his eyes nearly rolled to the back of his head.
“Blair, please,” he panted. “I can't....I can't take any teasing right now.”
“I can agree to those terms,” she said seductively, feeling powerful as he looked at her so hungrily.
She reached down and swiftly unfastened and unzipped his jeans. She leaned forward to kiss him as she tugged his jeans down, with him taking the hint and raising his hips and so she could divest them of him completely. She grinned wickedly as she lifted up the offending garment. “You won't be needing these for awhile,” she said as she tossed the jeans across the room, not noticing the alarmed look on his face at first.
“You don't need to be nervous,” she said, resisting the urge to laugh at him. “I want this so much.” To show him just how much, she lowered her zipper then pulled her dress up and over her head.
She leaned down and kissed him passionately, and he responded with equal fervor running his hands through her hair. She teasingly moved her hips over his erection, grinning at the pained expression on his face.
He moved his hands from her hair to still her hips. “Blair, I meant what I said about the teasing,” he said, sounding strained.
“Fine, no more teasing,” she agreed, them maneuvering their bodies awkwardly so she could tug his boxers down and off. She leaned her forehead against his, smiling as she looked him in the eye. “Please tell me you brought condoms.”
She was actually surprised at herself for not bringing condoms, but somehow she knew he would be prepared just in case the occasion presented itself.
“I have good news and bad news,” he said sheepishly.
“This is not the time to be cute,” she said tersely.
“Okay, fine,” he said, a hint of tension in his voice as well. “When you threw my jeans across the room, my wallet was in them, which holds the aforementioned condom.”
Both their eyes moved to the spot where his jeans laid, five feet away from the bed.
“Get up,” he said. “I'll go get them.”
She rolled her eyes and pushed him back down. “I'll get them,” she told him firmly. “Knowing our luck, you'd injure yourself if you walked across the room in your current position.”
He looked extremely uncomfortable in his nakedness as she moved across the room. “You don't have to look so anxious,” she told him. “It's not like I haven't seen a guy naked before.”
“That...really doesn't help anything,” Dan said, suddenly looking even more anxious.
She rooted around his jean pockets until she found his wallet, then happily tore off a condom from the strip she found. She thought for a second, then she ripped off a second, just in case. While she was standing, she reached under her negligee to pull her panties down and off.
She laid the other condom on the nightstand and then straddled Dan's body again, him laying flat on his back as he stared up at her. He leaned up to kiss her just as she brought the condom to her mouth to tear the wrapper with her teeth, his mouth colliding with her hand.
“Ow,” he cried out, rubbing his lip. “I knocked my lip right into my tooth.”
“Stop complaining,” she said as she rolled the condom on him. She gave him an extra stroke for good measure, but was quickly stopped by his hand stilling her.
“Please, I really meant it...” he practically begged. He released her hands, seemingly trusting her not to torture him more.
“Thank you,” he said, leaning up to kiss her. She kissed him back, reaching for him again, but this time guiding him to her entrance. He jerked his head back from the kiss and groaned at the sensation.
“Blair...” he choked out, his eyes shut and his face looking strained. He slowly opened his eyes to look at her, meeting her eyes. He stared at her, and she embarrassingly felt tears well up in her eyes from the intensity of his gaze. She closed her own eyes, and tried to concentrate on the feelings of having him inside her. She thrusted hesitantly, and heard him groan again. She felt his hand inch towards her center. Before he could get there, she opened her eyes and grabbed both his hands and pinned them over his head.
“There's time for that later,” she said as she moved again, enjoying being in control.
He was about to say something else when she saw a brief moment of panic flash in his eyes, followed by a long groan and the feeling of him softening inside her. She just sat on top of him for a moment in shock, and he just leaned his head against the headboard, his eyes closed tightly as though he didn't want to face the world that awaited him when he opened them.
She slowly rolled off him and moved to the other side of the bed, drawing the covers up and over her. She could feel Dan do the same.
Neither of them spoke for at least five minutes.
“Wow,” she finally said, that on syllable encapsulating her thoughts on the entire disaster that day had been.
“My thoughts exactly,” he said. She looked at him out of the corner of her eye to get a better gauge of what he meant by that. He just stared at the ceiling, the sheet pulled tightly against him, almost like he was in some sort of trance. Surely he didn't think that had been good. If he did, it didn't bode well for the future. It also didn't seem like the time to tell him her own thoughts on what had happened. He looked so distant right now. Even when they hadn't particularly liked each other, he had never seemed quite so far away.
She turned to the nightstand and looked at the clock. “I have to go,” she said, trying not to sound too eager. “I trust you can check out.”
“Yeah,” he said distantly. “I guess I'll meet you over at my dad and Lily's?”
“I'll meet you in the lobby. We can go up together,” she told him as she got out of bed and found her dress, swiftly throwing it over head.
“Okay,” he said. “I'll just shower and change here, then check out and go over and meet you.”
Ostensibly, they had the room for the whole night, but she decided to not remind him of that. It would be just as well to not return to the scene of the crime.
When she entered the lobby, Dan was waiting for her. “Hey,” he said hesitantly when she approached him. He stood awkwardly as if he didn't know quite how to act.
She leaned up and kissed him softly on the lips, which seemed to relax him slightly. “Let's go up,” she said, grabbing his hand.
When they got into the elevator, the tension between them rose again. Unable to take it, she finally spoke up. “What I meant by 'wow,' was 'Wow, that was terrible,'” she told him, to make sure erased any doubt. She expected him to look angry or hurt, but he just let out a breath and looked relieved.
“Thank God,” he said, smiling. “I'd gotten to where I could read you so well lately, but for some reason I was having a hard time with this one. You seemed so eager initially, and it all happened so fast.”
“I certainly hope you're not blaming me because it was over so fast,” she said tersely. “That's something the female really doesn't get to control.”
“Right, like you were going to let me control anything,” he mumbled angrily.
“I couldn't have you controlling anything, as you clearly lacked control,” she retorted as the doors to the elevator opened. She stormed out, and she looked behind her to see him take a moment to glower. He stalked off the elevator behind her, going straight to the bar.
Dan found Nate right away, and hung out with him. Blair wandered around, speaking briefly with Serena and later with Lily, then just trying hard to avoid Chuck. Finally, Dan found her while she was staring at the window. Hey,” he said softly, lightly stroking her arm to get her attention. She felt a familiar tingle run through her body at his touch, which just served to make her more depressed that things didn't work out.
“Hey,” she said, her anger from the elevator gone, replaced by resignation and sadness. “So, we tried at least, right?”
