(no subject)
wow. these past couple days were rough. but im not really sure why. i just let my emotions lead me and spiral out of control, to the point where i wasnt even sure what i was feeling or why i was so worked up. last night, i sat and read entries from the beginning of this year. that was good. it was recent enough to still give me hope. to still see that the strength i exuded then is still within me...somewhere. i never thought id be one of those college freshman, lost. for some reason i always thought i was above that. i dont know why. im still trying to figure out if this sense of strength i have is legitimate. im sure it is...things seem to be settling down. right now, i can at least imagine them getting better. these past few month have been all about learning and adjusting. no one can really be expected to properly manage themselves and their lives being thrown into a situation like this. i guess college really isnt a situation, its my life. im finding a balance. i need to stop relying on him for strength as well, thats not his job. but im learning that too. and he's amazing. there's also certain things with us i cant tolerate, but he knows what they are, and we're growing. because as happy as he makes me, everythings not perfect. and things still upset me. respect goes both ways. ive learned that i need to speak up when something makes me unhappy. im never stuck with anything. i have the power to change everything. if im not happy, then somethings changing. this is another time in my life where im being selfish and fuck you if you dont like it. well, i guess thats a little harsh, but its kinda how im feeling right now. i need a little self empowerment. i am determined to become that strong woman ive always thought i was.
on a side note: there are only two people i truly care about and that honestly care about me from highschool. they know who they are.and the other two people that i thought were my best friends, ive now learned could give a shit about me and my life, and we've grown too far apart to really do anything about it. so ive made and executive decision; and one of the two is officially no longer my friend. no hard feelings, its just better this way. and the second's status is pending.
on a side note: there are only two people i truly care about and that honestly care about me from highschool. they know who they are.and the other two people that i thought were my best friends, ive now learned could give a shit about me and my life, and we've grown too far apart to really do anything about it. so ive made and executive decision; and one of the two is officially no longer my friend. no hard feelings, its just better this way. and the second's status is pending.