Fic: Closure Chapter 3/4 Rating: PG-13
Title: Closure Chapter 3/4
Word count: 5,057
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Two years after Blair moves to Monaco, Dan is ready to finally have some closure.
For a multitude of reasons, Dan had tried to avoid talking about Blair. At first, Eric had been his confidante, but as Eric’s concern for him grew, Dan had promised Eric he’d stop talking to Blair. At the time, he’d meant what he’d said and told Blair he couldn’t keep talking to her so regularly. This happened about a year ago, and Dan had lasted an entire two weeks before he’d felt compelled to call her again. A week after that is when they upgraded to weekly video chats.
While he occasionally let something slip to Nate when he was a few beers to the wind, Dan was reasonably successful at keeping his relationship with Blair close to the vest. That is, until Dan woke up in the hospital as a result of trying to cut himself off from Blair again. Now all anyone wanted to talk about was Blair.
His father seemed strangely proud that Dan had merited a trip home from Monaco. Eric slyly mentioned Blair’s panicked cameo in the wait area. Even Lily joined in, telling him with a knowing smile how Blair was doing so much to support Serena.
Jenny gave him the most surprising information, relayed to him in typical Jenny fashion.
“What the hell is going on with you and Blair?” Jenny asked by way of greeting, as though Dan had not just woken from a coma. “I found her at the loft passed out on your bed. She claimed she had come to bring some of your things to the hospital for Serena, but she was totally lying.”
Dan stared at his sister, not quite knowing what to say. He noticed that she was holding his Cabbage Patch Kid.
“You brought me Cedric?” Dan asked, smiling.
“Technically, Blair sent Cedric with me,” Jenny said. “Though that was just part of her cover.”
“What do you think she was covering up? Her sudden poverty that requires her to squat at the loft?” Dan asked.
“Whatever,” Jenny said, rolling her eyes. “Blair was sleeping in your bed like she’s done it a million times. Frankly, I didn’t think you had it in you to have an adulterous affair with a princess.”
“I can assure you, that is the first time Blair has ever slept in my bed,” Dan said. He figured Jenny didn’t need to know it wasn’t the first time that Blair had slept at the loft.
Jenny looked at him skeptically, then seemed to accept that he was telling the truth. “Well, it’s still really weird. And she was totally lying,” Jenny said.
“It’s good to see you, Jen,” Dan said sincerely. “I miss you.”
Jenny’s face softened, her eyes filling with tears. “I’m glad you’re awake,” she said. “Sorry that wasn’t the first thing I said when I came in.”
“It’s okay,” Dan said nonchalantly, shrugging his shoulders. “I’m sure the sight of Blair Waldorf in my bed was really disturbing for you.”
Jenny didn’t respond initially, and looked thoughtful for a moment. “It really was disturbing,” she said finally. “It was almost as traumatizing as thinking you were going to die.”
If Jenny presented him with the most interesting piece of information, Nate and Serena were certainly the most persistent in mentioning Blair. For two people who were so concerned about his relationship with Blair hurting him emotionally, they now seemed very eager to talk about Blair.
It started almost the moment he blinked awake, distantly aware of Nate and Serena’s solemn voices and a beeping noise he didn’t recognize.
“Serena….Nate?” Dan had asked, confused. His voice felt scratchy and unused. “What happened? Where am I?”
They both beamed at him, the biggest smiles he’d ever seen either of them wear. He absently wondered if they were both high.
“You’re awake!” Serena said, her smile getting even broader.
“Dude, you really scared us,” Nate said.
Dan stared at them, hoping one of them would answer his questions.
“You’re in the hospital,” Serena finally said, grabbing his hand. “You were hit by a car.”
Suddenly, Dan remembered running into the street after Serena, his actions driven completely by instinct. He never saw the car coming at him.
“Were you hurt?” Dan asked.
“I’m fine,” Serena assured him. “You, however, have been in a coma for almost 24 hours.”
“You’ve had a big line of visitors,” Nate told him. “Your whole family has been here; even Chuck came by briefly. “
“Chuck?” Dan asked, amused by the thought of Chuck visiting him in the hospital. “Was he hoping to pull the plug?”