He looked confused at first, then horrified. “You're ending this?” he asked, looking like she'd struck him.
“It's clear we're incompatible,” she said, no bite in her tone. “You were right. I couldn't even let you have enough control to try and touch me. I forced the entire issue, and it was a disaster. If we keep trying, I'll probably just find some way to make it go even worse. Before we end up hating each other, we should probably just quit while we're remotely ahead. I can't....have you hate me again. I can't imagine you not being in my life.”
Embarrassingly, she felt herself begin to cry. He pulled her into his chest, and she buried her face there, reveling in the feeling of him surrounding her. She knew it would be a long time before they could be this close physically again.
“First, I never hated you,” he said softly into her ear. “And second, I am taking control right now and saying this isn't over. Not by a long shot.”
She pulled back from his chest just far enough to look up at him, his arms still around her. “What?” she asked, confused. She just broke up with him, it's not like he had a choice.
“You wanted me this afternoon,” he said bluntly. Before she could counter, he put his index finger over her lip to keep her from talking. “And before you say anything, I wanted you too. Badly. Probably too much, if I'm being honest.”
“I just thought it would be perfect,” she said truthfully.
“I know that this is where I should say it was perfect because it was us, but I'm not going to do that,” he said wryly. “However, I will say that at every turn in this relationship, we've had a false start before we moved forward with each progression of our relationship. We loathed each other at first sight, then found some common ground and sort of tolerated each other, most of the time. Then we started hanging out, but I thought I couldn't trust you, and then I saw the error of my way and we were friends. Then we kissed...I think you get the picture.”
“I suppose we could try again,” she conceded.
“No pressure,” he said. “Let's just let things happen when they feel right.”
“I'll try,” she said, not sure if this was in her power.
“You ready to get out of here?” he asked.
“Yeah,” she told him.
When they got to the street, she looked at him expectantly, waiting to figure out if they were parting ways for the night or not.
“Come back to the loft with me,” he said. “I have my own surprise for you.”
She looked at him warily. “I'm skeptical,” she said.
“Do you trust me?” he asked her seriously. She contemplated him for a moment and smiled.
“I do,” she admitted.
When they arrived at the loft, Dan rushed into his room with a flurry of movement. He grabbed the bag Dorota had brought weeks ago and tossed it at her. “You're set at least,” he said distractedly as he grabbed his own overnight bag and started throwing clothes inside it.
“Where the hell are we going this late?” she asked impatiently. She trusted him, but that didn't mean she particularly enjoyed relinquishing all control.
“You'll see soon enough,” he told her as briskly walked into the bathroom to fetch toiletries.
She sighed, knowing she wasn't going to get anything out of him until he was ready to tell her.
When they reached the car, she gawked at him for a moment before speaking.
“You have got to be kidding me,” she said. “This is not an emergency situation that necessitates taking this....car.”
He laughed and tossed their bags in the trunk. “It has symbolic meaning. Get in,” he told her.
She sighed one more time to make sure he understood her displeasure, but got in anyhow.
He had barely driven them out of the city before the weight of the day wore on her and she fell asleep. She awoke when the car stopped, and she opened her eyes to see them outside of The Cornwall Inn.
“You took me to Connecticut?” she asked him, shaking her head.
“I booked the room two weeks ago,” he told her before he got out of the car, walking around to open her door. He reached out a hand to help her out, which she accepted without reservation. He squeezed her hand before releasing it as he went to the trunk to fetch their bags.
They didn't speak much until they got to the room. Even though it was after midnight now, she felt energized from her nap as well as her surroundings. The room was quaint, but well appointed. It had a large four poster bed as the centerpiece, with antique furnishings surrounding it. She peaked into the bathroom and saw a large claw footed tub, and she made a mental note that she wanted to put it to good use at some point, hopefully not by herself.
“So why did you book the room?” she asked as though there had been no break in their conversation.
“I was beginning to wonder if my dad and Lily would ever move out, and I could sense we needed some time to ourselves,” he said.
“You were afraid we were never going to have sex,” she said bluntly. She grinned as she watched him blush slightly.
“Well, I wasn't going to be so crass about it,” he said. “And going back to our earlier conversation, when I booked the room I did hope that our first time would be this weekend. I just wasn't going to expect anything, because I wasn't sure where you stood on the subject.”
“Why didn't you just ask? It's not like you've ever been shy around me,” she pointed out.
“I think I spent so long hiding my feelings from you that I still struggle with remembering that it's okay to discuss things like this with you,” he admitted.
“So, what are you hoping to happen tonight?” she asked, legitimately curious.
“Right now, it would make me happy if we each changed into our night clothes and laid on the bed to talk and sleep,” he told her. “I will admit at the very least, that was my plan for the one bed, that we would share it.”
“So presumptuous,” she teased as she grabbed her pajamas and went into the bathroom. She emerged ten minutes later wearing silky pajamas, her face scrubbed clean of makeup. It wasn't her sexiest outfit, but it felt right. Dan was sitting up in bed, his back against the headboard. He too had changed, and he was wearing a t-shirt and flannel pajama pants.
She crawled onto the bed next to him, moving so that she was lodged against his side. He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close. She rubbed light circles on his abdomen, enjoying the feeling of his muscles tensing from her touch.
“You wanted us to come full circle, I take it?” she asked rhetorically, raising an eyebrow. “How literary of you.”
“It wasn't my most subtle move,” he admitted. “But it seemed fitting.”
“I messed up the execution of your plan,” she said apologetically. “Your idea for her our first time was a lot more romantic.”
“I think you had the right idea, to just strip the bandaid off,” he told her, his tone sounding sincere. “I think if my dad hadn't come to the loft, the sex would have been really good. I think we just had too many starts and stops to be able to maintain a good rhythm, so to speak.”
“Like you were able to obtain a rhythm to begin with,” she said, then immediately regretted it. It was probably too soon to be joking about his performance.
To her surprise, he chuckled good-naturedly. “Touche,” he said. “I'll admit, it had been awhile.”
She hadn't really given it much thought, but she honestly had no idea the last person Dan would have been with. The last girl she knew about was Vanessa, as Serena had divulged the whole “Call me Serena” moment to her over the summer, but she figured he had to have been with someone since then.
“I've been taking too much your time these last few months,” she said sheepishly.
“Something like that,” he said. He paused, and seemed to contemplate something for a moment.
“What?” she finally asked, turning to look up at him.
“I was just deciding how much to tell you,” he admitted. She felt herself tense, not sure of what sort of bomb he was going to drop on her. She really hoped that there wasn't some hookup with Serena that neither of them had bothered to tell her about.