“He did mention that he was disappointed to discover you weren’t on a respirator, but I’m pretty sure he was kidding,” Nate said.
“Blair was here,” Serena said softly. “She flew in as soon as she heard.”
“She was really worried about you,” Nate chimed in.
The memory of the phone call came crashing down on him, flooding his senses. He decided a subject change was in order.
“Uh, you guys,” Dan started. “Not that I don’t love talking to you two, but does anyone else know I’m awake?”
Nate and Serena exchanged a look, their eyes almost bugging out.
“I’ll go tell the doctor,” Nate said.
“I’ll go tell the family,” Serena said.
They both practically flew out of the room, leaving Dan alone with his thoughts.
It went on like this for three days. Dan had a near constant stream of visitors. He was pretty sure they had crafted some sort of schedule to ensure that he was only alone at night when it was time to sleep. It had been nice reconnecting with his mom and sister, both of whom had been to his room every day.
Nate and Serena also came by every day, each time with a new excuse to explain Blair’s absence.
“Blair said she didn’t want to impose on your time with your family,” Serena told him on the first day.
“That was very polite of her,” Dan said, shooting Nate a teasing glance.
“Hey, we’re bros,” Nate protested. “That’s like family.”
On the second day, it was Nate’s turn to be Blair’s representative.
“Blair is really exhausted. She says the jet lag is hitting her really hard,” Nate told him. “She didn’t want to look haggard for the paparazzi.”
“I’m sure she needs her beauty sleep,” Dan said agreeably.
On the third day, Serena and Nate looked sad when they entered his room.
“What’s wrong? Do I look worse today? Don’t let the beard fool you; I’m really doing a lot better,” Dan told them reassuringly.
“It’s not that,” Serena said. “Blair said she couldn’t come with us today because she’s packing to head back to Monaco tonight.”
“Oh,” Dan said, hoping his tone didn’t betray him. “Well, now that I’m out of the woods there’s no reason for her to stay. It was nice of her to come in case there was a funeral.”
“Dan…” Serena started sympathetically.
“It’s really okay,” Dan interrupted. “I’m the one who told her we needed to back off. For once, it appears she listened to me.”
“I think she doesn’t know what to say,” Serena said. “It was a lot easier when you were in a coma.”
“It must have been really inconvenient for her when I woke up,” Dan said bitterly.
“Hey, man, don’t be like that,” Nate said. “That helped get you here in the first place.”
“You’re right,” Dan said. “I’m just tired and ready to get out of the hospital.”
“We can go if you need to rest,” Nate said.
“If you don’t mind, I’m pretty tired,” Dan said, yawning. “I’m probably just going to go to sleep early. Hopefully the more I sleep the sooner I get to leave.”
After Nate and Serena left, Dan let the disappointment sink in. He hadn’t realized just how much he was looking forward to seeing her in person. After all the talk about her visit to New York, he had half-expected to see her walk through the door ever since he woke up. Rationally he knew it was probably best for both of them if she stayed away, but it hadn’t stopped him from hoping she’d come anyway.
With a sigh, Dan closed his eyes, feeling worn out from talking to people all day.
The sound of high heels clicking on the linoleum woke Dan up. No one had turned the light off in his room yet, so he squinted from the fluorescent lights as he opened his eyes. Standing in front of him was Blair Waldorf, making her grand entrance right at the moment he’d given up on her.
“You know, there are better ways to become a literary icon than to die young in a heroic, tragic accident,” she said as she sat down in the chair by his bed.
He smiled sardonically. “So what opening lines did you reject before deciding on that one?”
“I might have considered saying something about how you really need to learn that Serena is the type of girl who stops traffic, so your white knight efforts were wasted on her, but that seemed kind of catty,” Blair said, smiling back at him.
“It’s good to see you,” Dan said simply, deciding it was best not to engage in any conversation that involved Serena. He paused, then shot her a sheepish grin. “So, would you believe me if I told you I remember absolutely nothing about the night of the accident?”
“I might believe it,” Blair said thoughtfully. “I hear people suffer from selective amnesia when they want to block out specific traumatic events.”
“That sounds about right,” Dan said. “The last thing I remember is talking to you on video chat. Apparently everything after that was pretty traumatic.”
“Must have been,” Blair agreed. “Do you need me to help you put together the puzzle pieces?” She raised a challenging eyebrow at him.
Dan sighed. He never was any good at games. “Blair, I’m sorry about that phone call,” he said, hoping his sincerity was evident in his voice. “While I think it might be healthy if we took a step or two back while I’m on my trip, I really wasn’t even angry at you. I was angry at myself, and I took it out on you.”
“You sounded angry at me,” Blair pointed out.
“Apparently I am pretty convincing when I’m projecting,” Dan said. “Look, you know how I feel about you. Unfortunately, even though you’re married, those feelings seem to be getting stronger instead of going away. Most days I can live with it, but that night Eric caught me on video chat, then Serena and Nate gave me these pitying looks whenever I brought up your name. It was like I could see how pathetic I was from the outside, and you made for an excellent scapegoat.”
“Considering right after that you almost died when a car mowed you down, I suppose I’ll go ahead and forgive you,” Blair said, reaching forward and grabbing his hand.
They sat in silence for a long moment. Dan wanted to appreciate her nearness, knowing that she was probably heading straight for the airport from here. Blair looked deep in thought, as though she were contemplating her next words.
“Why did you do it?” Blair asked, breaking the silence.
“Why did I do what?” Dan asked, unsure of what she meant.
“Why did you jump into the street after Serena?”
“Honestly, I don’t know,” Dan said with a shrug. “I think it was purely instinct. You know I’d do the same for you.”
Blair laughed mirthlessly. “Believe it or not, I’m not jealous of the fact that you ran in front of a car for Serena. I have no doubt you’d do the same for me. Or Jenny. Or Nate. Or your dad. Probably even Vanessa, even after everything. It’s just who you are.”
“I’m not sure I follow your question,” Dan said, confused.
“The thing is, of all the people on the long list of people you’d stupidly risk your life for, Serena is the one who always needs the saving,” Blair said. “I just think maybe it’s time that you let her face the consequences of her carelessness.”
“You don’t think she has?”
“I think she feels bad about the collateral damage she leaves in her wake, but I don’t think she’s ever faced real consequences,” Blair said.
“You know, I’ve given this some thought,” Dan said, squeezing Blair’s hand but keeping his eyes focused straight ahead. “I actually think our relationship is the biggest consequence of her carelessness. Think about it: that day of Eric’s birthday, there must have been about fifty hints that we were hanging out, and she didn’t even ask either of us about it later. She was too hung up on Ben to care then. Later, she was supposedly mad at us because we were lying to her, but neither of us really needed to lie. She just never bothered to ask the right questions until we’d already formed a bond.”
“And how was that a consequence for her? Aren’t we just more collateral damage?”
“We blew up her world order, and it happened when she wasn’t paying attention. I’d say that’s a pretty big consequence,” Dan explained, looking Blair in the eye for the first time since he started speaking.
“That’s quite a theory you have,” she said lightly. She removed her hand from his and leaned up to lightly kiss his still bandaged forehead. “I’m glad I came home,” she said softly into his ear.
“When are you leaving?” he asked, bracing himself for her answer.
“I was going to leave tonight, but I had a change in plans,” Blair said cheerfully, stepping back from Dan’s hospital bed. “Louis called and told me he thinks I should spend time back home. He has some stuff he needs to finish up, but he is going to come meet me in New York in two weeks.”
“Then I’ll be seeing you around, Waldorf,” Dan said, unable to hide his smile.
“Looks like it,” Blair said, smiling back at him.
“Is the wheelchair really necessary?” Dan complained. “I really think I can walk to the elevator, then from the elevator to bed.”
After spending five days in the hospital, Dan was being released into his Dad and Lily’s care after Lily promised she would hire an in-home nurse for the next two weeks to monitor his progress. While Dan was grateful to leave the hospital, he yearned to go back to the loft and get to spend some time alone. Instead, he knew he was going to be fussed over around the clock.