“Just spit it out,” she said tersely.
“Okay,” he said, taking a breath. “I haven't been with anyone in over a year, not since Vanessa. And I haven't really even wanted to be with anyone for a long time, at least as far back as when we kissed the second time. That's when I realized that the person I wanted was you, and I just didn't want to settle for someone I didn't feel as strongly about.”
“Dan...” she said, not sure what to say.
“I know it's pathetic, given how kissing me just made you want Chuck,” he said wryly.
“I think that moment was one of my moments of denial, another specialty of mine,” she admitted. “It's not like you expressed any interest in me outside of one voicemail.”
“The first time I saw you, you said you wanted to be with Chuck!”
“When have you ever given up on a girl you cared about so easily?” she countered.
“I was confused....” he admitted. “Then I wasn't, but Louis was already there.”
“Oh,” she said. “So...really? Over a year? That explains a lot.”
“Thanks,” he said sarcastically.
“I'm sorry you waited all that time to be with me and it wasn't even worth the wait,” she said.
“Being with you was worth the wait,” he said, the deeper meaning behind his words clear.
She leaned up to kiss him softly, not finding the words to express how she felt. He kissed her back tenderly, then simply stroked her face for a moment and looked into her eyes. As if by mutual agreement, they leaned in at the same time and kissed with more intent.
“Where are the condoms?” she managed to ask between kisses.
“I brought a box,” he said as he worked on the buttons of her pajama top. “And that box is in the night stand.”
“I appreciate that you learn from the past,” she told him sincerely before capturing his mouth again.
He managed to removed her top, then continued to kiss her as he slowly rolled them over so she was on her back looking up at him. They worked together to shimmy her pajama pants down her legs. He started to paint kisses on her chest, slowly moving down her abdomen. Just when things were about to get interesting, he looked up and spoke again, “Now that you know my situation, I hope you'll let me set the pace at least some.”
“Sure, whatever,” she said impatiently, not so subtly trying to push his head in the direction she wanted it to go. He chuckled and continued his journey.
Their second time was everything the first time wasn't. Somehow, all the awkwardness was gone, and Blair just let herself feel. She savored the feeling of him inside her, his body covering hers. While she let him set the pace, she took control by reaching her own hand between them to touch herself, which seemed to just turn him on more. And most importantly, she had been right before. As good as it made her feel to see his face light up with a smile because of her, it didn't compare to watching his face in the throes of ecstasy, groaning out her name in a way that left no doubt about how he felt, even if he hadn't said the words yet. Watching him triggered her own orgasm, and she screamed his name with much more force than she had intended, but somehow she didn't care if she had revealed too much. After all, she trusted him.
Afterwards, she snuggled into his chest as he laid on his back. “I wish I had a word besides 'wow,' but....” he said teasingly.
She slapped him lightly on the chest. “I was in shock then about how it could be so bad. I thought every time would be like...well, this time,” she said.
“That would be a lot to live up to,” he said, his voice holding the hint of a question still.
“It would be,” she affirmed. “We probably shouldn't expect it, just hope for it.”
“I have faith in us,” Dan said, kissing the top of her forehead then yawning.
“I don't think it will be tonight,” Blair teased, planting a soft kiss to the center of his chest teasingly.
“Probably not,” Dan said sadly. “But I'm really happy to be sleeping in the same bed as you for the first time, and waking up next to you tomorrow.”
She thought about making a joke about not being sure if she would be there in the morning, then decided that sometimes it was best to just let him know how she really felt. “Me too,” she agreed softly. “Goodnight. See you in the morning,” she said as she adjusted her head so his chest served as a suitable pillow and felt sleep overtake her, a content smile still on her face.
Pairing: Dan/Blair
Rating: R
Words: 7,886
Summary: If just making Dan smile brought her such a rush, she tried to imagine how it would feel to make him even happier. Ecstatic, even.
Author's Notes: Warning-SPOILERS for 5.18 ahead......So....I know I have a bunch of chapters of other stuff going on, but the promo and the Ausiello spoiler left me intrigued. I saw the theory that “an altered state of mind” could just mean not in a “New York state of mind,” and I decided to run with the thought of the good! sex being in a different actual state, and no drugs, alcohol, etc. being involved.
This is far and away the smuttiest story I've ever written. And not that I have any real thought that I write anything terribly deep, but this is probably the sappiest, most fanficcy thing I've ever written, for better or for worse. Their smiles as they kissed to the triumphant trumpets just did something to me, which made it impossible to write the angst/no DB in my WIPs because I just wanted to write them being happy. Is that so wrong? And why is this note so long? Anyhow, tell me what you think!
Blair wasn't sure if she was receiving some sort of cosmic justice for not seeing what was in front of her for so long, but she was finding it incredibly frustrating that the moment she realized that she wanted to have sex with Dan Humphrey, the world seemed dead set on stripping away any opportunity that presented itself. She would question what exactly Dan had done to deserve this, but he seemed to be keeping his cool much more than she was. This of course served to frustrate her all the more, as she couldn't believe they had now been dating nearly five weeks and Dan hadn't even brought up the fact that their relationship remained unconsummated.
On the other hand, neither had she. They had settled for clandestine make-out sessions whenever they could steal a moment alone, but them sharing an unspoken agreement that no clothes should be removed lest his parents or her best friend return home unexpectedly. The last thing she needed right now was for Serena to hear them, or even worse see them. And the loft provided even less privacy, and she knew they definitely didn't want to get anything started when there was any chance Rufus and Lily could return home. The thought of doing a walk of shame through the Humphrey living room, past the watchful eyes of Serena and Chuck's mother and Jenny Humphrey's father, was enough to restrain Blair from taking things too far.
At times, her whole body tingled with anticipation at the thought of being with Dan. Every time he kissed her, one hand inevitably tangled in her hair while the other caressed her waist, she just wanted to be closer to him. There were moments when after they broke apart, they would just laugh and look in each other's eyes as though they couldn't quite believe this was happening. If she were completely honest with herself, Blair would admit that her relationship with Dan still felt surreal. Sometimes they would just sit and watch a movie, and she'd almost forget that things were different now. But then there would be some little moment, like when he would briefly look away from the movie and smile at her, and she couldn't help but grin at him in return. He would usually turn away and watch the movie again, but she would feel a warmth engulf her, as she knew her presence was why he was happy, and that he finally felt comfortable enough with their mutual feelings that he could be so unguarded with her.