“Daniel, the doctor told us you should not exert yourself,” Lily said in the same exasperated tone she usually reserved for Serena. “You’re just going to have to accept your family’s help.”
Dan sighed, knowing resistance was futile. Lily had been more attentive to him that at any point Dan could recall. He wasn’t sure if was because he had nearly died, because he had kept Serena out of harm’s way, or because Dan’s mother had been around. He figured it was some combination of all three.
His dad cheerfully rolled the wheelchair up to the towncar. Dan stopped him before he could help him out of the car and into the wheelchair.
“Dad, really, I can at least make it into the wheelchair,” Dan grumbled.
“All right,” his father conceded. “But I won’t hear the end of it from Lily if I don’t roll you all the way into your bedroom.”
As his father rolled him out of the elevator into the foyer, his father stopped for a moment as Lily continued into the living room.
“Son, I just wanted to tell you how happy I am that you’re still with us,” his father said, placing a hand on his shoulder.
“Thanks, I’m glad I’m still here too,” Dan said. “Why did you feel the need to stop here and tell me that?”
“Because it’s probably the last moment I’ll have alone with you for awhile,” his father told him as he pushed him into the living room. Dan was speechless when he saw the collection of people who awaited him in the living room in front of a big sign that read, “Welcome Home, Dan.” Serena, Nate, Eric, and Blair were standing together in one corner. In another corner stood his mother and Jenny. Chuck was even lurking around by the window. There was also a table filled with catered food, as well as two cater waiters. Dad couldn’t help but shake his head at such a lavish spread for a group of fewer than ten people.
Lily walked over and possessively wrapped her arm around his father’s arm. “Cece sends her best wishes,” Lily said, loud enough so his mother could hear. “ She was so relieved when she found out you were going to be okay. You have always been a favorite of hers.”
Everyone gradually moved to circle around Dan. He felt a bit like he was under al microscope.
“Thanks for all of this,” Dan said sincerely, trying to ignore any territorial battles. “You really didn’t need to do all of this for me. After almost a week of hospital food, just a deli sandwich would have tasted like heaven.”
“Oh Humphrey, even a near-death experience hasn’t shaken your self-righteousness about the trappings of wealth,” Chuck said, earning a dirty look from Nate. “I bet you never questioned who was paying your hospital bills.”
“Thank you for not treating me any differently just because I almost died,” Dan said, only half-sarcastically. “Just so you know, my brush with death didn’t fill me with instant love for all of mankind.”
While Dan had gained some perspective, he was pretty sure he would never be happy to see Chuck Bass, regardless of whether he sort of family or not.
“Well, I think I will leave you to your little party,” Chuck said. “I came at Lily’s behest to tell my brother that I’m glad he’s not dead.”
“A pleasure as always, Chuck,” Dan said as Chuck sauntered off to the elevator.
“Let me go make you a plate of food,” his father said, ducking away from the scrutiny of his mother.
Dan made polite small talk with everyone, basically reenacting the past five days in the hospital but with more people and better food. Eventually, everyone dispersed from around him and mingled amongst themselves. When he was left alone for a moment, his mother approached him.
“I thought you were heading back to Hudson yesterday,” Dan said. “I really appreciate you coming. I know it’s really hard for you to be around Dad and Lily, especially here on Lily’s home turf.”
“I wasn’t going to come,” his mother admitted. “Just like I didn’t come to your graduation, which I’m really sorry for by the way.”
“I’ll admit I was disappointed at the time, but I see now how much you love me,” Dan said. “What made you change your mind about coming today?”
“Your friend Blair cornered me at the hospital yesterday,” his mother said, smiling and shaking her head. “She talked about how much it meant to her when her parents put aside their differences for her sake. She pretty much wouldn’t take no for an answer.”
Dan grinned. “That sounds like her,” he said affectionately.
Dan barely spoke to Blair during his welcome home party. She only approached him on her way out.
“I need to get going,” Blair said, not quite looking him in the eye. “It’s good to see you out of the hospital.”
Blair started to leave, but he grabbed her hand before she could escape. “I’m really glad you came,” Dan said. “I was also really happy to see my mom here. It meant a lot to me.”