She was pretty sure her mere presence had never made anyone so happy before, and it was a heady feeling. If just making Dan smile brought her such a rush, she tried to imagine how it would feel to make him even happier. Ecstatic, even.
She was startled out of her reverie by the buzzing of her phone. She smiled as she read the message from Dan.
Lily won the injunction, and she and Dad are packing now. Celebration in a couple of hours?
Blair's smile grew as she considered the possibilities for the evening ahead. She smirked as she wrote him back.
You sure you don't want the place to yourself again after having to share for so long? Enjoy some peaceful solitude?
She was expecting a snarky text in return, and she almost jumped when her phone rang instead. She rolled her eyes affectionately when she saw Dan's name flash on the screen. He rarely could keep a text message conversation going for very long, as he found the medium too restrictive to express what he wanted to say.
“Hey,” he said when she answered.
“Hey,” she said, feeling strangely shy talking to him after the more lascivious thoughts that had been running her through her head prior to his call.
“I just wanted to call you, because I realized that maybe my text message came across as a little, uh...forward,” Dan stuttered out. “I would really like to just be able to have time alone with you for even a few hours, as it seems we can't even manage that lately....I really don't expect you to...you know...”
“What?” she asked innocently, smirking. His rambling had made her momentary shyness disappear.
“I'm not expecting sex,” he said bluntly, accepting her challenge. “See, I can say it. So you can wipe that smirk off your face.”
“You have no evidence that I was smirking,” she said teasingly.
“You don't think I know what your voice sounds like when you're smirking? I've been hearing it for years, complete with visuals,” he said. It was always kind of jarring when either of them mentioned the past, back when they didn't exactly hate each other, but they certainly didn't like each other either. It was hard for her to imagine not liking Dan, and even harder to imagine him looking at her with the wariness that used to accompany their interactions.
“You cannot tell my facial expressions just by hearing my voice,” she said exasperatedly, rolling her eyes.
“Of course I can,” he said, a smirk in his own voice. “For instance, I know you just rolled your eyes at me.”
“See, I think you're just using the law of averages to guess these things,” she volleyed back. “You know 75% of the time I'm either smirking or rolling my eyes during our conversations.”
“I guess I am just excellent at deciphering probabilities,” he said dryly.
“Two can play this game anyhow. You totally just rolled your own eyes, but also grinned a bit as you huffed out that response.” She couldn't help but smirk again, realizing she knew his own mannerisms so well already. There was no way she was letting him win this one. “And before you say anything, I was indeed smirking just then.”
“I figured. You used your smirking voice again.”
“So, was there a point to this call other than you telling me you don't want to sleep with me tonight?” she asked, intending for it to come out as teasing, but instead her voice suddenly sounded needy to her own ears. She hadn't meant to change the tone so quickly.
“That is most definitely not what I said,” Dan replied, sounding alarmed. She knew that too, but for some reason she had needed some affirmation that he wanted her like she was beginning to want him.
“Then what were you saying?” she asked seriously, for some reason feeling the need to push him further.
“I am saying that I am excited to be alone with you, because I like being with you in any capacity,” he said simply, his tone sincere. “It doesn't have to be sexual.”
“Do you want it to be sexual?” she asked, her voice going breathy.
“Of course I do,” he said, his voice sounding deeper. “So long as that's what you want.”
“I'm personally on the fence,” she teased, trying desperately to lighten the tone again.
“That's what I figured,” he said, the smile evident in his voice.
It appeared the ball was in her court, as he was clearly letting her set the pace. Given that the pace was about half the speed she wanted it to be, she decided it might be time to press the issue.
“I'll see you in a couple of hours,” she said levelly, trying to keep the smile out of her voice as she decided on her plan of action.
“I can't wait to see what you have in store for me,” he said before hanging up, her vocal equivalent of a poker face apparently failing her.
Blair pulled her trench coat tighter around her, feeling a thrill from the secret of what was underneath. While she knew Dan was expecting her to have something planned for tonight, she had a feeling that at best he was expecting a good bottle of wine. Practically buzzing with anticipation, she knocked on the door. She figured the knock alone would be a big surprise for him.
“So we actually knock now?” he said, grinning and leaning down to give her a quick kiss on the lips as she remained in the doorway.
“You know you're really predictable,” she said, smiling. “I knew you were going to say that.”
“We're getting frighteningly in synch,” he said, bestowing her with his full, genuine smile, which almost distracted her from the task at hand.
“I bet you don't know what I have planned,” she said teasingly.
He tilted his head and shrugged his shoulders. “So, maybe all of the mystery isn't gone,” he said, the smile growing wider.
She beamed back at him, and flung open her coat, and his eyes comically bugged out of their sockets.
“We've been waiting weeks,” she said provocatively, running her tongue over her lips in an exaggerated motion.
If she weren't so eager to get this show on the road, she would have laughed at his expression as he remained frozen in place. Instead, she let the coat fall to the floor completely and met his eyes, using the breathiest voice she could muster, “So, Dan, are you gonna invite me in or what?”
Finally, he seemed to snap out of whatever shock he was in, as his eyes suddenly grew hungry. She wasn't sure she had ever seen him so intense.
He reached out a hand, his eyes never leaving hers. “Blair, would you like to come in?”
She thought about countering him with another teasing remark, but the mood had altered to something much more serious. Instead of grabbing his hand, she took a step forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, drawing him into a fierce kiss. He responded immediately, kissing her with an intensity that hadn't ever been there before as he reached an arm out to close the door, then used his momentum to push her against the back of the door.
“Lift me,” she said breathily in between kisses. “I want to feel you.”
He groaned, but readily complied, lifting her as she took the opportunity to wrap her legs around his waist. When he thrust forward, she couldn't believe how hard he was already.
“Somebody seems excited,” she said teasingly as his lips moved to her neck.
“You have no idea,” he panted into her ear. “And on that note, I think it's time to head to my bedroom. I really don't want this to happen against the door.”
She kept her arms and legs wrapped tightly around him as he struggled to both kiss her and walk toward the bedroom. With only limited stumbling, he managed to lay her on the bed. He stood at the foot of the bed and just looked at her, as though he needed a moment for the reality to set in. She was sure it was quite a sight, with her lips likely swollen from kissing and her hair a wreck. Before he could make his next move, they were distracted by a voice coming from the entry to the loft.
“Dan, are you there?” Dan rolled his eyes and groaned as he heard his father's voice.
“Why is he here?” she hissed, not believing their luck.
“I have no idea,” he answered, looking both annoyed and defeated.
“Get rid of him,” she bit out, not sure why she had to point out the obvious.
“Believe me, I wish it were so easy,” he sighed, taking a deep breath. “Yeah, I'm here. I'll be there in a sec,” he called out, his shoulders sagging.
“So, do you need me to go into graphic detail about how your dad and Lily will celebrate their own alone time this evening so that you can make yourself presentable?” Blair asked in a mockingly helpful voice.
“I think the mere suggestion was enough. Thank you for that,” he said dryly, grimacing as he turned and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him. She couldn't make out the conversation, as they were speaking in hushed voices. She wasn't sure what Dan was saying that he didn't want her to hear. She hoped he wasn't sharing too much.
He returned a few moments later, carrying her trench coat. “You'll probably be needing this,” he sighed, handing her the coat. He walked to the rack that held his clothes, and fished out a dress, much to her surprise. “This probably wouldn't be a terrible idea either. Don't worry, it's yours.”
She grabbed the dress and threw it over her head, not dignifying that with a response. She recognized the dress from the night she had come to the loft to tell Dan how she felt about him. She had run out of the penthouse in a rush, and on the way she realized she could very well end up spending the night. She had frantically called Dorota and asked her to bring her an overnight bag with provisions to last through the weekend. Of course, she hadn't even been there ten minutes before Rufus and Lily arrived and in her frustration she had forgotten to tell Dorota it was a false alarm.
“Did Lily kick him out?” she asked, confused.
“No,” Dan said. “Apparently, Lily is having a party tonight to celebrate the injunction. She just suggested my dad stay out of the way while they prepare, so naturally he came here. Without calling.”
“Just like when they moved in,” Blair sighed, remembering how Dan had taken her coat off and she was working on the buttons of his shirt when they heard Rufus's bellowing voice calling from the doorway the evening she had told him he had her heart.
“Maybe I need to put a sock on the door knob,” Dan suggested. She glared at him, not even dignifying that with a verbal response.
“So, when's the party?” Blair asked, knowing that they were obligated to go.
“We should probably be there in about three hours,” he said, looking sadly at the clock.
She jumped up and walked to the rack where he hung his clothes, grabbing a suit and shirt and throwing them at him.
“Take these and come with me,” she ordered as she threw on her coat and grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the door. He followed her obediently through the loft.
“Rufus, we need to run a quick errand before the party. I made sure Dan brought a proper change of clothes; he can change at my place,” she said briskly.
“I'll see you two kids later,” Rufus said cheerfully as she pulled Dan through the door.
“Where are we going?” Dan asked, puzzled. They walked onto the street as Blair moved to hail a cab. “Is Serena not at home?”
“I don't know,” Blair said honestly. “We're not going to chance it though. We have just enough time to get a hotel room and get this done before the party.”
“Blair, we've waited this long...” he started before she cut him off.
“No, this needs to happen today,” she said decisively. If they kept waiting for the right time, she was pretty sure that time was never going to come. She saw him bristle at her brusque tone, and she softened. “I just really want this to happen,” she told him sincerely, looking him in the eyes just as a cab pulled up.
“Okay,” he agreed, smiling softly as he reached around her to open the door for her.
They sat in awkward silence through the cab ride after Blair gave them the address to the Westin. It was nice enough to not turn her off, but it wasn't so nice that Dan would be aghast at renting it for a mere couple of hours. After they got out of the cab, she led the way into the hotel, marching up to the front desk while he paced around the lobby as she paid.
“Consider this the first installment toward the Dominican Republic ticket,” she said as she handed him the key card.
“Is this what it feels like to have an affair?” he asked.
“Well, I guess we technically are,” she said pointed out, even though her marriage was a mere technicality, with final negotiations still not quite finished.
“So, uh, let's go,” he said, reaching his hand out just as he did at the loft earlier that day. She took it this time, feeling the need to grasp him tightly.
“We don't have to do this, you know,” he pointed out as the elevator doors closed.
“I want to,” she said, feeling stubborn. She did want him, even if things didn't feel quite like they did back at the loft.
“Okay,” he agreed, squeezing her hand.
After they entered the room, they just stood there, neither of them sure what to do next.
“So, it looks a lot like the airport hotel,” Dan commented.
“It's nicer than that,” she said.
“I guess,” he said, shrugging.
“You'll tell when you get closer to the linens,” she said.
“I never touched any of the linens there,” he pointed out.
“I guess not. By the way, what exactly was your plan for that one room with one bed anyhow?” she asked conversationally, realizing she hadn't really thought about it before.
“It was all they had, not that you noticed as you were complaining about the lack of spa services,” he answered, smiling at her fondly.
“And you couldn't bust out the money for two rooms? I know Lily's given you some sort of trust fund.”
“I've also earned some of my own,” he said stiffly. “And I didn't get two rooms because I thought you didn't want to be alone, considering you already had your ticket and the passport was on its way. You didn't need me for logistics anymore, or to drive you anywhere. But you didn't suggest I go home once we secured the room. I guess I just thought you needed....a friend.”
He looked down at the ground then, seemingly caught up in the memories of her disastrous wedding night when he was likely tearing himself up with guilt over how badly sending the video had backfired, and he didn't even know the full extent of the damage he'd caused at that point.
“And you were a good friend,” she reassured him, snapping him out his reverie. “Even if you made mistakes.”
He reached a hand out to softly cup her face, making sure she was looking him in the eyes. “Thank you,” he said softly. “Even after the last few weeks, I really needed to hear that. And, I really am sorry for everything.”
“I know,” she said truthfully.
“Thank you,” he said, catching her off guard.
“For what?” she asked, confused.
“For forgiving me. For being here, right now, with me,” he said, leaning forward to kiss her softly. She returned the kiss, snaking her hands around the back of his neck and drawing him closer. They continued to kiss like that for a few moments, unhurriedly, as though they had all the time in the world.
Just then there was a knock on the door. “Room service!” a voice bellowed out.
“You ordered room service?” Dan asked after they broke apart. “Aren't we only here for like two hours?”
“I ordered champagne,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I thought it might help set the mood. This is a sexual rendezvous, isn't it?”
“I guess it is,” he said tersely, reaching into his pocket to hand her a five dollar bill to tip the waiter.
After the waiter left, they stared at each other awkwardly again. Dan eyes scanned the room nervously, looking like he was ready to leap right out of his skin.
“It sure is bright in here. Don't you think it's bright in here?” he asked, fidgeting as he shifted his weight around nervously.
“It's daylight savings,” she said absently. “It's so much lighter out now.”
“Why do they still do that anyhow? It's really pretty antiquated, you know,” he said.