“Well, I’m happy that you’re happy, Humphrey,” Blair said, shrugging her shoulders.
“Do you know what else would make me happy?” Dan asked, shooting her a grin.
“What?”
“If you would come over and watch movies with me tomorrow,” Dan said. “Nate and Serena would grudgingly watch movies I chose if I played the home from the hospital card, but I’d rather watch with a fellow cinephile.”
“I suppose I could fit that into my schedule,” Blair said haughtily, but the corners of her mouth started to upturn, giving her away.
After that, Blair came by the apartment every day, movies in hand, often staying all day. For the first few days, Nate and Serena would hang out with the two of them, only occasionally complaining about their movie choices. Then Serena was called back to L.A. for an emergency script rewrite. After Serena left, Nate would still occasionally call or drop by, but for the most part Blair and Dan hung out alone. It was eerily similar to the early days of their friendship.
The night before Louis was due to arrive, they both carefully avoided the topic for the bulk of the evening, choosing to sit on Dan’s bed and watch the final installment of The Thorn Birds instead of talking. They had gone on a marathon, watching all eight hours of the miniseries in two days. As the closing credits rolled, Dan’s eyes were misting over. He wasn’t sure if it was from the tragic romance on the screen or from knowing his and Blair’s time together was coming to an end.
“Are you crying, Humphrey?” Blair asked, smiling as she wiped away her own tears. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry during a movie.”
“It’s the painkillers,” Dan said. “They seem to mess with my emotions.”
“Likely story,” Blair said teasingly, before leaning in close like she was telling him a secret. “I’ve always known you were the sensitive type.”
Dan laughed wryly. “Sometimes I think it’s my downfall,” he said. He paused for a beat, then blurted, “So, Louis comes back tomorrow.”
“Nice segue,” Blair said, rolling her eyes. “Very subtle.”
“Sorry, but we’ve probably reached the point where we should address the elephant in the room,” Dan said. “I just need to know what happens after tonight.”
“We live our lives, I guess,” Blair said. She didn’t say anything for a moment, seemingly lost in thought. She shifted awkwardly, and looked down at her hands. “I probably won’t really see you once Louis is here. Louis doesn’t quite know the full extent of our friendship. He also probably thinks I was here because Eric was in an accident.”
“Blair,” Dan said disapprovingly. He couldn’t believe she’d been lying to Louis all this time. “Didn’t you learn anything from the last time we were sneaking around? It just makes it look like you’re trying to hide something when the truth comes out.”
Blair shifted on the bed so she was looking him in the eyes. “Didn’t you learn anything from the last time?” she asked him meaningfully.
Dan’s mind jumped back to that moment in Blair’s foyer, back when their relationship was in its fledgling stages. “We kept us a secret because we were afraid there was something more,” Dan remembered himself saying. As it turned out, the truth hit them both too late. While Dan’s feelings had remained and even grown stronger over time, he had never really known where Blair stood following her wedding.
That is, until now. He could see the longing in her eyes as she looked at him, and he knew that his eyes would reflect back a similar yearning. She tentatively moved her hand to caress his cheek. “I don’t know what I would have done if you….” she said as tears rolled down her cheeks, unable to finish the sentence.
He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her body flush against his. He was barely conscious of the small amount of pain the action caused his injuries. “You don’t have to worry about that,” Dan comfortingly. “I’m right here.”
“I’m just so tired,” Blair said into his chest. He wasn’t sure what she meant precisely; there were a multitude of things she could be tired of. She didn’t clarify, and he didn’t press further. She raised her head to look him in the eyes, their faces inches apart. He stared back at her questioningly, not quite sure where her head was.
“You really don’t know, do you?” she asked quietly before closing the distance between them. She kissed him tentatively at first, but quickly grew more confident as soon as Dan overcame his shock and kissed her back. He forced himself to shut down his brain, which was not difficult to do once she opened her mouth under his and ran her hands through his hair, pulling her body even closer to his. At some point she had moved so she had a leg on either side of his, effectively straddling him as he leaned back against the headboard.
He pulled back from the kiss, in need of oxygen. Not wanting to break the spell, he pressed his mouth to her neck. He smiled when he heard her gasp in response.