“You want to close the curtains?” she asked.
“Yeah,” he agreed.
He walked over to the window to decisively close the curtains. “See, that's a lot better,” he said, turning back towards her.
“Yeah,” she agreed.
He walked towards her until he was standing directly in front of her, both of them standing in front of the bed that seemed to be mocking them. She was having a weird sense of deja vu, thinking back to their first kiss and how nervous they both were then.
“So?” she asked, raising an eyebrow, wondering if he was having the same memories flash through his head.
“So?” he said as he smiled at her, taking another step towards her, brushing her hair away from her face. He moved his hand down to her shoulder, touching her there lightly. She smiled back at him, happy for the confirmation that they were indeed on the same wavelength.
“Humphrey, we're down to like an hour and a half, tops,” she said impatiently. “Let's get this show on the road.”
He rolled his eyes, but did as he was told and leaned down to kiss her. The kiss lacked the urgency she thought the moment called for, so she grabbed his face with both hands and kissed him firmly, her tongue probing into his mouth insistently. He groaned and slowly laid her on the bed, and she immediately pulled on his shirt to make sure he stayed on top of her. He kissed her again, and she started to make swift work on the buttons of his shirt.
They broke apart as she pushed his shirt off his shoulders. “Do you want to get under the covers?” he suggested before they could start kissing again. She looked at the hotel bedspread and thought about all the undercover specials on the unhygienic nature of hotel bedspreads, and decided it was best if they didn't become the 1,000th couple to have sex on that very bedspread that probably had never been dry cleaned.
“That would probably be a good idea,” she said, looking at the tightly made bed and realizing there it was going to be difficult to get under the covers without standing up. Sighing, she pushed him away from her so she could stand. “Get up so we can push the covers down.”
They stood up and pushed the covers down to the foot of the bed. She tentatively sat on the edge of the bed, not sure what came next, whatever momentum they'd built up annihilated. He eased himself onto the other side of the bed, then grabbed her hand to pull her towards him. “Come here,” he said with a nervous smile.
For once, she didn't argue with him and let herself be pulled into his arms. He rested his back against the headboard and drew her closer to him until his arm was wrapped around her and she burrowed closer to his bare chest. They sat there for a few moments, just holding each other in silence.
“Do you really want to do this right here, right now?” he asked as he ran his hand through her hair. The fact that he would walk away from this room without complaint if she showed any hesitance just made her want him more, even if the situation wasn't ideal.
“I want you,” she told him truthfully.
“I'm yours then,” he told her as he leaned in to kiss her.
Again, she felt the urge to pick up the pace, wanting to show him how badly she needed to be close to him, but unable to find the words. Instead, she tried to show him the magnitude of what she was feeling through her kisses and touches, her movements almost frenetic. She pushed him on his back, taking the opportunity to straddle him. She reached a hand down and aggressively cupped him, squeezing firmly. She smiled as his eyes nearly rolled to the back of his head.
“Blair, please,” he panted. “I can't....I can't take any teasing right now.”
“I can agree to those terms,” she said seductively, feeling powerful as he looked at her so hungrily.
She reached down and swiftly unfastened and unzipped his jeans. She leaned forward to kiss him as she tugged his jeans down, with him taking the hint and raising his hips and so she could divest them of him completely. She grinned wickedly as she lifted up the offending garment. “You won't be needing these for awhile,” she said as she tossed the jeans across the room, not noticing the alarmed look on his face at first.
“You don't need to be nervous,” she said, resisting the urge to laugh at him. “I want this so much.” To show him just how much, she lowered her zipper then pulled her dress up and over her head.
She leaned down and kissed him passionately, and he responded with equal fervor running his hands through her hair. She teasingly moved her hips over his erection, grinning at the pained expression on his face.
He moved his hands from her hair to still her hips. “Blair, I meant what I said about the teasing,” he said, sounding strained.
“Fine, no more teasing,” she agreed, them maneuvering their bodies awkwardly so she could tug his boxers down and off. She leaned her forehead against his, smiling as she looked him in the eye. “Please tell me you brought condoms.”
She was actually surprised at herself for not bringing condoms, but somehow she knew he would be prepared just in case the occasion presented itself.
“I have good news and bad news,” he said sheepishly.
“This is not the time to be cute,” she said tersely.
“Okay, fine,” he said, a hint of tension in his voice as well. “When you threw my jeans across the room, my wallet was in them, which holds the aforementioned condom.”
Both their eyes moved to the spot where his jeans laid, five feet away from the bed.
“Get up,” he said. “I'll go get them.”
She rolled her eyes and pushed him back down. “I'll get them,” she told him firmly. “Knowing our luck, you'd injure yourself if you walked across the room in your current position.”
He looked extremely uncomfortable in his nakedness as she moved across the room. “You don't have to look so anxious,” she told him. “It's not like I haven't seen a guy naked before.”
“That...really doesn't help anything,” Dan said, suddenly looking even more anxious.
She rooted around his jean pockets until she found his wallet, then happily tore off a condom from the strip she found. She thought for a second, then she ripped off a second, just in case. While she was standing, she reached under her negligee to pull her panties down and off.
She laid the other condom on the nightstand and then straddled Dan's body again, him laying flat on his back as he stared up at her. He leaned up to kiss her just as she brought the condom to her mouth to tear the wrapper with her teeth, his mouth colliding with her hand.
“Ow,” he cried out, rubbing his lip. “I knocked my lip right into my tooth.”
“Stop complaining,” she said as she rolled the condom on him. She gave him an extra stroke for good measure, but was quickly stopped by his hand stilling her.
“Please, I really meant it...” he practically begged. He released her hands, seemingly trusting her not to torture him more.
“Thank you,” he said, leaning up to kiss her. She kissed him back, reaching for him again, but this time guiding him to her entrance. He jerked his head back from the kiss and groaned at the sensation.
“Blair...” he choked out, his eyes shut and his face looking strained. He slowly opened his eyes to look at her, meeting her eyes. He stared at her, and she embarrassingly felt tears well up in her eyes from the intensity of his gaze. She closed her own eyes, and tried to concentrate on the feelings of having him inside her. She thrusted hesitantly, and heard him groan again. She felt his hand inch towards her center. Before he could get there, she opened her eyes and grabbed both his hands and pinned them over his head.
“There's time for that later,” she said as she moved again, enjoying being in control.
He was about to say something else when she saw a brief moment of panic flash in his eyes, followed by a long groan and the feeling of him softening inside her. She just sat on top of him for a moment in shock, and he just leaned his head against the headboard, his eyes closed tightly as though he didn't want to face the world that awaited him when he opened them.