“Ever since I heard about your accident, all I could think about is how we never got to do this,” Blair said breathlessly. Her words hit him hard, sending him straight back to reality.
Dan pulled back, panting as he tried to catch his breath. “I can’t,” he said, the words sounding strangled.
Blair’s eyes widened. “Oh, God. I’m sorry, I didn’t even think about your injuries…”
She moved off of him to take return to her movie-watching space by his side.
Dan laughed wryly. “While the doctor did tell me I should avoid strenuous activities, and I would like to think that what we were about to do would have qualified as strenuous, that’s actually not why I stopped.”
“I know you want this as much as I do,” she said, confused.
“What happens next, Blair? We give in, have our moment, and we still go back to our lives? That’s not what I want.”
“I don’t know,” Blair said, not looking at him. “I just knew I wanted you.”
“I think you know,” Dan said sadly. He wasn’t angry, just resigned. “I think our eight hours of star-crossed lovers got in your head, but in reality this would just cause more pain. I don’t want just one night, or some affair. You know I want you too; the difference is that I want all of you.”
“You know I can’t give you that,” Blair said, tears beginning to fall.
“I know,” Dan said gently. He wanted to say more, explaining how most of his fantasies about the two of them weren’t sexual in nature. He wanted to explain that while he did want her physically, he daydreamed about quiet mornings with coffee and literature. He wanted to be the first person she spoke to in the morning and the last person she spoke to in the evening. He knew it would be futile to tell her all of that. “I can’t get in any deeper. It just may kill me,” he finally said, trying to convey how much it would hurt to have her then lose her.
She gave him a light shove, surprising him. “It’s really not appropriate to joke about that.” He really hadn’t processed his brush with death, as he wasn’t conscious for any of the more critical moments. In a way, it had affected everyone around him a lot more than it had affected him.
He chuckled in disbelief, and nudged her with his shoulder, the tension between them dissipating somewhat. “And it’s appropriate to shove me two weeks out of the hospital, not to mention trying to seduce me?”
“If I were trying to seduce you, we would not be talking right now,” Blair said huffily.
“Now look who’s being inappropriate,” he teased. He let out a relieved breath. For some reason, he felt like they might actually be okay. Suddenly, he remembered something.
“You know, your graduation gift arrived while I was in the hospital,” Dan said. Lily had laid the package on his nightstand, and he had decided to wait to open it with Blair present, and then had promptly forgotten all about it.
“You haven’t opened it?,” Blair asked, surprised. “It seems like a really insignificant gift right now.”
“Is this it?” she asked, pointing to the cardboard box sitting beside her on the nightstand. He nodded, and she handed it to him. “You might as well open it.”
“I didn’t think ponies fit into boxes this small,” Dan said, shaking it.
Blair rolled her eyes. “Just open it. Keep in mind I purchased this before you decided to play white knight.”
“Duly noted,” he said. He laughed and pulled a wrapped package from the shipping box. He unwrapped the gift and stared at it. “A digital pen?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.
“I know you still have this romantic notion of carrying little notebooks with you to document your observations,” she explained. “This way if you actually write something significant in one of those moments you can easily transfer it into a computer. “
“I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen,” Dan said absently under his breath.
“What?” she asked tersely. “I told you it seemed insignificant now.”
He actually really liked the gift, and the thought that went behind it. “I’m sorry, it just reminded me of a movie,” he said. “This was really thoughtful; thank you.”
“You’re welcome, “ she said. “It seems like I bought it in a different lifetime.”
“So, I guess this is it for awhile,” Dan said, still looking at the gift.
“I guess it is,” Blair said wistfully. She stood up, trying to smooth the wrinkles out of her dress. He moved to stand up, but she held up a hand to halt him. “Just stay there. Lily gave me strict orders to make sure you only stood up to use the restroom and bathe.”
“Well, I would tell you to say hi to Louis for me, but that probably wouldn’t be a good idea,” Dan said dryly.
“No, it wouldn’t,” Blair agreed. “You take care. I’ll try to see you before I head back.”
“Okay,” Dan said, not sure if he believed her. “You take care too.”