She slowly rolled off him and moved to the other side of the bed, drawing the covers up and over her. She could feel Dan do the same.
Neither of them spoke for at least five minutes.
“Wow,” she finally said, that on syllable encapsulating her thoughts on the entire disaster that day had been.
“My thoughts exactly,” he said. She looked at him out of the corner of her eye to get a better gauge of what he meant by that. He just stared at the ceiling, the sheet pulled tightly against him, almost like he was in some sort of trance. Surely he didn't think that had been good. If he did, it didn't bode well for the future. It also didn't seem like the time to tell him her own thoughts on what had happened. He looked so distant right now. Even when they hadn't particularly liked each other, he had never seemed quite so far away.
She turned to the nightstand and looked at the clock. “I have to go,” she said, trying not to sound too eager. “I trust you can check out.”
“Yeah,” he said distantly. “I guess I'll meet you over at my dad and Lily's?”
“I'll meet you in the lobby. We can go up together,” she told him as she got out of bed and found her dress, swiftly throwing it over head.
“Okay,” he said. “I'll just shower and change here, then check out and go over and meet you.”
Ostensibly, they had the room for the whole night, but she decided to not remind him of that. It would be just as well to not return to the scene of the crime.
When she entered the lobby, Dan was waiting for her. “Hey,” he said hesitantly when she approached him. He stood awkwardly as if he didn't know quite how to act.
She leaned up and kissed him softly on the lips, which seemed to relax him slightly. “Let's go up,” she said, grabbing his hand.
When they got into the elevator, the tension between them rose again. Unable to take it, she finally spoke up. “What I meant by 'wow,' was 'Wow, that was terrible,'” she told him, to make sure erased any doubt. She expected him to look angry or hurt, but he just let out a breath and looked relieved.
“Thank God,” he said, smiling. “I'd gotten to where I could read you so well lately, but for some reason I was having a hard time with this one. You seemed so eager initially, and it all happened so fast.”
“I certainly hope you're not blaming me because it was over so fast,” she said tersely. “That's something the female really doesn't get to control.”
“Right, like you were going to let me control anything,” he mumbled angrily.
“I couldn't have you controlling anything, as you clearly lacked control,” she retorted as the doors to the elevator opened. She stormed out, and she looked behind her to see him take a moment to glower. He stalked off the elevator behind her, going straight to the bar.
Dan found Nate right away, and hung out with him. Blair wandered around, speaking briefly with Serena and later with Lily, then just trying hard to avoid Chuck. Finally, Dan found her while she was staring at the window. Hey,” he said softly, lightly stroking her arm to get her attention. She felt a familiar tingle run through her body at his touch, which just served to make her more depressed that things didn't work out.
“Hey,” she said, her anger from the elevator gone, replaced by resignation and sadness. “So, we tried at least, right?”
He looked confused at first, then horrified. “You're ending this?” he asked, looking like she'd struck him.
“It's clear we're incompatible,” she said, no bite in her tone. “You were right. I couldn't even let you have enough control to try and touch me. I forced the entire issue, and it was a disaster. If we keep trying, I'll probably just find some way to make it go even worse. Before we end up hating each other, we should probably just quit while we're remotely ahead. I can't....have you hate me again. I can't imagine you not being in my life.”
Embarrassingly, she felt herself begin to cry. He pulled her into his chest, and she buried her face there, reveling in the feeling of him surrounding her. She knew it would be a long time before they could be this close physically again.
“First, I never hated you,” he said softly into her ear. “And second, I am taking control right now and saying this isn't over. Not by a long shot.”
She pulled back from his chest just far enough to look up at him, his arms still around her. “What?” she asked, confused. She just broke up with him, it's not like he had a choice.
“You wanted me this afternoon,” he said bluntly. Before she could counter, he put his index finger over her lip to keep her from talking. “And before you say anything, I wanted you too. Badly. Probably too much, if I'm being honest.”
“I just thought it would be perfect,” she said truthfully.
“I know that this is where I should say it was perfect because it was us, but I'm not going to do that,” he said wryly. “However, I will say that at every turn in this relationship, we've had a false start before we moved forward with each progression of our relationship. We loathed each other at first sight, then found some common ground and sort of tolerated each other, most of the time. Then we started hanging out, but I thought I couldn't trust you, and then I saw the error of my way and we were friends. Then we kissed...I think you get the picture.”
“I suppose we could try again,” she conceded.
“No pressure,” he said. “Let's just let things happen when they feel right.”
“I'll try,” she said, not sure if this was in her power.
“You ready to get out of here?” he asked.
“Yeah,” she told him.
When they got to the street, she looked at him expectantly, waiting to figure out if they were parting ways for the night or not.
“Come back to the loft with me,” he said. “I have my own surprise for you.”
She looked at him warily. “I'm skeptical,” she said.
“Do you trust me?” he asked her seriously. She contemplated him for a moment and smiled.
“I do,” she admitted.
When they arrived at the loft, Dan rushed into his room with a flurry of movement. He grabbed the bag Dorota had brought weeks ago and tossed it at her. “You're set at least,” he said distractedly as he grabbed his own overnight bag and started throwing clothes inside it.
“Where the hell are we going this late?” she asked impatiently. She trusted him, but that didn't mean she particularly enjoyed relinquishing all control.
“You'll see soon enough,” he told her as briskly walked into the bathroom to fetch toiletries.
She sighed, knowing she wasn't going to get anything out of him until he was ready to tell her.
When they reached the car, she gawked at him for a moment before speaking.
“You have got to be kidding me,” she said. “This is not an emergency situation that necessitates taking this....car.”
He laughed and tossed their bags in the trunk. “It has symbolic meaning. Get in,” he told her.
She sighed one more time to make sure he understood her displeasure, but got in anyhow.
He had barely driven them out of the city before the weight of the day wore on her and she fell asleep. She awoke when the car stopped, and she opened her eyes to see them outside of The Cornwall Inn.
“You took me to Connecticut?” she asked him, shaking her head.
“I booked the room two weeks ago,” he told her before he got out of the car, walking around to open her door. He reached out a hand to help her out, which she accepted without reservation. He squeezed her hand before releasing it as he went to the trunk to fetch their bags.
They didn't speak much until they got to the room. Even though it was after midnight now, she felt energized from her nap as well as her surroundings. The room was quaint, but well appointed. It had a large four poster bed as the centerpiece, with antique furnishings surrounding it. She peaked into the bathroom and saw a large claw footed tub, and she made a mental note that she wanted to put it to good use at some point, hopefully not by herself.
“So why did you book the room?” she asked as though there had been no break in their conversation.
“I was beginning to wonder if my dad and Lily would ever move out, and I could sense we needed some time to ourselves,” he said.
“You were afraid we were never going to have sex,” she said bluntly. She grinned as she watched him blush slightly.
“Well, I wasn't going to be so crass about it,” he said. “And going back to our earlier conversation, when I booked the room I did hope that our first time would be this weekend. I just wasn't going to expect anything, because I wasn't sure where you stood on the subject.”
“Why didn't you just ask? It's not like you've ever been shy around me,” she pointed out.
“I think I spent so long hiding my feelings from you that I still struggle with remembering that it's okay to discuss things like this with you,” he admitted.
“So, what are you hoping to happen tonight?” she asked, legitimately curious.
“Right now, it would make me happy if we each changed into our night clothes and laid on the bed to talk and sleep,” he told her. “I will admit at the very least, that was my plan for the one bed, that we would share it.”
“So presumptuous,” she teased as she grabbed her pajamas and went into the bathroom. She emerged ten minutes later wearing silky pajamas, her face scrubbed clean of makeup. It wasn't her sexiest outfit, but it felt right. Dan was sitting up in bed, his back against the headboard. He too had changed, and he was wearing a t-shirt and flannel pajama pants.
She crawled onto the bed next to him, moving so that she was lodged against his side. He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close. She rubbed light circles on his abdomen, enjoying the feeling of his muscles tensing from her touch.
“You wanted us to come full circle, I take it?” she asked rhetorically, raising an eyebrow. “How literary of you.”
“It wasn't my most subtle move,” he admitted. “But it seemed fitting.”
“I messed up the execution of your plan,” she said apologetically. “Your idea for her our first time was a lot more romantic.”
“I think you had the right idea, to just strip the bandaid off,” he told her, his tone sounding sincere. “I think if my dad hadn't come to the loft, the sex would have been really good. I think we just had too many starts and stops to be able to maintain a good rhythm, so to speak.”
“Like you were able to obtain a rhythm to begin with,” she said, then immediately regretted it. It was probably too soon to be joking about his performance.
To her surprise, he chuckled good-naturedly. “Touche,” he said. “I'll admit, it had been awhile.”
She hadn't really given it much thought, but she honestly had no idea the last person Dan would have been with. The last girl she knew about was Vanessa, as Serena had divulged the whole “Call me Serena” moment to her over the summer, but she figured he had to have been with someone since then.
“I've been taking too much your time these last few months,” she said sheepishly.
“Something like that,” he said. He paused, and seemed to contemplate something for a moment.
“What?” she finally asked, turning to look up at him.
“I was just deciding how much to tell you,” he admitted. She felt herself tense, not sure of what sort of bomb he was going to drop on her. She really hoped that there wasn't some hookup with Serena that neither of them had bothered to tell her about.
“Just spit it out,” she said tersely.
“Okay,” he said, taking a breath. “I haven't been with anyone in over a year, not since Vanessa. And I haven't really even wanted to be with anyone for a long time, at least as far back as when we kissed the second time. That's when I realized that the person I wanted was you, and I just didn't want to settle for someone I didn't feel as strongly about.”
“Dan...” she said, not sure what to say.
“I know it's pathetic, given how kissing me just made you want Chuck,” he said wryly.
“I think that moment was one of my moments of denial, another specialty of mine,” she admitted. “It's not like you expressed any interest in me outside of one voicemail.”
“The first time I saw you, you said you wanted to be with Chuck!”
“When have you ever given up on a girl you cared about so easily?” she countered.
“I was confused....” he admitted. “Then I wasn't, but Louis was already there.”
“Oh,” she said. “So...really? Over a year? That explains a lot.”
“Thanks,” he said sarcastically.
“I'm sorry you waited all that time to be with me and it wasn't even worth the wait,” she said.
“Being with you was worth the wait,” he said, the deeper meaning behind his words clear.
She leaned up to kiss him softly, not finding the words to express how she felt. He kissed her back tenderly, then simply stroked her face for a moment and looked into her eyes. As if by mutual agreement, they leaned in at the same time and kissed with more intent.
“Where are the condoms?” she managed to ask between kisses.
“I brought a box,” he said as he worked on the buttons of her pajama top. “And that box is in the night stand.”
“I appreciate that you learn from the past,” she told him sincerely before capturing his mouth again.
He managed to removed her top, then continued to kiss her as he slowly rolled them over so she was on her back looking up at him. They worked together to shimmy her pajama pants down her legs. He started to paint kisses on her chest, slowly moving down her abdomen. Just when things were about to get interesting, he looked up and spoke again, “Now that you know my situation, I hope you'll let me set the pace at least some.”
“Sure, whatever,” she said impatiently, not so subtly trying to push his head in the direction she wanted it to go. He chuckled and continued his journey.
Their second time was everything the first time wasn't. Somehow, all the awkwardness was gone, and Blair just let herself feel. She savored the feeling of him inside her, his body covering hers. While she let him set the pace, she took control by reaching her own hand between them to touch herself, which seemed to just turn him on more. And most importantly, she had been right before. As good as it made her feel to see his face light up with a smile because of her, it didn't compare to watching his face in the throes of ecstasy, groaning out her name in a way that left no doubt about how he felt, even if he hadn't said the words yet. Watching him triggered her own orgasm, and she screamed his name with much more force than she had intended, but somehow she didn't care if she had revealed too much. After all, she trusted him.
Afterwards, she snuggled into his chest as he laid on his back. “I wish I had a word besides 'wow,' but....” he said teasingly.
She slapped him lightly on the chest. “I was in shock then about how it could be so bad. I thought every time would be like...well, this time,” she said.
“That would be a lot to live up to,” he said, his voice holding the hint of a question still.
“It would be,” she affirmed. “We probably shouldn't expect it, just hope for it.”
“I have faith in us,” Dan said, kissing the top of her forehead then yawning.
“I don't think it will be tonight,” Blair teased, planting a soft kiss to the center of his chest teasingly.
“Probably not,” Dan said sadly. “But I'm really happy to be sleeping in the same bed as you for the first time, and waking up next to you tomorrow.”
She thought about making a joke about not being sure if she would be there in the morning, then decided that sometimes it was best to just let him know how she really felt. “Me too,” she agreed softly. “Goodnight. See you in the morning,” she said as she adjusted her head so his chest served as a suitable pillow and felt sleep overtake her, a content smile still on her face.